My ISxP Father

[staytuned7]

Hello all you SPers!

So my dad who is an ISxP (and whom I love dearly) is a bit of an enigma to me. I know that we both share the "I" between us, but it seems like we're worlds apart. We are very similar in some ways, but in many, MANY ways we couldn't be more different. It certainly makes our relationship a challenge to keep going well and, as much as I hate to say it, I feel like I'm the one to bend myself to make it work. Anyway, enough of that...

I guess what my main question is: are introverted SPs always so talkative? He seems to be allergic to lulls in conversation and silence in a room. It makes me very stressed when I just want to recede into my imagination and thoughts (or a good book). He seems to take it personally that I want/need to do this. I thought that as a fellow introvert he would understand this tendency. Also, when I try to have the conversations I like to have with him, he deflects them, even though I try so hard to go along with the conversations he likes to have. I just feel stressed by this relationship...like I can't be myself or maintain my personal integrity in it. I want to make him happy (he's my dad and I love him!), but I can't keep going like this.

What I really want by posting this is just a look into an ISfP/IStP mind. Maybe it'll help me be more patient in our relationship. Maybe one of you can give me advice about how to approach him (ask him to see things my way).

Thank you so much! I'd be very appreciative of any help.

 

[Jeffster]

I'm not always talkative. Sometimes I go many hours without talking.

 

[lorkan]

How about being more firm. As from my experience being a pushover doesn't really reward you when you deal with SP's. I think you need to make yourself mentally prepared to stand up for your needs ("hey, I think we both would benefit if we had a serious discussion... I did listen to you, right?) and give some ultimatums ("I will go nuts if I can't talk to you about this"). But first and foremost, as I said already, be firm and serious and mean what you say.

I think the way to connect to ISxP's is to make them have their Ti/Fi meet your Ni, because then you have kinda switched positions of vulnerability and it makes them reflect a bit more. I think this is really critical because he needs to understand better how things work mechanically or organically so he can start adjusting to your needs to.

What you do is you just to use your own common sence more, ask him questions instinctively (wich automatically will come from your Ni) and trying to make him see new ways with your insights.

 

[wolfy]

If you want time alone go off by yourself somewhere. If you're around then you're fair game.

If you are interested in different things then be that way. Let him have his interests and let yourself have yours. If he wants to talk about something you're not interested just say you're not.

You can't do something and hope the other person gets the message. You need to say it clearly. What's the worst that can happen? Put the fish on the table, it'll rot otherwise.

If you want to connect try doing something together.

 

[Kingfisher]

i agree with wolfy.

and if you keep trying to make him happy and comfortable i don't think you will ever be able to develop a deeper relationship with him.
when you are direct and honest and put everything out in the open, you really reveal the relationship for what it is. there will be some flaws and friction, but how will you ever solve that or come to an understanding if it is kept in the dark?

 

[Walking Tourist]

I am an isfp and am a major motor mouth and a story teller. But I can also listen. I love to get other people to tell their stories. I will encourage them until I've gotten them into story telling mode.
Also, despite being an introvert, I really do not like to be alone unless I am outside walking. And, then, I might get bored and start talking to myself because I really need to verbalize.
As for silence in the room, no, I don't like that, either. I don't like lots of noise and competing conversations because I can't tune out the extraneous sounds... but a silent room for me is not silent. I hear the little noises that conversations covers up... the buzz of the electricity, etc. When I am by myself, I turn on music to listen to. I sing when I'm washing the dishes.
Hope that helps you to understand your dad a little better (if, indeed, he is a major motor mouth, too).

 

[staytuned7]

If you want time alone go off by yourself somewhere.

Haha...we're on a road trip together so that's easier said than done.

It's been a while since I've been in this close proximity with my dad for so long, so I think that's where this post came from. I was feeling stressed and disconnected. After being around effortless friendships for a while now, I was unreasonably expecting the same thing to carry into the relationship with my dad.

When we have time to be apart, I can be with my dad very easily. When we're in a car and then a hotel for hours on end...it was getting hard.

Anyway, I took a bunch of you guys' advice and I was direct with him about my need to go off into my head. He seemed a little hurt, despite me telling him that it wasn't personal, but he's been respectful of it so far.

I am an isfp and am a major motor mouth and a story teller. But I can also listen. I love to get other people to tell their stories. I will encourage them until I've gotten them into story telling mode.
Also, despite being an introvert, I really do not like to be alone unless I am outside walking. And, then, I might get bored and start talking to myself because I really need to verbalize.
As for silence in the room, no, I don't like that, either. I don't like lots of noise and competing conversations because I can't tune out the extraneous sounds... but a silent room for me is not silent. I hear the little noises that conversations covers up... the buzz of the electricity, etc. When I am by myself, I turn on music to listen to. I sing when I'm washing the dishes.
Hope that helps you to understand your dad a little better (if, indeed, he is a major motor mouth, too).

I cannot tell you HOW helpful this has been! It really REALLY gives me an insight into his brain. This is exactly what I get from him...he's a wonderful storyteller and a chatterbox (things I love about him...just not for hours on end in confined spaces ).

Just knowing that introversion doesn't necessarily mean quietness really helps me to be more patient and understanding. I'm not sitting there frustrated by why he doesn't like quiet. It's a relief, really. It also helps me to not be so sharp/impatient in my responses, which definitely promotes the harmony. I still get a little exasperate by his endless chatter when I'm not in the mood, but he's learning to be shut up when I recede into a book.

Anyway, thank you everyone! Thanks to your advice, the rest of this trip will probably be much nicer. I just needed to assert myself...funny how simple some things can be!

 

[Walking Tourist]

Enjoy your trip!
I'm glad that I could help you understand your dad a little better and that you were able to assert yourself so that you were able to have your needs met.

Haha...we're on a road trip together so that's easier said than done.

.....
Anyway, thank you everyone! Thanks to your advice, the rest of this trip will probably be much nicer. I just needed to assert myself...funny how simple some things can be!

 

[warm8]

hmm, I can be a chatterbox sometimes when I'm around really good friends and we're all just hanging out. otherwise I get to self-conscious about what I'm saying and stay mostly introverted. I don't think your dad would be chattering as much to you if you weren't his son though

EDIT - it's pretty strange, I consider myself somewhat of an ISxP and my brother is an INFJ, and he can talk a lot more than I can in one sitting. he's not going off on random stories as much as just being too verbose. (pretty annoying, actually)

 

[Sidewinder]

We like to talk with close friends when we're around them. If you haven't seen each other for a while, maybe he's just catching up. Small details can be very important to us.

He may also be bored. If nothing's going on, he may be trying to fill the space with something. Not much can be done when driving, but instead of staying in the hotel, go out and do something. Sight see or get in 9 holes of golf or something. Enjoy your trip!

 

[Walking Tourist]

Oh, just verbose, without story telling, can annoy the heck out of me!!! But I'm happy to listen to stories for hours on end!!