[INTP] INTPs and childlike emotions

[Apricity]

I think that I am very childlike when it does come to emotions.

 

[prplchknz]

BUT THERE'S NO FREE CANDY. EVER. NO, NOT EVER. FFS.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Before, I had basically made "playing along" a constant, effectively making it so no one ever really knew me. INTPs have this "chameleon" syndrome, and they do it because they know that they would be getting a lot of attention (as odd) if they didn't. But like I said above, to bond with people you have to share emotions, and that can mean being displeased. Since I've changed, I have had some of the best conversations in my life and have gotten close to people who are incredibly different from me. That never happened before.

Sometimes, you just have to take that risk and express yourself as you really are, and leave it up to others to decide how they want to react. Sometimes it's good to take risks and say things other people may not approve of.

I find that my emotional life has a dopey, puppy like quality. For instance, when I step back and observe myself, I find that I care about being liked by others to a ridiculous degree, like a dog always trying to please its master and win humans over (and my big brown eyes probably don't help). This happens even in situations where it shouldn't matter. I think it's a sign of growth to recognize this, and to be capable of expressing what's actually on your mind even if you think some people may not like it. In some situations, I think that's important. My current thinking right now is that it's very important for dating, especially in the "shopping" period. If we're incompatible, isn't it better for everyone involved to know that up front?

 

[Lexicon]

*unless the van's driven by an INFJ.
In that case, yes, there's free candy.

 

[prplchknz]

*unless the van's driven by an INFJ.
In that case, yes, there's free candy.

 

[Oeufa]

I guess I'm the only one who's sick of feeling like the only child at the grown-up's emotional dinner party

 

[Standuble]

I guess I'm the only one who's sick of feeling like the only child at the grown-up's emotional dinner party

You'll get there eventually. You'll be wrist cutting age 70 rather than age 17.

 

[Oeufa]

I can't fucking wait

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

Most INTPs are probably pretty child-like, but I don't think all of it is caused by undeveloped Fe. According to Paul James: "the external world of the INTP involves a very free-spirited Ne-Fe partnership, while the internal world is a very clinical detail-structure-analysis Ti-Si combination. Hence, the outward behaviour of an INTP can contrast strongly with his introspective world." Even a very mature and balanced INTP would probably still often present a very silly and childish outward face. I think that's just part of our personality, and I don't think it's a weakness.

But if it's about emotions that are childish in that they are out of control, inappropriate or disproportionate to the situation, then probably the only way to mature is to express them, make mistakes and learn from that. That sounds right at least. My current attempt to deal with my emotions is a probably very immature goal to just not have negative emotions. When I'm angry or upset I have to analyse whether or not my feelings are justified. If they aren't, I try to put an end to it. And if they are, I try to put an end to it. Now that I've said that, I must admit that I don't like it when I'm too happy around people either, as I tend to make a fool of myself. Haha, I think my goal is really not to have strong emotions of any kind! There's no way it's possible to do that. Wow, I didn't realise I was this immature. Oeufa, you're not alone, I want to grow up too!

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Most INTPs are probably pretty child-like, but I don't think all of it is caused by undeveloped Fe. According to Paul James: "the external world of the INTP involves a very free-spirited Ne-Fe partnership, while the internal world is a very clinical detail-structure-analysis Ti-Si combination. Hence, the outward behaviour of an INTP can contrast strongly with his introspective world." Even a very mature and balanced INTP would probably still often present a very silly and childish outward face. I think that's just part of our personality, and I don't think it's a weakness.

But if it's about emotions that are childish in that they are out of control, inappropriate or disproportionate to the situation, then probably the only way to mature is to express them, make mistakes and learn from that. That sounds right at least. My current attempt to deal with my emotions is a probably very immature goal to just not have negative emotions. When I'm angry or upset I have to analyse whether or not my feelings are justified. If they aren't, I try to put an end to it. And if they are, I try to put an end to it. Now that I've said that, I must admit that I don't like it when I'm too happy around people either, as I tend to make a fool of myself. Haha, I think my goal is really not to have strong emotions of any kind! There's no way it's possible to do that. Wow, I didn't realise I was this immature. Oeufa, you're not alone, I want to grow up too!

