I am reading a self-help book on relationships, and the author (a PsyD, equivalent in level of education and training to a PhD) was saying that research shows couples with similar values tend to be more compatible and have more solid relationships. And then as an exercise, he proposed a couple of "values lists" that a couple could discuss in order to get a feel for their level of compatibility.
Of course, there are many other things that affect compatibility of couples. I'm just extracting the portion that deals specifically with personal values in order to stimulate some thought on the issues raised in the OP.
So here are a couple lists that might prompt self-evaluation, or at least some thoughts about what constitutes a "value." The first one is more universal and philosophical; the second one is probably more about values on a day-to-day basis.
List 1:
Social psychologist Shalom Schwartz (2012) studied cultures across the globe and found ten universal values that motivate people.
--Self-Direction: characterized by self-reliance and independent thought
--Stimulation: variety, adventure, and risk-taking
--Hedonism: gratification and comfort
--Achievement: personal success and competence
--Power: social status and prestige; dominance over people and resources
--Security: Safety and harmony in society and relationships
--Conformity, compliance and self-restraint; placing the group's needs above those of the individual
--Tradition: adherence to customs handed down by family, culture, or religion
--Benevolence: loyalty and kindness to friends and family
--Universalism: providing equal treatment for different people and groups
List 2:
This list comes out of behavioral psychology, and it was summarized by clinical researcher JoAnne Dahl and her colleagues (2009).
--Career: the work that satisfies beliefs and activities you hold to be important
--Leisure activity: the activities you find rejuvenating; the hobbies that bring you joy
--Caregiving: the importance of inspiring and caring for others
--Family: the qualities you wish to possess as a father, son, brother, or father; the kinds of family relationships you wish to create
--Intimate relationships: the qualities you wish to bring to a romantic relationship
--Community involvement: the position you wish to occupy in your community, the importance you place on political, social, environmental, or other causes
--Religion and spirituality: the importance of spirituality and the role you want religion to play in your life
--Education and personal development: the knowledge or skills you find to be most important and the value you place on ongoing education
--Health: your approach to mental and physical fitness; the relationship you want to build with food, exercise, sleep, substances, and intellectual pursuits
--Friendship: the qualities you want to bring to the people in your life and the kind of relationships you wish to build
The author of the book I was reading added two more items specifically affecting couples:
--Finances: what money represents to you, be it freedom, security, or something else entirely, and your philosophy about investments, debts, and fiscal responsibility
--Physical intimacy: the role of sex in a relationship; the meaning and importance of physical affection.
