Self image of physical appearance

[Synarch]

Yea, sounds cute.

 

[sarah]

For me it depends on whether I've got clothes on. I have absolutely no figure and am basically a scrawny toothpick. But I've got an attractive face, porcelain skin & glossy hair (as you can see, I'm very modest) and I like to dress nicely in my own unique way. So when I'm wearing clothes, I'm usually somewhere from feeling good about myself to feeling alright.

But during the other situation, I'm really insecure. I can't tell you how much I envy other women who actually have a figure (e.g. curves).

I can't relate much to the comments that people make about my appearance, like the words they use to describe me: dainty, elegant, tiny, cute, sweet... For years I was completely surprised to hear myself described that way.

Well, there are men who like curves and men who actually prefer well-proportioned petite women. The kind of men who think slender-is-better just aren't quite as vocal as the sort who go around loudly and lustily singing the praises of bosomy bombshells. (Besides, generous curves that look good on a 20 year old rarely stay firm and "in all the right places" when she starts aging.) I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm also petite and I hear all the time about how dainty, tiny, pixie-ish and cute I am, and I've finally gotten to the point where I accept these words as compliments rather than wonder if I'm being made fun of. I figure, as soon as I start to show serious signs of aging, I'll start hearing myself described as a "little old lady" anyway, so descriptors are just... descriptors.

And by the way, I'd encourage you to stop referring to yourself as "scrawny" or a "toothpick." There's a positive and a negative way to talk about every kind of physique, including whatever kind you think you'd prefer. If you put yourself down like that, that's going to influence the way you feel about yourself for a long, long time, and your feelings will influence the way you interact with others. Don't let negative thinking take over.


Sarah
ISFP

 

[Little Linguist]

For me it depends on whether I've got clothes on. I have absolutely no figure and am basically a scrawny toothpick. But I've got an attractive face, porcelain skin & glossy hair (as you can see, I'm very modest) and I like to dress nicely in my own unique way. So when I'm wearing clothes, I'm usually somewhere from feeling good about myself to feeling alright.

But during the other situation, I'm really insecure. I can't tell you how much I envy other women who actually have a figure (e.g. curves).

I can't relate much to the comments that people make about my appearance, like the words they use to describe me: dainty, elegant, tiny, cute, sweet... For years I was completely surprised to hear myself described that way.

Don't feel bad!!! I'm sure other people were jealous because you don't have to worry about your weight. You probably do look dainty, tiny, elegant, cute and sweet!

 

[Synarch]

Women are beautiful each in their own way.

I have met beautiful women who became ugly to me and other women who became goddesses as they revealed themselves. The best course is simply to treat one's self well and to strive for health inwardly and outwardly.

 

[Mempy]

I'm curious to know how your self image fluctuates. Do you hold a consistent opinion on what you perceive is your level of attractiveness? For me it varies all the time. Sometimes I feel decently good looking and sometimes almost to the point of ugly. Curious as to what may be considered normal by hearing how others feel.

Word, dawgs.

Hmm. I've noticed this about myself in the recent past, too. I actually thought that exact same thing, that my opinion of my physical appearance fluctuated widely from awesome to really un-awesome.

I've balanced out more in recent days; perhaps because I have stopped avoiding the painful feelings that come with acknowledging I am perhaps just average-looking; not even on the better end of the average scale, but perhaps even on the middle-to-worse end. It's kind of hard to be very objective about one's appearance, but I think even if one is not blessed with good looks, there are a lot of healthy ways in which one can improve upon what has been given them; good hygiene; good style of dress; a thoughtful consideration for what hairstyle and colors might look best with one's own face shape, skin tone, overall combination of features, etc. Oh! I forgot a REALLY important one, perhaps the most important of all next to hygiene: physical fitness and body fat percentage.

I think, also, that while it is definitely a great feeling to feel sexy and attractive to the opposite sex, and to feel aesthetically beautiful, that when it comes to those who really matter - significant others and friends and family - your looks honestly play such a small role to the good ones. Your overall character and personality are astronomically more important than your god-given looks. And personality and character heavily influence the likelihood that you will maintain good physical fitness, good hygeine, and pay attention to style and your overall appearance, which are just a few of the ways you can improve upon your god-given looks, whatever those may be. And that is a great feeling, and those are all facts, I think.

