[Tritype] What does a 964 Sx/So look like?

[Peter Deadpan]

And no, I'm not talking about me so calm your "but that's your type!" boners. I'm actually wondering if this is what my SO is. He's either INTP or INFJ, but I've always leaned toward the former for a couple reasons, and I'm thinking 9w1.

To me, this type seems contradictory. The Seeker is full of doubt, but Sx/So is a comparatively strong and confident type. 6 Sx/So is about strength and beauty, and 4 Sx/So is very edgy, competitive, and biting. 9 Sx/So looks less 9-ish when engaging in So and is overall a very sensual, passionate individual.

Also, Sx is the countertype for his possible 1-wing, so it's really all over the place but would explain why he's tested as 684 before (9 Sx is said to appear like their wing oftentimes, and 1 Sx can look like 8).

Please don't link me to basic descriptions; I've read them all. I'm more looking for insight into their potentially contradictory nature and specifically how they come across to others, especially if you've known any.

 

[notmyapples]

I'm not 964, I suspect I am either 954 or 945, but I am a 9w1 sx/so, so I may be able to offer some personal experience.

Concerning the 9w1 sx/so appearing to have a very strong 1 wing, it's true in my case. I seem to get along rather well with 9w8 types in comparison to fellow 9w1s, in which it is a hit or miss based on pure observation. I don't like to get involved in the communities but I do wish they would present themselves more eloquently and less indecisively, although I still see much of myself in those qualities. It's a confusing dynamic.

Sensual and passionate are relatively accurate descriptors, but that passion isn't always taken positively. I do come across as contradictory, being mild-mannered and shy only to then randomly reveal a very unconventional and controversial interest, enjoying activities that many assume I don't. I think it shocks a lot of people, even those close to me can get caught off guard from time to time.

If you have any specific questions then feel free to ask, I haven't come across another 9w1 sx/so before and don't see much discussion on the type so I'm excited to explore this topic.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

[MENTION=35569]notmyapples[/MENTION] - I have some questions for you, if you don't mind my asking. I am eager to learn more about sexual 9s in general, of either wing.

How do merging and anger manifest for you, both with a romantic partner and with everyone else?

Are you a creative individual? What is your art/writing/music/whatever like? Is it heated and expressive? Romantic? Bitter? An outlet for anger? Quirky and unconventional? Something else???

Are you political? Are you vocal about injustices? Do you do so with a fiery unapologetic edge?

Are you melty? Like a heavy embodied cloud?

Is the bedroom a sacred place where the essence of you is free to be? (specifically in romantic relationships)

How do you find yourself and Be when not in a relationship?

How do you relate to this description of your type? (found here: Stackemup Enneagram)

sx/so 9w1

They look for people who can spark their passion and help improve them as a person... But once they begin to merge with somebody they are passionate about, they become more hesitant about showing their passion...This may look like disinterest, but it reflects the sensitivity they have to separation. They want to avoid creating memories that could come back to haunt them....so they may often break eye contact or go aloof as a reflex to intense or romantic moments... The more they do this kind of thing, the stronger they feel for the person. This type falls in love easily, but has difficulty falling out of love and prefers not to let themselves fall out of love. They stay in love with the world and people by living inside of their fantasy world where they can maintain a relationship long after it ends....On occasion, reminders may be powerful enough to break through their defenses and remind them of what once was. The longer they put off dealing with their negative feelings, the more they will continue to reexperience breakup years after the fact....one dream can force them into a state of melancholy for days on end....They may seek escape through other things like music...They usually have a great ear for music and can learn instruments rather easily, and even compose their own stuff. Their compositions are usually scattered across the board from melancholy to absurd. If they can't find passion through a relationship, they may look alternatively through a cause. They believe in doing the 'right thing' and will protest the "wrong thing." They don't just want connections with people, but a sense of solidarity with those who care deeply about the same issues like they do. They have a soft spot for anything living and defenseless, and can even seem "extreme" or "kooky" in their defense of these things. In spite of it, they retain a shy, sweet, and gentle exterior with a touch of autism.