Good post. I agree. I definitely have a goofy outward behavior. I like social groups where I can cut lose and I'm not required to take things/myself too seriously. This fits in with the socionics alpha quadra, which seems to be what my inner circle at work is. I think we've got an ENTP and an ISFJ, in addition to me.

Regarding negative emotions, I think the healthiest way to deal with to them is express them, and if you can't express them, at least acknowledge. "Negative" is a misnomer. They are a way that your mind is letting you know that something is amiss, even if it is only in our head. Regrettably, we live in a culture that places a strong emphasis on positivity and doesn't seem to recognize that these negative emotions have value at all, so it's not unusual that you think that way.

Emotions, even the negativity ones, must be pretty useful, or else natural selection would have done away with them, I think. Sometimes, they are ill-suited for the modern world, but they are nonetheless worth acknowledging because they aren't going to go away. Most people that always try to maintain a "happy face" can't keep that up forever, and the facade drops at the most unexpected moments.

I am trying to learn how to develop a "poker face", though, for workplace related purposes. It would be better in many circumstances to hide my dissatisfaction instead of having it apparent on my face.

 

[Oeufa]

Most INTPs are probably pretty child-like, but I don't think all of it is caused by undeveloped Fe. According to Paul James: "the external world of the INTP involves a very free-spirited Ne-Fe partnership, while the internal world is a very clinical detail-structure-analysis Ti-Si combination. Hence, the outward behaviour of an INTP can contrast strongly with his introspective world." Even a very mature and balanced INTP would probably still often present a very silly and childish outward face. I think that's just part of our personality, and I don't think it's a weakness.

I think you just crawled inside my brain and applied verbal laxative to my thoughts

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

This is somewhat embarrassing, but after being accused elsewhere of being an INFP, I think I actually might be. I'm just an INFP who would dearly like to suppress their emotions. I wish I was an INTP...

 

[Redbone]

This is somewhat embarrassing, but after being accused elsewhere of being an INFP, I think I actually might be. I'm just an INFP who would dearly like to suppress their emotions. I wish I was an INTP...

Let me guess, it was another NF that told you this, yes? You shouldn't have drank that stuff.



FWIW, I've been told this by quite a few people, too. There's often a lot of similarities between the two types.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

This is somewhat embarrassing, but after being accused elsewhere of being an INFP, I think I actually might be. I'm just an INFP who would dearly like to suppress their emotions. I wish I was an INTP...

Why did they accuse you of being an NF? Not being an emotionless robot != INFP.

"feeling" is not emotions.

If someone asks you what your favorite food is, and you can give an answer with a strong conviction, you might be an INFP. Feeling is more like attraction and repulsion. I know that's not a perfect method, but it's better than whether or not you have strong emotions.

 

[greenfairy]

If someone asks you what your favorite food is, and you can give an answer with a strong conviction, you might be an INFP. Feeling is more like attraction and repulsion. I know that's not a perfect method, but it's better than whether or not you have strong emotions.

What if you like too many things to list a definite favorite in pretty much every category? Or there is an answer but you have to think about it critically to determine what it is. Or most of your likes change with your mood, but there are things you like consistently, and your dislikes remain constant.

I'm acting like there is a serious relationship between preferences and Fi, but if there is any kind of connection I'd like to know what it is. Does this mean Fi dom/aux people know what they want usually?

 

[greenfairy]

My current thinking right now is that it's very important for dating, especially in the "shopping" period. If we're incompatible, isn't it better for everyone involved to know that up front?

I identify with this 100%.

My ENTJ ex and I on our first date cautiously started talking about baggage/weaknesses because the flow of the conversation led there, verbalized that it is usually not appropriate, and then mutually decided screw it; we then went on to both put all our cards on the table, and felt a strong sense of trust and honesty afterward. That was one of the things I liked most about him; I could say absolutely anything and know that he would neither get offended nor think I was too weird to date, and I knew whatever he said to me was not intended to be insulting; I knew we could be completely honest with each other all the time. Sadly, such people are rare.

