avolkiteshvara
New member
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2009
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- MBTI Type
- YaYa
Nice..........huh?
NICE!
NICE!
Ooh, I'm so scared. Not!
Remind me never to get anywhere near an INTx with a gun... hehe.
Hmm... maybe they're nice to me because they fear my wrath? LOL.
One shouldnt forget tho that rudeness can have different faces
A gun would be less painful. Usually it's just an unexpected carefully placed sniper shot right to the heart of one's ego.
Here's a fun anecdote: I was just choking back one of these shots to someone on another forum, where I am explicitly not a mod. She never STFU, and she is cluttering the forum up with her own inane questions because she's insecure and likes to hear herself talk. She creates threads asking the stupidest questions that either have no answer or that she could answer on her own, but it's pretty clear she just likes to hear herself talk and have people affirm her by replying. UGH.
I've been patient for a few months but I sense I'm pretty close to just plugging her and taking the consequences; I just do not suffer fools like that forever. What's funny is that I let her friend me on FB over the summer but kicked her out of my newsfeed a few weeks ago because I was sick of her drivel there too.
What I wonder is: Why am I being nice to her at all, when my actual feeling is one of being pissed off and rather disgusted? I guess it's because when I dig deeper, my feelings are attached to her behavior, not necessarily to her personally, if she stopped what she was doing I'd be okay with her; but I know if I'm cruel, it'll be attacking her and not her behavior. So I try to influence her behavior rather than trashing her. I don't know.
I still very much want to go back and plug her, though.
She could use a good wakeup call.
Maybe I should just write to her... but I don't feel like making the time investment. It's almost easier to ignore... except she never goes away.
The Wrath of Athenian200?
Ouch.
Well, I think you should ask yourself why this bothers you so much. I think it bothers you because you see what she's doing as logically irrelevent, but fail to see the emotional relevence the affirmation may have for her. She is insecure, and wants attention.
There's actually nothing inherently wrong with this... it's actually very common for insecure people to seek affirmation outside themselves, especially Extraverts. It's not necessarily unhealthy, though I can understand how so much pointless conversation would annoy an NT eventually.
So, another dimension I'd ask you to consider is... does this behavior annoy you because there's something inherently wrong with it, or because you don't personally see in merit in it within your own worldview?
If I were in your situation, I would likely have just placed the person on my ignore list and terminated my friendship with them, blocked all communication. If someone's getting on your nerves that much, and you don't value them enough to invest in explaining your position, they shouldn't be a part of your life. On the other hand, I know that can be hard to do when other people are quoting them, talking about them, etc.
Aside from that, however... that is a good illustration of the conflict an INTP could face with being nice while wanting to critique. You're aware that you can't criticize them without making it personal, because your problem with them is partially personal, though you are more concerned with the logical side of it. Excellent anecdote.
Yeah. See, in all honesty, you really shouldn't push ANYONE too far. Everyone has a dark side that can come out when you do. INTs are no worse when pushed too far than any other type.
Besides... if an INT can do that to someone's ego, what do you think an INFJ could do using their normal sensitivity and awareness to wreck/torture instead of help could do?
A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions.
Come to think of it, if you're so sure you're more intelligent than everyone else, why do you care what stupid people think about your intelligence?
And I know for me I see where people are coming from and try to make allowance for their way of thinking and why they might hold to a particular thought, out of fairness.
INTPs are rude inside their heads
I love INTs but I must admit that when I read the title of this tread I went...
The INTs I know happen to be INTPs and they are great people who are smart and interesting, etc. But nice? I dont' know. I dont' think they're mean but nice?
This is one of the best statements I've read. So true.We normally tend to assume NTs are cold and blunt, while NFs are warm and nice. But in reality, there are emotional motivations to act in a cold and blunt manner, and logical motivations to behave in a nice and warm manner. So you really have to look at the unconscious tendencies and the relationship between contexts rather than the overt behavior, because the overt behavior isn't necessarily as meaningful as you'd think.
I keep finding myself in these situations. For a number of years I've been part of a sort of online social group, mostly people from one forum who have since drifted here and there. There's one person who got tacked onto the group a while back, whose behavior often strikes me as very unpleasant.What I wonder is: Why am I being nice to her at all, when my actual feeling is one of being pissed off and rather disgusted? I guess it's because when I dig deeper, my feelings are attached to her behavior, not necessarily to her personally, if she stopped what she was doing I'd be okay with her; but I know if I'm cruel, it'll be attacking her and not her behavior.
You know, it recently occurred to me that I've actually very rarely had an INTx say something rude or blunt to me. I mean, occasionally, yes, but not more often than Fs, who seem equally likely to lash out at me.
I tend to assume that they would be more willing to, but often they aren't.
What's more, it seems like while they aren't very overtly expressive, they tend to go out of their way to offer advice, information, explanations, or other kinds of help with something. Even in situations where I wouldn't have bothered or thought it wasn't really my responsibility.
In fact, much of their frustration with people seems to stem from their perception that people are "demanding too much" from them, when it's actually their own sense of obligation and helpfulness that makes them feel pressured to do all of these things.
Am I just imagining this, or am I onto something?
I suspect they really like you, and they are on their best behavior with you. INTP Central is an INTP-INFJ mutual admiration society.You know, it recently occurred to me that I've actually very rarely had an INTx say something rude or blunt to me. I mean, occasionally, yes, but not more often than Fs, who seem equally likely to lash out at me.
...
Am I just imagining this, or am I onto something?
HA! Yes. Two of my favorite coworkers were witty assholes who could take it as well as dish it out. I could say to them what I wouldn't say to anyone else. It was a verbal free-fire zone with them.INTPs are rude inside their heads
This is one of the best statements I've read. So true.
Awww, I think you kinda got it. Always makes me happy when someone is willing to meet me half way by understanding that my (/our) feedback (or criticism as some call it) stems from good intentions. Then again I've also learned that people expect a certain degree of empathy and acceptance, which I'm willing to offer if I like ya.
Disclaimer: If I don't particularly like a person, all criticism and feedback is done from a purely compulsive need to correct things, and has neutral rather than "nice" roots. And yes, there's a lot of truth to the "it's easier to get things done that way" shtick.
I suspect they really like you, are they are on their best behavior with you. INTP Central is an INTP-INFJ mutual admiration society.