[INTJ] What is this INTJ really thinking?

[A window to the soul]

Errr, what's going on in here?

I have stopped beating myself up on my inadequacy...

I hope so because there's no reason for it.

As for the rest of your posts (less post one), I'm going to pretend it never happened IF you STOP now. You're so much better than this.

 

[Tiltyred]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_ctJqjlrHA

It's really important that you understand the principles at work here. You're an animal, too, and you're being conditioned the same way the pigeon was. It has nothing to do with your self-esteem or your mental processes being defective, and it's not even necessary to position him as the bad guy. You're two creatures trying to get what you want. You have seen that the experiment is over and there will be no more pellet in the box when you turn or when you peck. It's difficult not to keep trying to do the trick to get the pellet, though, when you're hungry and you want the pellet. That's all it is.

The reason you got hooked is because of the reinforcement schedule -- it's very effective. Again, not because he necessarily had some master plan to do this to you -- but you get a little bit of what you crave sprinkled here and there, you never know exactly what's going to bring it on, so you try everything, you will work very hard for a very long time for that occasional reward -- you are just trying to get what you want, in more steady supply -- to the extent that you occasionally do get it, you'll try to get more -- it's just conditioning. We all do this. We are all made to go after what we want. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you except that you don't realize the mechanics of what's going on, so you make up stories to explain it. There's no story. It's just people trying to breed, trying to get their needs met.

 

[Aggieb]

Instead of messaging him, I would suggest taking him out of your phone and instead call a caring friend who can be supportive of you right now.

That's why when I felt the urge, I came here. You guys have been my support group.


Anyway, would like to say I have read every single one of your replies, several times, and I really appreciate it. It does keeps me going. Thank you.

btw OT: I received a notification about a "reputation comment" then clicked on it but couldn't find it. What is this and where can I find it?

 

[Aggieb]

I have this on my whatsapp avatar I am sure he could see it.

 

[Coriolis]

HELP! What's wrong with me? I really have the urge to text and say hi. I am really a doormat aren't I?

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do this. It is not being a doormat, but rather a glutton for punishment. Others have already made the point that no good can come out of it.

I really don't mind being platonic. But perhaps the word friends/ bffs means more to me than him. It's not something I take lightly. I also need to know I can trust him as a friend. I don't think he's someone I could count on if I am in need. So I need him to show me that he still values me as much as he said he did. I am not feeling it. He might have meant all he said but as I mentioned, it's also no big deal to him if we aren't. On the grand scheme of things, it's makes no difference if I am there or not in his life. That's the cold reality in the life of an INTJ, I think? So why do I still want to be there?

The flip side of this is that if you made a difference to him, you would know it. He might not understand your true impact or importance to him, but that is his problem. If he is going to figure it out, he needs to do it on his own, without imposing on you further. Sometime in future he may realize his mistakes and try to contact you, either to restart some sort of relationship, or simply to apologize and put things right before moving on himself. If that ever happens, just take it as it comes. Until then, though, ignore him and reach for something else when you have the urge to make contact.

 

[Anew Leaf]

That's why when I felt the urge, I came here. You guys have been my support group.


Anyway, would like to say I have read every single one of your replies, several times, and I really appreciate it. It does keeps me going. Thank you.

btw OT: I received a notification about a "reputation comment" then clicked on it but couldn't find it. What is this and where can I find it?

Oh good. I am glad it is helpful.

In regards to reputation comments... they are a lovely feature of this site like passing secret notes in class. To find them, click on the user CP button on the top menu bar. If you are subscribed to any threads, they will appear below those subscriptions. Alternatively, if you still have the notification at the top, you can click there and it will automatically bring you there.

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I have this on my whatsapp avatar I am sure he could see it.

I feel like a bitch, but here I go. I understand why you did this, but I can promise you that he doesn't care. If he saw it, he would see through to why you have this as your avatar.

If he is someone who gets off on playing games and manipulating people, then you are handing him exactly what he is looking for.

I feel like I am sort of giving the same advice in multiple threads so I may be repeating myself in this thread... But here we go. As sucky as this situation is, in the big picture wide angle lens view of life... This is the best thing that could happen. You know the Truth, and as painful as the reality of truth can be to our kind at times... It is exactly what we need.

My personal policy is this: if I am interested in someone else and they aren't in me, then no big deal so long as they don't use this information to play games with me. If they play games, it's a giant dealbreaker and they will never hear from me again. I don't care if we are the last two people on the planet and they are dying of thirst and I am the Water Empress. We'ze done. If they are considerate and respectable, then I consider myself fortunate enough to have them as a friend and life moves on.

So never fear the reality of life. It's our own minds, and the hint of possibilities that are far more destructive. In this man there are probably elements that you look for in other men: intelligence, self confidence, etc. Those traits don't necessarily have to go hand in hand with being an asshole.

 

[Aggieb]

Thank you Saturned and Coriolis.

I am fine today Feeling good. I am really much happier without his company or friendship. But yeah, on and off, I'm bound to still think about it. It should get better and better though.

This thread is in no way against all INTJ. I think in some ways, I will always be attracted to this type.

 

[Aggieb]

So never fear the reality of life. It's our own minds, and the hint of possibilities that are far more destructive. In this man there are probably elements that you look for in other men: intelligence, self confidence, etc. Those traits don't necessarily have to go hand in hand with being an asshole.

Yes, brilliant mind, knows what he wants, driven, confident, always seeking to improve himself, not afraid to seek help etc... of course the dark, brooding part is also what drew me to him. Ok...gotta stop thinking about his positive points! LOL. Hope I find these traits again though.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Thank you Saturned and Coriolis.

I am fine today Feeling good. I am really much happier without his company or friendship. But yeah, on and off, I'm bound to still think about it. It should get better and better though.

This thread is in no way against all INTJ. I think in some ways, I will always be attracted to this type.

I am glad to hear it.

And yes... INTJs are... far too intriguing as a species. The problem is finding them in the first place.

Yes, brilliant mind, knows what he wants, driven, confident, always seeking to improve himself, not afraid to seek help etc... of course the dark, brooding part is also what drew me to him. Ok...gotta stop thinking about his positive points! LOL. Hope I find these traits again though.

Yes. You can. You just have to do the "asshole check" earlier on. Having someone brilliant and driven is lovely... but that gets cancelled out when they treat you like crap.

 

[Tiltyred]

Glad to hear you're getting better. You've been on my mind.

 

[Coriolis]

Thank you Saturned and Coriolis.

I am fine today Feeling good. I am really much happier without his company or friendship. But yeah, on and off, I'm bound to still think about it. It should get better and better though.

This thread is in no way against all INTJ. I think in some ways, I will always be attracted to this type.

Yes, it should continue to get better. Every time you think of him, deliberately set the thought aside and focus on something else. It takes ~6 weeks to establish a habit.

As for INTJs, we certainly have our share of jerks in our ranks, as does every type. There are decent ones out there, too. Nothing wrong with valuing our good qualities. As Saturned wrote, you just need to set the threshold on your jerk-meter a bit higher, and above all, value yourself too much to put up with that kind of BS from anyone.

 

[Aggieb]

Glad to hear you're getting better. You've been on my mind.

I am very touched to hear that. Thanks!

 

[Aggieb]

One week has passed and there has been zero contact. Goodbye forever

Thank you good people.

 

[Triforce]

Boooo! your just like him now.

 

[Aggieb]

Boooo! your just like him now.

I meant goodbye forever to him.

 

[Triforce]

oh. Silly me.