[INFP] (patiently) ask an INFP!!1

[tkae.]

INFP's... what are signs that your interested in someone?

Immediately look down at the ground, pretend I don't notice them, and focus as intently as possible on hiding all signs of any interest whatsoever. Then somewhere in the back of my head I entertain the romantic notion of them noticing me despite all of my attempts to not be noticed, ideally thinking that it's cute, but then they don't and I get depressed.

That's usually how I can tell

-Are you (in practice) ever forward with someone?

Never.

Ever.

-Do you have to know the other party is interested first?

Before what? I have to know the other party is interested before I ever allow myself to think they might be interested. I constantly search for points of doubt in their interest, always assuming that I'm misunderstanding what their intentions are and that I'm about to make a fool of myself, so...

-Do you initiate, or create many opportunities for them to?

No, I never initiate. And if they find an opportunity I've created, then I consider it a critical failure. And if they still create an opportunity, they're using me for something.

And last, but certainly not least, how do you SHAKE someone your not interested in?

Avoidance, usually. But it depends on how overt they're being. If they're vocal enough, I'll give some sort of reason, always me being the one at fault, of why I can't reciprocate their feelings, how they're a great person and they'll find someone just as great as they are, they deserve it, and that I'm really sorry but there's no reason why we can't be friends, and then try to never speak of it ever again, never seeing them ever again being the ideal scenario.

 

[Eckhart]

The one time I was really, really interested into someone I behaved like a complete idiot. I couldn't initiate anything and felt always completely awkward around her. Even if things look like she likes me, I am still so much with doubts. And when she took steps to get closer to me (I think), I didn't understand them at all first. I needed much time to get safer with the whole situation, and by that time it was apparently already too late and she lost interest and got together with another guy *sigh*

I think someone has to have very, VERY much patience with me if she is interested into me. And she has to make it clear to me in a way that every idiot would have noticed it already long before me so that I understand it. I hope I will be better prepared myself for the next time though.

edit:

Immediately look down at the ground, pretend I don't notice them, and focus as intently as possible on hiding all signs of any interest whatsoever.

Yes, I can relate, that was exactly how it was in the very beginning

I constantly search for points of doubt in their interest, always assuming that I'm misunderstanding what their intentions are and that I'm about to make a fool of myself, so...

That I can relate to as well.

 

[Viridian]

An akita for you guys:

Now, where do you clash with your non-INFP NF brethren, so to speak?

 

[Glycerine]

haha, about the nonconformity thing, I must have been around REALLY weird INFPs. (or more generally, Fi doms) My male INFP teacher jokingly called me "hot mama" in the middle of taking a final and avoided me for 3 days. Another one wore blue devil like spikes in his hair in church.

 

[KDude]

Yeah, I happened to have blue hair in church. The preacher actually tried to take me to the side and "admonish" me. He thought I was a bad influence or something.

What stinks is I went there out of good will. It was just a friend's church. That was in my late teens when I chilled out and began exploring things like that more. If I had gone anytime before that, he might have been right.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

Would you consider you have higher expectation on others or just as much as INFJs?

 

[BAJ]

Would you consider you have higher expectation on others or just as much as INFJs?

I'm not really sure I know any INFJs or other INFPs...at least in life.

I sort of would like to.

What can I expect?

What do I have a right to expect?

Who makes such a law?

If there is such a law, then am I responsible for any aspect of it?

Are my emotions precipitating from a law of expectation? Is the other person therefore at fault for changing my emotions?

No, I think my expectations are a matter of no law or convention. Should I get upset when one person used the wrong fork?

No, no. I think I'm going to sever myself from expectations. Nobody will be subjected to my expectations, and my emotional life will not be subjected to other peoples' failures to meet expectations, whether such expectations are sanctioned by society or coming strictly from myself.

Set everyone free from the prison of my mind, and set me free from expecting. I get more and more done with that idea I hope.

Sure, I expect things. I expect the light to come on when I flip the switch. I expect the other car to stop on red. I expect workers to listen. I expect people to do their jobs.

That's all fluid and society. Other than that, I trim more and more expectations; I have no more currency to offer.

 

[nolla]

What is the most nonconformist you have done? I like how some of you guys push boundaries.

The most noncomformist things have to do with my daily life, actually. Just regular things, like, I have a lot more ascetic life style than most people, and I usually don't notice it myself. The other day I was called "radical" and I found it quite funny, since I try to live the most comfortable I can. My "comfortable" just seems to have a different meaning than it has for others.

