[Type 4] Type 4s - What type are you drawn to?

[highlander]

Type 4s - What type are you drawn to? What is it that draws you to them?

 

[chickpea]

romantically 8s and 7s. also 9s, other 4s, 5 and 6 sometimes.

 

[Southern Kross]

Hmmm, I'm trying to think what are the types of people I like immediately. It goes without saying I like all types but, other than my fellow 4s, (relatively healthy) 3s, 5s, 6s, 7s I like in particular - which is strange because they're my surrounding types.

3s - I know they often get bagged a bit on the internet but a healthy, well-rounded 3 is truly delightful to be around. I think being a So-first means I admire their charm, gregariousness, adaptability and confident competency. I think perhaps this type draws me the most romantically, because they're so good at things I'm terrible at.

5s - the fact that they're also fairly quiet, weird and socially inept puts me at ease. I also like long discussions with them about a bunch of intellectual stuff.

6s - they can be so engaging, confident and adventurous. I enjoy their passion, determination and great empathy for others. I also like a person that holds to what the believe in; who is truthful and authentic.

7s - Exuberance, expressiveness, curiosity and adventurousness can be a lot of fun to be around. Their laid-back, sunny dispositions really brighten up my day.

 

[OrangeAppled]

^ Strikingly similar to the above.

3s are just charming, although it doesn't always go well in the long run. The image thing doesn't put me off. I know deep down they just need validation. I don't have that many in my life, because we don't tend to cross paths, but I've clicked with a few quickly (& then it didn't end well...).

I like the 6s that aren't put off by messiness. I guess this is a counter-phobe quality. You can make sardonic jokes & be argumentative & self-deprecating & they aren't scared away. In contrast, some 6s steer very clear of this... Also, 6s are usually very thoughtful, philosophical people; even the most shallow of them can be surprising at times.

I have a lot of 9s in my life too. Several of my female friends are 9 (and IxFP). They're just easy to get along with & we often share a lot of common interests.

Many people are 3, 6 & 9 though, and so there is a lot of variety in these types. I'm not surprised I manage to click with some of them. Jungian type can make a big difference too.

I am drawn to other 4s, for obvious reasons, although I encounter them more online than IRL.

5s...because we often have a lot in common & easily empathize with each other. All of a sudden, two extremely quiet people can become very talkative.

7s, because we both have an indulgent streak & don't tend to criticize the other for it. Not sure if that's healthy .

1, 2 & 8s pop up the least in my life, but I can't say it's cuz they're not attractive to me. I just don't cross paths with them as much, especially 8s. 1s & 2s can really be a love/hate thing, where some strike me as admirable & others intensely grating. I'm not surprised, as they're my integration/disintegration points.

 

[Anew Leaf]

1's: As friends, yes. However, I get the impression frequently that I fall short of their expectations.
2's: I can't deal. SO NEEDY.
3's: I don't really understand the need of image preceding all else in terms of worth. It's strange to me.
4's: Friends, yes. I <3 my fellow 4's. Relationships, I think it could be a bit much. I already know how I think and respond... I don't want a clone of me.
5's: Friends, yes times a million. Relationships, yes times 10 million. I prefer 4 wings to 6 wings by far. They're just so quiet and they like learning things and it's fun to get to know them because it's like going on an adventure of the mind.
6's: No. The paranoia, the anxiety. -_-
7's: Friends, they are fun in small doses. Relationships, I think they are too intense for me.
8's: Friends, yes. Relationships, mmm maybe.
9's: Friends, yes. Relationships, too passive.

 

[spiritualtramp1948]

Eights: I really love eights. There is a mutual understanding with them that is hard to put into words; there is a lot of commonality between them and fours. They are so passion-filled and thought-provoking, and they are not afraid of my down moods; in fact, they can pull me out of them a lot easier than other types by just being themselves. Their blunt honesty about reality can be really refreshing when I'm feeling alienated from the world, because I'm reminded that someone actually does understand. I think perhaps eights know more of emotional alienation than fours, because their me-against-the-world disposition actually pushes people's emotions away (so even if they are surrounded by people, they aren't connecting with them on a human-level so much as they are just using them); whereas with fours, there is an inadvertent drawing-people-in that occurs alongside the pushing-away. This tendency of both types to push/pull only makes the bond between the two more special and intense when the four breaks down the emotional barrier of the eight. And they are filled with unspoken emotions. It's great. I wish I knew more.