Sorry for roping you into a game of 20 Questions and also including a description that says "with a touch of autism".

 

[notmyapples]

[MENTION=35569]notmyapples[/MENTION] - I have some questions for you, if you don't mind my asking. I am eager to learn more about sexual 9s in general, of either wing.

How do merging and anger manifest for you, both with a romantic partner and with everyone else?

Anger is something that builds over time for me, more akin to frustration. I do have the tendency to repress it until resentment starts to build, but I've seen how quickly that ruins my relationships so I am now more conscious of expressing my emotions when they appear. I won't feel comfortable expressing my anger in front of strangers, I'd only imagine letting it out with those close to me and even then I find it an unnerving experience. My anger is only expressed on my own terms and if I accidentally make a show of it when I don't wish to then I feel even more angry with myself in hindsight. As I said, my repressed anger and frustrations have ruined relationships before because I placed so much importance in hiding those negative emotions that they started to fester, so eventually I'd start to emotionally disconnect from the other person and disappear, often leaving them without a clue as to why. Of course, the largest part of this struggle is the 9's fear of isolation. I instinctively think that if I show that I'm an unpleasant or angry person then people won't want to be around me anymore, so I only let other people see me when I'm at my best and disappear at my worst. And even when I've disappeared to conceal that part of myself, I fear that I've broken the connection by being gone too long and they won't care for when I return.

I feel as though merging is something I'm always actively doing or searching for. It's very easy for me to imagine myself as another person, understand the reasoning behind all of their opinions and feel amounts of empathy for heinous people that most don't for good reason. I merge with hobbies, becoming enthralled with something for a few weeks before dropping it and searching for the next thing to excite me. I naturally merge around people, understanding which parts of my personality can and can't be understood by that person and compensating because of so. With a partner I put the utmost importance on their needs and desires, almost adopting them as my own and wanting to fulfill them as much as they do.

Are you a creative individual? What is your art/writing/music/whatever like? Is it heated and expressive? Romantic? Bitter? An outlet for anger? Quirky and unconventional? Something else???

I do write in my personal life for my own enjoyment. It's typically very dark and unconventional, not too graphic to be tasteless but subtle enough to unnerve myself and others. I like anything that makes me feel intensely, I don't care if it's joy or sadness, disgust or satisfaction, pleasure or pain; as long as it is strong. This shows in my writing and the art that interests me.

Are you political? Are you vocal about injustices? Do you do so with a fiery unapologetic edge?

I am and don't shy away from opinions that I know others don't agree with. I don't like to lose myself in heated debates, I believe debates should remain civil and informative, but I can become cutting if I feel like the other person isn't offering me the same levels of respect I offer them. I base my political opinions on fact and won't hesitate to call a close friend or family member out if they are speaking an unjust opinion out of ignorance or conforming to social pandering.

Are you melty? Like a heavy embodied cloud?

Yes, just add a few sparks of lightning in there and you've got yourself an accurate depiction.

Is the bedroom a sacred place where the essence of you is free to be? (specifically in romantic relationships)

Always. Even outside of romantic relationships, it remains a space where all aspects of myself can be freed.

How do you find yourself and Be when not in a relationship?

The merging nature of 9 and intensity of sx-first isn't only about connecting with people, a lot of my intense connections are with fantasy characters, concepts, worlds and hobbies. The connection of a relationship gives me something to obsess over and feel exhilarated by, but if you only focus on fulfilling that need for intensity as an sx primary with other people then you'll find yourself getting disappointed and depressed very fast. Though I'll admit that nothing beats the connection you feel when you meet another person who isn't willing to hold anything back.

How do you relate to this description of your type?

I relate to it. I do enjoy the sensation of being 'in love' with something, although I consider it infatuation.

Sorry for roping you into a game of 20 Questions and also including a description that says "with a touch of autism".

