[sx] Sexual Last Support Group.

[Froody Blue Gem]

I strongly value an environment of harmony and positivity and latch onto groups. I'm reluctant to put myself in settings with a lot of people like joining clubs, especially if there's no one who I know and avoid settings like that. In fact I've refused to do so when people have proposed it. But if there are people I already know, I like having my little niche in the group, and everyone else having theirs.

One thing is in groups of people, even when I've known them for years on end I have chronic extra-wheel syndrome. Sharing space and talking to them, but others joining the group, and growing closer and closer while I just remain on the outskirts in awkward extra wheel land.

 

[fatgurl]

> treats people the same
> someone feels like they're special and tries to get with you
> down the line, discovers you treat everyone else the same
> they throw a shitfit / become dejected / feel betrayed (?)

I just... Find this more common with people typing as sx (irl). There is this "Why aren't I special to you" thing, "I want to cultivate something just between us" that I a strong sx-laster just cannot comprehend (and this is something I noticed even before typology), though granted, my tritype isn't the most relational (not necessarily unfriendly, just not relational) one on the planet. What dost thou even mean. I've brought up the sx variant with the ones that don't know ennea, and they said it basically described them and why they behaved in those manners. Doesn't mean I understand them though. But it feels like an irritating conquest of perpetually having to beat people back with a metaphorical stick while they keep trying to crawl in.

LOL. This is a problem I've had with a lot of people in my life. I'm usually the one who gets mad about being treated like everyone else. That just means I'm no different from anyone else in their life. Like I don't really matter that much. It does feel like a betrayal of some sort. When I was younger I used to sulk and throw tantrums when people did this. Reminds me of when I found out my guy friend was hanging out with someone else and spending the same amount of time alone like he usually does with me. I was boiling with anger when I found out. Couldn't even look at him, lol.

Growing up I realized it wasn't healthy for me to try and force people to act a certain way with me. I just had to accept it and keep searching for the one who would treat me a certain way. Doesn't mean that I don't feel the same way when it happens now, but I learn to control it.

 

[Earl Grey]

LOL. This is a problem I've had with a lot of people in my life. I'm usually the one who gets mad about being treated like everyone else. That just means I'm no different from anyone else in their life. Like I don't really matter that much. It does feel like a betrayal of some sort. When I was younger I used to sulk and throw tantrums when people did this. Reminds me of when I found out my guy friend was hanging out with someone else and spending the same amount of time alone like he usually does with me. I was boiling with anger when I found out. Couldn't even look at him, lol.

Growing up I realized it wasn't healthy for me to try and force people to act a certain way with me. I just had to accept it and keep searching for the one who would treat me a certain way. Doesn't mean that I don't feel the same way when it happens now, but I learn to control it.

Interestingly, some people don't mind what I do (what you quoted), or even prefer it, so I've come to similar conclusions- find someone (or some people) who wouldn't mind, or like it. Otherwise, communication is needed.

I've never dropped someone because they reacted this way to me- one of my closer friends (also the only close friendship I have where this happened) realised this early on in our friendship, though was more hurt than angry, and only communicated it to me years into the friendship (feeling and fearing that they would be intrusive and unreasonable to complain).

Something that confuses me however is- I could understand the sadness and disappointment, because of the mis-assessment that the relationship is closer or more intimate in some way than it actually is. What I do not understand is- in essence, nothing has changed in the dynamics between the two individuals: why then, the 'betrayal' and anger? Where does that come from? This is not me being facetious or testy- I do not understand, and the angry people I've asked have never been keen on answering, only tossing back unhelpful, passive-aggressive remarks. It does not help me, it does not help them.

 

[fatgurl]

Interestingly, some people don't mind what I do (what you quoted), or even prefer it, so I've come to similar conclusions- find someone (or some people) who wouldn't mind, or like it. Otherwise, communication is needed.

I've never dropped someone because they reacted this way to me- one of my closer friends (also the only close friendship I have where this happened) realised this early on in our friendship, though was more hurt than angry, and only communicated it to me years into the friendship (feeling and fearing that they would be intrusive and unreasonable to complain).

Something that confuses me however is- I could understand the sadness and disappointment, because of the mis-assessment that the relationship is closer or more intimate in some way than it actually is. What I do not understand is- in essence, nothing has changed in the dynamics between the two individuals: why then, the 'betrayal' and anger? Where does that come from? This is not me being facetious or testy- I do not understand, and the angry people I've asked have never been keen on answering, only tossing back unhelpful, passive-aggressive remarks. It does not help me, it does not help them.

