Type my hubby plz

[Zhaylin]

Hmm... I've been trying to type my husband. He humored me years ago and took the 16personalities test but I know it wasn't accurate because he came out as extraverted. He's more socially inept and inhibited than I am. In a professional setting, he can project his voice well and lectures exceptionally. In social settings, his body language becomes guarded, he speaks softly or mumbles, he looks down a lot (self-conscious). If he's very familiar with the person, he relaxes and can speak a great deal about shared interests, but he still tends to be very soft spoken.

The flip side is that he's very critical and judgmental. If you wrong him, he wants to burn all bridges and never look back. He has a VERY hard time placing himself in the shoes of others. He doesn't really seem to care about "excuses", only how he can help (if possible) and what it will cost him to do so (even as a cost in time). He expects perfection from himself, and to some degree, of others as well.

He was a nuclear physicist until his mid-20's (?) at which time he went into an accelerated medical program to become a doctor. He chose ophthalmology because it was the most rewarding as well as being financially wise. He's 74 years old and still practices (though surgery day about kills him nowadays).
He loves learning. He's always listening to podcasts or watching the History or Discovery channels. He likes watching sports (all of them, lol, though he denies he actually likes it most of the time). He's very inactive but great with his hands. He's a hoarder and a conspiracist (chemtrails, HARP, alien tech etc).
He used to be religious but had his heart broken there.

He tends to delegate responsibilities and expects others to perform the tasks with no oversight (I call him an "absentee landlord"). He hasn't balanced his finances, as far as I know, for as long as I've known him. He has an Office Manager (who pays all the bills at the office as well as all of our personal bills) and an accountant. He was robbed (embezzled from), for years, by a previous manager. He was robbed, by others, who wanted him to invest in this or that.
I wouldn't call him trusting or naive though. I think, he just has his standards and beliefs and expects others to share them.

He has no love for music or fiction or gaming or pets. He's my exact opposite in MANY ways rofl.

He is VERY introverted. He can't even speak with me, for more than 30 minutes at a stretch. He looks physically exhausted, at that point, and has to retreat to his darkened bedroom. I can, literally, feel his energy sap out of him as he socializes with anyone. He doesn't tolerate nonsense and barely tolerates small talk. He's VERY protective of his property and privacy (I don't even have a key to his house). Some of his paranoia is warranted though, because of several bad experiences.

I know he's an IT but what of the rest? I guess I could safely rule out F, lol, which just leaves P or J?

Any guesses at the other systems (Enneagram/Socionics)?

 

[Caribelle]

Hmmm....I and T sound fairly clear. Maybe Istj or Intj? How organized or structured does he tend to be? Is he more about facts and details, or a 'big picture' sort of person?

 

[SearchingforPeace]

IxTJ. Lack of attention to detail lends itself to INTJ more than ISTJ.

How is he under stress? How does he relax?

e5, i would think, maye 512.

 

[Zhaylin]

He is miserable under stress. He becomes even more cranky and super critical. He sulks.
BUT, he can still take care of business (he just makes everyone around him miserable lol).

He has an extremely hard time relaxing. He feels he MUST be productive at all times. He claims he watches sports and keeps up with the news just so he can have something to talk about with his patients. But, honestly, how many of them are actually watching golf and tennis. Racing, yes, baseball, basketball, football, yes. But in rural WV? I seriously doubt the first 2
I think he has to give himself that excuse in order to do it. Even as he watches, though, he has it muted and listens to a podcast at the same time.

I'll look into that enneagram. Thanks for tackling this

Oh, as for attention to detail. He's more a small picture thinker. He notices everything in his vicinity. Before we met, he used to put together model cars and such. He had a graphics business for a while and knows what fonts and colors are best.
When we met, he was into model airplanes and really loved tinkering with the engines and tweaking them for the best performance. He loved shopping for me and had a great eye for styles and colors.
With him, he's very much an "out of sight, out of mind" person. If it's not immediately impacting him he doesn't tend to give it much thought.

 

[Caribelle]

Sounds more like Istj now; possibly Istp. Thanks for the added info, although you didn't say much about his organizational ability...?

 

[Zhaylin]

Thanks for jumping in
Hubby MUST have some sort of organizational system. He can find things from decades ago. But, an onlooker wouldn't be able to tell
He's not as atrociously far gone as people you see on tv shows, but you have to hug the wall, in some places, to get through his house.

My house tends to be filthy (too many animals to keep up with, rotting floors and walls from water leaks, apathetic adult kids and then me- too overwhelmed to do anything); hubby's place is just massively cluttered. He never wants to throw anything away because he might have use for it in the future.
And because he's a conspiracist, he also hoards foodstuff.

He grew up poor and as an only child (which could also be a large reason behind his hoarding). He's very self-driven and disciplined in many ways. He does get very depressed and lonely and he's very hard on himself.

As for the 2 in the enneagram, I don't see it. He's way too impatient to be anyone's mentor for any length of time. I asked him about it and he said he was a teachers aid in school, and he was good at it, but he hated it.

