Lightyear
New member
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2008
- Messages
- 899
Is this the sole reason for friendships? Mental stimulation? If mental stimulation were the guiding force in seeking and maintaining friendships, it is not surprising then that they would fall apart eventually. The two people learn all they can about each other, they know each other's M.O., they've heard it all. They move on.
My opinion? You're avoiding emotional intimacy and the cycle won't end until you learn why.
I agree with heart. I have ended or let drift away friendships before because the other person just didn't get me or any of my interests (mainly it was an S-N clash, which was made worse by the other person being an extrovert and doing all the talking so they never got the chance to truly get to know me anyway) and I felt like I had to hide a big part of my personality to get along with them. But I have learnt from that and allow only certain people into "close friendship-zone" and most of my friendships don't end like this anymore. So if the friendships of the OP constantly end because after a while he feels like the other person can't excite him anymore that shows some deeper issues.
I'm going to focus most on Situation 3 because it's exactly what I'm going through now and I'll hopefully be able to help you.
My issue with my friend was this: she was my best friend, thus, I possessed the compulsion to be completly open with her. [I'm extremely all or nothing in relationships; it's hard to fragment myself around someone I'm close to.] The problem was, she /hated/ everything I was passionate about (poetry, literature, plays, music, etc). Whenever I did share these said topics with her, she had no input. At all. A "wow" or a "lol" or an "okay" perhaps, but that was it. If I invited her to one of my plays or tried to get her to read one of my poems, she would oppose it to the death, even if she knew that it was important to me. [Then, even if she did 'tolerate' it, I would recieve no input.] It was absolutely maddening and I felt extreme discontentment in our relationship.
So... I vehemently concur that intellectual stimulation is important.
I can completely relate to this situation, it's like you have hit a wall and you just can't go deeper with this person anymore and have to close off certain parts of yourself and play friends on the surface. I think if there are no other real connection points in the friendship that would be a reason to just let it drift away.