That's actually funny because I have an autistic friend and she always talks about how, when she met me, she felt like she finally found someone who experienced similar things to her and understood. I'm not autistic, but I think a lot of our overlap of experiences has to do with my instinctual variant stacking. She is definitely so-first though.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

[MENTION=35569]notmyapples[/MENTION] - Thank you, that was helpful information. Maybe I'll be back sometime to say a few things about my bf so I can get some input.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I am 964 sx/so. I wish it wasn't so, but fits me way too well...

I am not sure what you want here, but feel free to ask away.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I am 964 sx/so. I wish it wasn't so, but fits me way too well...

I am not sure what you want here, but feel free to ask away.

How do you think being Sx/So contradicts being the most doubtful tritype? Do you feel like a person who is full of doubt or lacking in assertiveness or sense of identity?

 

[Norrsken]

They seek intensity but then they sabotage it because they don't want to believe the merging part is that simple. If it was that simple, why? Is it because the other person is only dating the 964 out of pity? Because they can't get over somebody else? Out of boredom? The 964 seeks the real truth but they won't be so combative than the classic triple reactive type, I think.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

How do you think being Sx/So contradicts being the most doubtful tritype? Do you feel like a person who is full of doubt or lacking in assertiveness or sense of identity?

I question, I doubt, I consider everything.

I fiercely desire close connection yet seem to struggle with it.

Many people who know me IRL have told me that I seem like the most confident person they have ever known. Even my brother, who is my closest friend today, always thought I had some grand master plan that I followed and that everything turned out as I planned. When I told him otherwise a month or so ago, he was dumbfounded.

My parents have told me that they left me mostly alone to raise myself because I never seemed to need help.

By the time I was 8, my best friend's mom was having me referee and police my best friend and his little brother because she trusted my judgment.

Adults started coming to me for advice before I was a teenager.

At 21 I told off one of the most powerful men in Washington within 15 minutes of meeting him and he offered me a job.

And I could go on.

I have long questioned this disconnect, the difference between my exterior presentation and my internal doubts. It relates somewhat to childhood parental emotional neglect.

Because of my parent's ignoring me and neglecting me most of my life, and because of the absence of any spark or passion in their marriage, I craved intense and deep romantic attachments. If it wasn't there, I ended them quickly or never started them, even when I was pursued.

A few years ago, I was chatting with a ESFJ over lunch and he told me how he decided to marry his wife. There was no passion or intensity, but they got along decently well and liked each other well enough. They have been married over a decade now and seem to just be humming along.

I was rather shocked. I would never want a passionless boring relationship. It is so against my nature.

So, my wife was the most intense and passionate relationship I ever had. The spark was a roaring flame.

As I recognize now, I grew up codependent, and codependents need the intense relationships, even if they are very unhealthy, but stable, relationships.

I merged strongly with my wife, whose red flags were evident long before we got married. And I continued to excuse her increasingly toxic behavior. I just pushed along doing everything I could to save my marriage, but doing it all wrong for too long. I needed to be less merge prone. It should never been, "You complete me", as I needed to say no and be assertive in the relationship, so that we could merge correctly.

As to identity, it feels so "off" inside. I doubt everything about myself and struggle to know myself. Everything from outside is doubted and questioned.

 

[notmyapples]

My parents have told me that they left me mostly alone to raise myself because I never seemed to need help.

By the time I was 8, my best friend's mom was having me referee and police my best friend and his little brother because she trusted my judgment.

Adults started coming to me for advice before I was a teenager.

I experienced the same things, I wonder if this has correlation? Possibly an unintentional aura of independence that sx/so types give off.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

[MENTION=25377]SearchingforPeace[/MENTION] - How does your reactivity present? Do you look 6-ish to those close to you? Bonus: Do you walk with a tough guy swagger?

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I experienced the same things, I wonder if this has correlation? Possibly an unintentional aura of independence that sx/so types give off.

