[ISTP] ISTP freaking out... as much as any ISTP ever freaked out @ anything. Help please.

[ChocolateMoose123]

"Am I happy? What is happiness?" are questions that seem to baffle my ISTP. Intuition is way, way down on the ISTP's function of hierarchies. It is really difficult for him to tap into it at all, much less while feeling time pressure.

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

I tend to hold onto this view. When I start dissecting what happiness is...well, I don't really do that. But if I did I'm sure I'd go into the "DLLD" zone. I don't feel like it needs to be defined and if someone needed this from me it would be a bit stressful.

You seem to have a good understanding of your ISTP. I've noticed this with ENFP's. Your genuine concern and curiosity about people allow you to get close to people like us. Not easy Makes for a good partnership. Good luck!

 

[sLiPpY]

Happiness is simple, at least the componants of happiness are.

Happiness for an ISTP is a flow experience. It's applying oneself to something that's sufficiently challenging to give one a sense of progress. It's illusively experienced in a moment, as a yield of the effort.

Cracks me up that years ago, me and an ISTP weight lifting buddy came up with the flow concept. Very quickly and easily. A few years later, a foreign psychologist wrote a whole damn book about it.

Flow Experience - A Key To Happiness

 

[Kingfisher]

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

I tend to hold onto this view. When I start dissecting what happiness is...well, I don't really do that. But if I did I'm sure I'd go into the "DLLD" zone. I don't feel like it needs to be defined and if someone needed this from me it would be a bit stressful.

yeah! that is true for me too.
sometimes understanding a thing is just a huge burden and weight. some things i don't want to understand.

i also think a lot of things can't be understood.
....at least not by me!

Happiness is simple

that is great! you are right, i think happiness is so simple. not always easy, but simple and clear-cut!
Bruce Lee said some cool things about flow, too.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Sorry for the slight derail but I'm reminded me of a Jack Handy quote:

"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?"

Man. I love that guy.

 

[StephMC]

^ I love Jack Handy too

:resists putting up another Jack Handy quote: :X

 

[Rachelinpa]

is he an istp? he sounds like one.

 

[kendoiwan]

I agree with the ISTPs. You say you're not pressuring him into marriage, but to call living together a "trial period?" Yeah, that's pressuring. Just live together, and if marriage eventually comes to the table, address it then.

I've been living with my current GF for approx. 2.5 years. And we've discussed marriage, but living together is hardly a stepping stone or a trial period.

It sounds like you love each other, which is good.

Living together can make or break a relationship.

This. Plus she's wrong about an ISTP not decided to get hitched because of love. I would...

 

[toast]

Happiness is simple, at least the componants of happiness are.

Happiness for an ISTP is a flow experience. It's applying oneself to something that's sufficiently challenging to give one a sense of progress. It's illusively experienced in a moment, as a yield of the effort.

Cracks me up that years ago, me and an ISTP weight lifting buddy came up with the flow concept. Very quickly and easily. A few years later, a foreign psychologist wrote a whole damn book about it.

Flow Experience - A Key To Happiness

I really hope 'my' ISTP comes to reach your level of insight or at least gets to have some self evaluation someday without falling apart. He is having issues BAD with a subject similar to this post. He has always been somewhat depressed & mopey when he's bored or triggered emotionally, but everyone noticed him starting to kind of 'blossom' & act like he was comfortable where he was over the past couple months. He even started talking about the future a lot, saving up for stuff he wanted, getting excited about talking to everyone about anything. Then he went on vacation, had a total meltdown about how he "needed to find happiness at any cost" because he is "unhealthy" & says he has never known it / can't experience it. Then he dropped me, all his friends here & his entire way of life the moment he got back. And I mean 'dropped.' He's completely estranged. He just lives in the house, goes to work, texts his friends back where he was (on vacation). It is like they have completely replaced everyone here. He just sort of wiped the slate clean. When he left he was all kisses and "Its gonna suck missing you when I'm sleeping alone", then he came back & just says things like: "I don't want to 'try' anymore" & "I want to be friends", but he says literally 5 words to me a day on average.

He's been back for about 2 weeks. I've been giving him space because (well, he'll hardly talk to me anyway) I don't really know what else to do. When he first came down & had shut everything out, I confronted him a couple times & of course that was a huge disaster. So basically he is just vegging out like he is still on vacation, but not happily. He looks miserable, does nothing but get online & talk to those friends & he wants to leave again in August. So its like he is just shut down like a robot & waiting for that.

 

[tortoise]

Happiness is simple, at least the componants of happiness are.

Happiness for an ISTP is a flow experience. It's applying oneself to something that's sufficiently challenging to give one a sense of progress. It's illusively experienced in a moment, as a yield of the effort.