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

Just when I think I'm sure about something, someone questions it and I'm unsure again. Time for a re-reexamination.

I know that having strong emotions is not an indication of either Ti or Fi. Both INTP and INFP have very strong emotions, and both appear to have quite a lot of temperamental similarities, so I'm having quite a hard time figuring it out. But when I think it out there are two things that come to mind:

1. I don't usually take criticism well. This would put me on the INFP side of things. Though if I was an INTP it could be explained in terms of an outbreak of Fe, since I'm usually stressed at the time, but I'm not sure that's it. It's heavy evidence in favour of INFP.

2. I can't listen passively to nonsense. This kind of behaviour is usually associated with INTP. If someone says something illogical, irrational, or which I strongly disagree with, I will correct them, or else start an argument. I have no idea if there are INFPs like this, to be honest most descriptions I've read on INFPs don't seem to be very good.

The problem is (and this is a characteristic of both types) I'm really good at seeing connections between different ideas, so when I look at these two personality types and then at my life I find that I can explain it in terms of either. So now I'm sitting on the fence again, but still leaning towards INFP.

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

If someone asks you what your favorite food is, and you can give an answer with a strong conviction, you might be an INFP. Feeling is more like attraction and repulsion.

There are very few questions that start with "What is your favourite _____?" that I can answer with conviction. There are a few things that I know that I like, and a few things that I know I dislike. Everything else is just sort of vague.

 

[GreatBigCranberries]

*Sigh*, but I was just reading some INFP posts and they seem like that too.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

What if you like too many things to list a definite favorite in pretty much every category? Or there is an answer but you have to think about it critically to determine what it is. Or most of your likes change with your mood, but there are things you like consistently, and your dislikes remain constant.

I'm acting like there is a serious relationship between preferences and Fi, but if there is any kind of connection I'd like to know what it is. Does this mean Fi dom/aux people know what they want usually?

My current thinking is "yes" at least for any given moment. They aren't going to say "'oh, this is my favorite" and then have doubts. It will seem like a certain thing at the time, even if it changes later.

I could be way off, but this is the impression I get from both reading Jung and some experience dating Fi dom/auxes.

Just when I think I'm sure about something, someone questions it and I'm unsure again. Time for a re-reexamination.

I know that having strong emotions is not an indication of either Ti or Fi. Both INTP and INFP have very strong emotions, and both appear to have quite a lot of temperamental similarities, so I'm having quite a hard time figuring it out. But when I think it out there are two things that come to mind:

1. I don't usually take criticism well. This would put me on the INFP side of things. Though if I was an INTP it could be explained in terms of an outbreak of Fe, since I'm usually stressed at the time, but I'm not sure that's it. It's heavy evidence in favour of INFP.

2. I can't listen passively to nonsense. This kind of behaviour is usually associated with INTP. If someone says something illogical, irrational, or which I strongly disagree with, I will correct them, or else start an argument. I have no idea if there are INFPs like this, to be honest most descriptions I've read on INFPs don't seem to be very good.

The problem is (and this is a characteristic of both types) I'm really good at seeing connections between different ideas, so when I look at these two personality types and then at my life I find that I can explain it in terms of either. So now I'm sitting on the fence again, but still leaning towards INFP.

There are very few questions that start with "What is your favourite _____?" that I can answer with conviction. There are a few things that I know that I like, and a few things that I know I dislike. Everything else is just sort of vague.

Everything you just said points to you being a Ti dom. I can't exactly explain Fi, but I think I have somewhat of a sense of what it looks like, and that isn't it. If you were a Fi dom, I'd probably be more puzzled by what you were saying, instead of thinking that it makes a lot of sense.

You want precision, and something logically consistent. You want a consistent answer for what category you fall under. That is not Fi. THat is Ti.

A definite trademark of Fi is that the Fi user thinks that things are too varied and unique to systematize, "You can't put labels on it!"

A general rule of thumb here, therefore, seems to be that if someone is not revealing their type, or putting in some non-MBTI combination of letters, they are a Fi dom or aux. It's surprising how often this works. A lot of Fi dom/auxes don't like MBTI because they see people as too unique to put into categories, or something.