 

[BAJ]

I've been trying to think how to answer the "conformist" question.

I guess I've been seen as different or crazy much of the time, and I don't know how to put this down to a few examples.

Yet, I thought of my first job out of school. I went to work on a large plantation with antebellum mentality. In this, I was a white overseer. Yet, I was called a, "Niggar lover" by some of the other white workers.

Are we talking about 1860? No, we are talking about 1996 in the Mississippi Delta.

Thus, people assumed I was a racist, since my employer was racist, and maybe because I shaved my head.

But, I helped a few people.

For example, while I was there, I hung out with the only integrated Church, which was a Franciscan mission and school dedicated to educating poor blacks. So I went around at least once with this gay Franciscan friar, trying to recruit poor black children for the school.

This kind of secret double-agent action went alright for a while until I went insane.

 

[WoodsWoman]

What is the most nonconformist you have done? I like how some of you guys push boundaries.

Erm... How about marrying someone 40 years my senior? I was 20 and he was 60. I was 16 when we became a couple. Now 24 years later I'm his widow and I would do it all over again if I could - including living for 16 years without running water. Yes, that was me.

 

[Elfa]

Erm... How about marrying someone 40 years my senior? I was 20 and he was 60. I was 16 when we became a couple. Now 24 years later I'm his widow and I would do it all over again if I could - including living for 16 years without running water. Yes, that was me.

 

[WoodsWoman]

Yup. That was me!

 

[Glycerine]

awwww that's cool.

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFP's... what are signs that your interested in someone?

-Are you (in practice) ever forward with someone?
-Do you have to know the other party is interested first?
-Do you initiate, or create many opportunities for them to?

And last, but certainly not least, how do you SHAKE someone your not interested in?

-If I am interested in someone, then I respond positively to their efforts. I may make side glances at them & that sort of thing.
-I am not forward at all. I admit that I am probably hard to read.
-Yes. I have to be very sure they have interest before I will indicate my own.
-I don't initiate. I'd like to think I create opportunities (purposely going places I may run into them, hanging out long enough for them to initiate a conversation, etc), but there have been times when I've run away like a frightened deer....

-When I am not interested & want to be rid of someone, then I become much more direct. When I was younger I had problems with pity-dating, but even then, once I had decided it was not going to work, I became direct. Basically, if I don't like you, then you will know.

Would you consider you have higher expectation on others or just as much as INFJs?

I don't know if I have high expectations, so much as high standards. I know that may seem like the same thing, but it's not. I admit I am harder on people the closer I am to them, likely because I know their potential.

I can't compare it to INFJs, because I have a feeling we likely have different ways of defining these things. I personally don't find the INFJs I know unreasonably high in their expectations though.

 

[Viridian]

Dear INFPs:

* Have you ever consciously masked your true feelings in order not to hurt/dissapoint someone? (That seems associated with Fe, so I'm curious)

* Can you generally "agree to disagree"?

Have a panda!

 

[Anew Leaf]

Dear INFPs:

* Have you ever consciously masked your true feelings in order not to hurt/dissapoint someone? (That seems associated with Fe, so I'm curious)

* Can you generally "agree to disagree"?

Have a panda!

1- Yes. I think far too much of my life has been doing that. Pushing what I actually want to the back burner because "being a good person" means you don't make waves. However, thanks to the changes I have made in my life the past few years that isn't the case anymore. I know who I am now, inside and out, and that means I know what is actually important to me and what isn't. I still may feel bad that I can't help someone as much as they like, but I no longer think I am a bad person for it. Boundary lines have always been a challenge for me because I would put a bunch up, and someone would walk over them, and I would go, "oh.... sad.... I should.... do.... something.... meh...." My current boundaries are no longer willy-nilly and I will push back as needed. As INFPs we just don't have very good built-in natural defenses, so we have to purposefully construct them ourselves. Good gravy, where am I going with this anymore... does this make any sense?

2- Almost always. If it's something small I prefer that to discussing something to death. I dislike "arguing" over nit-picky details with someone ad naseum. If it's something major like differences in religion or spirituality... I am always interested in hearing another person's perspective so long as they are just looking to inform me. If they are trying to shove their perspective at me then I will become stubborn and irritated. I am pretty happy with my own little thoughts and dreams, and I am pretty happy with other people having their own thoughts and dreams. I prefer some kind of harmony, and agreeing to disagree can be that way with the right person.

