violet_crown
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2009
- Messages
- 4,959
- MBTI Type
- ENTJ
- Enneagram
- 853
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
So the last couple months I've been in a relationship with a really neat INFP guy. He's brilliant, incredibly sweet and scarily intelligent among other things. I'm really into him, but lately there have been some aspects of our relationship that havent sat well with me.
My issue, which has become more apparent as the relationship has gone on is kind of a two-fold thing. On the one hand, while he's without question the more emotionally attuned of the two of us, getting him to actually talk about what he feels--especially when it's clear he's upset about something--is difficult. I can usually tell he's mad at me because he starts picking at me more, and any attempts to "fix" a problem just seem to make things worse. Direct discussion about an issue just makes him agree with me so that the perceived "confrontation" will end, which isnt really helpful either.
The second problem has cropped up lately relates to the sharing of responsibilities within the relationship. Bluntly, (apologies to NF sensibilities) the guy's getting increasingly needy. I find myself cleaning up after him, paying more and more when we go out and generally put into a kind of "mothering" role that I'm not comfortable with. I'm starting to resent him for it, and I hate talking about money so I dont even know how to bring it up. And even if I did, I worry a lot about how he would take it, because he can't deal with me when I'm angry about something.
I wanna work things out, but I think I'm nearing the point where I just want to say "Fuck it", shelve the whole thing and see if we just work out better as friends. Id be really appreciative of any insights on this.
My issue, which has become more apparent as the relationship has gone on is kind of a two-fold thing. On the one hand, while he's without question the more emotionally attuned of the two of us, getting him to actually talk about what he feels--especially when it's clear he's upset about something--is difficult. I can usually tell he's mad at me because he starts picking at me more, and any attempts to "fix" a problem just seem to make things worse. Direct discussion about an issue just makes him agree with me so that the perceived "confrontation" will end, which isnt really helpful either.
The second problem has cropped up lately relates to the sharing of responsibilities within the relationship. Bluntly, (apologies to NF sensibilities) the guy's getting increasingly needy. I find myself cleaning up after him, paying more and more when we go out and generally put into a kind of "mothering" role that I'm not comfortable with. I'm starting to resent him for it, and I hate talking about money so I dont even know how to bring it up. And even if I did, I worry a lot about how he would take it, because he can't deal with me when I'm angry about something.
I wanna work things out, but I think I'm nearing the point where I just want to say "Fuck it", shelve the whole thing and see if we just work out better as friends. Id be really appreciative of any insights on this.