complicatedairflow
New member
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2022
- Messages
- 2
Whoever comes up with the most believable type guesstimation for me is crowned kqueeing of typology by yours truly 
(Emperoress if you throw in an added enneagram cookie, too, cause f-ck it).
For reference: I've bounced between ENTP, INTP, INFP, and ENFP the most. Recently, I'm torn between ENTP and INTP. Before studying cognitive functions in length, I believed I was an INFJ.
************
Context:
a) What is your age range and general location (Country so that cultural values can be taken into account)? Do you have any impairments that may affect the way that you answer this questionnaire? Any religious or political beliefs (or anything else along those lines) that also might have an effect?
I am a 24 year old female from Southern California in the United States.
I donāt think I have any impairments that would affect my answers, but I will say that I have been a generally anxious person since I was a very young child. And around middle school, I noticed that I began to sink further into depression and anxiety as a coping mechanism for emotional neglect at home, as well as judgment and ridicule I was subjected to in school from peers. However, I still maintained a large friend circle and was known to still be a loud jokester, yet conditioned myself to behave and express myself in a way that would protect me from possible teasing, bullying, or judgment/rejection, which are very sore spots for me, even today.
Now, as I am working on these issues, I am finding it increasingly difficult to settle on a type, because the way I am now is so different than how I have conducted myself over the last 13 years. Even my friends would say I am one way with certainty, but I feel that I truly, authentically, am another way. These conflicting opinions within myself compared to the opinions of my friend group have made it hard for me to feel confident in a single type.
Plus, I still suffer from anxiety. Although I am getting better at becoming aware of it, it is still in the background most days, and because of this, I donāt know if my actions are fueled from anxiety, or from an authentic space within me; do I shy away from social situations because I genuinely prefer to be alone, or because I am socially anxious and scared of judgment?
I would say I am a spiritually inclined person, and I donāt have any strong political beliefs at the moment.
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven't you decided on one?
At the moment, I believe I operate on Ti/Fe Si/Ne axisā and due to this, I am considering either ENTP or INTP.
However, for a while, I was torn between INFP and ENFP, and even held an INFJ typing for several months before I started studying cognitive functions. So there is definitely still a chance that I could be NF and not NT, which is why I am very reluctant to settle on a type or quadra.
I havenāt decided between INTP and ENTP because, shamefully, the stereotypes associated with each type have made it hard for me to resonate with either. I donāt believe my Fe is low in my function stack as with the INTP, and I do enjoy socializing, engaging, and making people laugh (when I feel the environment is safe to do so). Also I would say I am intellectually inclined, yet I am not deeply invested into the sciences and often go after more creative, abstract pursuits such as fiction writing, painting, etc.
As for ENTP, I do like to debate and exchange ideas, but I am not as aggressive or eager to do so as the type suggests. Iām quite conscious of how my opinions can affect someone else emotionally, and I am very good at formulating my words in a way thatās digestible for someone. I donāt carry the ābluntā or (sorry) āassholeā or ājerkā labels that ENTPās can carry because of their openness to play devilās advocate. I understand that these stereotypes donāt apply to all of them, but Iāve noticed many ENTPās scoring lower on agreeableness than me, and generally just less conflict adverse than I am.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
I believe my purpose in life is to become an author, and to write a series that touches many people on a wide scale. I feel as if I am meant to create something to be shared publicly and have a huge effect on a particular demographic of people.
I have, however, been wondering where the root of this desire and purpose stems from, and if this is a genuine passion that this sense of purpose comes from, or the need for me to fill something within me that I felt I lacked in childhoodārecognition, praise, validation, adoration?
But, I digress.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
PrideāI am prideful. I donāt like to accept help, and I feel threatened when I am being perceived or potentially perceived as intellectually inferior to someone. I will be one of the last to admit openly my insufficiencies in a particular area.
GreedāNope. I tend to me fine with what I have, and if I want more, Iām practical about my desire and donāt feel the need to hoard resources or covet them from others.
LustāLeast relatable. Iāve always been intrigued by the insatiable lustful urges some people struggle to control, as that hasnāt been my experience (at least not yet). Then again, I donāt see sex or sexual desire as inherently bad. Not until one is expected to be ashamed of such natural urges, then the repression of sexual desire can become unhealthy and manifest into addiction, violent and aggressive behavior, harmful taboos, etc.
