The gender stuff would have been prior to Jesus being crucified and primarily in the Old Testament. If you felt condemnation, then they were probably confusedly teaching you Old Testament Law. Many churches simply do not understand the Bible and that's why it's so important for Christians to read the Bible for themselves, and pray for understanding.
When you are saved, your name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life. There are no more records of all of your failures. When Jesus was on the cross he cried out "it is finished!" His blood incinerated all records of sin in your life: past, present, and future.
The final clause of the new covenant is revealed in Hebrews 8:12 "I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." And just for clarification, that is NOT a license to sin. God showed me through the scriptures how the Law proved that man will consistently fail when under it, and end up feeling like hypocrites. The scriptures consistently support that the secret to godliness is knowing that you are completely forgiven. Grace will destroy the power of sin in your life.
Do you remember the woman who took an alabaster flask of oil and anointed the feet of Jesus? Jesus said to Simon, "I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little," (Luke 7:44-47).
The more one realizes that they have been forgiven of all of their sins, the more one will love Jesus. Forgiveness does not lead to a lifestyle of sin. It leads to a life of glorifying God.