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[Fe] How is Fe a feeling function for the Fe user?

Entp/infjGal

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I'm inferior Fe, but I don't think of it as internal anxiety. There is no anxiety.

There is a sense of "fair play" with Fe that differs from Fi "fair play".

Fair play being judged by the majority of what people may think isn't right or what affects the majority. Fi judges fair play by what the person themselves deems to be unreasonable.

Fe may judge zoomed out rather than zoomed in like Fi.

Someone is late to work often. This messes everyone else up so they have to double work load until the person comes in. An Fe person may see this as the person circumventing "fair play" as they would not like this done to them repeatedly.

An Fi person may look at it with questions about what the person is going through to make them so late. And depending upon the answer, they may be okay with the lateness. They may decide to pull back and conserve efforts until the person is on board again.

Fe doesn't do that because it is outward show. They consider that person disrespectful to 'everyone' but really everyone is the Fe user ;)

Fe assumes that there are many others who feel the same as they and they are accurate most times. In a generic sense.

Now, if that person came to Fe user and explained reasons for lateness - the Fe user would likely make adjustments for that person!!

Because they took time to explain details and didn't make Fe fill in the blanks. It is a...respect thing.

I don't know. This could all be junk. Haha. I'm basing this off an ESFJ I know and an ENFP. :shrug:

If what I use is Fe, and I have recently met a person with typing experience who persuaded me that I am a clear strong Fe user, I can say that I agree that my process is EXTREMELY sensitive to fairness. Ditto to respect/disrespect.

I however do not relate to the automatic judgment of the late-comer. I tend to be very forgiving and accommodating.

BUT it depends on the circumstances.

If it is just me the late-comer affects, I may hardly notice it! They probably won't need a whole lot of explaining, just a "Sorry, I'm late/running late" will do.

Unless there are other dynamics involved that make me think I'm being disrespected....If this happens on a date, for example, or is done by a romantic interest consistently....Or happens consistently with an employee.....you get the idea. The whole dynamic will tell me if I am being disrespected/devalued or not.

With friends I might hardly care about lateness.

Then again, if the same thing happened with friends where other people are being affected, I will feel anxious about the potential tension between the late person and the group. I might want to placate the group by making excuses for the person or can be extremely angry with the person on behalf of the group...it really does depend.

In the case of the latter, my own personal feelings of anger in reality will be more like "Why are you unnecessarily poisoning the dynamics in the group?" But what I will say will more reflect an objective norm rather than a personal emotional plea. Similarly, where I am relying on the friend in a situation where I am likely to be embarrassed/humiliated if they don't show up for me, I will feel betrayed by their lateness.

All in all, it depends on what that lateness will mean....disrespect, unfairness or betrayal....these are the interpretations that will lead to anger and they depend on the whole context to make.
 

Entp/infjGal

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As to how Fe is as a personal feeling function, hmm.

My experiences include feeling things very personally, deeply and genuinely. Good and bad. That's why I cannot watch/read excessively sad/gory stories, the affect is a bit too real. The common self-help advice given to watch less of the News because it is consistently negative...I think this is excellent advice for strong Fe users. I certainly found that it had a strong positive effect on me. Being constantly made aware of suffering I am helpless to alleviate is not good for me, I think.

I tried working in a humanitarian field after college, following my heart. Lasted only a few months, for the same reason. Being immersed in a great deal of suffering in a situation where one is very limited as to what they can do, that kind of thing is difficult. Because while my co-workers seemed able to compartmentalise things, it seemed I couldn't. I also had problems following protocol that essentially had me saying "No" to plea's for help from desperate people.

Another peculiarity of mine is that there is usually an "aura" of my current feeling state about me...I had NOT a clue about this until recently. When I am happy, for example, there is a certain warmth in my face and my body--even when not specifically conveyed or when unintended to be revealed--that will be fairly obvious to an observant person. This was a puzzle to me until recently. I used to wonder what it was about me that drew random strangers who needed help. Beggars seem able to pick me out from a crowd, like they have an instinct that I will give them something if they ask. I used to worry that they had "mastered" me and actually knew me, until I started travelling to new cities/countries and saw the same thing happen. Then recently, a person told me that I have a certain warmth that radiates from my face and general person. I thought they were talking nonsense until I reviewed a recording of mine after seeing that "thing" in another person. Once I saw it and recognised it in her I then saw it in myself, not just in video but even in still pictures. It really is very obvious!! And I suppose for a person who specialises in approaching others for help (begging) the pattern would be quickly picked up and consciously applied.

It affects people unconsciously too, I think. When I am genuinely warm inside, everyone around me seems to instinctively react to it. My office door will remain open with people randomly coming in just to chat. Strangers, service people, everyone is just far more approaching and nice.

The same weird aura is there in my negative emotions as well. Anger or sadness. I actually think I become ugly when I am heavily overwhelmed with negative emotion....no kidding!! And rather pretty when I am sincerely feeling happiness or compassion.

I know I sound cuckoo here, but I honestly think that strong Fe users unconsciously--almost physically--radiate emotional energy from their very person to the outside world, kinda like the heat from a fire or even the glow from a light hidden under an opaqueish cover...Don't know how but it seems true to me .:shrug:
 

ChocolateMoose123

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If what I use is Fe, and I have recently met a person with typing experience who persuaded me that I am a clear strong Fe user, I can say that I agree that my process is EXTREMELY sensitive to fairness. Ditto to respect/disrespect.

I however do not relate to the automatic judgment of the late-comer. I tend to be very forgiving and accommodating.

BUT it depends on the circumstances.

If it is just me the late-comer affects, I may hardly notice it! They probably won't need a whole lot of explaining, just a "Sorry, I'm late/running late" will do.

Unless there are other dynamics involved that make me think I'm being disrespected....If this happens on a date, for example, or is done by a romantic interest consistently....Or happens consistently with an employee.....you get the idea. The whole dynamic will tell me if I am being disrespected/devalued or not.

With friends I might hardly care about lateness.

