[ENFP] ENFP and casual sex

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I'm a virgin.

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.

I was like this too at one time in my life. It was when I was still a virgin.

 

[skylights]

Love. Sex.
They can be exclusive and inclusive of one another.

I like both. Sometimes not at the same time.

+1



i'd always take sex with love over sex without love but sometimes you just don't have a significant other, lol.

and as long as both people are healthy and respectful and aware that it's no-strings, then i don't see the big deal with it. no, i certainly wouldn't get as emotionally or physically intimate, but i don't personally see much wrong with both enjoying physical pleasure and respecting one another and moving on. or staying friends. whatever. not that i've done the NSA thing much - but i wouldn't automatically rule it out.

the real requirements in my mind for any kind of sex would be mutual respect and understanding.

without integrity. or decent morals.

i don't understand the association between sex and morality/integrity, unless you're in a relationship. if there is no other commitment, then why shouldn't a person be free to explore and play around physically? as long as both partners agree that there is no commitment tied to the sex, then it should not emotionally wound either of them. and as long as you are self-confident and respecting your body, there is no breech of personal integrity. so there's no detriment to anyone, as far as i see it. what kind of morals or integrity would this be breaking?

 

[CzeCze]

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.

Boooooo! :thumbsdown:

LOL.

I think ENFPs fall into two camps on this - "Hell Yes" and "Hell No"

I wonder what camp I'm in

I get annoyed when purely on typology sites (ahem) people assume NFs can only have sex in relationships because we get too emotionally attached to whoever we sleep with and want to marry them the next day :rolli:. Usually this is some NT making that observation.

Replace "NF" with "women" and that's what you hear all the time IRL. FAIL.

I think as long as two consenting adults are honest and communicative with themselves and each other, sex can be really good. Period.

 

[Craft]

How much "emotional connection" is there in Rape-sex?

 

[DaMilkyWay<3]

Casual Sex is only a problem when one of the people involved doesn't know it. And was secretly or blatantly expecting more from the situation. In that case it's wrong to continue it. But people can do whatever they like. I dont judge.

 

[You]

How much "emotional connection" is there in Rape-sex?

Not enough. It should be a more casual experience.

 

[tortoise]

Casual Sex is only a problem when one of the people involved doesn't know it. And was secretly or blatantly expecting more from the situation. In that case it's wrong to continue it. But people can do whatever they like. I dont judge.

That has happened to me. Wham bang thank you sir.

I thought it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. She just wanted to let off steam.

 

[musicnerd93]

That is pretty funny. Those are always the ones telling you how it should be. Those who've never done it. Or haven't lived enough to get to the point where you find out life isn't black and white.

...

Apparently virgins aren't allowed to have opinions...

:steam:

 

[angell_m]

...

Apparently virgins aren't allowed to have opinions...

:steam:

What's your favorite fruit or candy?

 

[Antimony]

I am not an ENFP, but here is my two cents.

To me, letting myself randomly bang someone would be degrading to my self control. I have to know they are worth my time. I definitely want to respect them, and like them as a person.

I don't like to be seen as a person who loses control like that. I don't care if other people do it- good for them. But bashing people who have casual sex because they 'can't control their hormones' is not quite nice. For the record, people really can't control their hormones.

What they can control is their actions, and the manner they do it in, in my opinion, is their decision. It doesn't make them any more or less good of a person.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Apparently virgins aren't allowed to have opinions...

Of course they are. But you've gotta admit that your opinion would carry a bit more weight if you had some first hand experience in the matter.

It's the difference between knowledge and experience.

If I think back to how my opinions about sex changed between before and after my first physically consummated relationship, I remember that I was able to see more shades of gray. Up until then, my judgments on the matter were very black and white.

 

[Moiety]

^shades of gray make the world full of nihilism sometimes.

Casual sex is for people who take life casually or at least sex casually. After you've done it, it is obvious your brain will adapt to it (one wouldn't want to regret such a thing...specially not an ENFP).

 

[Vamp]

...

Apparently virgins aren't allowed to have opinions...

:steam:

When you have no experience, it's difficult to speak on a subject and have your opinion be respected. Since you are a virgin you have not yet had the experience of being emotionally burnt out in terms of relationship sex or relationship incapable with someone you'd like to get to know better. See how experience plays a part in broad sweeping generalizations made about the morality/self control of others?

 

[CzeCze]

^shades of gray make the world full of nihilism sometimes.

Casual sex is for people who take life casually or at least sex casually. After you've done it, it is obvious your brain will adapt to it (one wouldn't want to regret such a thing...specially not an ENFP).

Cognitive dissonance.

You make it sound like casual sex is a bad thing.

Again, I don't think casual sex goes against the grain of ENFPs at all. Again, there are two camps. Some ENFPs would be considered hyper-sexual and are promiscuous --> lol at old school world. Others look at sex as an option only when there are serious feelings and a relationship involved. Different strokes...that sounded wrong. I know both types both IRL and on this forum.

Also, casual sex is not necessarily *meaningless* sex.

 

[Vamp]

Also, casual sex is not necessarily *meaningless* sex.