Fives: I love talking to fives about almost anything. They're really great conversationalists and especially great teachers. I love listening and being amazed by all of the information they have been storing. I will say, I think I prefer 5w6 friends to 5w4; I think my and 5w4s' interests are always very similar, and I always get this sick-feeling when I start getting to know 5w4s because they are usually way more knowledgable and competent, and I can't help but feel like they look down on me and my emotionality. Although, obviously it's just my own insecurities at play here. With 5w6, there isn't the need to compare myself so much, because their interests are usually outside of mine and there is a mutual fascination with our respective world views.

Fours: I love fours. That is all I'll say about that.

Threes: In comparison to others, I'm initially attracted to threes more than any other type even though it usually blows up in my face if I get sucked in. They really know how to leave impressions on me. They are so charming and funny and engaging and exhibitionistic even. I think we both feed off of the kind of attention we pay to the other, but it always means more to me. When will I learn?

 

[spiritualtramp1948]

Sevens: Oh, yes. How could I forget them. I enjoy them quite a lot. Sevens, like threes, can charm the hell out of me and make me feel special. Unlike threes, sevens aren't much focused on their images and so there is usually an adventure they are about to embark on that they have no reason not to bring me along. They really know how to party, and I do enjoy that sometimes when I'm going through certain phases. I can get frustrated with them sometimes with their frivolity, but that's what usually draws me to them. And I know they get equally frustrated when I'm not in a good mood; sometimes, they even get frustrated just because they think I'm in a bad mood even though I'm not. They're absolutely great people to have around though.

 

[chickpea]

I'll elaborate a little

I like 7s because they draw me out of my own head and encourage me to go out and do things. open me up to new experiences I might not have done on my own. and I appreciate their sense of humor.

I'm dating an 8 (I think) now and this type compatability thing I read really resonated with me, that 8s are externally tough and internally soft and 4s are the opposite. we balance each other out, and I like the feeling that they can protect me if I need it. they are very loyal when you're important to them. also bad boys are sexy.

9s I like because they're calm and laid back, make me feel at ease. the downside (at least in my experience dating one) is that their conflict avoidance can come across as dishonest to me. plus sometimes I want to fight and get even angrier when they won't engage with me. probably better for friends than relationships.

other 4s are more of a love/hate thing, sometimes I really admire their creativity and sometimes I think they're whiny, pretentious attention whores. sometimes both at the same time lol.

5s I actually can't think of many irl examples to go off of, but a lot of them have a sick sense of humor that I love, and are knowledgable and interested in educating themselves. some may be too dry for me though.

 

[Title]

I'm especially drawn to other 4s and to 5s as romantic partners. As friends, 6s and 7s. I like people all across the board.

 

[sulfit]

Eights: I really love eights. There is a mutual understanding with them that is hard to put into words; there is a lot of commonality between them and fours.

True, there is a lot these two types have in common. 8s have outer strength but inside they are very vulnerable, while 4s have an inner strength but lack that outer toughness of an 8.

This discussion on enneagram axes of polarity mentioned that 8s and 4s are a pair of opposites dealing with metaphysical dilemma of life and death.

 

[EndlessNameless]

7s! They are just cool and funny...Everything I want to be

 

[boondocked]

7s! They are just cool and funny...Everything I want to be

Cosign the 7 love! They take me on adventures outside of my own head and everything is just heightened around them. Good raconteurs...I'm dating one who's one part regular nice dude and two parts living tall tale.

Love 8s too, even if I feel like they override me somehow??

5s are stimulating and perf, and so good to date and friend...sooo many brain corridors to go down...they have no end.

3s too...I like 'em. I feel like they work hard at being remarkable and they usually are.

The only types I don't regularly get down with are 4s (too claustrophobic together?) 1s (just don't really know any?) and 9s (can't be sure how they really feel, which throws me)

 

[Zarathustra]

True, there is a lot these two types have in common. 8s have outer strength but inside they are very vulnerable, while 4s have an inner strength but lack that outer toughness of an 8.

This discussion on enneagram axes of polarity mentioned that 8s and 4s are a pair of opposites dealing with metaphysical dilemma of life and death.

In Molina's system of combining the Hartman Value Inventory to the Enneagram, each type gets two value dimensions associated with it, one (the first) for its instinctual center, and another (the second) for its place within that instinctual center.

The three value dimensions are Intrinsic (I), Extrinsic (E), and Systemic (S).

The Intrinsic (I) relates to the gut.
The Extrinsic (E) relates to the heart/image.
The Systemic (S) relates to the head.

As such, the types' associations are:

8IE
9II
1IS
2ES
3EE
4EI
5SI
6SS
7SE

If you notice, 8s are IE, and 4s are EI.