I recently experienced this exact thing with my dad. He is getting remarried in a few months (my mom died about 9.5 months ago), and initially I was really angry about it. We both had our own viewpoint on the situation, and in a lovely paradox way we were both partially right. However, we realized that it was an impasse and that we would have to agree to disagree. I ended up being the one who needed to change to fit the situation the most. I had to decipher all of my feelings and realize that my love for my dad, and my desire that he be happy in life and taken care of and loved... trumped my desire to be "faithful" to my mom. And it allowed me to let go of a bunch of the grief I still had. Now I feel at peace with the situation, I truly do like this woman, and I no longer feel guilty like I am betraying my mom. Best of all situations.

So to sum up: INFPs need time alone in their life to clean out their Fi Quantum Box and figure out what is actually important in their life... and then stick to that as their inner compass. At least this INFP needed that!

P.S. Your Panda sacrifice is acceptable to us. Thank you.

 

[Viridian]

Thanks for responding, Saturned! Glad to see you again.

Another question: how do you feel about the concept of "loyalty to someone"? If someone you care about's values clash with your own, is it a deal breaker? Is it easy to "sever bonds"?

Have a chartreux, buddies!

 

[Elfa]

I look like Saturned in doing that. I just love reading how is another INFP. xD

Thanks for responding, Saturned! Glad to see you again.

Another question: how do you feel about the concept of "loyalty to someone"? If someone you care about's values clash with your own, is it a deal breaker? Is it easy to "sever bonds"?

Have a chartreux, buddies!

Beying loyal to me is very important, and little bit complicated sometimes... Usually, when I made friends, it meant for me that I had to be with them everytime, every day, in school or where I usually met them. So I used to talk to the very same people everyday, and I didn't meet much people wherever I went. When I went to college, I met like 3 people and I started walking with them; then I wanted to meet other people, talk and walk with other people, but I felt I HAD to be loyal to my "first friends" and be with them all the time. That was this year... Then I decided, with a little struggle, I wouldn't be disloyal to them if I just walked by myself sometimes and met other people, and that that would be actually good for me. Then I did it, and now I know a lot of people there. xD

Sorry for possible bad english or too much repetitions, english is not my first language, ok?

Nice cat. Beautiful yellow eyes.

 

[William K]

2- Almost always. If it's something small I prefer that to discussing something to death. I dislike "arguing" over nit-picky details with someone ad naseum. If it's something major like differences in religion or spirituality... I am always interested in hearing another person's perspective so long as they are just looking to inform me. If they are trying to shove their perspective at me then I will become stubborn and irritated. I am pretty happy with my own little thoughts and dreams, and I am pretty happy with other people having their own thoughts and dreams. I prefer some kind of harmony, and agreeing to disagree can be that way with the right person.

Very nicely put Saturned. To the question, I wouldn't even call it "agree to disagree". It's more like "Why do we have to agree?" or "Why do I need everyone to agree with me?"

 

[Viridian]

I look like Saturned in doing that. I just love reading how is another INFP. xD



Beying loyal to me is very important, and little bit complicated sometimes... Usually, when I made friends, it meant for me that I had to be with them everytime, every day, in school or where I usually met them. So I used to talk to the very same people everyday, and I didn't meet much people wherever I went. When I went to college, I met like 3 people and I started walking with them; then I wanted to meet other people, talk and walk with other people, but I felt I HAD to be loyal to my "first friends" and be with them all the time. That was this year... Then I decided, with a little struggle, I wouldn't be disloyal to them if I just walked by myself sometimes and met other people, and that that would be actually good for me. Then I did it, and now I know a lot of people there. xD

Sorry for possible bad english or too much repetitions, english is not my first language, ok?

Nice cat. Beautiful yellow eyes.

S'okay, Ms. Elfa, I'm also a foreigner. The reason I asked was that I wondered whether the INFP's moral perfectionism, combined with their flexibility, overrode their desire to form bonds... I am an amateur peruser of the elusive INFP soul.

Very nicely put Saturned. To the question, I wouldn't even call it "agree to disagree". It's more like "Why do we have to agree?" or "Why do I need everyone to agree with me?"

That last question is usually answered either with "Because I'm RIGHT, dammit!!", "'Cuz I'm on teh interwebz!" or, more commonly, both. /OT