I've actually been trying to figure that out myself. It's such an innate response that it's hard for me to really step back and see where it comes from.

 

[Earl Grey]

I've actually been trying to figure that out myself. It's such an innate response that it's hard for me to really step back and see where it comes from.

I hope you figure it out, if at least to help yourself work through your reactions and find comfort and happiness. It can't be pleasant to feel such negative emotions, let alone not understand why they happen, or where they came from. If anything, it may also end up helping you salvage or maintain a friendship with whoever you are interacting with.

 

[Coriolis]

LOL. This is a problem I've had with a lot of people in my life. I'm usually the one who gets mad about being treated like everyone else. That just means I'm no different from anyone else in their life. Like I don't really matter that much. It does feel like a betrayal of some sort. When I was younger I used to sulk and throw tantrums when people did this. Reminds me of when I found out my guy friend was hanging out with someone else and spending the same amount of time alone like he usually does with me. I was boiling with anger when I found out. Couldn't even look at him, lol.

Growing up I realized it wasn't healthy for me to try and force people to act a certain way with me. I just had to accept it and keep searching for the one who would treat me a certain way. Doesn't mean that I don't feel the same way when it happens now, but I learn to control it.

I can understand feeling betrayed if the other person led you to think you were special when they did not really consider you so. Barring this sort of misleading, though, I can see disappointment more than betrayal. Oftentimes, disappointment can lead to anger, especially if the situation is very important to them. One way or another, it is a mismatch of perception that gets corrected when you learn that you are considered just like everyone else. I wonder if sometimes wishful thinking colors people's perceptions in such a way as to lead them to think the other person considers them more special than they do.

I try to guard against this very strictly, since this is one kind of disappointment I cannot abide. Being treated just like everyone else is fine in most cases, even desirable. If I am going to become close, even intimate, with someone, though, that difference needs to register with them and be important to them. If it is not, then I will not allow the relationship to become closer than how I relate to "everyone else". I suppose this is just a manifestation of sp/sx: I enjoy the closeness, being special and considering someone else special, but I will act with an overabundance of caution to avoid being hurt, either through the other person's misrepresentation, or my own miscalculation.

 

[fatgurl]

I can understand feeling betrayed if the other person led you to think you were special when they did not really consider you so. Barring this sort of misleading, though, I can see disappointment more than betrayal. Oftentimes, disappointment can lead to anger, especially if the situation is very important to them. One way or another, it is a mismatch of perception that gets corrected when you learn that you are considered just like everyone else. I wonder if sometimes wishful thinking colors people's perceptions in such a way as to lead them to think the other person considers them more special than they do. I try to guard against this very strictly, since this is one kind of disappointment I cannot abide. Being treated just like everyone else is fine in most cases, even desirable. If I am going to become close, even intimate, with someone, though, that difference needs to register with them and be important to them. If it is not, then I will not allow the relationship to become closer than how I relate to "everyone else". I suppose this is just a manifestation of sp/sx: I enjoy the closeness, being special and considering someone else special, but I will act with an overabundance of caution to avoid being hurt, either through the other person's misrepresentation, or my own miscalculation.

Unfortunately idk what caution is when it comes to people. Whenever I meet someone new that interests me I get so caught up in them that I completely forget any form of self protection. It's only after I come to the realization that I'm no more special than anyone else to them that I come back to reality.

 

[Iceblueblossom]

It's interesting - rumors say that sp/so is the most common combination for subtypes yet in the community I rarely see people who are sx blind.
I am not sure if people are mistyping or if other factors are at play.

But yeah, I agree that there should be more talk about this specific blindspot

And about this question:

So do y'all feel more comfortable in groups than in one-on-one interactions?

Groups can be very nice but also stressful - especially if I want to be seen and heard but am constantly talked over...
If I am able to find a group I feel deeply connected with I can enjoy it almost more than your regular one-on-one interaction. But in like 90% of the cases being alone with the person makes it easier for me to bond and communicate since I can focus more of my attention to how they react / what they expect etc. I just made more good experiences with that kind of interaction.

 

[Luminous]

I am not sure if people are mistyping or if other factors are at play.

There's a lot of mistying.

