Static88
New member
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2022
- Messages
- 8
thanks for your time
Q1. a) What do you think your life is about?
To be honest I’m not too sure. I feel like my answer changes slightly each time I’m asked this because I learn something new about myself or what I actually want.
I believe my life is about living it to the fullest? I want the freedom to live it how I want, exactly as I want it because I haven’t gotten the chance to yet.
b) What drives you in life?
The promise of better times/life, it’s what kept me going. The possibility that life can be much better than it is now and I want to be able to experience it at its highest. I want to experience all the highs and lows, twist and turns, emotions and thoughts etc etc without any kind of inhibition.
Q2. What were you like as a kid? I was the shy, quiet and nice child but I was also sociable and tried to be funny child because I was deeply insecure of myself. I was pretty active, tried to have fun and uplift the mood but really it was just an mask to cover the deep insecurities I felt in myself. First I was extremely overweight and got bullied for it so that caused me to be shy but I also felt like I was never good enough I think? To this day I still can’t really put a finger on how exactly I felt, but it was something that I felt the need to hide and put on a more people pleasing happy persona so people would like me and wouldn’t cut me off and leave me.
Q3. a) Describe your relationship with your parents. b) Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship with my parents was extremely rocky, sometimes violent, a lot of times disheartening and heartbreaking because I’ve felt tossed aside and neglected which was something I’ve never expected would happen between us. We’ve fought and disagreed so much that I’ve lost all trust or feelings for them, I’m just neutral towards them now, I don’t really care for them anymore, if we weren’t related by blood I wouldn’t even bother to look their way they’re just another set of people to me.
What really stood out the way we interacted is how much they would never heard me out or understand my side at all, they would just bulldoze over everything I tried to say or did. Every time I tried to go to them with a problem I didn’t know what to do with I would just get dismissed or yelled at. They would try to Control everything, tell me what I experienced was wrong and “all in my head”, blame me for shit, etc. which eventually caused me to not tell them anything anymore and withdrawn from everything.
I’m fine now, I just ignore whatever they try to tell me and being by myself has made me more independent and fine with being alone.
Q4. a) What values are important to you?
Trust is the biggest one, followed by Kindness, honesty, the truth, empathy/sympathy.
b) What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I definitely hope to avoid being and living the life my family lives. They’re fine with just letting life past by I guess? They’re not really doing anything but living the same day again and again, and being stuck in one place even though they’ve been wanting to leave for years but hardly get together to make an effort to do so or take the chance.
I also hope to avoid being who I was a couple of years ago. I was an emotional wreck that would swing between stuffing my emotions up and only showing the happy people pleasing kind to being a brooding depressed person that would react sensitively to anything negative. I was also stuck in a rut on what to do with my life no thanks to the parents.
Q5. a) Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterised your childhood?
Just the one from Q2, I feared people seeing past that mask and figuring out how deeply insecure I truly felt inside which managed to happen.
b) Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them? No, since they did manage to figure out my insecurity I’ve been forced to work on how I felt and now I can say I’m pretty much freed from them by recognizing how shallow and annoying those people are.
Q6. a.) How do you see yourself?
Deep inside, I see myself as someone who’s kind, sweet, patient, sensitive and slightly emotional.
b.) How do you want others to see you? I rather no one see me tbh, I don’t like attention especially from the wrong kind of people and I don’t want to be bothered anymore.
If I had to be seen as something though, I want to be seen as someone who’s calm, wise, empathetic, intelligent, kind, selfless and giving.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I recently made a list of what I disliked in other people so I know what to stay away from. The biggest traits I disliked the most is: People who try to hide problems/won’t express what’s wrong, ignores issues, shallow impulsive people who make snap judgements without looking any deeper, fake polite/nice just to go and talk shit or get information from someone.
Q7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least). a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. b.) Strive for a sense of tranquillity in yourself and the world around you c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
A —> B ——> C
Q8. a) Where does the wandering mind take you? Many places: To the past, towards the future, imagining characters/shows/games I like, whatever problems I’m having, whatever goals I need to achieve etc.
b) What provokes this? Usually I’m alone in a quiet place, or I’m stressed and need to ‘go away’ for a while.
