Thank you to all of you who have taken time to write your analysis or rationale. Here's some additional info:
- I seem pretty mellow compared to most e1s I know, but then, most of them are extroverts, so that may account for it
- I don't suffer from piles of guilt, but I am pretty shouldy with myself.
- I do have a lot of little inner expectations of what I expect of myself and of other people, and sometimes when I don't engage with certain people it's because I don't want to feel resentful or disappointed and I'm pretty sure I will and that uses up energy.
- I don't enjoy conflict for the sake of it, but I dislike uncertainty even more. Usually I weigh out the downsides vs upsides of bringing something up. If there are more positives AND I know how to proceed confidently, I will.
- As a kid, and as an adult, I usually won't wade in to a situation till I feel I know what to expect and am sure I can do it up to the standard I want to. It's like there's a piece of me split off and watching myself. It makes it hard to just go for it, even if it's not a performance based thing. I'm aware of how I feel, but also how I appear. I am terribly earnest and it's hard for me not to get embarrassed easily or take even kind hearted teasing. Although I think I'm improving.
- I like making other people happy and caring for them, emotionally and practically. But it's not in an effort to earn their love, so much as it just is fun for me.
- I sometimes underestimate just how upset I am about something, or over promise and then realize I can't do it. Inwardly I can be a little resentful and mercurial when I think people are not reciprocating or are allowing/expecting me to over accommodate but because I can put myself in other people's shoes, I try to be extra careful then not to let them be a target of my anger because sometimes it's just a passing thing, or woukd be changed by another little detail of info and sometimes it's legit. I have a hard time knowing at what point something is worth bringing up.
- under stress I am much testier, blunter and have less patience for what I think people should know better about.
- I usually am aware of annoyance or anger, but woukd think of it as frustration. When it does inadvertently leak out or burst out, I'm embarrassed after, even if I feel that the sentiments were correct. I care about presenting things properly and appearing reasonable.
- I don't really get upset over tension between people. If I peacemake, it's more for practical purposes, or because I like mailing human puzzles, rather than being terribly distressed. Of course the closer people are to me, the less that applies.
- I'm a bit uptight in some ways, and often carry tension in my body, although I'm not one of those driven, never can rest or sit down people. In fact, I worry that I'm a bit too lazy.
- in specific areas I am very tireless and passionate. In other ones, I'm kind of laissez faire.
- I fear losing credibility with people or using up finite resources with them if I am overly unrestrained, impose my possibly transient frustration on them, or looking foolish. Ironically, it ends up making them feel distanced or they just feel neutral about me.
- I avoid taking the lead in daily plans with friends, stating preferences etc, because Id rather deal with having to accommodate ( I can predict my feelings better), than if they dislike what I've chosen. For me, it totally spoils it if someone is only doing something to please or humour me, even though I seem to think it's okay if it's the other way around. It maybe comes of as trying to put then in my debt, when really it's more trying to avoid seeing their negative response to something I've chosen. I'm oversensitive, but am embarrassed of being that way, so i tend to avoid situations where my feelings could get hurt.
- I'm often moving furniture in my head. When I go someplace, I can't help but imagine how it could be done differently. I hate committees and group work and if assigned roles would prefer to be a minion or a leader if no one else is properly taking leadership. Ideally though, I would be given my own section of work to be responsible for and if people are needed, I'd take care of finding them for myself. I don't like working with people who don't share the same philosophy or priorities if it's something that is important to me or affects my reputation.
- safety and stability seem to matter to me. I take awhile to embrace new ideas. Despite enjoying finding common ground, I think I still remain fairly distinct from those around me inwardly. I may not focus on our points of difference, but certainly will discuss them if the other party is interested or if it's needful.
- I think I have a warmer vibe in person or on the phone than I do in writing.
- I have much more candid views than I would usually express in a larger group. I like customizing my approach to my audience.
- I don't find it hard to stand up for myself as long as I'm convinced of my position. Sometimes though the more I'm involved personally, the harder I find it to feel sure I'm seeing things reasonably or objectively, so don't take action. It's not fear though or just wanting peace at all costs.
- I'm pretty optimistic about people but also don't really assume all people are good. Usually I would have an analysis of info I've assembled so far that shapes my picture of them.
- I tend to look at the things that are obstacles or problems to be solved first, rather than whether the situation is basically good. Some people see that as negativity, but I just like knowing what I'm working with.
- I don't really daydream at all. I think I have a fairly practical bent.
- I often try to talk myself out of feeling negatively in a rational way by understanding where the person is coming from,cobsidering my own bias, taking various factors into account. Sometimes it is at the expense though of experiencing that emotion so it can move me to appropriate action. I think this is different than numbing or being unaware of feelings. It's more like I'm trying to rationally bypass emotions that are gumming things up. I'm learning this is not a good long term strategy.
- I care about how I am perceived by other people, but more in the sense that I want it to be what I think I am portraying. I wouldn't say I'm ever being false, but there are very few that see a version of me that hasn't been edited a bunch of times with the ramifications of behaviour or expression, audience interests/needs/likely reactions and so on in mind. I think sometimes that creates a sense of lag in response and distance in trying to make it polished and correct that creates results that aren't so great.