Then again, if the same thing happened with friends where other people are being affected, I will feel anxious about the potential tension between the late person and the group. I might want to placate the group by making excuses for the person or can be extremely angry with the person on behalf of the group...it really does depend.

In the case of the latter, my own personal feelings of anger in reality will be more like "Why are you unnecessarily poisoning the dynamics in the group?" But what I will say will more reflect an objective norm rather than a personal emotional plea. Similarly, where I am relying on the friend in a situation where I am likely to be embarrassed/humiliated if they don't show up for me, I will feel betrayed by their lateness.

All in all, it depends on what that lateness will mean....disrespect, unfairness or betrayal....these are the interpretations that will lead to anger and they depend on the whole context to make.

Yes. I was using that as an example because I cannot verbalize it any other way and am not so eloquent :laugh:

But just by Fi/Fe users I know there is a big discrepancy in what is "fair" to each of them. And to some extent, I would say Fe users could commiserate among themselves what is fair/unfair and Fi users could commiserate with themselves fair/unfair.

But I have noticed that Fi user speaking to Fe user and vice versa, when giving their complaints will be like two ships passing in the night.

They will not agree with each other, even if they sympathize. Why is that? That is hard to explain.
 

Dreamer

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I'm inferior Fe, but I don't think of it as internal anxiety. There is no anxiety.

There is a sense of "fair play" with Fe that differs from Fi "fair play".

Fair play being judged by the majority of what people may think isn't right or what affects the majority. Fi judges fair play by what the person themselves deems to be unreasonable.

Fe may judge zoomed out rather than zoomed in like Fi.

Someone is late to work often. This messes everyone else up so they have to double work load until the person comes in. An Fe person may see this as the person circumventing "fair play" as they would not like this done to them repeatedly.

An Fi person may look at it with questions about what the person is going through to make them so late. And depending upon the answer, they may be okay with the lateness. They may decide to pull back and conserve efforts until the person is on board again.

Fe doesn't do that because it is outward show. They consider that person disrespectful to 'everyone' but really everyone is the Fe user ;)

Fe assumes that there are many others who feel the same as they and they are accurate most times. In a generic sense.

Now, if that person came to Fe user and explained reasons for lateness - the Fe user would likely make adjustments for that person!!

Because they took time to explain details and didn't make Fe fill in the blanks. It is a...respect thing.

I don't know. This could all be junk. Haha. I'm basing this off an ESFJ I know and an ENFP. :shrug:

oh nooo this is far less clear cut than I was hoping :( I kid of course. Your example does help since it shows some of the subtleties between the two. I'm sure there are many similarities as well as differences, at least on the surface, between Fi and Fe. It's just that when you think of "introverted" vs "extroverted", it automatically sets you up in thinking black and white terms, rather than understanding a concept as more fluid than that.

I just find it funny that I find explaining Ne/Ni to people FAR more easier than it is to figure out Fe. Ti, I'm still working on too, but one function at a time!
 

SearchingforPeace

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As to how Fe is as a personal feeling function, hmm.

My experiences include feeling things very personally, deeply and genuinely. Good and bad. That's why I cannot watch/read excessively sad/gory stories, the affect is a bit too real. The common self-help advice given to watch less of the News because it is consistently negative...I think this is excellent advice for strong Fe users. I certainly found that it had a strong positive effect on me. Being constantly made aware of suffering I am helpless to alleviate is not good for me, I think.

I tried working in a humanitarian field after college, following my heart. Lasted only a few months, for the same reason. Being immersed in a great deal of suffering in a situation where one is very limited as to what they can do, that kind of thing is difficult. Because while my co-workers seemed able to compartmentalise things, it seemed I couldn't. I also had problems following protocol that essentially had me saying "No" to plea's for help from desperate people.

Another peculiarity of mine is that there is usually an "aura" of my current feeling state about me...I had NOT a clue about this until recently. When I am happy, for example, there is a certain warmth in my face and my body--even when not specifically conveyed or when unintended to be revealed--that will be fairly obvious to an observant person. This was a puzzle to me until recently. I used to wonder what it was about me that drew random strangers who needed help. Beggars seem able to pick me out from a crowd, like they have an instinct that I will give them something if they ask. I used to worry that they had "mastered" me and actually knew me, until I started travelling to new cities/countries and saw the same thing happen. Then recently, a person told me that I have a certain warmth that radiates from my face and general person. I thought they were talking nonsense until I reviewed a recording of mine after seeing that "thing" in another person. Once I saw it and recognised it in her I then saw it in myself, not just in video but even in still pictures. It really is very obvious!! And I suppose for a person who specialises in approaching others for help (begging) the pattern would be quickly picked up and consciously applied.

It affects people unconsciously too, I think. When I am genuinely warm inside, everyone around me seems to instinctively react to it. My office door will remain open with people randomly coming in just to chat. Strangers, service people, everyone is just far more approaching and nice.

The same weird aura is there in my negative emotions as well. Anger or sadness. I actually think I become ugly when I am heavily overwhelmed with negative emotion....no kidding!! And rather pretty when I am sincerely feeling happiness or compassion.

I know I sound cuckoo here, but I honestly think that strong Fe users unconsciously--almost physically--radiate emotional energy from their very person to the outside world, kinda like the heat from a fire or even the glow from a light hidden under an opaqueish cover...Don't know how but it seems true to me .:shrug:

It isn't cuckoo.

I get the random strangers approaching out of the whole crowd thing often. People feel safe and comfortable around me. And my friendly "aura" (for the lack of a better word) draws people to me. I get people approach me regularly thinking them know me or I look familiar. One old man was positive I had been on TV recently and often.

Fe can definitely impact others. I consciously keep a very positive and friendly demeanor, pushing positive vibes on everyone. It works everywhere I go. I leave others happier in my wake.

If I let negativity out, people get very bothered very quickly, without me uttering a single word. I can make others miserable if I try, not that I like doing that.