So yes, you can see why they have a commonality, but it's hard to put into words [MENTION=17065]spiritualtramp1948[/MENTION].

By the same methodology, 1s and 5s would have a similar relationship, as would 2s and 7s.

 

[Chiharu]

6s and 4s.

I'm drawn to 8s but I always feel so inadequate.

 

[small.wonder]

To me it all depends on health, an unhealthy anything is exhausting and painful. Anyone who can admit their crap could be a friend of mine, regardless of type.

My three closest friends are a 2, a 5 and a 1. They can all admit their faults though.

Across the board I get along with 5's because they are also more reserved, thoughtful and intense.

Friendships with 6's have worked for me because we both value honesty intensely.

I'm attracted to 8's in general, I see them as strong enough.

7's have a charm that other's don't have, almost a child-like quality that I find attractive and accepting.

I have been drawn to some 4's but I couldn't see that ever working romantically. A 2 would also never work romantically, The fact that they can blatantly lie to themselves (and others) makes me irate.

 

[Entropic]

1: If healthy, I suppose I could be friends to them but they just tend to baffle me, really. It helps if they are common INxPs as at least there's a cognitive connection.
2: I don't think I've met a healthy 2 but generally speaking, just no. So clingy and attention-seeking (from me). I can't deal. I need my own godamn privacy!
3: Can be cool if somewhat healthy and so first. Very charming but it can be a bit too much diva queen drama in the long run.
4: I like 4s, especially if 4w5. I feel a strong connection to them because of my wing. I can imagine being romantically involved with a 4. I find myself often being drawn to 4w5 cores, especially sp first types, in fiction.
5: I prefer fellow 5w4s over 5w6 and I prefer them to be sx/sp or sp/sx over any other stacking. That's when I find that I mentally click the best. Hm, no idea about romantically involving myself with another 5 though.
6: Yes and no. 6 is so hit and miss to me. I prefer phobic over counterphobic sixes by far. I often click relatively well with phobic 6s but counterphobic just tend to rub me entirely the wrong way.
7: I admit I don't have much experience with 7s. We live such different lives. Are a bit hit and miss to me as well, and I think they can grate me in the sense that seeing their behavior makes me see what's bad about myself when unhealthy.
8: I really like 8s and we click well. I think I prefer the more volatile 8w7 type over 8w9, but really, I do like 8s and I can imagine to romantically engage with one.
9: I think I'm a bit allergic to 9s. 9w8 are all right if strong 8 wing, but generally speaking, 9s are too peace-seeking for my own tastes, and they tend to come off as rather boring. They just seem to lack spice.

Most of all though, regardless of core type, I find that instincts matter a lot and I do prefer sp/sx, sx/sp or so/sx t ypes. No idea about sx/so. sp/so and so/sp are pretty much ruled out. I find them rather boring and uninteresting as I don't feel that initial sx spark and intensity with them.

 

[brainheart]

As far as friendship goes, I definitely seem to go for people I see as soulmates- so fours especially. As far as romantic attraction goes, I tend to go for people who are more different, but not totally different. I don't know if enneagram seems to matter quite as much as MBTI/Jungian stuff- I'm very attracted to SPs, for example. I find extroverted sensing sexy as all get out, especially in ISXPs.

Oh and yes, instincts. It's good to have the sexual instinct in there. I seem to be moth-to-flame attracted to sp/sxs, but things seem to work out better with sx doms or so/sxs.

 

[IllusoryReverie]

I tend to be most drawn to 5s, 4s, and 7s. Although I feel like pursuing another 4 probably wouldn't be the best idea for me, as I'm not exactly in the healthiest state of my life at the moment and if I were to be with someone who had the same negative tendencies, I feel like I would only bring them down rather than be counterbalanced if I were to be with someone who's personality balanced my own type more so. It's difficult. Because I crave emotional intensity and passion (which I guess any personality can have) but I do realize that the types that I'm drawn to, I'm drawn to because they do tend to be more intense on those levels which may or may not end up being the best fit for me in the long run.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Ahah I knew it and I'm calling your bluff! I was feeling a lack of love for ENFPs over at the INFP love thread, but now you show your through colors: you actually like type 7s! ...and I'm not saying that ENFP = type 7, but I think that over at the other forum people are going for ENFJs and INTPs simply because that's the types usually associated as compatibles with INFPs by MBTI theory and theorists.

 

[Burger King]

Romantically drawn to type 4, 7, and 9w1 gals. I've heard female 8s and male 4s tend to match up romantically. Unfortunately I don't know of any female 8s.