 

[Coriolis]

It's interesting - rumors say that sp/so is the most common combination for subtypes yet in the community I rarely see people who are sx blind.
I am not sure if people are mistyping or if other factors are at play.

But yeah, I agree that there should be more talk about this specific blindspot

Will having sx in last place always equate to being sx-blind, which I interpret to mean having no engagement with sx? I am so last, but do rather well on certain aspects of so. Of course on others I do abysmally and am rather blind, but the blindness is spotty, not across the board. Perhaps the same is true of sx-last. These deficits will manifest differently in nature and degree from person to person.

 

[Luminous]

Will having sx in last place always equate to being sx-blind, which I interpret to mean having no engagement with sx? I am so last, but do rather well on certain aspects of so. Of course on others I do abysmally and am rather blind, but the blindness is spotty, not across the board. Perhaps the same is true of sx-last. These deficits will manifest differently in nature and degree from person to person.

Exactly. There are different areas in each instinct, Instinctual Zones:

Self Preservation: Self Care/Health, Practicality/Resources, Domesticity/Home
Sexual: Attraction, Exploration/Edge, Fusion/Merging (not to be confused with identifying with)
Social: Reading People, Creating/Maintaining Connections, Participation/Contribution

I am so-last, and I'm actually at a decent level in 2 of those 3, but I really struggle with the 3rd one, to the point where it puts it as the last in my stacking.

 

[Iceblueblossom]

Will having sx in last place always equate to being sx-blind, which I interpret to mean having no engagement with sx? I am so last, but do rather well on certain aspects of so. Of course on others I do abysmally and am rather blind, but the blindness is spotty, not across the board. Perhaps the same is true of sx-last. These deficits will manifest differently in nature and degree from person to person.

Nope it doesn't mean that at all! When looking at the theory of Russ Hudson each instinct as at 3 zones that you can focus on.
The so called "blind spot" doesn't mean you are literally completely blind to it though I understand why it can be misleading!
Hudson states that even in the last instinct usually one zone is still active (in my case it would be the merging zone) while the others can be ignored.

Someone on Reddit actually put together all of his tweets in a single place (though for the other instincts you would need to search the other parts)
Russ Hudson: Instincts / Subtypes. [PART THREE] : Enneagram

Edit: Just saw that Luminous already posted a beautiful overview here. So check that out instead!!

 

[Lady_X]

Will having sx in last place always equate to being sx-blind, which I interpret to mean having no engagement with sx? I am so last, but do rather well on certain aspects of so. Of course on others I do abysmally and am rather blind, but the blindness is spotty, not across the board. Perhaps the same is true of sx-last. These deficits will manifest differently in nature and degree from person to person.

that makes sense to me yeah. i think i'm so last but it feels like it's just a bit less prioritized than sp stuffs.

 

[Mind Maverick]

There is some humor in this thread. Receiving support requires first having some degree of personal intimacy / exposure. By the way, Sx last is rather misunderstood. Many (not all) who type as Sx last based on those misconceptions are more than likely just Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style.

 

[EJCC]

(observes thread from a safe distance)

 

[EJCC]

There is some humor in this thread. Receiving support requires first having some degree of personal intimacy / exposure. By the way, Sx last is rather misunderstood. Many (not all) who type as Sx last based on those misconceptions are more than likely just Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style.

Probably both in my case, lol. Classic sp-dom, classic dismissive-avoidant, classic "warm" vibe with absolutely everyone I meet (which I've been told is a sp/so thing). Could see sp/sx because I'm kind of an intense person, but I do relate to sx-blindness in the sense that I keep forgetting about my need for deep one-on-one connection until it's too late.

 

[Stigmata]

Satirical thread contains some inaccuracies/exaggerations related to the topic of discussion. More news at 11.

 

[Mind Maverick]

Satirical thread contains some inaccuracies/exaggerations related to the topic of discussion. More news at 11.

Yes, I would hope everyone picked up on this.

 

[Luminous]

For a reminder that sx isn't the intimacy/one-on-one instinct... https://www.typologycentral.com/threads/instinctual-zones.106991/

 

[EJCC]

For a reminder that sx isn't the intimacy/one-on-one instinct... https://www.typologycentral.com/threads/instinctual-zones.106991/

Ah! Thank you for this. Cements sp/so for me, as all the sx traits are things I wish it naturally occurred to me to do - but things that I admire in others and aspire to emulate (within reason).