Add in words and I woud be very dangerous, if I were so inclined. People swallow my words wholesale and want to accept them as valid. It is a very good thing that I find sales so repugnant as I am so very very good at convincing others.

But I can't do that. I care too much about others.
 

Yama

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How I relate to Fe, I've noticed, is very different from how other FJ's typically relate to it.

I don't live to serve or cater to others. I don't know how many people actually do that. I am not emotionally expressive or warm, and vibe very much like a T in public (where I feel uncomfortable and restrained, and thus become more closed off and private). I don't like strangers. I like to keep to myself and avoid other people. What I value is unshakable and I value it regardless of other people. However, depending on who I'm around, my expression (or lack thereof) of those values will differ.

Now. Social atmosphere is VERY important to me. I cannot

cannot

CANNOT

stand negative social atmospheres.

They affect me so strongly.

Imagine you're at the store minding your own business, and you overhear two people who you've never met and they have absolutely 0 relation to you, suddenly start arguing and screaming at each other.

I feel that. I physically feel that and it hurts and I hate it.

I'm not really feeling for that person. I'm not sympathizing with either of those two arguing people in this hypothetical situation. I'm upset because the atmosphere is now crappy. And it will affect me for a long time afterwards.

Think of how it is when you're with a group of friends and two of them have a fight and end up leaving the rest of you there. Think of that heavy feeling it leaves behind that takes time to "repair." That heavy feeling is just absolutely crushing to me.

When people start crying around me, I start crying. Not because I'm necessarily sad for them, but because they're crying and that triggers some reaction from me that makes me start crying too. When people yell, I cry. When people are happy and energetic, I "mirror" it in a way.

I feel very deeply. I feel very strongly. I'm not at all like a typical Fe user, I think. But I don't know how much an Fi user is affected by atmosphere--and if they are, if it's because of that atmosphere, or because they are empathizing or something.
 

Entp/infjGal

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How I relate to Fe, I've noticed, is very different from how other FJ's typically relate to it.

I don't live to serve or cater to others. I don't know how many people actually do that. I am not emotionally expressive or warm, and vibe very much like a T in public (where I feel uncomfortable and restrained, and thus become more closed off and private). I don't like strangers. I like to keep to myself and avoid other people. What I value is unshakable and I value it regardless of other people. However, depending on who I'm around, my expression (or lack thereof) of those values will differ.

Now. Social atmosphere is VERY important to me. I cannot

cannot

CANNOT

stand negative social atmospheres.

They affect me so strongly.

Imagine you're at the store minding your own business, and you overhear two people who you've never met and they have absolutely 0 relation to you, suddenly start arguing and screaming at each other.

I feel that. I physically feel that and it hurts and I hate it.

I'm not really feeling for that person. I'm not sympathizing with either of those two arguing people in this hypothetical situation. I'm upset because the atmosphere is now crappy. And it will affect me for a long time afterwards.

Think of how it is when you're with a group of friends and two of them have a fight and end up leaving the rest of you there. Think of that heavy feeling it leaves behind that takes time to "repair." That heavy feeling is just absolutely crushing to me.

When people start crying around me, I start crying. Not because I'm necessarily sad for them, but because they're crying and that triggers some reaction from me that makes me start crying too. When people yell, I cry. When people are happy and energetic, I "mirror" it in a way.

I feel very deeply. I feel very strongly. I'm not at all like a typical Fe user, I think. But I don't know how much an Fi user is affected by atmosphere--and if they are, if it's because of that atmosphere, or because they are empathizing or something.
Gosh, [MENTION=23583]21lux[/MENTION], please donot take this the wrong way, but....are you sure you are NOT really an INFJ? What you describe seems earily like the "absorbing other people's emotions" that Ive heard ascribed to INFJs as a peculiar quality of this type at personalityhacker.com. One of the reasons I could not just accept the INFJ label their test kept giving me was this particular feature, I could not relate to it. But perhaps it is more an Fe auxiliary thing rather than an INFJ thing.

I do remember feeling this intensely, someone else's emotions, as if they were my very own and not just the usual empathy. But it is specific incidents, not a usual occurrence for me. Once, a secretary was getting seriously...HARSHLY, rather, verbally reprimanded by a boss I am now sure had some type of bi-polar issue. His words to her, they hit me physically on my stomach, like a punch. I felt every one of those words as if they were directed at me even though the two were in a different room and I felt them viscerally/physically. You could say I felt her emotions rather than had empathy for her. Similarly once she came to my office, so obviously angry, I felt her hostility wrap me...almost attacking me, though she was standing a few feet away. Thank goodness I eventually left that work. I also felt it when a loved one who I was sure hated being naked in front of people had to be helped with changing due to his degenerative illness and the people doing the changing were women and I knew it embarrassed him. I used to feel this intense psychic pain every time he got changed as if I was having to be naked in front of other people against my wishes. Real trauma.

And thst crappy "aftermath" feeling you describe, also accompanies me after an argument/debate. It almost doesn't matter if I was right. As soon as it's over, all these negative feelings wash over me when I start re-experiencing my words from the other perspective and hear how harsh they sound. I feel sick. And I think it's unfair because the other party seems NEVER to feel that way, so I'm perpetually the one reaching-out or reconciling or making ammends. I think it makes me susceptible to unkind people who don't experience the same psychic turmoil that accompanies FE people in the aftermath of conflict.

The above regarding experirncing other peoples emotions directly almost, these are rare incidents for me. Hence my question.

For me, in general, I have empathy and kindness to people easily, even if they are strangers. I am uncomfortable with strangers but I find it easy to be kind to them and to even help if they ask. That is what I think FE is for me most of the time.
 

Yama

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Gosh, [MENTION=23583]21lux[/MENTION], please donot take this the wrong way, but....are you sure you are NOT really an INFJ? What you describe seems earily like the "absorbing other people's emotions" that Ive heard ascribed to INFJs as a peculiar quality of this type at personalityhacker.com. One of the reasons I could not just accept the INFJ label their test kept giving me was this particular feature, I could not relate to it. But perhaps it is more an Fe auxiliary thing rather than an INFJ thing.