Cracks me up that years ago, me and an ISTP weight lifting buddy came up with the flow concept. Very quickly and easily. A few years later, a foreign psychologist wrote a whole damn book about it.

Flow Experience - A Key To Happiness

Happiness is simple for this ENFP. For me, as long as I have people I connect with and friends I can count on, I am happy.

 

[Poki]

this is not the only SP attitude. I'm ISTP and I don't do the "open-ended living together" arrangement with men. period.
I do have huge problems with making a decision though, so the pressure and freaking out all sound completely normal to me. I go through that whole "How do i know if this is right? Am i supposed to be this nervous? Shouldn't i feel full of joy or something?" the loop never ends!!


Just don't compromise your needs to meet his lack of commitment. As long as you are ok with this, then i guess just let it ride and see what happens.

I honestly dont get this whole feeling thing that ISTPs on here talk about. I have never let my feelings really decide anything in my life. They just kinda sit in the background doing their own thing. I just decide if I want to walk down that path and accept all the issues that are gonna arise. I did this with college, marriage, etc. Even when I considered just letting everything in my life go feelings played no role, but they were very present, it was a matter of do I want to face all the problems that life will throw at me if I let go of everything. I dont try to figure out if its worth it, but if I want to tackle the path. My use of the word "tackle" is the key. Honestly half the time I dont even use that as a judge of the path I am going, just that I will accept it. Its kinda confusing. Like 2 seperate worlds walking side by side.

Imagine yourself at a cross road looking down a single path and everything that stands along that path, the good, the bad, and the ugly and just asking yourself, do I want to go down that path? If I were to focus on my thoughts it would be what do I gain, how would it affect things in the long run, is it something that I want to tackle. Fear, excitement, happyness, determination, etc. dont ever play a role in long term things. I dont know how to fully explain it, I just decide and keep moving. When I got married, I wasnt "happy", but I was enjoying life and enjoying building it with the person I was with. I was working nights, going to school full-time, finding time to spend with people I wanted to and trying to get enough sleep. It was busy, chaotic, but I was enjoying it.

 

[Orangey]

I honestly dont get this whole feeling thing that ISTPs on here talk about. I have never let my feelings really decide anything in my life. They just kinda sit in the background doing their own thing. I just decide if I want to walk down that path and accept all the issues that are gonna arise. I did this with college, marriage, etc. Even when I considered just letting everything in my life go feelings played no role, but they were very present, it was a matter of do I want to face all the problems that life will throw at me if I let go of everything. I dont try to figure out if its worth it, but if I want to tackle the path. My use of the word "tackle" is the key. Honestly half the time I dont even use that as a judge of the path I am going, just that I will accept it. Its kinda confusing. Like 2 seperate worlds walking side by side.

Imagine yourself at a cross road looking down a single path and everything that stands along that path, the good, the bad, and the ugly and just asking yourself, do I want to go down that path? If I were to focus on my thoughts it would be what do I gain, how would it affect things in the long run, is it something that I want to tackle. Fear, excitement, happyness, determination, etc. dont ever play a role in long term things. I dont know how to fully explain it, I just decide and keep moving. When I got married, I wasnt "happy", but I was enjoying life and enjoying building it with the person I was with. I was working nights, going to school full-time, finding time to spend with people I wanted to and trying to get enough sleep. It was busy, chaotic, but I was enjoying it.

I agree with this. How I feel or should feel plays no part in my decision making process. Why should it? Emotional states change depending on little circumstantial factors that I will never be able to predict or control, so I take them out of my calculations altogether. It's more like, "is the benefit worth all of the shit that I'll probably encounter if I do this?" If it is, then how I feel on the ground level is of little consequence. Of course I'll feel shitty on some days and good on others. But those feelings don't have anything to do with my overall decision.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I understand Poki's post but I'm not sure I'm that disconnected with my feelings. Feelings are fleeting and can be brushed off for the most part but with major decisions I get a strong sense of "this is right for me" or "this isn't going to work" I don't think about long term necessarily. I don't analyze it beyond those two questions. I don't think about can I take all the hardships? It just is and I deal with them as they come. I guess I answer that question when I answer "does this feel right to me?"

 

[Poki]

I agree with this. How I feel or should feel plays no part in my decision making process. Why should it? Emotional states change depending on little circumstantial factors that I will never be able to predict or control, so I take them out of my calculations altogether. It's more like, "is the benefit worth all of the shit that I'll probably encounter if I do this?" If it is, then how I feel on the ground level is of little consequence. Of course I'll feel shitty on some days and good on others. But those feelings don't have anything to do with my overall decision.