**EDIT**
So sorry, [MENTION=38324]Caribelle[/MENTION] I somehow managed to completely miss your first post. He's definitely more of a facts and details person (facts moreso). He has a hard time seeing the bigger picture.

 

[Caribelle]

Thanks. My vote is for Istj, due to his introversion and critical/no-nonsense nature (likely a thinker,). Self-driven, productive and disciplined makes me think he's a judging type, and his focus on facts/details and the present moment makes me think he's a sensing type (also some of his hobbies).
Istjs are known for being very driven , perfectionistic, and "all about the facts". My Accountant father is an Istj.

 

[Zhaylin]

Thank you. That's what I was leaning towards, but P and J still confuse me a great deal lol.
I tend to simplify them by saying P is messy and more "fly by the seat of your pants", while J is more neat, organized and structured.
While his house is a mess, he seems to know where everything is (most of the time lol).
He's very rigid about doing things at precisely THIS time. When we travel, he charts the course considering many factors to give us the least traffic with the best time and he hates to deviate from the course- so, organized and structured is definitely him.

I drive him crazy with my carefree, worry-free, laid back ways.

Ugh, one thing I HATE is that he's becoming more and more indecisive with age. He NEEDS to do SOMETHING, but he doesn't know what. He's just restless and feels useless for being unproductive. He asks me "What would you like to do?" My answer is always: "What ever you want to do." And then he gets frustrated, so I giggle and remind him "My default answer is to do nothing at all. I'm just along for the ride to support you in whatever you want."
Then, almost every single day, he calls near dinner time and I ask what he wants to eat. "I don't know." followed by long minutes of silence. I can sense his frustration. He asks what I'm going to eat. "Where ever you send me is what I'll eat. Or, I'll just have the BK meal." followed by more silence.

Seriously. How hard is it to think of something to eat? You know what you like and what agrees with you. (My kids do the same thing though when they eat out. They'll stare at the menu for minutes. Why? It hasn't changed since you were here last )

Anyhow... he seems to need someone to prod him along or motivate him into doing something (don't TELL him to do anything though. That makes him very grumbly!)
I am a 110% homebody. I do try to make suggestions- go to the State park, go shopping, go to the "bike trail" at the College. He always shoots those down siting too many people lol

 

[Caribelle]

Yes, re: his house, it does sound like he has his own system, which works for him. Maybe the hoarding issue clouds things a bit- but as you said, that could be because of his past. He does generally sound like a very structured type.
If you don't mind me asking, what type are you? it's interesting to hear of the dynamic between you two .

 

[Zhaylin]

I'm an INFP E9w1 lol. We are VERY opposite. But, we balance each other out wonderfully. I'm 96% introverted, but he behaves as if he's even more so. He's made me become more comfortable and confident when interacting with others. I tend to do most of the talking when we're with others (to save him from having to do so and to save others from his grumpiness and mumbling lol).
I've softened his edges and help him see other perspectives.
We've been together since 1998. It was rough in the beginning, but we found our groove. Living in separate houses has definitely helped us

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

To me your description sounds more ISTJ than INTJ.

My Istj friend is much more "openly protective" than the intj that crossed my path. Again it is not a cliché it is an explanation based on my experiments.

Other examples of his protective temperament ? How does he learn something, which way and what for ?


To be continued.

 

[Zhaylin]

Hubby seems like an ISTJ. I don't think I ever seriously considered INTJ because he's not intuitive or all that introspective. He doesn't seem very concerned with soul searching. For instance, he frequently says: "I'm useless. I've not gotten anything accomplished. I don't know if I'm depressed or just lazy."

And even though he's a doctor and I'm a high school drop-out, I often play doctor. He'll be grumbly, then apologize and say he doesn't know why he's being a grouch. I first ask if he's eaten, lol. Then I ask if he's taken his blood pressure. And from there, I ask other questions and make suggestions. If he hurts, I suggest which meds or actions to take. Sometimes, he doesn't even know WHY something hurts. Do you have a headache? Which part of your head and how?

Not asking yourself those questions is such an alien thing to me lol How can you not? But, I guess it's the different functions at play.

I don't really see him as a protector in the traditional sense. He arms himself with knowledge, plans, and being a provider. When the EMPs hits, he has MRE's to last years lol. He knows about generators and solar energy and can work on the contraptions that run it all. He's a marksman.
There was one time, though, a couple of years ago. We had to travel by plane somewhere. I had a carry-on plus a backpack and I was wearing my fanny pack. I flew out there with no problems. On the way back, though, one of the attendants took issue with my bags. I was allowed 2. She made a big deal about my fanny pack even though I never take it off. Hubby called out a woman ahead of us, who was carrying several airport shopping bags.

I was SO embarrassed, lol, because the woman was telling him off over her shoulder. Telling him to mind his own business and such. I hurriedly shoved my fanny pack into the backpack and tried to calm everyone down.
Looking back, it was sweet. He was defending me, which isn't easy for him (making a public display, that is).

As for learning. I think he just loves learning for the sake of knowing. He's always been studious, from what I can tell (his stories of growing up, school, college etc). He used to read a lot, back in the day or listen to lectures. Now, he listens to podcasts and lectures.