I do remember feeling this intensely, someone else's emotions, as if they were my very own and not just the usual empathy. But it is specific incidents, not a usual occurrence for me. Once, a secretary was getting seriously...HARSHLY, rather, verbally reprimanded by a boss I am now sure had some type of bi-polar issue. His words to her, they hit me physically on my stomach, like a punch. I felt every one of those words as if they were directed at me even though the two were in a different room and I felt them viscerally/physically. You could say I felt her emotions rather than had empathy for her. Similarly once she came to my office, so obviously angry, I felt her hostility wrap me...almost attacking me, though she was standing a few feet away. Thank goodness I eventually left that work. I also felt it when a loved one who I was sure hated being naked in front of people had to be helped with changing due to his degenerative illness and the people doing the changing were women and I knew it embarrassed him. I used to feel this intense psychic pain every time he got changed as if I was having to be naked in front of other people against my wishes. Real trauma.

These are very rare incidents for me, however. Hence my question.

For me, in general, I have empathy and kindness to people easily, even if they are strangers. I am unvomfortable with strangers but i find it easy to be kind to them and to even help if thry ask. That is what I think FE is.

No offense taken! :D

The thing is, when I am experiencing this atmospheric effect thing, it's not so much that I'm actually feeling the other person's emotion, or even that I am sympathizing with them. Rather, I am reacting to the wider context--if that makes any sense. Kind of like... how everyone is in relation to each other. Two people fight, and I don't get upset because I am feeling what they are feeling, but because the vibes that they're "shedding" into the atmosphere are bad ones. And I can tell whether these vibes are "bad" or "good" immediately. And I am reacting to those "vibes" more than I am the actual people involved.

Am I making any sense at all? :p
 

Entp/infjGal

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No offense taken! :D

The thing is, when I am experiencing this atmospheric effect thing, it's not so much that I'm actually feeling the other person's emotion, or even that I am sympathizing with them. Rather, I am reacting to the wider context--if that makes any sense. Kind of like... how everyone is in relation to each other. Two people fight, and I don't get upset because I am feeling what they are feeling, but because the vibes that they're "shedding" into the atmosphere are bad ones. And I can tell whether these vibes are "bad" or "good" immediately. And I am reacting to those "vibes" more than I am the actual people involved.

Am I making any sense at all? :p

Yes you are making a lot of sense. I get what you're talking about...the atmosphere. I honestly think it's what they mean when they say "experiencing other people's emotions". The INFJ picks up these emotions as they enter the atmosphere, per these descriptions I've heard, as well. I guess the difference is that for you, you realise immediately they are NOT yours. You are just detecting them in the atmosphere where they've been dumped. The INFJ might take a while to realize that this negativity is actually other people''s "stuff" or baggage hanging around them.

I heard anecdotes such as an INFJ suddenly feeling a certain way without understanding why then looking across the room at a restaurant and noticing that actually a certain person just entered the room displaying those exact emotions. Or an INFJ feeling depressed at a certain time every day only to realize it was exactly when their heavily depressed neighbour came home from work.

In a sense, you are both experiencing others emotions directly, except that you know you are picking these up from the atmosphere whereas the INFJ might blur that distinction probably due to the differences between NI and Si?

So interesting reading how Fe is experienced differently by Fe doms and Auxiliaries, and also depending on whether it's paired with Ni or Si.

I think we all experience Fe as an atmospheric thing but relate to this atmosphere and different aspects of this atmosphere differently. I added this earlier but realized you had already replied:

And thst crappy "aftermath" feeling you describe, also accompanies me after an argument/debate. It almost doesn't matter if I was right. As soon as it's over, all these negative feelings wash over me when I start re-experiencing my words from the other perspective and hear how harsh they sound. I feel sick. And I think it's unfair because the other party seems NEVER to feel that way, so I'm perpetually the one reaching-out or reconciling or making ammends. I think it makes me susceptible to unkind people who don't experience the same psychic turmoil that accompanies FE people in the aftermath of conflict
 

Yama

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Yes you are making a lot of sense. I get what you're talking about...the atmosphere. I honestly think it's what they mean when they say "experiencing other people's emotions". The INFJ picks up these emotions as they enter the atmosphere, per these descriptions I've heard, as well. I guess the difference is that for you, you realise immediately they are NOT yours. You are just detecting them in the atmosphere where they've been dumped. The INFJ might take a while to realize that this negativity is actually other people''s "stuff" or baggage hanging around them.

I heard anecdotes such as an INFJ suddenly feeling a certain way without understanding why then looking across the room at a restaurant and noticing that actually a certain person just entered the room displaying those exact emotions. Or an INFJ feeling depressed at a certain time every day only to realize it was exactly when their heavily depressed neighbour came home from work.

In a sense, you are both experiencing others emotions directly, except that you know you are picking these up from the atmosphere whereas the INFJ might blur that distinction probably due to the differences between NI and Si?

So interesting reading how Fe is experienced differently by Fe doms and Auxiliaries, and also depending on whether it's paired with Ni or Si.

I think we all experience Fe as an atmospheric thing but relate to this atmosphere and different aspects of this atmosphere differently. I added this earlier but realized you had already replied:

And thst crappy "aftermath" feeling you describe, also accompanies me after an argument/debate. It almost doesn't matter if I was right. As soon as it's over, all these negative feelings wash over me when I start re-experiencing my words from the other perspective and hear how harsh they sound. I feel sick. And I think it's unfair because the other party seems NEVER to feel that way, so I'm perpetually the one reaching-out or reconciling or making ammends. I think it makes me susceptible to unkind people who don't experience the same psychic turmoil that accompanies FE people in the aftermath of conflict

Yeah, to me it mostly sounds like Ni and Si differences; I don't understand Ni very well, so I can't say what it's like for them. Perhaps it has to do with Ni being more abstract, making these inferences that these emotions are directed at them, and Si being more grounded and feeling the vibe without the implications?