Q9. a) What makes you feel your best? When I can truly be myself without worry, I’m surrounded by people who actually like me for me, progressing towards what I want in life, late nights.
b) What makes you feel your worst? The opposite of the above.
Q10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger I get angry when I feel disrespected, someone hit a sensitive nerve, or if I feel judged in a way that makes me feel insecure usually socially. I don’t like to get angry because it’s where I’m the most sensitive and vulnerable like every other negative emotion so it’s rarely expressed.
b.) shame If I messed up on something, my body/appearance can cause this.. I’m not actually sure if I feel this emotion that much.. maybe more in childhood? But I’m not too sure.
c.) anxiety People, crowds, anything social. Thanks to my past I use to feel this emotion a whole lot and would avoid a lot of places. It’s better now but I still get on high alert occasionally.
Q11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress I’ll withdraw if possible but if the stress is too high then that won’t be enough to help, I’ll start to headaches then I’ll get angry and anxious wanting to get rid of the feeling. I usually feel this way when I can’t confront the problem or can’t let out any emotion on how I feel I think.
b.) negative unexpected change Depending on how big it is, it’s nothing new. As long as I can fix it somehow I’ll be fine. If not then I’ll get stressed and frustrated.
c.) conflict I usually avoid and ignore conflict, there’s really nothing getting in the way of my goals or anything, just people that annoy the hell out of me that I can’t confront.
Q12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group, why? In the background and quiet, I’m not much of a talker anymore besides maybe a few words or so. There’s not much for me to say really
b.) If put in power, how do you behave, why? I wouldn’t put myself through that, I’m sure I’ll behave badly because I’m not the leadership type at all.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you, why? Depends on if I like them or not and how they use their authority. I avoid trying to be controlled or told what to do because I don’t want anyone managing my life. But if they’re fine then I’m fine.
Q13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Like some hidden aspects or something? I try to pay attention to how people act and if their behavior is consistent or not with what they say, do, and think. If I see someone like that then I tend to trust them a bit more
Q1. a) What do you think your life is about?
To be honest I’m not too sure. I feel like my answer changes slightly each time I’m asked this because I learn something new about myself or what I actually want.
I believe my life is about living it to the fullest? I want the freedom to live it how I want, exactly as I want it because I haven’t gotten the chance to yet.
b) What drives you in life?
The promise of better times/life, it’s what kept me going. The possibility that life can be much better than it is now and I want to be able to experience it at its highest. I want to experience all the highs and lows, twist and turns, emotions and thoughts etc etc without any kind of inhibition.
Q2. What were you like as a kid? I was the shy, quiet and nice child but I was also sociable and tried to be funny child because I was deeply insecure of myself. I was pretty active, tried to have fun and uplift the mood but really it was just an mask to cover the deep insecurities I felt in myself. First I was extremely overweight and got bullied for it so that caused me to be shy but I also felt like I was never good enough I think? To this day I still can’t really put a finger on how exactly I felt, but it was something that I felt the need to hide and put on a more people pleasing happy persona so people would like me and wouldn’t cut me off and leave me.
Q3. a) Describe your relationship with your parents. b) Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My relationship with my parents was extremely rocky, sometimes violent, a lot of times disheartening and heartbreaking because I’ve felt tossed aside and neglected which was something I’ve never expected would happen between us. We’ve fought and disagreed so much that I’ve lost all trust or feelings for them, I’m just neutral towards them now, I don’t really care for them anymore, if we weren’t related by blood I wouldn’t even bother to look their way they’re just another set of people to me.
What really stood out the way we interacted is how much they would never heard me out or understand my side at all, they would just bulldoze over everything I tried to say or did. Every time I tried to go to them with a problem I didn’t know what to do with I would just get dismissed or yelled at. They would try to Control everything, tell me what I experienced was wrong and “all in my head”, blame me for shit, etc. which eventually caused me to not tell them anything anymore and withdrawn from everything.
I’m fine now, I just ignore whatever they try to tell me and being by myself has made me more independent and fine with being alone.
