Azure Flame
Permabanned
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2010
- Messages
- 2,317
- MBTI Type
- ESTP
- Enneagram
- 8w7
my blind spot looks like I'm trying to fuck a horse in the face and its only getting angrier
So last.
It manifests as somewhat of an aspie-ness towards interpersonal relationships. I am a very warm and sometimes extraverted person when I am enjoying the moment. However, I don't keep up with friendships and it took me a long time to understand stable relationships. The friends I have, have been friends for 10 years and if we don't see each other for years, it's like we've never been apart.
I also become very self destructive when it comes to "moving up in the world". I've had a few opportunities to do pretty well in the world, and I just shun them. I cannot keep a certain mask on all the time, and I just don't have the energy to align with the expectations of others, rules, and "what you should do". I am always an alien wherever I go.
I've burned bridges with several ex-employers and really couldn't care less about my reputation. Most of the time I want to be at odds with them.
Definitely a lot of this that resonates with me. Especially expectations of so-called superiors. Some of it is probably also being INFP and having a different value system than is expected in an extrovert driven society that puts the accumulation of wealth and power at the top of life goals. Some of us just don’t see the point. Live comfortably in terms of basic needs being met? Sure. Seeing these things as the most important things in life? Not even close for me.
And unfortunately these folks don't have a live and let live attitude. One foot wrong and you become a source of ire haha. I'm a very "soft" person, but have been accused of being fiery and aggressive or 'having an attitude' so many times, when I wasn't even trying to be. It's like... they try to beat SO and to a point, SP onto you. I just don't understand how I come across at all, and I don't understand who i'm supposed to be to not be doing the wrong things all the time. I have a 3 image fix too, and not even that helps! haha. Ehhhh
I am SX last, a blind spot for it.
1. intimacy like a relationship scares me and seems interesting and very foreign. Sex scares me more. I am aromantic and asexual.
2. I am really social, I know everyone. That's great right? well, friends? I have always felt very lack of this. I know people hang out with a crowd a lot, at least these days, before in high school I hung out by myself. I've always been very social, know how to talk to people, social stuff ETC.... I've always had trouble keeping friends. I had a group of friends but they fell out of favor with me, and then I never had a group of friends. I have many random people who seem to like me and who I am, losely associated with and know and visit a lot. I can get in some place, attract attention, talk to everyone. Not really make a single friend. I know and have a group of people's numbers but have a hard time keeping in touch. I feel like I am not a very good friend, sometimes. I can get socially distracted, and have a hard time keeping in touch. If I say I will I will. I usually talk to too many people. I also don't remember people and who they are very easily.
3. I think I can be more sensitive to others?I just act social as I do like anyone else with a friend.
4. I don't make friends easily, but I know a lot of people, many like me, respect me, admire me, but that's that. I just don't invest enough time in SX.