Ugh the aftermath feeling is the worst. :( I know EXACTLY what you mean. I hate arguing and conflict so much that it literally doesn't matter to me who's "winning" or "losing" the argument because it's arguing and I hate it, it makes me feel physically ill. I've had to refrain from even reading certain topics on this forum anymore because even just seeing the other members arguing with each other would give me this "something in the air is very very wrong" feeling that I'd rather avoid. I don't really re-imagine it from the other side's perspective, but I do play it over again and again in my head from my own and analyze it.
 

Entp/infjGal

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Yeah, to me it mostly sounds like Ni and Si differences; I don't understand Ni very well, so I can't say what it's like for them. Perhaps it has to do with Ni being more abstract, making these inferences that these emotions are directed at them, and Si being more grounded and feeling the vibe without the implications?

Ugh the aftermath feeling is the worst. :( I know EXACTLY what you mean. I hate arguing and conflict so much that it literally doesn't matter to me who's "winning" or "losing" the argument because it's arguing and I hate it, it makes me feel physically ill. I've had to refrain from even reading certain topics on this forum anymore because even just seeing the other members arguing with each other would give me this "something in the air is very very wrong" feeling that I'd rather avoid. I don't really re-imagine it from the other side's perspective, but I do play it over again and again in my head from my own and analyze it.
Indeed. The way I've explained it to myself, because I'm usually involved in the argument, is that during, somehow someway my Ti has hijacked my psyche and is controlling things because arguments are it's domain. That means my Fe is temporarily shoved aside and so I am "cut off" from the atmospheric information. As soon as it's over, the Ti goes back to its subordinate place and my FE becomes suddenly aware of all the ignored information ALL AT ONCE as well as the possible damage the Ti trickster/inferior may have done to Fe relationships. Fe is left to deal with the aftermath and repair the damage while Ti smiles to itself having safely hidden away. In the last 3 years, I gave become decidedly less argumentative because I came to accept that no matter what I tell myself, the people are always the most important to me, the pleasant atmosphere is always more important to me than being "right:. I wish I had the peaceful ISFJ nature of simply never getting involved in all that to begin with.:(
 

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Yeah, to me it mostly sounds like Ni and Si differences; I don't understand Ni very well, so I can't say what it's like for them. Perhaps it has to do with Ni being more abstract, making these inferences that these emotions are directed at them, and Si being more grounded and feeling the vibe without the implications?

Ugh the aftermath feeling is the worst. :( I know EXACTLY what you mean. I hate arguing and conflict so much that it literally doesn't matter to me who's "winning" or "losing" the argument because it's arguing and I hate it, it makes me feel physically ill. I've had to refrain from even reading certain topics on this forum anymore because even just seeing the other members arguing with each other would give me this "something in the air is very very wrong" feeling that I'd rather avoid. I don't really re-imagine it from the other side's perspective but I do play it over again and again in my head from my own and analyze it.

Maybe this is Ni? I do this all the time. I basically think about how each party may or may not be feeling and thinking and base my decisions on that. I have noticed that the SFJs don't like to read subcontext into things because it's not necessarily concrete and fact-based. However, since Fe is always seeking confirmation, SFJs will tend to read a lot into things if the routine seems abruptly disrupted or somewhat inconsistent. But when the pattern is established, they are a lot less likely to read motives or meaning into people than the NFJs.
 

Tilt

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Yes. I was using that as an example because I cannot verbalize it any other way and am not so eloquent :laugh:

But just by Fi/Fe users I know there is a big discrepancy in what is "fair" to each of them. And to some extent, I would say Fe users could commiserate among themselves what is fair/unfair and Fi users could commiserate with themselves fair/unfair.

But I have noticed that Fi user speaking to Fe user and vice versa, when giving their complaints will be like two ships passing in the night.

They will not agree with each other, even if they sympathize. Why is that? That is hard to explain.

I have always found Fe to be very context-based while Fi is "consistent" across the board. For Fi users, the "context" element probably feels like walking into a minefield because there are so many caveats (I call it "social logic") and so, many Fi users resent it and consider Fe to be "fake". For Fe users, where the frustration lies is when people don't consider the context in regards to their actions. However, people make the mistake of extrapolating from that one context to all other contexts. For example, I appreciate off-color jokes, but I will tend not to be receptive to it in the workplace, so then it gets implied that I am "too serious".
 

Dreamer

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How I relate to Fe, I've noticed, is very different from how other FJ's typically relate to it.

I don't live to serve or cater to others. I don't know how many people actually do that. I am not emotionally expressive or warm, and vibe very much like a T in public (where I feel uncomfortable and restrained, and thus become more closed off and private). I don't like strangers. I like to keep to myself and avoid other people. What I value is unshakable and I value it regardless of other people. However, depending on who I'm around, my expression (or lack thereof) of those values will differ.

Now. Social atmosphere is VERY important to me. I cannot

cannot

CANNOT

stand negative social atmospheres.

They affect me so strongly.

Imagine you're at the store minding your own business, and you overhear two people who you've never met and they have absolutely 0 relation to you, suddenly start arguing and screaming at each other.

I feel that. I physically feel that and it hurts and I hate it.

I'm not really feeling for that person. I'm not sympathizing with either of those two arguing people in this hypothetical situation. I'm upset because the atmosphere is now crappy. And it will affect me for a long time afterwards.

Think of how it is when you're with a group of friends and two of them have a fight and end up leaving the rest of you there. Think of that heavy feeling it leaves behind that takes time to "repair." That heavy feeling is just absolutely crushing to me.

When people start crying around me, I start crying. Not because I'm necessarily sad for them, but because they're crying and that triggers some reaction from me that makes me start crying too. When people yell, I cry. When people are happy and energetic, I "mirror" it in a way.

I feel very deeply. I feel very strongly. I'm not at all like a typical Fe user, I think. But I don't know how much an Fi user is affected by atmosphere--and if they are, if it's because of that atmosphere, or because they are empathizing or something.

