I had a long-term attempt at a friendship with a fellow INFP musicians, and it took us like six months to get together to have coffee, which was okay, but then she would sometimes snub me at work meetings. I was quiet, depressed, and withdrawn at one and she initiated some interaction. I think she actually got offended a couple of times when I sent out a business related email to her without personalizing it. I think there was just a lot of miscommunication or something. This went on for years and is actually still happening, although I haven't seen her in quite a while. I ended up getting hurt enough times that I just feel comfortably distant from her, but I don't begrudge her for not feeling a connection with me.
People are just really complicated, but for some reason I find attempts at initiating INFP friendships the most difficult, even though my mother and sister are Fi-doms and I get along quite well with both. My sister was my best friend throughout all of childhood and adolescence and still now. I'm even used to INTP distance which is sometimes famous within families, so I should be well trained for this.
This sounds like the kind of stuff people project onto me. I get accused of snubbing and being offended when I'm just not even aware. I didn't say hi to you because
I literally did not see you. I didn't suddenly get quiet cuz you pissed me off -
my own thoughts just became more interesting than the blah blah blahs around me. People start tip-toeing around stuff that has not even registered on my radar.
Jung noted that the Fi-dom's indifference to external things amounts to a devaluing of them (when they are not touching on any ideal, good or bad, and thus failing to arouse any feeling), and this can be read as some negative feeling toward the people/objects specifically. What it is really is is a devaluing of outer things in relation to the inner world, at that moment. It is not a specific devaluing of any person/object then. In short - we're just not in the mood. But maturity & better social awareness can help us to not give into such moods (see below the quotes).
In the presence of something that might carry one away or arouse enthusiasm, this type observes a benevolent neutrality, tempered with an occasional trace of superiority and criticism that soon takes the wind out of the sails of a sensitive object.
Expression of feeling, therefore, remains niggardly and, when once aware of it at all, the object has a permanent sense of his undervaluation.
Although I'm not the "take offense to everything" type, I have rightfully earned labels such as "cold, difficult, too independent." Its been said that getting anything out of me is like pulling teeth, but worse. It sounds like your co-worker is really sensitive and needs an astronomy class to teach her the world doesn't revolve around her.
I agree with this up until the last sentence.... what helped me with awareness was realizing I was affecting others negatively. When I got feedback that people found me cold, snobby, and extremely hard to get to know, then I realized they actually valued my opinion, my company and my friendship. I had assumed I was
so inconsequential that no one was noting my behavior at all, and so I was free to lapse into la la land whenever I wanted. I had assumed that people reacted to me as they did because they did not like me or want to be friends, not because
they felt rejected by
me. When I saw that I mattered to people, then I made efforts to be more consistent, more approachable, more expressive of positive feeling. It's still a struggle as I am so absent-minded by nature & am easily drained by a lot of overt expression. I find it hard to find the words which suit me & not sticking with stock phrases that don't feel genuine, etc.
In a sense, making the person realize
they matter & that their behavior has
impact may be more effective than giving some "you're not a special snowflake & the world doesn't revolve around you" speech. The average Fi-dom is not bursting at the seems with self-confidence, after all. Inferior Te tends to say, "Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Go eat worms".