So, in the end, it's sweet sugar in the cup of life if you have nice natural looks, but the real cup of tea or coffee is your personality and character, which influence everything from how you evaluate your looks to the health of your relationships and the overall happiness and peace of mind you experience.

 

[Randomnity]

I do that too. I usually look best at night and worst in the morning. I really think my appearance DOES change a lot though, it's not just mental...lighting especially, lack of sleep, and slight makeup can all make a big difference, at least for my face. And I think I look way different (better) in the mirror than in pretty much any photo, ever.

So yeah, it definitely varies for me, I go from "scaring children" to "hawt" and of course everything in between.

 

[cascadeco]

I do that too. I usually look best at night and worst in the morning. I really think my appearance DOES change a lot though, it's not just mental...lighting especially, lack of sleep, and slight makeup can all make a big difference, at least for my face.

I can relate to this very much. In an objective sense, my appearance can vary quite a lot, and sometimes I AM totally frumpy (whether it be from lack of sleep, hormones/time of month/whatever), and very much not hawt. So it's not all psychological for me either. And more than one person has commented on how different I look depending on my haircut or even whether I've parted my hair one way vs. another. It's kind of weird. (I guess I have a face shape/structure that just looks really varied/different depending on the hair). Then lack of sleep is a big one, and obviously the makeup thing.

So yeah, it definitely varies for me, I go from "scaring children" to "hawt" and of course everything in between.

That sounds about right for me too.

 

[surgery]

I've also noticed that my opinion of my attractiveness also depends on how close or far away I am in relation to the mirror.

That's true for me too. I prefer too see myself farther away from the mirror, because one doesn't see all the unattractive details. Other variants include, the quality and angle of the mirror, lighting and, most importantly, who else is around me.

I pay a great deal of attention to other people's faces, perhaps to unhealthy degree. I constantly analyze skin color and quality, eye shape and color, nose and shape, chin size, cheekbones and eye brows. I live in a hierarchy of beauty where I constantly compare myself to others and look for ways to compensate.

 

[V Profane]

I look amazing on Google Earth.

 

[Jack Flak]

Street View is a disgrace.

 

[LucrativeSid]

I'm very image focused. It's kind of a pain in the ass. I have to be perfect, and since I'm usually not, it angers me. I'm angered, more than saddened, because all of the stuff I hate about my body is beyond my control. I'll save your time by not naming each thing specifically, but it's way more than the average dude would want to admit to.

I've never worried about it in terms of finding women. I've never once in my life lacked the confidence or the looks to get chicks. It's a non-issue in that arena. In fact, a lot of people think I'm attractive. Cute is probably a more accurate description. (Cute is better than ugly, right?)

I know people will love me and accept me. That's always been my experience and it just makes sense on top of that. I have a good personality and a lot to offer. And that's what I like in other people, too. There's no formula for what kind of women I might be attracted to physically. Any color, any size, etc... Personality is important, of course. I wouldn't fall in love with someone based on their looks alone. (Although it's a great bonus!)

The thing that pisses me off is that I want both! I don't want to make up for my lack of physical awesomeness with my personality and confidence. I freaking want both of them to be amazing. I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick, I guess, and I'm a bit bitter about it. (At least it's not a total loss, right?)

I don't want to compensate for my weaknesses. I simply just do not want weaknesses at all. I could forget about it, and that would probably be wise, but even if I managed to not think about it, I'd still look the same. It would feel a bit like denial to me. As long as it angers me, it hasn't beat me. More than anything, I hate submission.

How retarded my thought process is. My problem. I'll fix it eventually. I'm never self-conscious about it when I'm with other people. It's only when I'm alone that I think about it.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

Unfortunately, I have a very confused self-image at the moment. In the past year and a half, I have lost 70 pounds. I was overweight my whole life and was a loner...so I got made fun of a lot. Now...I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm in a stranger's body. I feel like an imposter in the average-size world. Being fat had been so ingrained in my identity that I feel like a piece of me is missing. People will say cruel jokes about a fat person to me and I just freeze. It's like living in a different world. I still have trouble socially because I just don't seem to "fit in" (no pun intended) with my peers. People my age (not all) can be so rude and hurtful. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to just be accepted for who I am. Does anyone else have this dilemma?

