[MBTI General] ISTJs Explained By ISTJs: Post your questions here!

[raz]

- How do ISTJs flirt, and/or show someone of the opposite sex that they're interested, and/or interact in a more flirtatious way with their SOs?

I'm just outright blunt, suggesting snuggling, cuddling, making out, fondling each other, etc. I just tend to tease, like a lot of others do. My girlfriend is always getting text messages from me asking what she's wearing, what she's doing, asking her to take random pictures of herself. I just like being blunt about it, because I just want it.

From your experience with healthy ESTJs, do you like them? I personally find that the ESTJs I know make excellent pals/buddies, and I relate to them really well, and feel like they're my partners in crime and I was wondering if you guys sometimes feel the same way

Uhh...ESTJs are really cool to me, and I just fucking admire their bluntness and ability to quickly take control of a situation. I get along great with them, but I tend to get annoyed when they ignore details.

 

[brainheart]

First off, I am going to say that I think this might be the best thread ever. Second, I want to say that I 100% totally love ISTJs. (Nothing against the other SJs, but I also have qualms about the whole temperament business. I think extroverts and introverts tend to be so different across the board, I have a hard time with the concept of grouping them together.)

Anyway, I just wanted to say, having grown up with a number of ISTJs surrounding me, I feel like they are the true oddballs, the ones who really don't quite fit in/know how to matriculate into society, especially now that our society has become so perceiving. Which is too bad, because they have a lot to give. I just wish they'd give me more of a chance, though. Well, ok, one in particular.

Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity? If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?

 

[Gerbah]

First off, I am going to say that I think this might be the best thread ever. Second, I want to say that I 100% totally love ISTJs.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, having grown up with a number of ISTJs surrounding me, I feel like they are the true oddballs, the ones who really don't quite fit in/know how to matriculate into society, especially now that our society has become so perceiving.

Yes, I've always felt that way. I need to be with very particular types of people to fit in.

Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity? If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?

For me, if I make that sort of decision about someone, it's a very big deal. It means a certain critical threshold has been crossed and it would be very difficult for that person to be very meaningful in my life any more. To get back in/make peace, the person would have to convince me that whatever it is that caused the problem is no longer there, sincerely, honestly and genuinely. Not just, for example, superficially or because they want things to be “ok” just for their own sake without really addressing the problem. I think being open and sincere is the key and showing that you really value your relationship with the ISTJ.

 

[esfpmary]

Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
(we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
Would you feel a lot of guilt?
Would it take you long to apologize?
Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?

 

[raz]

Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
(we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
Would you feel a lot of guilt?
Would it take you long to apologize?
Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?

I would refuse to go too long knowing someone has the completely wrong impression of me that was based on being blinded by irrational emotions. I would go back to them to reconcile what happened, but I would give myself a certain amount of time to prepare for the confrontation. I would ask myself a lot of questions:

What happened in the situation?
Why was I wrong in what I said/did?
What will I say to the person?
How will they react to my apology and explanation?
How can I better prepare myself for the possibility of giving a flawed explanation or them not easily forgiving me?
How can I prove to them that I truly understand what I did wrong and the extent to which I hurt them?

I'd feel a sense of responsibility to correcting the situation, and immediately go into a more serious and less playful, yet more emotionally vulnerable mode. Correcting the mistake means that I have to show my logical maturity while at the same time combining it with my human responsibility.

Like, for instance, my best friend asked me and my girlfriend about us having sex the weekend of her wedding. I told her we would see what happens that weekend, and she liked that answer, and then I texted my best friend this morning telling her I didn't like how she questioned my integrity. She said she was more of getting my girlfriend to think more about it, and I was hurt that my best friend was questioning my intentions.

She kept telling me about her intention being to get my girlfriend to think more about the possibility rather than questioning my intentions, and I went off on her telling her she was a drama queen when she tried making sure I wasn't mad at her. She got upset and called me a jerk, and I thought about it for an hour, and then just sent her a text message telling her I was just picking on her for fun and that I wasn't mad at her.

To me, repairing the relationship is more important than proving whether I was right or wrong. Any situation can come and go, but that friendship has to be maintained and constantly put effort into.

 

[Gerbah]

Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
(we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
Would you feel a lot of guilt?
Would it take you long to apologize?

Yes, I would feel guilty. I hate thinking that I did something wrong to someone. Whether small or big. And yes, I would apologise and try to make amends/peace and not put it off. When it comes to problems in general, it's not my style to sweep things under the carpet.

Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?

I don't think like this. Wrong things should be put right if possible. It would weigh on my conscience and I like to be free of stuff like that.

 

[brainheart]

For me, if I make that sort of decision about someone, it's a very big deal. It means a certain critical threshold has been crossed and it would be very difficult for that person to be very meaningful in my life any more. To get back in/make peace, the person would have to convince me that whatever it is that caused the problem is no longer there, sincerely, honestly and genuinely. Not just, for example, superficially or because they want things to be “ok” just for their own sake without really addressing the problem. I think being open and sincere is the key and showing that you really value your relationship with the ISTJ.

Yeah, that sounds about right. But there is no way for me to make peace because he refuses to read my emails or respond to my texts and we have the opportunity of seeing each other only every couple of years. I guess I just have to let it go...

Thanks for the input-

 

[IZthe411]

Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity?

Yes- more than likely. It's all situational. I'd say that for the most part, for me it's the principle of "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". At that point you are cut, and only time can tell if we'll mend the situation.

If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?

Apologize and own up to your wrong. I can't stand it when people do those fake apologies or admit to it but play down their wrong. If you did it, you did it. Don't shift blame!

 

[Sam Spade]

Apologize and own up to your wrong. I can't stand it when people do those fake apologies or admit to it but play down their wrong. If you did it, you did it. Don't shift blame!

My roommate does this. One of the many reasons I can't wait until the end of the semester.

 

[IZthe411]

.
how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
(we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
Would you feel a lot of guilt?
Would it take you long to apologize?
Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?

If I wronged a person, I'd have to say it depends on the nature of the relationship that determines the extent of my sorrow. The deeper the relationship, the more likely I'll fess up, especially if I lost my composure.

I'm more likely to apologize after a few moments of getting myself together. I've learned I'm the type that will reflect first, then react later....I guess it's dominant Si? So It would take some time for me to reflect and replay on the events to figure out the severity of the situation, and if I need to apologize.

 

[Warm]

Yes- more than likely. It's all situational. I'd say that for the most part, for me it's the principle of "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". At that point you are cut, and only time can tell if we'll mend the situation.

This sounds like me.

 

[raz]

Every single relationship is unique though because of how unique each individual is. There isn't one way to act across all of them. You can cut corners, change things, skip things, do a lot of unexpected things with your relationships because that's the nature of human beings. We're each unique and free will has incredible potential. That's the one thing about relationships is that there are no rules.

 

[Vasilisa]

Hi ISTJs! Is it true that the ISTJ type is held in low regard? If so, thats a shame. Sorry if any questions are duplicates that I may have missed in the thread.

ISTJ seems very unpretentious to me. Do you find that people you meet tend to regard you as very likeable and genuine?

What would be the best way to comfort a stressed out ISTJ?

Surely some ISTJs are more laid back. A person who wouldn't notice or care about someone cutting in front of him in line can still be ISTJ, yes?

Any notion or perspective on relationships with INFJs? What could you forsee?

 

[Gerbah]

Hi ISTJs! Is it true that the ISTJ type is held in low regard? If so, thats a shame. Sorry if any questions are duplicates that I may have missed in the thread.

On this forum it seems so.

ISTJ seems very unpretentious to me. Do you find that people you meet tend to regard you as very likeable and genuine?

People do tend to see me as genuine and sincere. If I'm likeable or not though, I don't know, it depends on the person. Some people like me a lot, others don't. I definitely don't please the mainstream majority. The stuff I have doesn't seem to show immediately on the outside, so people who like me tend to be ones who have the time/inclination to look beyond superficial qualities.

What would be the best way to comfort a stressed out ISTJ?

The question's a bit general. It's going to be different from person to person and on the kind of stress involved. It also depends on the relationship and what I'm comfortable receiving from that particular person. I make clear distinctions between who I trust and who I don't. Despite the stereotypes, from what I see on the forum the ISTJs are very different from one another apart from maybe a general shared attitude to how they function in the external world. Who they are inside is pretty idiosyncratic and not very predictable based on type theory.

Surely some ISTJs are more laid back. A person who wouldn't notice or care about someone cutting in front of him in line can still be ISTJ, yes?