Q4. a) What values are important to you?
Trust is the biggest one, followed by Kindness, honesty, the truth, empathy/sympathy.
b) What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I definitely hope to avoid being and living the life my family lives. They’re fine with just letting life past by I guess? They’re not really doing anything but living the same day again and again, and being stuck in one place even though they’ve been wanting to leave for years but hardly get together to make an effort to do so or take the chance.
I also hope to avoid being who I was a couple of years ago. I was an emotional wreck that would swing between stuffing my emotions up and only showing the happy people pleasing kind to being a brooding depressed person that would react sensitively to anything negative. I was also stuck in a rut on what to do with my life no thanks to the parents.
Q5. a) Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterised your childhood?
Just the one from Q2, I feared people seeing past that mask and figuring out how deeply insecure I truly felt inside which managed to happen.
b) Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them? No, since they did manage to figure out my insecurity I’ve been forced to work on how I felt and now I can say I’m pretty much freed from them by recognizing how shallow and annoying those people are.
Q6. a.) How do you see yourself?
Deep inside, I see myself as someone who’s kind, sweet, patient, sensitive and slightly emotional.
b.) How do you want others to see you? I rather no one see me tbh, I don’t like attention especially from the wrong kind of people and I don’t want to be bothered anymore.
If I had to be seen as something though, I want to be seen as someone who’s calm, wise, empathetic, intelligent, kind, selfless and giving.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
I recently made a list of what I disliked in other people so I know what to stay away from. The biggest traits I disliked the most is: People who try to hide problems/won’t express what’s wrong, ignores issues, shallow impulsive people who make snap judgements without looking any deeper, fake polite/nice just to go and talk shit or get information from someone.
Q7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least). a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. b.) Strive for a sense of tranquillity in yourself and the world around you c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.
A —> B ——> C
Q8. a) Where does the wandering mind take you? Many places: To the past, towards the future, imagining characters/shows/games I like, whatever problems I’m having, whatever goals I need to achieve etc.
b) What provokes this? Usually I’m alone in a quiet place, or I’m stressed and need to ‘go away’ for a while.
Q9. a) What makes you feel your best? When I can truly be myself without worry, I’m surrounded by people who actually like me for me, progressing towards what I want in life, late nights.
b) What makes you feel your worst? The opposite of the above.
Q10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger I get angry when I feel disrespected, someone hit a sensitive nerve, or if I feel judged in a way that makes me feel insecure usually socially. I don’t like to get angry because it’s where I’m the most sensitive and vulnerable like every other negative emotion so it’s rarely expressed.
b.) shame If I messed up on something, my body/appearance can cause this.. I’m not actually sure if I feel this emotion that much.. maybe more in childhood? But I’m not too sure.
c.) anxiety People, crowds, anything social. Thanks to my past I use to feel this emotion a whole lot and would avoid a lot of places. It’s better now but I still get on high alert occasionally.
Q11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress I’ll withdraw if possible but if the stress is too high then that won’t be enough to help, I’ll start to headaches then I’ll get angry and anxious wanting to get rid of the feeling. I usually feel this way when I can’t confront the problem or can’t let out any emotion on how I feel I think.
b.) negative unexpected change Depending on how big it is, it’s nothing new. As long as I can fix it somehow I’ll be fine. If not then I’ll get stressed and frustrated.
c.) conflict I usually avoid and ignore conflict, there’s really nothing getting in the way of my goals or anything, just people that annoy the hell out of me that I can’t confront.
Q12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group, why? In the background and quiet, I’m not much of a talker anymore besides maybe a few words or so. There’s not much for me to say really
b.) If put in power, how do you behave, why? I wouldn’t put myself through that, I’m sure I’ll behave badly because I’m not the leadership type at all.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you, why? Depends on if I like them or not and how they use their authority. I avoid trying to be controlled or told what to do because I don’t want anyone managing my life. But if they’re fine then I’m fine.
Q13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Like some hidden aspects or something? I try to pay attention to how people act and if their behavior is consistent or not with what they say, do, and think. If I see someone like that then I tend to trust them a bit more