EnvyāI relate to this one the most. I feel inferior to people (particularly women) whom I deem to be either more beautiful or more successful than me, especially in the field I desire to excel in. Iām not proud of feeling so envious, and it fills me with shame at times, but I am aware that I struggle with this.
GluttonyāIn times of stress, anxiety, depression, yes, I am a glutton. It helps shut off my mind when I binge eat or overindulge in cannabis, video games, movies, etc.
WrathāI would say I struggle with this the least. My anger translates to sadness, not rage or wrath.
SlothāGuilty. Yet when I am feeling unmotivated or comfortable doing nothing for long periods of time, I sink further into unhealthy headspaces, so I am making a conscious effort to not be content with sloth.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
I love open minded individuals. People with a certain emotional and intellectual depth; doesnāt have to be expressed on first meeting, but I can usually sense itās there. I love people with a sense of humor; people who can command a room with their charisma. Non-judgmental and excitable, full of ideas and insights, and not afraid to be playful. I also find I love befriending quiet, shy people, as I can sense thereās more that meets the eye, and I am a disarming person who can make most people feel comfortable, and I enjoy giving people the space to feel safe and comfortable around me.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
Trauma dumpers. Iām half joking.
I attract a lot of talkers. I mean talkers. In twenty minutes, theyāre telling me their life story. It kind of annoys me; I donāt like being talked at. I prefer to have conversations where we are in an ebb and flow.
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
Repulsed is such a strong word. I think Iām going to change this to, āpeople I have no interest in connecting with or struggle to connect with.ā
Those who are obsessed with material gains. Surface level conversations that I sense wonāt be able to go a bit deeper. Confrontational, argumentative people who allow their emotions to cloud their judgment; I hate feeling like I canāt have a healthy discussion or argument with someone as they become angry, triggered, and turn it into personal offense as opposed to understanding the root of the matter.
People who are belligerent. People who suffocate the space and donāt give anyone else the opportunity to express and respond with their own insights and character because they enjoy attention so much, they would prefer to hold onto as much of it in the environment as they can.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
Confidence. Being able to light up a room without fear of judgment. The āI donāt give a f---ā attitude that allows people to accomplish so much without fear. In social situations, my defense mechanism is to make myself small until I feel itās safe to be myself. I donātā like competing for space or attention in social settings, yet Iām such a big personality, I grow resentful at the fact that Iām afraid to be myself, because Iām afraid Iām too loud, too annoying, too this or too that.
Also, Iām quite sensitive to criticism. And I have a hard time being firm with my boundaries.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
I actually have a lot of repressed anger; I have many dreams where Iām screaming at people, yelling at them, fighting them, scaring them into submission. But in real life, I channel my anger into passiveness, or I cry when Iām angry. I think Iām afraid to allow myself to feel angry. Iāve never angrily yelled at someone in my life.
b) Shame
I had a lot of shame surrounding sex that I am dealing with right now. I translate my sexual interests and curiosity as something being inherently wrong with me, and something that needs to be hidden. Yet me spending years hiding these aspects of myself have corrupted my view on sex, so much so that I am almost afraid of true intimacy and find uninhibited sexual expression to be distasteful.
c) Fear
I am a fearful person. A lot of anxiety. I hate it. I wish I was more brave, but my mind goes into overdrive about everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and it leaves me a bit paralyzed. If I see someone in public whom I deem to cause me harm, my first instinct is to immediately run away. I hate fear, I think it isnāt useful, and I want to try my hardest to overcome it.
d) Love/passion
Beautiful things, but I struggle with being vulnerable enough to receive love. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is.
e) Conflict
I donāt like it. And I hate that I donāt like it. I get very anxious around people who seem to want an argument. I will defend myself, but I tend to shut down if I feel as if emotions are starting to muddle in on their end. I always obsess over whether I was too harsh, too mean, said the wrong thing, and sometimes Iāll even apologize when I donāt feel I was in the wrong, because Iām afraid of being perceived as a bad person. Because of this, I grow resentful that I didnāt stand my ground.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (ie. A struggle you've been unable to conquer, ect)?