Wow, I love this input lux! Thank you :)

Ya, I don't feel that way at all, and I think you really hit the nail on this one, in helping me to distinguish the two. Yes, I do feel sadness or this or that from a situation, but as you guessed, it's typically only when I'm feeling empathy for someone. I don't have to know that person, but I tend to put myself in someone else's shoes if a particular scene hits home for me. This doesn't happen all the time, and I can't say for certain, what triggers it, but when I do associate myself with an external scene, then I feel I can almost situate myself directly in that environment as if it were happening to me, then the emotions flood in. This can happen while watching movies, other people, whatever. Again, for this to register and affect me, it has to resonate with me somehow. For example, I love my younger brother deeply, he's also my best friend, so in a movie, if there is a scene of say, someone losing their sibling, or they're in the hospital, boy, watch them tears come! But any other typical situation, I really just don't feel anything at all with regards to what's around me. People could be arguing, people could be crying, it doesn't change my outlook of the day, or my internal state.

Ahh, I feel like I'm getting closer to wholly understanding Fe now :D

-Shout out to everyone that has contributed so far, you're awesome!!!
 

Kheledon

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Isn't this trying to crowbar Fe and Te in as perceiving functions? I thought an ENFJ's sense of internal validation/valuation comes from Ti and not Fi? Am I missing something here? If judging functions are both judging and perceiving then what's the point of N and S perceiving functions? Do N and S actually judge too? If so this would force me to reestablish my whole understanding of Jungian typology from the ground up. :doh:

Good questions to which I will attempt to give what I understand to be the answers that the Socionics theorists I have read might give. To do so, allow me to separate out two, key issues you raise. First, what do J and P mean in Socionics, and, second, given that J and P are different in Socionics (compared to Myers-Briggs-Kiersian theory) what's the difference between a "judging" function and a "perceiving" function?

First, J and P are very poorly named (in English), and this leads to some significant confusion. As an aside, F is translated into English as ethics in Socionics (not feeling) while T is translated into English as logic (not thinking). This was a wise change, imo, because, first, it reduces some gender bias (women are more-inclined to self-type as "feelers" and men are more inclined to self-type as "thinkers" due to the influence of powerful and nearly-ubiquitous social norms and expectations), and second, it obliterates the notion that F and T are not both "thinking" functions. In Socionics, all four of the original, Jungian cognitive functions are forms of thinking (that's why they're called "cognitive" functions). F is just as much a form of "thinking" as is T. N and S are also forms of cognition, i.e. "thinking." For Socionics, then, the p/j axis is a description of whether a given form of thinking is either rational or irrational (as opposed to a description of whether a function is "perceiving" or "judging"). In Socionics theory, all four Jungian functions both perceive and judge, and I'll address that issue later in this post. F and T (Ethics and Logic) are both rational, and any person who is a j (rational) will have their strongest rational function in their first Model A position (i.e. program function--one's strongest, most natural function that can be articulated through language). So, for example, an Fj will have either Fe or Fi in their program function position while a Tj will have either Te or Ti in their program function position. On the other hand, p describes irrationality. S and N are both irrational functions, and any person who is a p (irrational) will have their strongest irrational function in their first Model A position (program function). So, for example, an Np will have either Ne or Ni in their program function position while an Sp will have either Se or Si in their program function position. That simple mechanic, all on its own, can and does define the program function of each of the 16 Sociotypes.

The distinction above is essential to understanding Socionics. The reason is this. Whereas Freud's goal was to cure the sick, and whereas Jung's was to both cure the sick and to understand the workings of the human mind, and whereas Myers-Briggs-Kiersian theory is principally designed to improve workplace efficiency (and to sell a lot of books and proprietary tests), A. Augusta, the founder of Socionics, was looking to do something entirely different. A. Augusta was a brilliant woman who had an unhappy marriage, and she just had to understand why it was that she, being the bright woman she was, and after putting years and years of her best efforts into making her marriage work, simply couldn't do it. It's commonly said among those of us who study cognitive theory that "any, highly dualized couple can work well together despite radical differences in their personalities." A. Augusta never denied this unsubstantiated claim, to my knowledge, but her research showed that any couple composed of two rationals (Js) or any couple composed of two irrationals (Ps) will have a much greater probability of achieving a lasting, fulfilling, and happy relationship than any irrational/rational pairing (one J and one P). For the purpose of translation into English shorthand, the letters "p" and "j" have been retained by Socionics theorists (ENFj, for example), but lower case letters are used on the p/j axis for these personality traits, not because they are less important, but, rather, because they are the most essential feature of a potential mate if what you're looking for is compatibility and a lasting relationship. In essence, Socionics is all about relationships between people (the most important thing in the world to an F dom, like me, and for many others too). I'd venture to say that most of us who post on this forum came here, at least initially, because of relationship problems, and Socionics addresses that particular issue first and foremost, whereas Freud, Jung, and their MBTI descendants, for the most part, had different goals entirely. Socionics is designed to teach us who we are, on the assumption that, once we know who we are (and how our brains function), we will be better equipped to find a mate with whom we can maintain a lasting, fulfilling relationship. That was, after all, A. Augusta's main goal. Needless to say, this makes Socionics very attractive to me, but the key, here, is that in order to understand Socionics one must abandon the commonplace definitions of the words "perceiving" and "judging" as those words create more confusion than clarity. It's best to understand them as rationality (J) and irrationality (P). Rationals will have a rational function (F and T are both rational) in their 1st Model A position (program function), whereas irrationals will have an irrational function (N and S are both irrational) in their 1st Model A position. Again, all four of the original, Jungian cognitive functions (according to Socionics) are both "perceiving" and "judging." When extraverted, each function acts as a sponge and absorbs INPUT in an unbiased and neutral way, but that same extraverted function may then be used as an OUTPUT function that is very subjective and that may be deployed in order to change the world in some way. In all cases, extraversion, as it manifests in one's cognitive functions, is about what is "outside" the person--either absorbing it neutrally or changing it subjectively.

