[SJ] You Know an SJ Loves You When..

[Haven]

Dang, I'm not sure what I should write here.

I mean, I always do nice things for people and I always listen, I'm just not sure when I cross into "love" territory.

 

[Winds of Thor]

They are no longer ashamed of your disinterest in following the norms and expectations of society. Or at least they've learned to restrain themselves from expressing that shame.

That's huge!

 

[Winds of Thor]

Shower me with affection and/or praise. Trust me, it won't be forgotten and you might find your SJ hanging around you more often...

Also, what Criac is doing in this thread is a good start

(I don't know how to use the Mention tag so I'll just hope he or she reads this )

 

[Thalassa]

Dang, I'm not sure what I should write here.

I mean, I always do nice things for people and I always listen, I'm just not sure when I cross into "love" territory.

I've heard this before.

 

[Thalassa]

To elaborate further on that, I think love may be a gradual process for healthy SJs, something that requires time and trust; if an SJ rushes into love they're probably projecting something like the inferior on to the person. I think some ISxJs especially have a hard time trusting, and it's a matter of really fully letting a person in, instead of being kind or helpful out of duty.

But I think excess dutifulness is a sign of love in SJs, when they feel like doing more for you than they do for people in general, or they sincerely worry about you. And like I joked, when you can't beat them off with a stick, when they come back just like the cat, the very next day, you thought he was a goner, but the cat came back and he couldn't stay away.

So yeah.

 

[Winds of Thor]

To elaborate further on that, I think love may be a gradual process for healthy SJs, something that requires time and trust; if an SJ rushes into love they're probably projecting something like the inferior on to the person. I think some ISxJs especially have a hard time trusting, and it's a matter of really fully letting a person in, instead of being kind or helpful out of duty.

But I think excess dutifulness is a sign of love in SJs, when they feel like doing more for you than they do for people in general, or they sincerely worry about you. And like I joked, when you can't beat them off with a stick, when they come back just like the cat, the very next day, you thought he was a goner, but the cat came back and he couldn't stay away.

So yeah.

Yes, it's a gradual proceeding I've noticed.

 

[soppixo]

The only beings in this world whom I can openly say "I love you" to are my dogs. I don't really understand why I have this big hang up about using the l-words when it comes to humans, I can't even bring myself to say it to my dad in text.

The last person I can remember saying it to is my mom, but she was a real messed up Feeler and pretty much conditioned me into using F as a coping mechanism to try and make sense of her mood swings.

 

[Haven]

The only beings in this world whom I can openly say "I love you" to are my dogs. I don't really understand why I have this big hang up about using the l-words when it comes to humans, I can't even bring myself to say it to my dad in text.

The last person I can remember saying it to is my mom, but she was a real messed up Feeler and pretty much conditioned me into using F as a coping mechanism to try and make sense of her mood swings.

You are a serious downer, dude. Love isn't that hard, just say it. It feels good to say.

 

[Thalassa]

You are a serious downer, dude. Love isn't that hard, just say it. It feels good to say.

ISTJ vs. ESFJ.

This isn't totally foreign to me in my experience with ISTJs, though a bit extreme.

 

[Thalassa]

In fact, I just want to add that I'm pretty understanding of ISTJs and their demonstrations of love through loyalty, reliability, performing needed tasks, creating structure and providing, and giving gifts...and that they may be more awkward with saying I love you very often. I was raised by an ISTJ who loved me fiercely, and I'm close to another ISTJ male who has ..these issues...which seem to torture him...so...don't give them such a hard time.

Though this may be the difference between Fe and Fi, I dunno.

 

[highlander]

To extend this - how do you best show an SJ that you love and care about them?

Put dishes in the dishwasher and take out the garbage. Apparently.

 

[Haven]

[MENTION=6877]Marmotini[/MENTION]

I'm pretty sure my dad loved me too, but damn, the divorce just ate him up inside and turned him into a giant asshole. I wish someone would have slapped the crazy out of him in those 10 years of hell. There are more important things in life than loyalty.

 

[soppixo]

You are a serious downer, dude. Love isn't that hard, just say it. It feels good to say.

I love my dad, and sometimes it kills me that the best I can say is a "take care of yourself" to him. But I do show him my love in other ways, like buying him dinner or spending time just chatting with him.

 

[Thalassa]

[MENTION=13646]Haven[/MENTION]

first of all, saying I love you freely is cultural as well as type related. IxTJ are unlikely to gush with such statements unless its a particularly serious vow to them, even if they can say it more easily than [MENTION=16285]soppixo[/MENTION] can. American cultural Fe is gushy I love you, and some would argue some people say it TOO easily. I think there's a balance, I am able to say I love you, but I dont presume its easy or desirable for everyone, and I even dont necessarily trust people who say they love me without showing me that its true.

I never said blind loyalty is all there is, yet what Im trying to explain is that is simply how some people show love.

 

[Thalassa]

Put dishes in the dishwasher and take out the garbage. Apparently.

I had an SJ express to me once that he simply wished his family would realize how much he did for them around the house.

 

[CzeCze]

They clean your oven for you.

TRUE STORY.

 

[Cimarron]

The only beings in this world whom I can openly say "I love you" to are my dogs. I don't really understand why I have this big hang up about using the l-words when it comes to humans, I can't even bring myself to say it to my dad in text.

The last person I can remember saying it to is my mom, but she was a real messed up Feeler and pretty much conditioned me into using F as a coping mechanism to try and make sense of her mood swings.

I agree with the idea that scarcity, as they say in economics, makes it valuable. Some people just don't see it that way, but I just can't seem to see it the other way, either.

 

[tinker683]

There are more important things in life than loyalty.

As someone who has had his loyalty taken for granted or taken advantage of more than a few times, I hear ya brother.

That all being said, ISTJs may or may not be wise in the Path of Snugglies....but that just means we shall have to teach these young Padawans the Way of the Snuggles, if they are so interested

On a more serious note, ISTJs can definitely be warm and huggy-kisses, it just requires the right environment to make them feel comfortable enough to do, something of which I understand very well

 

[Giggly]

To extend this - how do you best show an SJ that you love and care about them?

I don't mean to sound evasive when I say this but it really does depend on the specific SJ and their love language.

 

[SD45T-2]

If I do something like make you donuts and show up at your door out of the blue to give them to you, that means I care.

To extend this - how do you best show an SJ that you love and care about them?

I don't mean to sound evasive when I say this but it really does depend on the specific SJ and their love language.

Yes, and also if it is a romantic relationship or not.