My anxiety has been the most debilitating aspect of my life. So many opportunities Iāve missed out on because I was afraid of judgment and ridicule. So many ways I wanted to authentically express myself, yet I was too afraid of what other people would think of me, or that it would highlight the aspects of myself I donāt like. So many times I hid away, isolated myself, let my depression suffocate me to the point where I was a functioning depressive on auto pilot. So many times I made myself small to protect myself. Until 2020 hit, and the extent of a decade of emotional suppression hit me all at once all the way through 2021. A scary, painful, uncertain road the last three years have been, yet so enlightening at the same time. Iām currently in a space where I am making an effort to fight through my anxiety and put myself out there, planning things for next year that Iāve always wanted to do.
Iām afraid of being seen, of being exposed, because in my mind, that opens me up to judgment, and ridicule along with judgment are the most painful and difficult themes Iāve carried with me throughout life.
8) Answer only one of the following:
a) [College aged and above] What is your area of work/study? Why did you choose this and would you change it? If so, what would be your ideal?
I am a freelance fiction writer. I am going back to school early next year to get my degree in creative writing.
I chose this because I was dreadfully unhappy with the 9-5, service industry, clock in-clock-out routine, and wanted to start working for myself. I had been writing online for years and amassed a following, but never made any money from it until this year. Plus, I am a talented writer with a lot of room to grow, so I figured it would make sense to capitalize on this talent.
If something more lucrative came along that I found enjoyment in, I donāt see why I canāt do both. Iām always open to ways I can make money on my own, on the side.
My ultimate 5-year goal is to support myself completely with freelancing. After that, New York Times Bestseller?
9) When meeting a new person, what do you tend to focus on?
I focus on their tone, how much theyāre disclosing about themselves, how they react to what Iām saying, and how they interact with other people. I can usually determine their place in a group dynamic by watching them for a few minutes.
10) How do you feel about humanity as a whole? What do you feel are some of the biggest problems the human race faces and why?
Iām torn between wanting the best for us collectively and fantasizing about a highly intelligent and benevolent alien race coming down to swoop me up and away to their better functioning planet.
I feel some of the biggest issues our race faces areāgenerational trauma, reckless allocation of resources, corruption, emotional repression, and the gross lack of foresight. Our refusal to dive deep into our collective unconscious to uncover the root of the problems we face and have been facing for generations is the reason why these issues keep repeating themselves.
11) What are some of your hobbies and interests?
I love learning about random sh-t. Nature documentaries, space exploration, psychology, interpersonal relationships. When Iām feeling inspired, I love to write fiction. I also enjoy painting, I love listening to music and I like to sing. Used to be a big Elder Scrolls nerd, and had an Instagram page where I would post lore about the Elder Scrolls; had admins and everything, got up to 10k followers. Eventually got bored with it and shut the page down, but I still love playing Skyrim when I jump back into it.
I love going for a walk through my cityās nature center, or at the beach. Hanging out with friends and going on trips with family.
13) How do you usually hang out with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
I spend a lot of time hanging out with my best friend. Weāll go to Starbucks, go shopping, talk in the car for hours. When we can get my group together, we go out to dinner or hang out at a friends place and watch movies and clown them; thereās about 6 of us when we can all link. I tend to initiate interaction, but I can also be responsive. I find I enjoy hanging out with a large group, as it increases the chances of the vibes remaining consistent.
14) What is more important, actions or words? Why?
Actions are more important. As Kendall Roy once said, words are just ācomplicated air flow.ā
I spend a lot of time fantasizing about all of the things I want to do, but I understand that these ideas donāt mean shit unless I implement them. This overwhelms me, as I often feel Iām not doing enough.
15) Oh dear, you've been cursed by a witch! It's ok though, you get a choice on which curse you will receive. Will you choose
a) To never be able to experience the sensation of taste
b) To be immortal
c) To lose your memories
d) To be poor for the rest of your life
e) Or to never experience passion
Elaborate on why!
Iād definitely take being poor for the rest of my life. These last three years have taught me that contentment, joy, happiness, all of that good stuff, has nothing to do with the inherent value of the external object, but the way it makes you feel. And that can change depending on your mental state.