I don't know. I didn't talk until I was almost 4. I am told I was a very easy toddler.

Of course, I had to fend for myself, given my narcisstic unattached bipolar mother never paid close attention. I was picked up by the police 6 times before I was 4 (and I couldn't talk), so I would get picked up from the police station, usually after my dad came home and noticed I was gone.

She also left me to wander stores while she shopped. I usually got picked up by security and she would show up, eventually.

I guess she might have gotten arrested for neglect in today's world.

So I don't know how much was forced independence vs. natural confidence ....

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I don't know. I didn't talk until I was almost 4. I am told I was a very easy toddler.

Of course, I had to fend for myself, given my narcisstic unattached bipolar mother never paid close attention. I was picked up by the police 6 times before I was 4 (and I couldn't talk), so I would get picked up from the police station, usually after my dad came home and noticed I was gone.

She also left me to wander stores while she shopped. I usually got picked up by security and she would show up, eventually.

I guess she might have gotten arrested for neglect in today's world.

So I don't know how much was forced independence vs. natural confidence ....

Jesus.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

[MENTION=25377]SearchingforPeace[/MENTION] - How does your reactivity present? Do you look 6-ish to those close to you? Bonus: Do you walk with a tough guy swagger?

I am normally the nicest friendliest guy on the planet. I am the person that people will approach out of a crowd for help. I am "safe", for all I am 6'6" and built like a NFL lineman.

But when I go to war, I am force of nature, a wall of force that swamps those around me. I go to war for others, not myself. I have a strong aversion against self-promotion.

Yet people I can't remember at all come up to me and remind me we once met. I immediately impact any new place I go.

I am extremely fast at reacting to anything. I am extremely aware of everything around me. I play mental games with myself predicting future actions of strangers.

If needed, I walk with the swagger. It isn't my nature mode. It tends to put too many on the defensive and I am a strong believer that sugar works better than force, most of the time.

I do go about life with confidence that may appear like swagger. When I recently met a major political figure recently, someone who had major party nominee, I was shocked that he seemed intimidated by me. I was not trying to do so, but.......

I have been known for forcefully pushing points and winning. I don't lose many arguments....

I guess I don't look 6-ish, except when I am doing really poorly overall.

 

[Venus Rose]

And no, I'm not talking about me so calm your "but that's your type!" boners. I'm actually wondering if this is what my SO is. He's either INTP or INFJ, but I've always leaned toward the former for a couple reasons, and I'm thinking 9w1.

To me, this type seems contradictory. The Seeker is full of doubt, but Sx/So is a comparatively strong and confident type. 6 Sx/So is about strength and beauty, and 4 Sx/So is very edgy, competitive, and biting. 9 Sx/So looks less 9-ish when engaging in So and is overall a very sensual, passionate individual.

Also, Sx is the countertype for his possible 1-wing, so it's really all over the place but would explain why he's tested as 684 before (9 Sx is said to appear like their wing oftentimes, and 1 Sx can look like 8).

Please don't link me to basic descriptions; I've read them all. I'm more looking for insight into their potentially contradictory nature and specifically how they come across to others, especially if you've known any.

sx/so is not automatically "strong and confident" I don't think so, I think it's more relevant to tease out the underlying motivations instead of relying on online descriptions; plus types like 4 and 5 are often super introverted so they are not always going to be out there and they are not going to want to deal with people sometimes. Will bring the characteristic awkwardness of 4 and 5 as well, with that combo. sx dom =/= "sexy and confident person"
if anything I think people should relegate the non-neurotic and positive aspects of sx manifestation to the sx secondary, as that is the healthiest place for sx to be.

anyways, I am not 964, but I am 496; I think Katherine Fauvre mentioned that this tritype often tends to be Soc dom, but that doesn't mean there will be no sx doms of this tritype (as I am one - knew another sx 4 friend with the same tritype as well). And even people of the same tritype can look different for different factors, but clearly the solution here would be to think outside of the general type descriptions, as ofc there are not simply exactly 27 kinds of people in the world. In my case at least - I can't speak for everyone - I am very soft, unsure, and doubting of myself, sx =/= se or Force. It seems to me it's misinterpreted that way sometimes, 496 can be "soft aggressive" and with 9 strong they probably don't even see themselves as aggressive. And softness is not automatically = social. 6 and 9 are soft, somewhat "submissive" (well p6 more than cp6 perhaps) types, I think. I don't really know what exactly to say as sx manifests for me as it does for other sx dom types. I am also not "edgy, competitive" (maybe "biting" but not in that way).