People do not understand this concept. At all. They think any sex not in the context of a traditional, normal, committed relationship is always meaningless. Quite infuriating. This is what makes it so hard to find someone on a similar wavelength that won't treat you like a toy.

 

[KDude]

I guess it's kind of infuriating for me to get called "gay" or "Eeyore" if I take a step back from someone who considers "one drink" a date and wants to get a hotel room right away.

Not that there's anything wrong with gays or Eeyore.. It's just the connotations and entitlement there. Merely because I take my time and slow down a bit.

 

[You]

If I could have sex everyday with someone new...I would.

 

[7thsomebody]

I'm a virgin.

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.

I disagree. I have a high sex drive and I am emotionally guarded. In many ways I am reluctant to let people in emotionally who aren't friends because I do not want to be in a position where I crumble should and when they screw me over.

Secondly sex is a very physical act. No doubt people who are in love can speak of the deeper resonances but it is humanity at its most basic and primal, it is very natural and has very little to do with integrity. Sometimes it can feel enjoyable. Other times it can be a soulless exercise.

Anyway I would suggest you do not judge other ENFPs so harshly if they do not conform to your viewpoint.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Again, I don't think casual sex goes against the grain of ENFPs at all. Again, there are two camps. Some ENFPs would be considered hyper-sexual and are promiscuous --> lol at old school world. Others look at sex as an option only when there are serious feelings and a relationship involved. Different strokes...that sounded wrong. I know both types both IRL and on this forum. Also, casual sex is not necessarily *meaningless* sex.

I've thought about what you've said CzeCze, and I think you're right. So I'm going to moderate the opinion I expressed in my earlier post a bit.It does seem that ENFPs seem to be either:

1. very sexually active with the newest and shiniest (and prettiest) thing they encounter, or
2. they tie their feelings about sex up with concepts like soul mates.

Perhaps the underlying commonality to these two, seemingly opposite positions, is that ENFPs approach their sex life with purposefulness.

Take for example an ENFP male I know who is @35 and a reasonably attractive guy. He was a serial monogamist in his 20s. But at some point, he decided he was going to make up for his youthful propriety by "playing the field." He didn't just follow his penis around like a horny teenager. He made a very conscious choice to experience as many women as possible while he was in his mid-thirties. And, then AFTER he decided how this fit into his bigger plans, he proceeded to nail any good looking chick that would yield herself to him.

And even Esoteric Wench (who falls into the "have-sex-with-your-soul-mate-camp") has to admit that the one sleep-with-a-guy-on-the-first-date experience she had, was very much a conscious and premeditated choice. I had just gotten out of a very bad four-year relationship, and had concluded that maybe I needed to try something new since my previous dating experiences didn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

So I decided to take a chance when that good looking jazz musician/potter with whom I had mutual friends introduced himself to me as I sat by myself in a bar reading a book of poetry while waiting for my friend. I said to myself, "Well, Esoteric Wench, you've said that you wanted to try some different approaches when it comes to meeting men. Why don't you do what you swore you'd never do. Sleep with him tonight and see what happens." So I did. And, he and I wound up dating for eight wonderful months. (I don't think I'd do it again, but I'm glad I did it once.)

But I'm digressing from my original point, which is that sex is filled with meaning for ENFPs... just like almost everything in an ENFP's life. I think seeking out the meaning in our actions is at the very core of being an ENFP. But what I forgot (and that CzeCze rightly pointed out) is that some ENFPs choose to have casual sex.

But casual sex is not meaningless sex if it is a deliberate and meaningful choice to pursue such encounters. Choosing to have that fling can be a purposeful choice.

It is the idea of having sex with an absence of meaning (casual or within a committed relationship) that really makes my stomach turn.

 

[Moiety]

Cognitive dissonance.

Exactly. So people often justify it as natural, primal, or talk about the beauty in the "here and now" etc.

You make it sound like casual sex is a bad thing.

It's not a BAD thing. But whether one likes it or not it is historically tied with relationships and love. Like the word niger. The intent in which you use the word niger doesn't matter much, because people are geared to judge that gesture of communication in a certain way.

In a different world I'd have sex with anyone I wanted whenever I wanted. But familiarity breeds indifference. Sex is one of the few things we usually do with our partner once we are in a monogamous relationship. And monogamous relationships are valued immensely by most. So between best friends, acquaintances and significant others, there have to be tools to accurately communicate how differently we feel about the person in question. In monogamous relationships, sex is usually a big part of it. People stop having sex with other people to have sex with only that person. That tells us something about the importance of sex even for people who previously might have delved into casual sex extensively.

Again, I don't think casual sex goes against the grain of ENFPs at all.

I see casual sex in ENFPs just like their casual chatting. Talking to everyone, under the impressions they love the whole world and life this is a good way to show it. But just like they invariably tend to prefer deep conversations tha mere chit chat so do they prefer sex that makes a statement and is deeper.

Also, casual sex is not necessarily *meaningless* sex.

I guess. I'd love to know exactly what it means to the people to which it means something.

But make no mistake, just because it can be devoid of meaning doesn't mean it's not enjoyable or "natural". That's not my point at all. But what is primal and animalistic and instinctually is usually the opposite of meaningful. There is no meaning behind what most animals do. Meaning is a human concept. And so is intent.