- I have a lot of conflict between being authentic and knowable and also having a strong inner editor that won't let anything go out before it's as correct and consistent as I'm able to make it. I usually play things too sage and don't take enough chances.
- I'm much more playful and spontaneous the more sure I am of the people around me and how they will respond. I probably initially seem much more formal and bland than I actually am.
- I'm not much of a worrier, but I am quite affected physically by stress even when I rationally see things in perspective.
- I tend to be avoidant only when I can't see how to address a problem.
- only the people closer to me woukd hear much of any negative stuff about them, unless I was giving constrictive criticism for teaching purposes, or I was in an untenable situation if things remained as they were, or I wasn't too worried about the repercussions. Most of my reticence woukd have to do with wanting to be fair, concern for the repercussions, or concern for how it would affect the relationship. The state of all my relationships is foremost on my radar.
- I dislike crying in front of people. The only people that have seen me do so is my very inner circle or a couple of times when my anger finally split at the seams, despite trying to contain it. There are only a handful of people ive really and truly yelled at. As I'm getting older though, I'm realizing that as long as you don't abuse it, there is something productive about people seeing that you are affected by something. As much as I dislike gratuitous displays of emotion, I don't find it distressing in others, or really even in myself. In myself my dislike of certain emotions has to do more with the sheer volume of energy and processing time it takes up and also not wanting to impose it on others.
- there are certain causes and ideas I feel very strongly about but I tend to go at them in a more behind the scenes kind of way, more because I feel I can get further with people that way than through apathy or fear of censure.
- I dislike being wrong or not having anticipated what others might think is incorrect if it is something that matters to me. If it doesn't matter to me, I don't care what they think nearly so much. There is a strong need to do things right and to be right before I put something out there for others to comment on. I'm learning that I probably need to be less that way so others feel I don't expect perfection and so I get more open and resilient.
- I greatly dislike it when others try to smooth over my or other people's negativity before it has been fully aired. Strangely enough though, I resent people who pollute my atmosphere with their moodiness if they aren't prepared to talk about it or try to do something to change the situation. So I guess I'm doing the same thing but with their emotional state, while they do it with my rational state.
- I dislike it when people are pleasant but stay quite safe and distant and never say anything negative about anyone. It feels like they don't trust me. I also don't like it when people want me to be positive at all times or when they are because it implies stifling emotion or lack of trust.
- if I understand the why of someone's behaviour, the what ceases to upset me nearly as much, almost to a fault.
- I'm rather idealistic and immoveable on some things, which leads me to often try to find a situation that fits me, rather than convince people of my off the beaten track point of view. I probably err too much on the side of selling people short and not giving them a chance to respond to what I candidly think.
- I'm very protective of the ideas, people or things that matter to me and so only share then with people I think will respond appropriately. What I like is an extension of me, so what may seem not personal to them if they accept or reject it can feel deeply wounding to me.
- I find it easy to talk about past stuff that's already processed even if it's very personal. I'm quite open to answering even quite personal questions as long as I think the person's intent is right and am convinced they actually want to know. I don't like imposing on other people.
- as a kid, I preferred to be told what to do, but mostly because i didn't want to make mistakes. Even as an adult, I tend towards preventing mistakes, than responding to them.
- I find it pretty easy to accept care, even though I enjoy caring for people. I'm pretty enthusiastic and appreciative.
- I have opinions on nearly everything. I'm open to changing in light of new information, but I don't think I'm reticent to form an opinion of people and I definitely have opinions about myself. Forever Jung has expressed surprise at some of the specific questions I'll ask about preferences, likes or dislikes and at how detailed of a response I may have about nearly everything if asked about it. I think I'm pretty okay with myself, but definitely even with me have firm ideas about whether I like or dislike how I acted or what I said. I frequently squirm internally at even replaying certain scenes in my head and some of my fear of unsolicited criticism is that it will confirm my worst fears that my most terrible flaws which I don't know how to improve are so obvious they are readily visible to others or that I haven't done everything within my power first to improve before other people give me feedback. As I'm getting older this is a bit less scary though.
- overall I'd say I'm generally sunny natured and quite curious and interested in understanding people. I'm careless about details that I find onerous and procrastinate that which I am unsure about but then feel like a slacker for doing so. I'm kind of cautious, but like new experiences once I try them. I don't seek change but am fairly adaptable if it is thrust on me or is necessary. I have a huge list at all times of things I should do or want to accomplish, but am sometimes slow to get them done, until I have a little burst of greatness all at once. I am very low maintenance emotionally as long as my needs (and sometimes expectations) are being met, but if faced with too much uncertainty or lack of info or regular maintenance, I get panicky and clingy, or else a little standoffish and hurt. I cannot detach well even when I'd like to or know I should. I find it very hard to hide my emotions when I am upset, so instead seek to avoid the circumstances where I could become upset because I don't have much tolerance for myself then.
Whoa. That was super long. Still working on that wall of text thing!