 

[Tomb1]

a so-called "964" is typically an IEI/EII 9w1 misinterpreting their socionics type for a "4 fix" and disintegration point for a "6 fix."

 

[Peter Deadpan]

sx/so is not automatically "strong and confident" I don't think so, I think it's more relevant to tease out the underlying motivations instead of relying on online descriptions; plus types like 4 and 5 are often super introverted so they are not always going to be out there and they are not going to want to deal with people sometimes. Will bring the characteristic awkwardness of 4 and 5 as well, with that combo. sx dom =/= "sexy and confident person"
if anything I think people should relegate the non-neurotic and positive aspects of sx manifestation to the sx secondary, as that is the healthiest place for sx to be.

anyways, I am not 964, but I am 496; I think Katherine Fauvre mentioned that this tritype often tends to be Soc dom, but that doesn't mean there will be no sx doms of this tritype (as I am one - knew another sx 4 friend with the same tritype as well). And even people of the same tritype can look different for different factors, but clearly the solution here would be to think outside of the general type descriptions, as ofc there are not simply exactly 27 kinds of people in the world. In my case at least - I can't speak for everyone - I am very soft, unsure, and doubting of myself, sx =/= se or Force. It seems to me it's misinterpreted that way sometimes, 496 can be "soft aggressive" and with 9 strong they probably don't even see themselves as aggressive. And softness is not automatically = social. 6 and 9 are soft, somewhat "submissive" (well p6 more than cp6 perhaps) types, I think. I don't really know what exactly to say as sx manifests for me as it does for other sx dom types. I am also not "edgy, competitive" (maybe "biting" but not in that way).

My insight was questionable at the time of writing that post.

 

[fatgurl]

sx/so is not automatically "strong and confident" I don't think so, I think it's more relevant to tease out the underlying motivations instead of relying on online descriptions; plus types like 4 and 5 are often super introverted so they are not always going to be out there and they are not going to want to deal with people sometimes. Will bring the characteristic awkwardness of 4 and 5 as well, with that combo. sx dom =/= "sexy and confident person"
if anything I think people should relegate the non-neurotic and positive aspects of sx manifestation to the sx secondary, as that is the healthiest place for sx to be.

anyways, I am not 964, but I am 496; I think Katherine Fauvre mentioned that this tritype often tends to be Soc dom, but that doesn't mean there will be no sx doms of this tritype (as I am one - knew another sx 4 friend with the same tritype as well). And even people of the same tritype can look different for different factors, but clearly the solution here would be to think outside of the general type descriptions, as ofc there are not simply exactly 27 kinds of people in the world. In my case at least - I can't speak for everyone - I am very soft, unsure, and doubting of myself, sx =/= se or Force. It seems to me it's misinterpreted that way sometimes, 496 can be "soft aggressive" and with 9 strong they probably don't even see themselves as aggressive. And softness is not automatically = social. 6 and 9 are soft, somewhat "submissive" (well p6 more than cp6 perhaps) types, I think. I don't really know what exactly to say as sx manifests for me as it does for other sx dom types. I am also not "edgy, competitive" (maybe "biting" but not in that way).

694 here and some of the things you mentioned are what make me doubt being sx dom. Any description that talks about being aggressive or forceful I immediately say that can't be me, because I don't see myself that way. I'm pretty gentle, not really competitve and probably not as assertive as I should be.