Like others have said intentions matter a lot. If someone does something wrong or inconsiderate I often try to work out what their possible motivations could have been, so as to not unfairly judge their behaviour. However, sometimes intentions explain, but do not excuse, bad behaviour; you can't always ignore the negative impact of something that was done for positive reasons. Good intentions devoid of reasonable awareness or forethought can be particularly dangerous.
I would agree with this.
However, in comparing my INTP to myself, I seem to place more emphasis on intent. A lot of times he isn't even aware of the other person's intent, whereas I will spend considerable time trying to understand it. In general I don't do much judging of other people, being more interested in understanding their motivation/perspective/reasoning etc.
How are your interactions with INTPs? Do you get along well with us or not? Be honest here. I ask because in some ways I think INTP and INFP look similar on the surface- shared auxilary Ne but in terms of the dominant function, which is introverted they are worlds apart.
Well I've been in a fantastic marriage with an INTP for 14 years so I'm perhaps biased. We have a lot of similarities, I'm sure the shared Ne was a big reason we connected so instantly when we first met. The first few years were a bit up and down (though mostly up). (More for me than him, I would say. I think he was oblivious for the most part.) I was so sensitive back then, hyper aware to any sort of negativity or rejection. Also I was recovering from emotional abuse, which wouldn't have helped.
Eventually I came to understand that being direct about my needs was crucial. He was more than happy to fulfill them, but if I didn't say anything he was oblivious --It wasn't that he didn't care. This was really hard for me to accept. I felt like, if I ask it doesn't count, or at least loses a large part of its meaning. A perspective shift was needed. But once that was achieved I became much happier.
Another thing that used to get to me was his habit of throwing around scathing comments about random people. One of those things I originally found attractive. (what's the saying, every girl wants a bad boy who'll be good just for her?) We would get in these 'discussions' with me defending the poor maligned random person. Enumerating the many possible reasons about why they might do this thing, why it wasn't fair to make a judgment with so little information. He would vacillate between irritation and amusement.
One time he finally burst out, "Why do you defend everyone but me!"
It left me in stunned silence. For a moment anyway. Then I said, "I'm not defending them, I'm trying to balance your negative judgments! And when did you ever need defending?"
Which evidently wasn't the answer he wanted because the rest of the drive proceeded in silence.
That has been the subject of much discussion by us, and it (mostly) doesn't bother me anymore. For the most part his judgments about people seem to be very lightly held. Judgment probably isn't even the right word, perhaps it's more of a observation? He might throw me some snarky comment about X, but it is more something that occurred to him in the moment and he doesn't even know if he believes it. So I've learned to lighten up and enjoy his humor, cause he is fantastically sharp.
...I think part of the reason he would get annoyed when I defended someone because it would put him in a position where he had to back his comment, and a lot of times he didn't believe it enough to do that. Does this make any sense?
I know you said that Ti and Fi are world's apart, and in a sense it seems that way, as can be seen in the examples I mentioned above. But at the same time it feels like we think very similarly. When we talk about things, analyze together, our minds have no trouble following each other. It's like a mental dance, our conversation and thoughts twinning together, higher and higher, or broader and broader. I doubt an outsider would be able to follow, so much is left unsaid. One of us might say something, the other responds, a moment of silence while our minds internally follow the threads, another response touching on some linked idea. And on and on.
I could go on... but I'm suddenly feeling the hideous weight of self-consciousness
for being exceptionally ridiculous and not realising it until someone points it out to you 
Which is also socially ridiculous behaviour.....
)
