[NF] Why are emotions so important to you?

[Z Buck McFate]

It's been a long time since I've read Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence (I think he's the one that coined the phrase), but I seem to remember thinking that it seemed too externally based for it to be especially useful to me, like it was about getting along with others more than focusing on how to actually manage one's own emotions. I think the ability to regulate/manage one's own emotions should be foundational; without cultivating emotional regulation in oneself, individuals often fall back on using others to regulate their emotions, usually without even knowing they're doing it. And a person who masters emotional intelligence (as it's defined by Goleman) without also mastering the ability to regulate/manage their own emotions is capable of causing the most harm in others (because they can effectively manipulate, usually without any idea they're doing it).

My own answer to the op, short version: "If you can't manage your own feelings, you try to control the behavior of others so they don't do or say things that disturb your feelings in ways that make you uncomfortable." -Michael Mantas. (Though I'd substitute "feelings" with "emotions".)

Longer version: I think it's important to cultivate the ability to correctly identify what we're feeling and the ability to regulate those emotions. I like the way Gabor Maté phrased it:

Emotional competence is the capacity that enables us to stand in a responsible, non-victimized, and non-self-harming relationship with our environment. It is the required internal ground for facing life's inevitable stresses, for avoiding the creation of unnecessary ones and for furthering the healing process. Few of us reach the adult age with anything close to full emotional competence. Recognizing our lack of it is not cause for self-judgment, only a call for further development and transformation.​

The better we are at effectively identifying our own emotions and pro-actively doing what it takes to manage them, the less likely we are to become puppets to an unconscious impulse to use others to do that work for us. Like that Mantas quote above states, for example. People who pay attention to identifying and managing their own emotions can let others feel whatever they need to be feeling, let other people be in whatever space they need to be, etc, all without taking it personally. That's why I think paying attention to emotions is important.

 

[Fidelia]

I used to vastly underestimate the importance of emotions, either seeing mine as an inconvenience to work around, or as something relatively changeable, and therefore not a reliable barometer of how to view things. I also very much couldn't understand how people felt their emotions were a defining part of them.

Since then, I've come to recognize that every emotion has a purpose, even those we tend to view as negative,and that as long as they have a path to keep flowing onward, and they have expression that doesn't impact our closest attachments negatively,, they are tremendously helpful indicators to us of where we need to pay attention. I've learned also that the more you allow your emotions to have some sort of expression, or pay attention to them, the less they'll rear their heads in unconscious ways that you can't control. Since paying more attention to them, I've noticed a definite speed up in processing time and also less agonizing about what isbig enough to express and what is not.

I think awareness of emotions help us draw appropriate boundaries, not be manipulative or manipulated as easily, to explain our inner world in a more straightforward way so people have better info to work with, to have more realistic expectations of other people, and to live more purposefully and consciously instead of merely reacting or coping.

 

[Luigi]

What would it be like if an ENFP was a 5w6, anybody?

 

[Mole]

It's been a long time since I've read Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence (I think he's the one that coined the phrase), but I seem to remember thinking that it seemed too externally based for it to be especially useful to me, like it was about getting along with others more than focusing on how to actually manage one's own emotions. I think the ability to regulate/manage one's own emotions should be foundational; without cultivating emotional regulation in oneself, individuals often fall back on using others to regulate their emotions, usually without even knowing they're doing it. And a person who masters emotional intelligence (as it's defined by Goleman) without also mastering the ability to regulate/manage their own emotions is capable of causing the most harm in others (because they can effectively manipulate, usually without any idea they're doing it).

My own answer to the op, short version: "If you can't manage your own feelings, you try to control the behavior of others so they don't do or say things that disturb your feelings in ways that make you uncomfortable." -Michael Mantas. (Though I'd substitute "feelings" with "emotions".)