 

[Synarch]

This same experience is shared by a close female friend of mine. In some ways, I think she will always carry this experience of being "fat" and struggles to feel beautiful sometimes, although she most certainly is. I tend to think that on some level you just have to learn to be okay with yourself on the inside and not worry about the outside so much except to try to stay healthy, clean, and well-dressed without obsessing over it or what it MEANS about who you are inside.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

This same experience is shared by a close female friend of mine. In some ways, I think she will always carry this experience of being "fat" and struggles to feel beautiful sometimes, although she most certainly is. I tend to think that on some level you just have to learn to be okay with yourself on the inside and not worry about the outside so much except to try to stay healthy, clean, and well-dressed without obsessing over it or what it MEANS about who you are inside.

Good point. I hate how American society is sooooo obsessed with looks! It's so pointless, superficial, and disturbing. I think my main problem is now that the fat is gone, I have nothing to hide behind. For example, if someone doesn't like me, it's not because I'm fat...it's because there's something about ME they don't like. That's hard to face.

 

[Synarch]

Good point. I hate how American society is sooooo obsessed with looks! It's so pointless, superficial, and disturbing. I think my main problem is now that the fat is gone, I have nothing to hide behind. For example, if someone doesn't like me, it's not because I'm fat...it's because there's something about ME they don't like. That's hard to face.

That's such an incredible idea. I'll be thinking about that for a while. Thank you.

It dovetails in with this idea of working on YOU first. Becoming healthy inside and letting this reflect outwardly rather than obsessing with the outside first. It also makes me think about how we sabotage ourselves so easily with the little messages we repeat to ourselves in our minds. Negative thoughts and habits can get lodged like poisoned darts. Yet, we must acknowledge them and try to dig them out.

Oh, also. Sometimes when people don't like us, it has nothing to do with us.

 

[LindseyLadybug]

That's such an incredible idea. I'll be thinking about that for a while. Thank you.

It dovetails in with this idea of working on YOU first. Becoming healthy inside and letting this reflect outwardly rather than obsessing with the outside first. It also makes me think about how we sabotage ourselves so easily with the little messages we repeat to ourselves in our minds. Negative thoughts and habits can get lodged like poisoned darts. Yet, we must acknowledge them and try to dig them out.

Oh, also. Sometimes when people don't like us, it has nothing to do with us.

You're welcome! That's just what I've experienced.

Yes, definitely. I had to battle major depression for 6 years and gain confidence before I could even begin to start eating healthy! Of course, I'm still not 100% confident. I experience rejection and it kills me inside because then I have flashbacks...and I don't want to remember those times. I think I've come so far and everything's great so I say hi to someone and then BAM!!!....their apathetic, arrogant glare shoots me back down....but not completely down! My current strategy is self-talk. That is helpful. Also, not trying to be extraverted but rather just quietly earning the respect of those around me. It's just the process that's so painful...but so worth it. Anyway, it's complicated but I'm getting there.

 

[Synarch]

It's just the process that's so painful...but so worth it. Anyway, it's complicated but I'm getting there.

Growth comes with a price, but it is worth it. Nothing worth doing is easy.

 

[naymornings]

I think so. I've come to the conclusion that Kansans are filthy nasty people with terrible hygiene habits. I guess it's part of the mating ritual.

HAHA. I agree, and being from kansas, i have has thus dropped even lower in the 10 scale presented above.

I find it amazing how it all flips around, usually dependent upon mood, but I go from not giving the slightest damn about myself, sometimes being amazed that I actually exist in the physical world at all-- to trying to decide if the person I see in the mirror should really allow myself outside the confides of my house, but somehow I still manage to find scary men calling me at me from drity pick up trucks on a fairly regular basis.
Conclusion is not to try nor think of anything related, it's all too demeaning no matter how good of mood you are in...

 

[Venom]

working out is my favorite coping mechanism. thus i feel best after I work out and am all pumped up. I also spend copious amounts of time in front of the mirror. I spend 90% of my leisure time with my shirt off.

the problem is that now i only look good in t-shirts. "fitted" tight t-shirts make me like like a Guido and a polo makes me look like a tool. It makes me look like im trying too hard. When I put on a suit or a button down shirt I just look "big" because all of the "taper" effect is lost. To really translate the physical qualities to looking good at more dressed up occasions I would have to have some special made stuff...

I generally see myself who takes up space in a positive sense, my presence is felt.

 

[lane777]

If I've had my head in a style/teen magazine for awhile and look in the mirror afterwards, I feel fugly. But if I avoid those dreaded things which I do now, I'm content with my appearance.