I was miserable and suicidal with all of my bills paid and money in the bank. Now, at probably the brokest Iāve been since Iāve started working, I have this outlook on life and myself that has kept me in such a good, consistent headspace. Even when I only have a dollar to my name, yes, it sucks, but at the same time, Iām totally fine. Iād take this over the depressed, anxious, miserable mess I was when I was making above minimum wage any day.
16) What do you hope to avoid being? If it helps, describe a person who embodies what you avoid/you as a villain, ect.
I hope to avoid being a victim. Iāve been there, done that, itās no fun. Itās disempowering. I hate being in a space where Iām blaming the world for any and everything. Itās weak. I donāt want to be weak anymore. Iām not, actually, because I recognize Iām not a victim; Iām the problem, but Iām also the solution. I donāt want to be someone who canāt take care of themselves and takes no responsibility for their life.
17) How do you relate to obsession? Do you tend to "merge" with others or your interests? How do you feel about the idea of doing this?
Hmmāinteresting question.
I tend to get ideas, get excited about them, become obsessed with them, then drop them. This could be with interests such as TV, fictional characters, areas of research, my own fictional stories, genres of music, etc. It usually isnāt what other people are obsessed with, though. Itās based on what I am personally interested in, and that could vary.
18) Organized or messy? Plans and blueprints or impulse and surprises? What are you preferences and tendencies?
I am...organized chaos.
My life is an absolute mess, complete with uncertainty, spontaneity, and never knowing what call Iām going to get about which bill and which deadline and what obligation. I can assure you an ENTJ or ESTJ would look at the state of my life and be jaw-dropped at how Iām fine with the mess. But in my head, it all makes sense and all has a purpose.
I try to use schedules, but I always ditch them. I find that I have an easier time just using my head.
19) How do you subjectively view comfort and how do you create comfort in your life and surroundings?
I donāt like being too comfortable because to me, I feel like Iām stagnant and not achieving anything of value. I feel a pressure to be doing something. I feel most useful when I can see that my life is moving in some direction.
Which is why this era of my life has been difficult, because the universe has forced me to do nothing but sit still and accept where Iām at.
I have small things I enjoy that bring me comfortāmusic, food, my favorite movies. Lately rewatching Lord of the Rings trilogy brings me a lot of comfort.
(Emperoress if you throw in an added enneagram cookie, too, cause f-ck it).For reference: I've bounced between ENTP, INTP, INFP, and ENFP the most. Recently, I'm torn between ENTP and INTP. Before studying cognitive functions in length, I believed I was an INFJ.
************
Context:
a) What is your age range and general location (Country so that cultural values can be taken into account)? Do you have any impairments that may affect the way that you answer this questionnaire? Any religious or political beliefs (or anything else along those lines) that also might have an effect?
I am a 24 year old female from Southern California in the United States.
I donāt think I have any impairments that would affect my answers, but I will say that I have been a generally anxious person since I was a very young child. And around middle school, I noticed that I began to sink further into depression and anxiety as a coping mechanism for emotional neglect at home, as well as judgment and ridicule I was subjected to in school from peers. However, I still maintained a large friend circle and was known to still be a loud jokester, yet conditioned myself to behave and express myself in a way that would protect me from possible teasing, bullying, or judgment/rejection, which are very sore spots for me, even today.
Now, as I am working on these issues, I am finding it increasingly difficult to settle on a type, because the way I am now is so different than how I have conducted myself over the last 13 years. Even my friends would say I am one way with certainty, but I feel that I truly, authentically, am another way. These conflicting opinions within myself compared to the opinions of my friend group have made it hard for me to feel confident in a single type.
Plus, I still suffer from anxiety. Although I am getting better at becoming aware of it, it is still in the background most days, and because of this, I donāt know if my actions are fueled from anxiety, or from an authentic space within me; do I shy away from social situations because I genuinely prefer to be alone, or because I am socially anxious and scared of judgment?
I would say I am a spiritually inclined person, and I donāt have any strong political beliefs at the moment.
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven't you decided on one?
At the moment, I believe I operate on Ti/Fe Si/Ne axisā and due to this, I am considering either ENTP or INTP.
However, for a while, I was torn between INFP and ENFP, and even held an INFJ typing for several months before I started studying cognitive functions. So there is definitely still a chance that I could be NF and not NT, which is why I am very reluctant to settle on a type or quadra.