Longer version: I think it's important to cultivate the ability to correctly identify what we're feeling and the ability to regulate those emotions. I like the way Gabor Maté phrased it:

Emotional competence is the capacity that enables us to stand in a responsible, non-victimized, and non-self-harming relationship with our environment. It is the required internal ground for facing life's inevitable stresses, for avoiding the creation of unnecessary ones and for furthering the healing process. Few of us reach the adult age with anything close to full emotional competence. Recognizing our lack of it is not cause for self-judgment, only a call for further development and transformation.​

The better we are at effectively identifying our own emotions and pro-actively doing what it takes to manage them, the less likely we are to become puppets to an unconscious impulse to use others to do that work for us. Like that Mantas quote above states, for example. People who pay attention to identifying and managing their own emotions can let others feel whatever they need to be feeling, let other people be in whatever space they need to be, etc, all without taking it personally. That's why I think paying attention to emotions is important.

Yes, babies and children rely upon their parents to moderate their emotions. And as we grow up, we learn to moderate our own emotions. And some of us do a better job than others. For instance, we need to have a committee of moderators in Typology Central, in place of our parents, because many of us have yet to fully grow up.

And unfortunately we live in a consumer society that encourages us to remain juvenile so that we will buy more and create less.

 

[Coriolis]

If you want to be step ahead a person you should understand what I was trying to say.
I don't ask. I simple think that most people cannot make dissensions for themselves so asking is not the option.

It seems like this sort of thinking will lead one to make all sorts of assumptions that turn out to be unwarranted. Speaking only for myself, I can say that when others tell me what they think I am feeling, they are as likely to be wrong as right. Not a very reliable basis for action.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you. You are right the motivation to maintain a healthy business friendship/communication with colleagues is rational since it has rational benefits. But that doesnt change the fact that you need emotional intelligence to be able to perform this task. A person who has empathy has compassion and an understanding of human nature that allows them to connect with other people on an emotional level. Being able to empathize with others allows a person to provide genuine, friendly and helpful service and to respond genuinely to concerns, which is useful in the workplace. Emotions are a part of business because you work with people; you do have to have a degree of empathy, people skills, and self awareness to work with other people. In my experience people respond well to a personal approach no matter the environment. I suppose it's just a difference in perspective. You view these things as having rational benefits and I view them as welcoming emotions healthily into the workplace. Perhaps it is both

I understand that many people use emotions to navigate life and to do the things you mention: maintain healthy professional relationships, respond to others' concerns, provide helpful service, etc. It seems to me, though, that one can do all of these things without relying on emotion, using instead a knowledge of the situation (e.g. what is going on in someone's life, or the nature of the problem they are facing as a coworker or customer) and a rational approach to cause and effect. Even explaining myself to others and listening to them can be very thought-based processes which need not engage our emotions, especially in a professional situation. Seems like just another example of different strokes for different folks, or there being more than one way to skin a cat.

It is also why people wrench their bodies if they're put on those painkillers at too high a dose. Too much is dehabilitating and chronically, it is damaging to the psyche. Too little and you get people using their leg instead of restibg it, crippling it in the process. Pain management is a complex subject because of it.

If that is the case, then one hasn't actually addressed the problem. The warning needs to keep sounding.

And emotions are a symphony compared to the simple melody that pain is. Each emotion has its own range, triggers, variety and can be mixed with others.

So what are all of these shades of emotional "sound" supposed to tell me?

As for what information is useful - believe me when i say, i have just as little use for the information you find to be so useful and interesting due to its problem-solving capabilities and complexity.

And i use my preferred information for just that - problem solving.

Good luck using emotion to pay your bills, or fix your washing machine, or figure out how to drive from Omaha to Peoria, unless of course your solution is to get someone else to do such things for you.

One very important aspect of emotions is to understand other and recognise what state theyre in. If you ve never felt the full gamut of emotions, let alone its infinite combinations, how can you be there for a person who just lost their son, for example?

It is why people angrily yell 'have you ever buried a child????' Because the attempts of orhers to fully grasp tge impact are insufficient. Those who are aware of this will often start with ' i cannot fathom the loss you' lve endured, truly,...'