When introverted, however, each function acts as a limiting/narrowing (dare I say "judging"?) device. Here's an example. While Ne absorbs data from the "outside" world neutrally and objectively (and may project itself into the "outside" world in order to change the world quite subjectively), Ni looks "inside" the person (to its unique, personal history and all the data stored in the subconscious of that same, unique person) and then processes what's in there in order to to pare away and/or narrow all the possible futures conjured up by Ne so that Ni may then select/choose/judge the most likely future. By the same token, Fi will limit/narrow all the unbiased, unjudged, and neutral data collected by Fe's INPUT, and then judge, i.e. select, the most likely or best evaluation or judgment. (F is really evaluation--good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/ugly, straight/crooked, true/false, etc., whereas T is focused on problem/solution, problem/solution, and more problem/solution). All the introverted functions are inherently subjective, as they all involve "looking inside" and "processing" the unique data and unique histories of unique individuals. Extraverted functions are not subjective as INPUT functions, but they are always subjective as OUTPUT functions (only after they have been processed by their introverted counterparts).

In Socionics, the distinction I made above is defined by the terms "explosive" and "implosive." All extraverted functions are explosive when acting as INPUT functions--they want more, more, and more. They absorb like sponges--more, more, and more. Introverted functions, by contrast, are implosive--they want fewer, fewer, and fewer (so that they can determine the one, best or most likely conclusion). Again, all four of the original Jungian cognitive functions (N, S, F, and T) are explosive functions in their extraverted INPUT forms and implosive in their introverted forms. All of us, at some level of our psyches (or, more precisely, in some position in our Model A functional maps), have and use all four of these original Jungian functions in both their extraverted and introverted manifestations. It's just a question of preference and strength for each Sociotype (i.e, where each function falls in each Sociotype's Model A map of its cognitive functions).

So, to illustrate, here's how I work as an attorney. A potential client comes to me with a problem. I, being an Fe dom, initially (if not constantly) extravert Fe in order to make my potential client feel comfortable, relaxed, safe, and open to communication with me. Then I absorb. I have Fe in my program (1st) position, so I "feel" them first, and it's usually pain, confusion, or distress that I feel because they wouldn't be coming to an attorney unless something was disturbing their emotional stability. I also have Te as my role function, so I absorb data from the outside world through that function as well. While a potential client is telling me his or her story, I am thinking to myself, "What are all the possible problems that need solving here?" Again, all extraverted functions are explosive, so I'm just "open to" and "neutrally absorbing" all the possible problems that a given potential client presents to me. That's how extraverted functions act when they are in their INPUT mode. They neutrally absorb. Then, or simultaneously, Ti is limiting/narrowing this input--i.e "that's not the problem," "that's not the problem," "that's not the problem," until, finally, Ti goes, "Eureka! That's the most likely or main problem that needs fixing here." Ti then proceeds to limit and narrow possible solutions (like the good, introverted function that it is). Ti searches for the best solution in the same kind of limiting/narrowing way--i.e. "that's not a good solution," "that's not a good solution," "that's not a good solution," until, finally, Ti goes, "Eureka! That's the best possible solution," and, in my case, I have to be very careful in such situations. When I finally decide to extravert and respond to a potential client, I always try to do so in a way that is cautious and prudent, as in, "That's the best solution I can see at the moment and given the data currently at my disposal, i.e. "based upon what you have told me so far and what I know at the time." Once my potential client has hired me, and I should note that Fe is excellent for creating the "feeling" that I am knowledgeable, trustworthy, capable, and worthy of being retained, I usually then turn to Te again (read up on the subject in my law books or on the internet, call the Clerk of the Court for some key information, discuss the matter with a colleague, etc.) in order to get more data (Te always wants more, as do all explosive, extraverted functions). Then, armed with more Te-generated data, Ti sifts through all that and processes it, again looking to limit/select the best solution (Ti always wants less, as do all implosive, introverted functions). It may be that my initial Ti "gut" solution was the best choice. On the other hand, once armed with new, Te-generated data that is now "inside" me, Ti may process that data and discover an even better solution, effectively narrowing/limiting the possible or available solutions, and Ti may even "eliminate" what I originally thought was the "best" solution and, instead, replace it with a different solution that Ti now thinks is a "better" one. In this sense, introverted functions may be best understood and described as "judging" functions, whereas extraverted functions may be best understood and described as "perceiving" functions, but, in order to avoid confusion with the widely-used but poorly-named MBTI functions, Socionics uses the terms "explosive" and "implosive" to describe this key distinction.

Note that all of this occurs very rapidly--simultaneously, in fact, and usually unconsciously. There's a constant dialogue between the extraverted and introverted manifestations of each of the four Jungian cognitive functions. Fe is always explosively gathering more F (evaluation) data, while Fi is always looking for fewer or "the best" F (evaluation) answer--implosively limiting, narrowing, and selecting what to value and focus upon out of all the vast data that Fe is collecting. In the same way, Te is always explosively gathering more T (problem/solution) data, while Ti is always looking for fewer or "the best" T (problem/solution) answer.

This dynamic works in the same way for the irrational functions (N and S). For an attorney, N is essential, because N is all about theoretical abstraction, time (both past and future), associations, causal chains, and connections. When potential clients come to see me, what they really want is a better future. They are unhappy in their present circumstances (otherwise they wouldn't seek my assistance). They want me to help them get to the future that they want. So, my Ne is constantly absorbing data and irrationally making connections that allow it to "imagine" possible futures that may result from taking a given course of action. My very strong Ni then comes along and does what it's supposed to do. It narrows and limits. "No, don't do that because it will most likely lead to this (bad) future." It continues to limit and narrow ("bad choice because it probably leads to a bad future," "bad choice because it probably leads to a bad future," "bad choice because it probably leads to a bad future," etc.) until Ni finally goes, ""Eureka! That's the best course of action because it is most likely to get you to the future that you want." All the while, explosive Ne is churning away, offering Ni more options which Ni, then, must limit and narrow further because Ni is always trying to find the most likely outcome of every possible course of action and pare down the possible futures "imagined" by the mind's ever-explosive Ne. Ni seeks the most likely future that may result from any given choice or course of action. This interplay between Ne and Ni is, actually, what attorneys do best--attorneys advise their clients by helping them choose a particular course of action that is most likely to get their clients to the future that their clients want.