I havenāt decided between INTP and ENTP because, shamefully, the stereotypes associated with each type have made it hard for me to resonate with either. I donāt believe my Fe is low in my function stack as with the INTP, and I do enjoy socializing, engaging, and making people laugh (when I feel the environment is safe to do so). Also I would say I am intellectually inclined, yet I am not deeply invested into the sciences and often go after more creative, abstract pursuits such as fiction writing, painting, etc.
As for ENTP, I do like to debate and exchange ideas, but I am not as aggressive or eager to do so as the type suggests. Iām quite conscious of how my opinions can affect someone else emotionally, and I am very good at formulating my words in a way thatās digestible for someone. I donāt carry the ābluntā or (sorry) āassholeā or ājerkā labels that ENTPās can carry because of their openness to play devilās advocate. I understand that these stereotypes donāt apply to all of them, but Iāve noticed many ENTPās scoring lower on agreeableness than me, and generally just less conflict adverse than I am.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
I believe my purpose in life is to become an author, and to write a series that touches many people on a wide scale. I feel as if I am meant to create something to be shared publicly and have a huge effect on a particular demographic of people.
I have, however, been wondering where the root of this desire and purpose stems from, and if this is a genuine passion that this sense of purpose comes from, or the need for me to fill something within me that I felt I lacked in childhoodārecognition, praise, validation, adoration?
But, I digress.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
PrideāI am prideful. I donāt like to accept help, and I feel threatened when I am being perceived or potentially perceived as intellectually inferior to someone. I will be one of the last to admit openly my insufficiencies in a particular area.
GreedāNope. I tend to me fine with what I have, and if I want more, Iām practical about my desire and donāt feel the need to hoard resources or covet them from others.
LustāLeast relatable. Iāve always been intrigued by the insatiable lustful urges some people struggle to control, as that hasnāt been my experience (at least not yet). Then again, I donāt see sex or sexual desire as inherently bad. Not until one is expected to be ashamed of such natural urges, then the repression of sexual desire can become unhealthy and manifest into addiction, violent and aggressive behavior, harmful taboos, etc.
EnvyāI relate to this one the most. I feel inferior to people (particularly women) whom I deem to be either more beautiful or more successful than me, especially in the field I desire to excel in. Iām not proud of feeling so envious, and it fills me with shame at times, but I am aware that I struggle with this.
GluttonyāIn times of stress, anxiety, depression, yes, I am a glutton. It helps shut off my mind when I binge eat or overindulge in cannabis, video games, movies, etc.
WrathāI would say I struggle with this the least. My anger translates to sadness, not rage or wrath.
SlothāGuilty. Yet when I am feeling unmotivated or comfortable doing nothing for long periods of time, I sink further into unhealthy headspaces, so I am making a conscious effort to not be content with sloth.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to
I love open minded individuals. People with a certain emotional and intellectual depth; doesnāt have to be expressed on first meeting, but I can usually sense itās there. I love people with a sense of humor; people who can command a room with their charisma. Non-judgmental and excitable, full of ideas and insights, and not afraid to be playful. I also find I love befriending quiet, shy people, as I can sense thereās more that meets the eye, and I am a disarming person who can make most people feel comfortable, and I enjoy giving people the space to feel safe and comfortable around me.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you
Trauma dumpers. Iām half joking.
I attract a lot of talkers. I mean talkers. In twenty minutes, theyāre telling me their life story. It kind of annoys me; I donāt like being talked at. I prefer to have conversations where we are in an ebb and flow.
c) The type of people you are repulsed by
Repulsed is such a strong word. I think Iām going to change this to, āpeople I have no interest in connecting with or struggle to connect with.ā
Those who are obsessed with material gains. Surface level conversations that I sense wonāt be able to go a bit deeper. Confrontational, argumentative people who allow their emotions to cloud their judgment; I hate feeling like I canāt have a healthy discussion or argument with someone as they become angry, triggered, and turn it into personal offense as opposed to understanding the root of the matter.
People who are belligerent. People who suffocate the space and donāt give anyone else the opportunity to express and respond with their own insights and character because they enjoy attention so much, they would prefer to hold onto as much of it in the environment as they can.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate.
