[INFP] (patiently) ask an INFP!!1

[Viridian]

Anime: None, lol. Too NF-y for me.

Rasofy also said fictional characters in general. Any you relate to strongly, Sat?

Haha, yeah... that can be the way we like it to be viewed for awhile... We is like secret ninjas of emotions! (At least we want people to think that way at times. )

And thanks for the compliment. I think it was just a very INP ramble, lol. NG strikes me as an INTP writer... but he could be INFP. Hmm... I guess I thought he was INTP because his writing comes off as kind of unemotional to me... but I guess an INFP could be that way too. *head explodes with thinking*

FWIW, I've also seen Gaiman typed as INFJ, which would mean he's got tert Ti. Just sayin'.

 

[Rasofy]

Rasofy also said fictional characters in general. Any you relate to strongly, Sat?

She wants to date Edward Cullen, but she won't admit!

 

[Anew Leaf]

She wants to date Edward Cullen, but she won't admit!

I will require multiple animal photo sacrifices for any future questions, Raosfy. *twitches in seizure*

Viridian: Rasofy also said fictional characters in general. Any you relate to strongly, Sat?

Uh.... I honestly can't think of any right now as far as specifics go. I guess just insert [NT] here.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Question: Which anime character would you date if you had the chance? (If you don't watch animes, you can pick a fictional character)[/IMG]

I don't like anime....as for fictional characters, I like most of the Jane Austen male heroes. In film, I like the character Jesse in Before Sunrise/Sunset & most John Cusack characters.

*eyes shine at adorable t-shirt*

for me, that is kind of a big deal. I prefer handling things on my own, and life constantly reminds me that I do need other people at times. so if I open up to someone and say I am worried about X, or upset about Y... then it means I trust you, I am comfortable showing my more vulnerable side, and I don't feel the need to always have a front up.

and don't worry about feeling lame. we are probably far more concerned about looking lame ourselves... I always am concerned I am going to say too much, or be misunderstood, and they are going to think I am a walking basketcase of problems and emotions just waiting to burst forth like blackbirds hiding in a scarecrow in a field of corn in the midwest on a balmy summer night with twinkling stars and maybe some rain.

I definitely agree with the bolded. Opening up to people in person is generally significant coming from me.

 

[Southern Kross]

I don't like anime....as for fictional character, I like most of the Jane Austen male heros. In film, I like the character Jesse in Before Sunrise/Sunset & most John Cusack characters.

Yes, I was going to say Jane Austen heroes but thought it might sound silly and sentimental. I fancy Mr. Darcy and Captain Wentworth in particular. I also have a thing for Mr Bates on Downton Abbey and most characters that James MacAvoy, Ralph Fiennes, and Clive Owen play (Nazis, psychos and asshole-types aside). Basically, it seems to be NFJs.

 

[Offog]

INFP Villains

INFPs make good hidden villains such as spies, saboteurs, and moles.

 

[BAJ]

Question: Which anime character would you date if you had the chance? (If you don't watch animes, you can pick a fictional character)

Cat-woman.

 

[EJCC]

If I tend to have small conflicts with an INFP friend -- e.g. with me saying something that I think is reasonable, then her Fi-attacking me (due to being tired/overworked and therefore not in a terribly rational state of mind*), then both of us being fine the next day -- should I start worrying that she'll build up resentment and eventually, at some point in our friendship, give me the Te-bitchslap-doorslam? I know that it's a reasonable worry with INFJs (because they do that), but I don't know how to tell where I stand with this INFP, and I don't know if she's harboring resentment or not -- or if she is, how much resentment she's harboring.

My point is: how seriously should I take those Fi-explosions?

*point of clarification: she's not like that all the time.

 

[Anew Leaf]

If I tend to have small conflicts with an INFP friend -- e.g. with me saying something that I think is reasonable, then her Fi-attacking me (due to being tired/overworked and therefore not in a terribly rational state of mind*), then both of us being fine the next day -- should I start worrying that she'll build up resentment and eventually, at some point in our friendship, give me the Te-bitchslap-doorslam? I know that it's a reasonable worry with INFJs (because they do that), but I don't know how to tell where I stand with this INFP, and I don't know if she's harboring resentment or not -- or if she is, how much resentment she's harboring.

My point is: how seriously should I take those Fi-explosions?

*point of clarification: she's not like that all the time.

Yay! My Thread!

*puts serious face cap up on face and head*

I think you should be pretty safe. When I do what you describe there, I am usually pretty secretly embarassed the next day that I "got out of control."

Serious Fi-plosions that should be noted are when the INFP is mad because of something deeply personal. For example, if you teased her about her hair and she spoke up and said "WTF leave my hair alone!" And you kept doing it, ignoring her hurt feelings... then you would be on the path to Te-Smackdown. But if it's more like she's tired and crabby and you say "Where do you want to go to dinner?" and she snaps back with "Who the fuck cares! Let's just get some dumb hamburger!" It's really nothing to be concerned about.

I only doorslam people who have run roughshod (on purpose) over me.

