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[Type 4] Type 4s and relationship with parents/family
- Thread starter CuriousFeeling
- Start date
Unkindloving
Lungs & Lips Locked
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Messages
- 2,963
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
I'm fairly distant with most of my extended family, or even the family that just doesn't live close by me. We interact on holidays and sometimes through facebook, but I am terrible at calling and visiting. It's not that I don't love them, but it's being unsure of how to interact. We're an eccentric bunch overall, but it feels like families just showcase to one another. I'm not big on the showcasing to that degree, especially throughout the time of having little to showcase.
Immediate family is a bit different. I get along well with almost all involved- Mom, Dad, Older brother one, Older brother two. The age difference between myself and the brothers is 9 & 10 years, but I don't believe it was ever an obviously isolating element caused by age gap.
The parents are polar opposites from each other. They have been separated since I was around 9-10, and they argue within an hour of being near one another. Despite that and their annoyances with each other, they each acknowledge that the other is good-hearted and means well. My Mom has always been the epitome of a Mom. My Dad has more of my abrasive, blunt personality traits.
When they separated, I chose to live with my Dad to stay in the same area, but I was very bitter towards him. He is an alcoholic, but that was more so when I was wee. He would work frequently, or use up all of his sick/vacation days and go to Atlantic City for a few days at a time. I resented the fact that I didn't have a normal childhood, with normal childhood vacations. I actually remember being spiteful of people who had pictures of their vacations where they swam with dolphins or met disney characters. I hated him for a few years during pre-teen times, even though he did try very hard.
Somehow we got used to one another. It probably helped that my 'I'M A GIRL AND I HAS SO MUCH ANGST' phase subsided
My Mom.. she was, again, a Mom. I felt there was a lot less freedom with her, but she understood my complaints about my Dad. She was very disorganized, frazzled, and worked 2 jobs for the majority of my younger years. We always got along and would take rides to the beach to watch the sunset though. She also tried. She's always been on my case about how it's unhealthy for my to live with an alcoholic though.
Sure, there's always been some element of dysfunction, but it really never struck a chord with me except for that weird 'I want to go see Cats on broadway. Baaaw' bitterness. I was given a lot of leeway and freedom to just be and figure myself out, as well as to nourish my social life. It was also a really good foundation for my relationship with my parents. Had they stayed together, or things been any degree of different, I don't think I'd get along with either of them in the slightest.
Immediate family is a bit different. I get along well with almost all involved- Mom, Dad, Older brother one, Older brother two. The age difference between myself and the brothers is 9 & 10 years, but I don't believe it was ever an obviously isolating element caused by age gap.
The parents are polar opposites from each other. They have been separated since I was around 9-10, and they argue within an hour of being near one another. Despite that and their annoyances with each other, they each acknowledge that the other is good-hearted and means well. My Mom has always been the epitome of a Mom. My Dad has more of my abrasive, blunt personality traits.
When they separated, I chose to live with my Dad to stay in the same area, but I was very bitter towards him. He is an alcoholic, but that was more so when I was wee. He would work frequently, or use up all of his sick/vacation days and go to Atlantic City for a few days at a time. I resented the fact that I didn't have a normal childhood, with normal childhood vacations. I actually remember being spiteful of people who had pictures of their vacations where they swam with dolphins or met disney characters. I hated him for a few years during pre-teen times, even though he did try very hard.
Somehow we got used to one another. It probably helped that my 'I'M A GIRL AND I HAS SO MUCH ANGST' phase subsided
My Mom.. she was, again, a Mom. I felt there was a lot less freedom with her, but she understood my complaints about my Dad. She was very disorganized, frazzled, and worked 2 jobs for the majority of my younger years. We always got along and would take rides to the beach to watch the sunset though. She also tried. She's always been on my case about how it's unhealthy for my to live with an alcoholic though.
Sure, there's always been some element of dysfunction, but it really never struck a chord with me except for that weird 'I want to go see Cats on broadway. Baaaw' bitterness. I was given a lot of leeway and freedom to just be and figure myself out, as well as to nourish my social life. It was also a really good foundation for my relationship with my parents. Had they stayed together, or things been any degree of different, I don't think I'd get along with either of them in the slightest.
Synapse
Active member
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2007
- Messages
- 3,423
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4
As a child and an adult I had to deal with neglect, abandonment, lack of affection, passive aggression, manipulation, emotional blackmail, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and control as a normal way of life and general toxicity and environmental stress from my dad, brother and mom. I didn't know anyone else, my extended family live in Europe, grandparents passed away and stuff.
Do I get along with them yes and no, I am a negotiator, a mediator and a healer. The answer is I am guarded around them, most with my dad and brother and get on well with my mom. Its lonely being aware of their stories and wanting to become visible now away from them.
Do I get along with them yes and no, I am a negotiator, a mediator and a healer. The answer is I am guarded around them, most with my dad and brother and get on well with my mom. Its lonely being aware of their stories and wanting to become visible now away from them.
