[ENTP] Single ENTPs

[Wade Wilson]

I'm only happy in dysfunctional relationships. And even then, I think it's just advanced social experimentation. Romantic relationships fascinate me because it's a whole new set of roles and theories to test out. But I can't handle peace. Because then it's not going anywhere, y'know? Steadiness=routine=me out the door.

But then I'm very young and very very immature.

I like to think that I'm one of these: Quirkyalone - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Do you guys relate to this?

I really don't see why not wanting a mundane relationship is immature; people CAN thrive off conflict and be better off for it. There's no rulebook that says a happy relationship needs to meet certain standards. Then again, my parents had a very dysfunctional relationship but at the same time, were the happiest couple I knew growing up vs. my friends' families. Plus my father taught me never to trust anyone who smiles all the time.

 

[Synarch]

I really don't see why not wanting a mundane relationship is immature; people CAN thrive off conflict and be better off for it. There's no rulebook that says a happy relationship needs to meet certain standards. Then again, my parents had a very dysfunctional relationship but at the same time, were the happiest couple I knew growing up vs. my friends' families. Plus my father taught me never to trust anyone who smiles all the time.

Define mundane in the sense you use it here.

 

[marmandahalf]

Well, why do you have a problem with things being ...not dysfuctional functional? Do you want or expect to be hurt? So, if you elect to be in a relationship you know will never work you can save yourself from the danger of happiness?

I think I get itchy and bored. Given a functional relationship, my Ne goes crazy thinking of all of the different ways that it could go wrong. And I compulsively test these theories out ("What if I say/do..."). It's an unemotional process. Which is p'raps part of the problem.

 

[Synarch]

Yes, but why do you get bored? What does it mean to be bored? How does boredom make you feel? What are you bored with? Do you not trust quiet? Are you waiting for something bad to happen if it is too calm?

 

[marmandahalf]

Yes, but why do you get bored? What does it mean to be bored? How does boredom make you feel? What are you bored with? Do you not trust quiet? Are you waiting for something bad to happen if it is too calm?

If it's quiet, there's nothing to think about, nothing to actively be working on, nothing to analyze, no problems to solve. I can't not solve problems.

 

[Synarch]

If it's quiet, there's nothing to think about, nothing to actively be working on, nothing to analyze, no problems to solve. I can't not solve problems.

Maybe you should work on: being at ease with quiet and calmness. Not analyzing. Not feeling COMPELLED to manufacture problems or to solve other problems. Work on being. Dealing with quiet and calmness seems to me to be the most worthy challenge for the ENTP.

 

[Wade Wilson]

Define mundane in the sense you use it here.

Good question. What comes to mind is when a relationship gets to a point where it's easier just to stay with someone than going through the hassle of starting all over again. There's nothing you can tell the other person they haven't heard you say before. Conversations become monosyllabic and a night out on the town involves grocery shopping together (although it can be fun if you can infuse fun into it, like playing manhunt in Wal*Mart at 2 in the morning).

Conversely,

Or like, when you get lost on your way to an Outback Steakhouse for six hours and it's actually more fun than you would've had had you actually made it to the place.

Way I see is that something that was fun when you first met the person should still be fun one, five or ten years down the road. Once you start getting tired of what originally attracted you to that person but still go through the motions because you've invested so much time already with them... I just don't get it.

 

[Synarch]

Good question. What comes to mind is when a relationship gets to a point where it's easier just to stay with someone than going through the hassle of starting all over again. There's nothing you can tell the other person they haven't heard you say before. Conversations become monosyllabic and a night out on the town involves grocery shopping together (although it can be fun if you can infuse fun into it, like playing manhunt in Wal*Mart at 2 in the morning).

Conversely,

Or like, when you get lost on your way to an Outback Steakhouse for six hours and it's actually more fun than you would've had had you actually made it to the place.

Way I see is that something that was fun when you first met the person should still be fun one, five or ten years down the road. Once you start getting tired of what originally attracted you to that person but still go through the motions because you've invested so much time already with them... I just don't get it.

You have to build and develop the relationship. In my experience, it just seems like INTP / ENTP are horrible at being team players, so they have challenges when it comes to making something with their partner.

 

[professor goodstain]

I was thinking the past few days about how nice relationships sound in theory, but I can't reconcile it with my compulsive need for freedom. Are there any single ENTPs that regret being single? Are there partnered ones that have regrets about being in a couple? I'm just trying to figure out if happy long term relationships for this type can really happen or if I'm just kidding myself...

Maybe with an ESTJ. Until a half a year ago i've seen someone on and off (hot and cold) for 14 years. Mostly On/hot. We would see each other mostly when we both have the same times off work where we would do "mundane" things like patron fundraising dinners for museums, running, checking out cultural gigs, ect. We both lived seperately, roughly 20 miles apart. Didn't really argue alot, although she could be quite condescending which could lead to some drama, in that her condescendingness would hurt my feelings sometimes maybe and i'd end up explaining some truths about her which left me ending up home alone checking out porn Eventually she found a helluva great job 4 states away. Her moving/relocation didn't bother each of us so much that, when the day came she was leaving, it was just like another day

We still e-mail and call. She's even flying down here again in a couple months.

What i'm trying to say is maybe ESTJ is the choice for you.

 

[Synarch]

Maybe with an ESTJ. Until a half a year ago i've seen someone on and off (hot and cold) for 14 years. Mostly On/hot. We would see each other mostly when we both have the same times off work where we would do "mundane" things like patron fundraising dinners for museums, running, checking out cultural gigs, ect. We both lived seperately, roughly 20 miles apart. Didn't really argue alot, although she could be quite condescending which could lead to some drama, in that her condescendingness would hurt my feelings sometimes maybe and i'd end up explaining some truths about her which left me ending up home alone checking out porn Eventually she found a helluva great job 4 states away. Her moving/relocation didn't bother each of us so much that, when the day came she was leaving, it was just like another day

We still e-mail and call. She's even flying down here again in a couple months.