It depends on each person's definition of laid back. I'm strict about certain things but other things I can really let go. I am a hard worker but other times I'm really lazy and can't be bothered. If someone cut in front of me in line without even saying anything, I would find that unfair because I was there first. I don't mind if they ask though, if I have time and they're in a big hurry or just have a few items and I have a lot, then it's ok with me. But just pushing in is really rude.

Any notion or perspective on relationships with INFJs? What could you forsee?

From experience, my best friend growing up was an INFJ. I loved her like a sister and we shared our problems and supported each other and were very close. We were friends for about 15 years but then it went sour unfortunately. Not because of problems inherently to do with the ISTJ-INFJ pairing though.

 

[Glass Forest]

ISTJs, what characterizes a true friend to you? How many do you have?

 

[Craft]

when does it usually take to trust someone? Could authority be a factor in why you trust someone? What do you consider as "fact"? (considering how nothing is fact. would you like to debate this?)

 

[ajblaise]

ISTJs, what do you think of this quote:

"He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." - Harold Wilson

 

[Gerbah]

ISTJs, what do you think of this quote:

"He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." - Harold Wilson

I think... change is the permanent state of most things. So yeah, if you resist it, you will be out of step and in conflict with reality. I think the only thing that doesn't change is truth.

 

[IZthe411]

What's up Vasilisa:

Is it true that the ISTJ type is held in low regard?- On this forum, yes. Real world, No. Unless they are your boss or some other authority figure- I can see it being a drag if they are extremely to the right.

ISTJ seems very unpretentious to me. Do you find that people you meet tend to regard you as very likeable and genuine?- Yeah I don't ever think I've been called upretentious by someone upon first impression. I do know that we tend to be more formal towards those we aren't too comfortable with. I'm usually good with everyone I meet, and have some kind of amicable relationship from that point forward.

I have an ENFJ coworker...it's an interesting dynamic. We usually walk over to the cafeteria first thing in the morning. Where I'll use a situation like when the normal grill cook is out, and the sub is messing up everybody's order to make a joke or some kind of comment, and use that as my starting point towards developing some kind of relationship with a person, the ENFJ will usually say hi to the person, and in a lot of cases, start some kind of conversation off the bat. He'll say how popular I am- when he's just as bad.



What would be the best way to comfort a stressed out ISTJ?- Wow...probably give your encouragement and keep moving. I wouldn't expect the person to want to talk, or cry on your shoulder. Let what you said sink, if it makes any impact, it won't be immediate. Even better, if you know them well, I'd say see if you can help them out without asking them. Most of them won't accept help that is asked. I know that was me in the past, but lately I've learned to accept help given, and even to ask for help if I find myself getting stressed.

Surely some ISTJs are more laid back. A person who wouldn't notice or care about someone cutting in front of him in line can still be ISTJ, yes?

I'll notice, but 9 times out of 10 that's an immaterial situation. I'll tell myself that in the grand sceme of things it really doesn't matter. I'm more laid back on a lot of those issues that people seem to get all riled up about. I mean if a person's acting rudely, if it's not a personal attack on me that is threatening my life I'm like whatever. It's like words don't really affect me.

Any notion or perspective on relationships with INFJs? What could you forsee?

I only know one confirmed INFJ, and he's a guy. He makes a lot of jokes. We have a decent relationship, but sometimes I have trouble following his Ni revelations, and how they relate to the discussion at hand. But that's his thing, it doesn't hurt much. He seems to have a problem expressing dissatisfaction- he came up from Atlanta last weekend, we met in DC, and we ended up going to a spot to hang that wasn't his type of crowd. We were with an ENTJ friend, who seems to have a lot of friends, and I know that I wanted to be with a more E person so that he and I weren't just sitting around, because eventually I'd be ready to go. Well he was pissed off the whole time but would insist he was just cold. Whatever. Even after we were done that night he still was very diplomatic with his assessment of how the night went. Based on the fact he didn't hit us up the next day (I crashed at the ENTJ's spot), we both figured he needed some alone time. I didn't hear from him all week. I'll hit him up today or tomorrow.

I don't think it's impossible to deal with heavy Ni doms. A challenge, but not impossible. I think it just takes a genuine interest in people, and an open mind.

 

[Gerbah]

when does it usually take to trust someone? Could authority be a factor in why you trust someone? What do you consider as "fact"? (considering how nothing is fact. would you like to debate this?)

For me, it comes with time as I get to know more about a person. It depends on how I see their character though, not if they have been assigned authority or not. No, I'd rather not debate whether or not anything can be determined as a fact.