 

[tkae.]

If I tend to have small conflicts with an INFP friend -- e.g. with me saying something that I think is reasonable, then her Fi-attacking me (due to being tired/overworked and therefore not in a terribly rational state of mind*), then both of us being fine the next day -- should I start worrying that she'll build up resentment and eventually, at some point in our friendship, give me the Te-bitchslap-doorslam? I know that it's a reasonable worry with INFJs (because they do that), but I don't know how to tell where I stand with this INFP, and I don't know if she's harboring resentment or not -- or if she is, how much resentment she's harboring.

My point is: how seriously should I take those Fi-explosions?

*point of clarification: she's not like that all the time.

It depends on how accurately you're portraying the situations of the Fi explosions.

It's easy for other types to say that our Fi goes off "irrationally", but that's usually not the case. It's not so much irrational as it is unpredictable, meaning that it's quantum theory to figure out. So if you're just consciously (or unconsciously) accounting for the Fi to try and give it some kind of order, then it could be more significant than you think. But if the INFP admittedly says they're blowing up for no reason, then it's probably nothing.

Unless they're just saying that, because after I go off on someone I typically say it was my fault or that it was a bad day, to try and make them feel like it wasn't their fault, even if it was.

So...

Like with my grandmother. She does stuff that pisses me off all the time. She's like a walking button pusher to me (ESTJ ). So I blow up on her all the time, and we're always fighting. But afterwards, I always take the blame for it because I don't want to her to feel bad, since she doesn't mean to piss me off. And we love each other, and can't help that we're polar opposites.

I think that's the important thing. If you're genuine with the INFP and care about them, then it would take a whole lot of stuff to make them ever cut you out, and even then they'd still feel something for you, albeit against their will. My dad neglected me for 10 years until I cut him out of my life, and he can still manipulate me if I let him. And trying to keep from letting myself get manipulated still makes me able to be manipulated, so...

But yeah. Personally, if someone does something that bugs me all the time, it takes a lot for me to tell them, and even then I won't say anything at all depending on my mood. But it's cool you care so much, so just look for the pattern and try to fix anything you think it setting them off.

And you can test it, I guess. The same sorts of things that I Fi-splode about will get to me no matter what. So just test them when the INFP is in a good mood and if they lose energy or get agitated, then there ya go!

 

[entropie]

Can "Fi explosion" and "premature ejaculation" be brought into relation ?

 

[tkae.]

Can "Fi explosion" and "premature ejaculation" be brought into relation ?

No, not really lol

Fi explosion is more like a hair trigger gun than a premature ejaculation. A small yet significant difference.

 

[entropie]

No, not really lol

Fi explosion is more like a hair trigger gun than a premature ejaculation. A small yet significant difference.

I had said the same, if I was in your position

 

[illusion]

Q: What does the word 'Fi value' mean ? + concrete examples, please.

Thanks in advance

 

[illusion]

post deleted - sorry, the system accidentally posted twice.

 

[entropie]

Q: What does the word 'Fi value' mean ? + concrete examples, please.

Thanks in advance

A value assessment is a personal opinion subjective to its wielder. The opposite is a logic assessment, which is an objective statement about something that is empirically proveable. Per definition tho the logic assessment would need to be given by someone without a subjective conciencse. So a human isnt really able, per definition, to make an objective assessment. Regarding humans it would be an objective opinion and that is an antithesis.

Transferred onto mbti in theory it means that Fi values their values and hold them high. That they exercise the heart over head principle and would send the thief who stole for himself for a longer time into prison than the thief who stole for his hungry family. In praxis the concept is blurry tho. While Fi tend to show a huge inclination sometimes in their words to talk about matters, which objectively make no sense to you at first glance in a course of discussion, but subjectively on second glance is just what intrests them. Or in praxis it shows when Fi people hold deep convictions about things and you dont necessarily understand where the logic is behind all of this. The answer is: because its important to them. In praxis tho too Fi people are capable to make strong logical assessments. In praxis the whole concept becomes blurry and you can only set F apart from T by talking about individual preference (what per definition is a subjective opinion again and basically turns the whole T/F concept into a vicious circle. It is the sole existence of the "objective method", which justifies the distinction of people into T or F at all. Still the question remains, if it is at all possible to be a 100% T per definition, cause that would mean you'ld need to be free of any subjective influence meaning you'ld need to know all the answers to the questions there are in the world right now and take them at face value as facts without interpretation.).

 

[EJCC]

Bump!

Hey INFPs I have a question, and it might be too vague to answer, and I apologize for that in advance.

I have a few INFP friends -- though not many -- and I've never really gotten close with any of them. Here's what has almost always happened: they open up to me (a lot!), I listen patiently and gradually define my friendship with them as more of an older- and younger-sibling relationship (not on equal terms), and then when I finally decide to open up to them (just a little!), they get awkward, so I never open up to them again, and they never bring up the exchange again, and it's as if I never opened up to them in the first place. I'm posting here because I have no idea what that's all about!