And many more are just unsure what to do and behave awkwardly, making the parents feel that much more isolated in their grief. It is only those that have been there , that can offer some comfort - or perhaps someone who admits their inexperience but has done the thought exercises (from fiction for example) or who has previously counselled people in this situation who at this point can form a connection to help these people.

Well, I am more than willing to admit my inexperience in such situations. Fortunately I am not in them often. When I am, I simply let the person know that I am there for them if they need anything, then go about my business, checking in on them now and then in casual, non-intrusive ways. For more serious and emotionally directed help, I would leave that to others.

Beyond that, it can return people back to their productive selves where they become yhe aolution yo a problem. The other side of the coin is that knowing how to form a connection on an emotional level, can allow for the increase in empathy in someone who is emotionally shut down. It is why they have parents of kidnap victims empathize and not judge the criminal, and use the childs first name - to help him *feel* the impact of the damage he d be doing if he were to harm the child, making it infinitely harder for him.

Really? How does this work? When I am having trouble with something and someone offers emotional comfort or "solutions", I almost find it insulting. There is a real problem out there to be dealt with, and if they cannot help with that, they are just a distraction and drain on my attention. I am often left feeling they are more worked up about it than I am, and I have to comfort THEM.

But even in daily life, understanding what emotions are likely motivating yhe person in front of you has been my life saver. It helps me realise people arent evil ormalicious - they re hurt in some way they often dont even realise, making it impossible for them to resolve it. And sometimes, im able to show them something that will instantly fix their issue - the pain relief on their face is worth more than any gold you could give me. That is a person who will now contribute to a healthy home life, work environment, you name it.

I do realize most people aren't evil or malicious, and I do try to figure out their motivations, either by asking, or by observation. But this will involve their goals and sometimes their values, not their emotional state. I am no better (probably worse) at guessing this about others than others are at guessing it about me. We all know what happens when one assumes. I will instead seek a win-win solution, based on what I can find out about their stake and goals in the situation.

 

[Bulletproof_Bastard]

I don't think emotions are only important to NFs and not as important to the rest of the other types. I think emotions are important to everyone. It's just more of a motivation for NFs and SFs than the Thinking types.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I think awareness of emotions help us draw appropriate boundaries, not be manipulative or manipulated as easily, to explain our inner world in a more straightforward way so people have better info to work with, to have more realistic expectations of other people, and to live more purposefully and consciously instead of merely reacting or coping.

Yes - I'm inclined to phrase it more like "to not have expectations", but I think our meaning is relatively the same.

 

[Poki]

Because if not kept in check they take control...along with the fact that some are just very enjoyable they also show one side of people. That side is needed to understand the whole.

Functional aspects which is what i tend to be concerened with

 

[Norexan]

It seems like this sort of thinking will lead one to make all sorts of assumptions that turn out to be unwarranted. Speaking only for myself, I can say that when others tell me what they think I am feeling, they are as likely to be wrong as right. Not a very reliable basis for action.

Cuz of your ter Fi. Every human needs something and your Fi can tell you what they want (INFP knows this) and if you menage how to do it , instead blocked your powerful Fi , your life and everything will be much more easier... For example you can you use your Fi to satisfied need of your Te.

 

[Virtual ghost]

It seems like this sort of thinking will lead one to make all sorts of assumptions that turn out to be unwarranted. Speaking only for myself, I can say that when others tell me what they think I am feeling, they are as likely to be wrong as right. Not a very reliable basis for action.

Tell me about it.
The funny thing is that they will never tell you "you feel nothing at the moment", what in my case isn't that rare state of mind (since analitics takes all the "space" in some cases). This thread was originally made because there is quite big list of feelers who thought that I am Antichrist or something. There were people who were trully afraid of me even if I just walked in the room. While in fact I simply have the most cold blooded tritype and I have accepted that some people will surely cringe in my presence. Even in various profiles it openly says stuff like "people often don't make sense to you" and that is surely true for me. Especially since for me good chunk of people's dilemmas have fairly obvious answer and there are good odds that emotional stress is there exactly because someone did not think things through before acting.