Now, having illustrated the interplay between Fe and Fi, Te and Ti, and Ne and Ni, don't even bother asking me to illustrate the interplay between Se and Si (because I suck at them). Any illustration I might attempt would be juvenile, at best. What's key to understanding this dynamic is grasping the concept that extraverted functions first neutrally absorb as INPUT functions, then, secondly, introverted functions subjectively evaluate (i.e. judge/limit), then, finally, as a result of these ongoing processes, one may choose to extravert as an OUTPUT function (project something out into the world so as to alter the state of the world), but one can not prevent introverting (remembering/filing away/storing) whatever data, judgments, and/or "conclusions" one has reached as a result of these mental processes. All of that "stuff" is stored in the subconscious and is, therefore, available to any and all of one's introverted functions for future analysis and decisionmaking.

This is how I understand the difference between the explosive and implosive natures of the original, Jungian cognitive functions in Socionics theory. Gulenko calls this the evolutionary/involutionary dichotomy (but it has also been called left/right as well as process/result). I like the terms "explosive" and "implosive" as I feel they better convey the essence of this concept in English. My strengths are explosive Fe and implosive Ni. Thus, my ego is FeNi, but note that Fi and Ne are buried deep in my id (strong but subconscious functions in my 7th and 8th Model A positions). Fi and Ne constantly inform and interact with my ego in the way, I think, that I have described here.

As for where one gets one's sense of identity or, to use your terms, "internal validation/valuation," I think that question is best addressed by how one understands extraversion and introversion. None of us is completely extraverted, nor are any of us completely introverted. We all have some internal, introverted "core" self, but extraverts show a distinct preference for validation and self-evaluation from the outside world, whereas introverts show a distinct preference for validation and self-evaluation from their own, unique, internal "core" selves.

Whew! That was a lot. Thanks for reading. :whew:
 

Entp/infjGal

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Thanks [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]. The way you write, how you take the time to explain things "from the beginning" ensuring you give the fullest understanding possible in the short spaces, emphasising certain distinctions with special characters, and doing it all in a loving/maternal tone that comes through even in scholarly writing..hmmm....Lets just say, it feels very familiar! I can feel how much you care for your reader through your writing. I just feel more and more at home among ENFJ's I should say. Never thought of myself as an extravert but this bunch feels like my tribe, at least much more than others.:D
 

Forever

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[MENTION=26163]Protege[/MENTION] I never rely on the context thing and that's why for a little bit I saw myself as an INTJ.

But I relate poorly to Fi Dom types too.

What gives? :shrug:

It's like for specific people, I'll "work" on adapting to them but it's goes against my inner nature.
 

Tilt

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[MENTION=26163]Protege[/MENTION] I never rely on the context thing and that's why for a little bit I saw myself as an INTJ.

But I relate poorly to Fi Dom types too.

What gives? :shrug:

It's like for specific people, I'll "work" on adapting to them but it's goes against my inner nature.

Well, you're predominantly going to have loyalty to Ni, so you're probably going to be more of an "idea person" than worrying about Fe's agenda. As such, Fe is going to have a narrower scope. Te is also very context-based, it uses information relevant to the current situation whereas Ti will want to get the full background just for the sake of understanding.


The reason why I changed from INFJ to ENFJ is I am way too objective-oriented and results-oriented to be straight up Ni.
 

SearchingforPeace

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Thanks [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]. The way you write, how you take the time to explain things "from the beginning" ensuring you give the fullest understanding possible in the short spaces, emphasising certain distinctions with special characters, and doing it all in a loving/maternal tone that comes through even in scholarly writing..hmmm....Lets just say, it feels very familiar! I can feel how much you care for your reader through your writing. I just feel more and more at home among ENFJ's I should say. Never thought of myself as an extravert but this bunch feels like my tribe, at least much more than others.:D

I never thought of myself as an extrovert until last year. I was never as outgoing as my ENTP bro or ENFP sis or my ESFP bf. I go through periods without a lot of interaction. I am very introspective.

But, looking back, I was the most outspoken student in every class and grade from preschool to grad school. Hell, I should post my preschool class picture and I am clearly the most extroverted child there..... (note to self, find old photo album). Class of 300 students and I am the one bantering with the professor. At a new workplace and I am the one making the rounds, chatting coworkers up. I was the person told I have "too much personality" for my profession.

My supposed introversion reflected defensive ego constructs from a difficult childhood.

I don't know for sure you are a ENFJ. But ENFJs are not the stereotypes from the internet.
 

Forever

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Well, you're predominantly going to have loyalty to Ni, so you're probably going to be more of an "idea person" than worrying about Fe's agenda. As such, Fe is going to have a narrower scope. Te is also very context-based, it uses information relevant to the current situation whereas Ti will want to get the full background just for the sake of understanding.


The reason why I changed from INFJ to ENFJ is I am way too objective-oriented and results-oriented to be straight up Ni.

Maybe it's because my Ti is tertiary, but I only like getting enough information to make moves, maybe a little more so I don't end up in confusion.

Fe always felt like a tool for me than it is like a nature. You're right about the idea thing. I learned from T types to simply not care about how an idea can make others uncomfortable as long as the point I am making isn't of a crude or dark nature.

But then when it comes to science, there are so many details I have to remember and if I don't, I feel like something is missing and so for that I feel Ti'ish and I'm jealous of Te users who can sit and understand the "consensus" definition and get excellent grades while my Ni is like "you're not the rest, listen to your divine and inconsistent understanding" and I sometimes wish I could shut off Ni for academics because professors hate how I go on my own definition or theory or interpretations of things and I don't like how they could not consider my point of view and just rely on a book.
 
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