It's happened both irl and on the forum, with INFPs. I'll open up in the typical ESTJ style of making oneself vulnerable (i.e. explaining feelings in a very straightforward and deliberate style, 99% devoid of a sense of humor). I'm guessing that it comes across as intense because they're so used to thinking of me as oh so confident, so together, the level-headed one, the one who is so organized when they're so Ne-style disorganized, etc -- and they don't stop to think that maybe there's more to me than that.

But what I don't understand is: wouldn't INFPs know better than anyone, what to look for in a slow-but-sure Fi reveal? If the INFPs in my life are Fours (and I know a few of them are), wouldn't they know better than anyone that Everyone Has Their Eccentricities That They Hide From Most People Because Most People Don't Understand? :uni:

Even the ENFPs I've met have been more understanding when I open up (in general), because at the very least they give the "I've been in a similar situation" Fi-comfort response... whereas what I've mostly gotten from INFPs has been "... oh." or "... ahahaha... um..." or "really??" <-- That one really killed me. That was when I was actually showing Fi to them, i.e. showing them a value of mine that I don't consider to be very rational, but that I hold anyway, against my will.* You'd think of all people, an Fi would know not to do that?

So, like I said, this question is vague and confusing, because it might not just be with INFPs (and might be with other types too), it might be more to do with ESTJ-ness than INFP-ness, and it could have more to do with maturity than the Myers-Briggs. It could also be the Enneagram? though I'm not sure about that either. I'm confused enough about the issue that I can't narrow it down without input -- and INFP input would be perfect.

Thoughts?


*ESTJ fact no. 16745: Ambiguity scares us. Values are inherently ambiguous. No matter how dogmatic an ESTJ is, it is guaranteed that, deep inside, they all share that same fear. But we have to live by our values, even though we know they're full of holes and impossible to argue rationally. So if we show our Fi, it's either in a very controlled environment where we know we'll be beyond criticism, or it's in an Fi explosion as a result of a continuous stress/anger buildup.

 

[Ribonuke]

*humbly present a bunny wearing a sunflower bonnet for sacrifice*

I apologize if this question lacks the levity of previous posts, but here goes:

In all seriousness, what is the best way to tell an INFP 'no' without hurting their feelings or causing them to push the issue even further?

 

[RDF]

I have a few INFP friends -- though not many -- and I've never really gotten close with any of them. Here's what has almost always happened: they open up to me (a lot!), I listen patiently and gradually define my friendship with them as more of an older- and younger-sibling relationship (not on equal terms), and then when I finally decide to open up to them (just a little!), they get awkward, so I never open up to them again, and they never bring up the exchange again, and it's as if I never opened up to them in the first place. I'm posting here because I have no idea what that's all about!

Here is what I'm seeing:

Your INFP friends open up their personal or inner lives “a lot” for your examination and judgment; and it’s a testimonial to your good judgment and patient treatment that they feel comfortable doing so.

On the other hand, you only open up to them “just a little,” and when their responses aren’t quite what you would like to hear, you never open up to them again.

Here’s my analysis: Maybe one small trial isn’t enough. Maybe you need to take the risk of opening up to your INFP friends on a regular basis and letting them get used to it. As they get used to that other side of you--hitherto unknown--perhaps they’ll start appreciating it more and start responding more appropriately.

It takes courage to open yourself up for the examination and judgment of others. If you get an unappreciative response, you feel burned. But you have to keep opening yourself up anyway, if you ever really want to be appreciated in your entirety, and if you want the relationship to eventually be an equal one.

 

[RDF]

*humbly present a bunny wearing a sunflower bonnet for sacrifice*

I apologize if this question lacks the levity of previous posts, but here goes:

In all seriousness, what is the best way to tell an INFP 'no' without hurting their feelings or causing them to push the issue even further?

According to a Te book I read, the proper way to say “no” to any request is to say some variation of “Thank you for considering me for x position, but I’m unavailable.”

There are two elements there. The first part acknowledges the request and shows that you fully understood what was being offered and that you gave it appropriate thought and consideration. The second part cuts off any further consideration or possibility that you might participate or help. The author of the book said that you shouldn’t temporize and tell people you’ll think about it unless you really think that you might accept the request and just need more time to adjust your schedule.

I think the second part is important with INFPs. With their open-ended Ne (a brainstorming function), they may have trouble accepting a “no”; they may try to weasel around it or guilt you. So a flat refusal is best.

If you refuse and they respond by asking why you can’t fit it in, don’t negotiate or apologize. Just thank them again (first element), and then say, “I have a lot going on right now and can’t take on an obligation like that.” If they continue to push, you can alway say, “It’s kind of personal.”

Again, this particular method isn’t suited for INFPs in particular; it’s really for everyone. Still, I think it’s very appropriate for INFPs. The first element will make them feel that they’ve at least been properly heard out, and the second element will help them to move on quickly rather than lingering on the proposition and trying to weasel or guilt you.

You can keep your bunny. I’ve eaten rabbit and I don’t like it: Too boney, not enough meat.