Confidence. Being able to light up a room without fear of judgment. The āI donāt give a f---ā attitude that allows people to accomplish so much without fear. In social situations, my defense mechanism is to make myself small until I feel itās safe to be myself. I donātā like competing for space or attention in social settings, yet Iām such a big personality, I grow resentful at the fact that Iām afraid to be myself, because Iām afraid Iām too loud, too annoying, too this or too that.
Also, Iām quite sensitive to criticism. And I have a hard time being firm with my boundaries.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger
I actually have a lot of repressed anger; I have many dreams where Iām screaming at people, yelling at them, fighting them, scaring them into submission. But in real life, I channel my anger into passiveness, or I cry when Iām angry. I think Iām afraid to allow myself to feel angry. Iāve never angrily yelled at someone in my life.
b) Shame
I had a lot of shame surrounding sex that I am dealing with right now. I translate my sexual interests and curiosity as something being inherently wrong with me, and something that needs to be hidden. Yet me spending years hiding these aspects of myself have corrupted my view on sex, so much so that I am almost afraid of true intimacy and find uninhibited sexual expression to be distasteful.
c) Fear
I am a fearful person. A lot of anxiety. I hate it. I wish I was more brave, but my mind goes into overdrive about everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and it leaves me a bit paralyzed. If I see someone in public whom I deem to cause me harm, my first instinct is to immediately run away. I hate fear, I think it isnāt useful, and I want to try my hardest to overcome it.
d) Love/passion
Beautiful things, but I struggle with being vulnerable enough to receive love. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is.
e) Conflict
I donāt like it. And I hate that I donāt like it. I get very anxious around people who seem to want an argument. I will defend myself, but I tend to shut down if I feel as if emotions are starting to muddle in on their end. I always obsess over whether I was too harsh, too mean, said the wrong thing, and sometimes Iāll even apologize when I donāt feel I was in the wrong, because Iām afraid of being perceived as a bad person. Because of this, I grow resentful that I didnāt stand my ground.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (ie. A struggle you've been unable to conquer, ect)?
My anxiety has been the most debilitating aspect of my life. So many opportunities Iāve missed out on because I was afraid of judgment and ridicule. So many ways I wanted to authentically express myself, yet I was too afraid of what other people would think of me, or that it would highlight the aspects of myself I donāt like. So many times I hid away, isolated myself, let my depression suffocate me to the point where I was a functioning depressive on auto pilot. So many times I made myself small to protect myself. Until 2020 hit, and the extent of a decade of emotional suppression hit me all at once all the way through 2021. A scary, painful, uncertain road the last three years have been, yet so enlightening at the same time. Iām currently in a space where I am making an effort to fight through my anxiety and put myself out there, planning things for next year that Iāve always wanted to do.
Iām afraid of being seen, of being exposed, because in my mind, that opens me up to judgment, and ridicule along with judgment are the most painful and difficult themes Iāve carried with me throughout life.
8) Answer only one of the following:
a) [College aged and above] What is your area of work/study? Why did you choose this and would you change it? If so, what would be your ideal?
I am a freelance fiction writer. I am going back to school early next year to get my degree in creative writing.
I chose this because I was dreadfully unhappy with the 9-5, service industry, clock in-clock-out routine, and wanted to start working for myself. I had been writing online for years and amassed a following, but never made any money from it until this year. Plus, I am a talented writer with a lot of room to grow, so I figured it would make sense to capitalize on this talent.
If something more lucrative came along that I found enjoyment in, I donāt see why I canāt do both. Iām always open to ways I can make money on my own, on the side.
My ultimate 5-year goal is to support myself completely with freelancing. After that, New York Times Bestseller?
9) When meeting a new person, what do you tend to focus on?
I focus on their tone, how much theyāre disclosing about themselves, how they react to what Iām saying, and how they interact with other people. I can usually determine their place in a group dynamic by watching them for a few minutes.
10) How do you feel about humanity as a whole? What do you feel are some of the biggest problems the human race faces and why?
Iām torn between wanting the best for us collectively and fantasizing about a highly intelligent and benevolent alien race coming down to swoop me up and away to their better functioning planet.