What i'm trying to say is maybe ESTJ is the choice for you.

That sounds like death.

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah, maybe I need to figure out how to relax, but ironically I can't do that with another person.

ESTJ? Dunno, have only had weird bad experiences... But one of my best friends is of that persuasion and she kinda rocks... I just don't think they would like someone like me romantically, though - I'm kinda stubborn when it comes down to it. I know my own shortcomings...

 

[professor goodstain]

I just don't think they would like someone like me romantically, though - I'm kinda stubborn when it comes down to it. I know my own shortcomings...

i can relate. i've felt/intuited this a time or two. Allthough i've never noticed hints of my shortcomings, even though i know they were there. But that could be how N and S work. Neither see the hints from the other. i'd venture to say that S doesn't notice the hints to a higher degree, which leaves us with the final option. You know what that is... truthful articulation

 

[marmandahalf]

Oh gosh, I can't handle Ss of any stripe.

 

[Edgar]

Yeah, maybe I need to figure out how to relax, but ironically I can't do that with another person.

ESTJ? Dunno, have only had weird bad experiences... But one of my best friends is of that persuasion and she kinda rocks... I just don't think they would like someone like me romantically, though - I'm kinda stubborn when it comes down to it. I know my own shortcomings...

If it's any consolation, a good, long lasting match for anyone is hard to come by - especially so for an N. Half the marriages end in divorce and there non-love related reasons why the people in the other half stay married.

Also, stay away from ESTJs. I'm sure they make great mates, but not for ENTPs.

 

[Samvega]

I'm confused too Jen. I want an amazing relationship and nothing less, maybe I just like looking for it and never finding it, I don't know. I know there's somebody that will fit me well. I don't want to be in an old stale life or relationship.

I'm a huge and amazing sail going to waste without the wind filling me full of life. Someplace out there is a boat missing a sail but wanting adventure and excitement. Together maybe will will offer a wonderful balance.

I often doubt anybody will fit into my life but I'm very adaptable so who knows. I don't want to be with somebody stuck to a 9-5 so there's no chance of adventure.

Fuck, I don't know, I'm confused about what I should do and even I'm starting to conclude I will just stay single. I am starting to wonder if the ENTP/ENTP or maybe ENFP match is a good thing provided both are mature and seeking a quality relationship.

I don't know Babe but at least we have each other, even if we get married and go our own ways half the year.

 

[simulatedworld]

I sometimes wonder if monogamy really has any inherent value for us. I know that it does for a lot of people, that they need that, but I just don't know if we're biologically cut out for it. I see so many people constantly distraught over relationship problems and I wonder if two human personalities can be expected to remain close enough for intimate exclusivity for life. Life is a long fucking time!

So many more people to explore, why do I need to commit my entire life to one?

Also, isn't it statistically probable that even if you find "the one", there are probably numerous even better matches for you out there? Consider the miniscule fraction of people in the world that you'll actually encounter in your lifetime, and it doesn't seem too likely that your "one true love" exists among them.

What if thought you'd found the one and then ended up meeting someone even better? How can you know there isn't anything better out there? How can you be content not looking for it?

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah, yeah. I know. Personal space. This is code for "getting my way".

no fucking doubt.

(although it can be fun if you can infuse fun into it, like playing manhunt in Wal*Mart at 2 in the morning)

I love manhunt, but in the woods at night.
The last thing I want to feel is stuck or obligated.

You have to build and develop the relationship. In my experience, it just seems like INTP / ENTP are horrible at being team players, so they have challenges when it comes to making something with their partner.

I'm a pretty good team player at game time, but I don't always want it to be game time. I work best with a partner (not necessarily romantic...) and I like to be a part of a team. Just not always.

But that could be how N and S work. Neither see the hints from the other.

That's so true and it really sucks. I have some wonderful Ss in my life and this letter should not be coming between us...

If it's any consolation, a good, long lasting match for anyone is hard to come by - especially so for an N. Half the marriages end in divorce and there non-love related reasons why the people in the other half stay married.

It is a good consolation, thanks. But I truly want everyone to be happy, not just me or the few people in good relationships.

I'm confused too Jen. I want an amazing relationship and nothing less, maybe I just like looking for it and never finding it, I don't know. I know there's somebody that will fit me well. I don't want to be in an old stale life or relationship.
...

I don't know Babe but at least we have each other, even if we get married and go our own ways half the year.

I don't even know if I want an amazing relationship, I honestly like my life the way it is. I'm just concerned about not growing as a person. But what is growth, really? Who is to say that doing this sort of thing makes you "grow"? Sometimes, I think that I'm the evolved one for not needing dependency... I don't know.

Yes, we have each other.

 

[jenocyde]

I sometimes wonder if monogamy really has any inherent value for us. I know that it does for a lot of people, that they need that, but I just don't know if we're biologically cut out for it.

I don't believe in monogamy either, but I believe in honoring commitments. So if a man I love demands monogamy, I will most likely do it and pray that I don't harbor resentments... but I guess I don't have to worry about that now anyway.

 

[LucrativeSid]

Anything is possible. The question is, do you want it to be possible? What would the most ideal long-term relationship for you be like? Let loose and don't worry about how realistic it is.

 

[jenocyde]

I don't know if I want it to be possible. Are you in a relationship?