Oh, it's so interesting to see the ENFJs post here because I really feel like they DO NOT understand the effect they have or that it is something special and something rare that most people cannot do.
Here's the thing with your subconscious manipulation: you are just encouraging people to be/do the best thing. The only thing is... there is bias in that. Sometimes the best thing in your eyes is not THE BEST THING in general. I hope I am communicating this clearly.
My closest friends are ENFJs and I am kind of dating one, and... while they are all different people, it's interesting to see how they can make one feel. For the most part, I love being around them. But I have seen how one of my less-than-healthy friends has manipulated ME into trying to feel good about doing something, that it would be "the best thing," when really, she was only looking out for herself. If not for MBTI, I probably would not have noticed... it's so subtle.
Not sure what my point is... but I guess I am trying to say... even though you are just BEING YOURSELVES, a lot of times, there's a motive (even if it is just helping people) behind most of what you do in a social context. It's what has people opening up to you and saying things that they would not even tell their closest friends. You disarm people and I know that I try to fight it with some of my ENFJ friends, but a lot of times, I find myself weak in their presence... it's like it's a super power and I can see it happening to me, I can see myself falling into their trap of what they want, but I am helpless to stop it.
Of course, this is just mostly with my more manipulative friends (whom I did not realize were as manipulative as they are until I read MBTI and was able to really analyze and for the first time, see their behavior).
Sunshine...eh...not really sure where to start. As ENFJs mature, they become more aware of their "power". I try not to use it selfishly, but I'm probably at about 56% non-awareness as opposed to 99%. When I do "use" my influence, I try to ask myself "how is this helping me"? When I come up with an answer, I'll sometimes just let the scenario play out without my involvement (i.e. I won't say/do anything).
I'm learning that my influence should be requested rather than forced; i.e. when somebody asks my opinion concerning something, or I'm in a mentoring relationship with someone--even in those cases, I've got to check myself to make sure that the direction I'm steering them in is one that is most beneficial to them, rather than most (or partly) beneficial to me.
I don't think ENFJs are naturally selfish (at least not more than anybody else); I think ENFJs are naturally oblivious. When we come to terms with the responsibility this power over people brings, then we can either be responsible with it, like I try to be (not that I'm perfect), or selfish as your friends are being.
I also think ENFJs are probably most instinctually driven (and have the least natural control) when it comes to sex. Most of the time, that is our weakest point with our power, and if driven by that drive, we can be extremely manipulative. We are the Don Juans, and Leonardo DiCaprios of the world, where, so long as we're well dressed, we can get just about any girl into bed with us. That's not from personal experience, I was taught early-on how terrible that is, but I can testify that I've come close to this point more than once. One knows when they are in control here. One knows where it leads. It's a dangerous power, especially in immoral hands.
To summarize:
-ENFJs Have the Power to Influence/Manipulate
-Most of the time they are unaware, until maturity kicks in.
-ENFJs are not more selfish then anyone else, but can use this power for themselves as well as others.
-ENFJs are most manipulative when it comes to their sex-drive, so, if you're not a wait-til-marriage kind of a person, at least resist their charm until you can get to know theme better. We have the power to create intimacy rather quickly, the more confident we are in ourselves.