I feel some of the biggest issues our race faces areāgenerational trauma, reckless allocation of resources, corruption, emotional repression, and the gross lack of foresight. Our refusal to dive deep into our collective unconscious to uncover the root of the problems we face and have been facing for generations is the reason why these issues keep repeating themselves.
11) What are some of your hobbies and interests?
I love learning about random sh-t. Nature documentaries, space exploration, psychology, interpersonal relationships. When Iām feeling inspired, I love to write fiction. I also enjoy painting, I love listening to music and I like to sing. Used to be a big Elder Scrolls nerd, and had an Instagram page where I would post lore about the Elder Scrolls; had admins and everything, got up to 10k followers. Eventually got bored with it and shut the page down, but I still love playing Skyrim when I jump back into it.
I love going for a walk through my cityās nature center, or at the beach. Hanging out with friends and going on trips with family.
13) How do you usually hang out with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
I spend a lot of time hanging out with my best friend. Weāll go to Starbucks, go shopping, talk in the car for hours. When we can get my group together, we go out to dinner or hang out at a friends place and watch movies and clown them; thereās about 6 of us when we can all link. I tend to initiate interaction, but I can also be responsive. I find I enjoy hanging out with a large group, as it increases the chances of the vibes remaining consistent.
14) What is more important, actions or words? Why?
Actions are more important. As Kendall Roy once said, words are just ācomplicated air flow.ā
I spend a lot of time fantasizing about all of the things I want to do, but I understand that these ideas donāt mean shit unless I implement them. This overwhelms me, as I often feel Iām not doing enough.
15) Oh dear, you've been cursed by a witch! It's ok though, you get a choice on which curse you will receive. Will you choose
a) To never be able to experience the sensation of taste
b) To be immortal
c) To lose your memories
d) To be poor for the rest of your life
e) Or to never experience passion
Elaborate on why!
Iād definitely take being poor for the rest of my life. These last three years have taught me that contentment, joy, happiness, all of that good stuff, has nothing to do with the inherent value of the external object, but the way it makes you feel. And that can change depending on your mental state.
I was miserable and suicidal with all of my bills paid and money in the bank. Now, at probably the brokest Iāve been since Iāve started working, I have this outlook on life and myself that has kept me in such a good, consistent headspace. Even when I only have a dollar to my name, yes, it sucks, but at the same time, Iām totally fine. Iād take this over the depressed, anxious, miserable mess I was when I was making above minimum wage any day.
16) What do you hope to avoid being? If it helps, describe a person who embodies what you avoid/you as a villain, ect.
I hope to avoid being a victim. Iāve been there, done that, itās no fun. Itās disempowering. I hate being in a space where Iām blaming the world for any and everything. Itās weak. I donāt want to be weak anymore. Iām not, actually, because I recognize Iām not a victim; Iām the problem, but Iām also the solution. I donāt want to be someone who canāt take care of themselves and takes no responsibility for their life.
17) How do you relate to obsession? Do you tend to "merge" with others or your interests? How do you feel about the idea of doing this?
Hmmāinteresting question.
I tend to get ideas, get excited about them, become obsessed with them, then drop them. This could be with interests such as TV, fictional characters, areas of research, my own fictional stories, genres of music, etc. It usually isnāt what other people are obsessed with, though. Itās based on what I am personally interested in, and that could vary.
18) Organized or messy? Plans and blueprints or impulse and surprises? What are you preferences and tendencies?
I am...organized chaos.
My life is an absolute mess, complete with uncertainty, spontaneity, and never knowing what call Iām going to get about which bill and which deadline and what obligation. I can assure you an ENTJ or ESTJ would look at the state of my life and be jaw-dropped at how Iām fine with the mess. But in my head, it all makes sense and all has a purpose.
I try to use schedules, but I always ditch them. I find that I have an easier time just using my head.
19) How do you subjectively view comfort and how do you create comfort in your life and surroundings?
I donāt like being too comfortable because to me, I feel like Iām stagnant and not achieving anything of value. I feel a pressure to be doing something. I feel most useful when I can see that my life is moving in some direction.
Which is why this era of my life has been difficult, because the universe has forced me to do nothing but sit still and accept where Iām at.
I have small things I enjoy that bring me comfortāmusic, food, my favorite movies. Lately rewatching Lord of the Rings trilogy brings me a lot of comfort.
Probably more admired. 
