Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Instincts and relationship stuffs

[Lady_X]

So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

how do you handle conflict?

How do you prefer to communicate?

anything else relevant you want to add.

Please and thank you.

 

[Avocado]

So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

how do you handle conflict?

How do you prefer to communicate?

anything else relevant you want to add.

Please and thank you.

I prefer to communicate over the phone.

If conflict comes, I submit to keep the peace.

My ideal relationship would involve peace, love, and cheerfulness.

 

[Lady_X]

As an so ( if that's what you are)
What type of person attracts you? What type repels you?

 

[greenfairy]

I'm pretty certain I am either sp/sx or sx/sp. I have that sx desire for intense merging with another person, and that sort of energy attracts me as well. I think I am repelled by someone who likes to distribute their attention more widely than I do; I want someone to be focused on me when we are together. I am attracted by passion as well, and a certain zest for life.

But sp makes that desire moderated; I am repelled by people who seem extreme in relationships, becoming obsessive or very jealous or very emotional. I want to avoid potentially "crazy" people and drama. A deal breaker for a long term relationship would be someone who lacks a sense of self preservation and doesn't care about their health. I need to share interests in that area because it's a big part of my life, as well as having someone I care about live a long and pleasant life.

So, so I guess doesn't really factor in except that they should share my consciousness of the well being of the planet and how our decisions (particularly economic) affect people globally.

 

[greenfairy]

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

how do you handle conflict?

How do you prefer to communicate?

anything else relevant you want to add.

Please and thank you.

Oh, didn't answer these.

My ideal relationship would be to have a perfect soulmate and live happily ever after in hippie fairy bliss. We would build an eco-friendly house, grow our own food, find and grow mushrooms, go to festivals and electronic music events, and go hiking and camping a lot. And merge our energy together with the kundalini energy of the universe.

If all that doesn't happen, I'll just have lovers with whom I'm happy and share some interests.

My biggest issues in relationships have been trusting people and being comfortable with being intimate.

Strengths: I'm fun, passionate, sexy, a genuinely nice person, and completely honest. <-- This can also be a weakness if the other person doesn't like honesty as much as I do. I'm easy to get along with and pretty low maintenance. I'm very intuitive about people's feelings and needs.
Weaknesses: I have a compulsion to tell my most intimate feelings and insecurities to people. It's something I've recently become aware of, and so will probably moderate a bit in the future. But in relationships I feel insecure about a lot of things and feel like I have to alleviate those fears. Also I over-analyze things all the time and have had a tendency to worry about the future and not live in the moment.

I handle conflict by figuring out what the issue is, how we both feel about it, what is reasonable, what is feasible, what is normal in the situation, etc. I try to figure out what the problem is and how to solve it, even if it is just in our own psyches (and there is always that component).

So communication is very important to me. If someone won't communicate or isn't good at it, that's a deal breaker and tends to make me think they don't care about me and the relationship.

 

[gromit]

As sp/sx I feel sort of torn between protecting self and wanting a thrilling intimacy.

Biggest issues in relationships have been balancing those two... haven't ever been in one that really satisfied both. Some have been safe but not exciting. Some have been exciting, but pretty self-destructive.

I also think communication can be so hard. And both people feeling ok to communicate their needs. Bothers me when the other person doesn't say what they need/deny it, but also when they try to make me believe my needs or feelings are ridiculous.

So in that sense I would say an ideal relationship involves honesty with yourself and the other person, as well as kindness/respect towards each other. I have also mentioned this in other places, but for me at least both people would be moving in complementary directions.

I tend to avoid direct confrontation until I am approaching my limit.

 

[011235813]

I'm sp/sx.

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
Trust issues. I tend to keep people at bay so they won't hurt me and I like to have the upper hand in terms of emotional control.
In long-term relationships, I tend to identify so closely with my SO's needs and wishes that the relationship ends up consuming my identity and I lose sight of my own goals and desires. I can feel myself slipping away and I resent it but I can't help it because I don't want to lose the connection either.

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
Kind of like Old Faithful. Calm and reliable with periodic eruptions of excitement and drama.

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
Strengths: Calm, grounded, good at allaying people's worries, willing to adapt to others' needs.
Weaknesses: Bad at expressing my needs and desires, insecure, tend to bottle up resentment and then explode for inconsequential reasons.

how do you handle conflict?
Don't like it. Either I shut down and retreat or I overreact. I have a tendency to self-soothe or drug myself with pleasurable activities and things so I don't have to deal head on with problems.

On the other hand, I sometimes pick fights when I'm bored or insecure. A good fight can clear the air and make me feel more energized.

How do you prefer to communicate?
Mostly receptive/passive. I kind of sit and soak up whatever people throw at me and internalize it and occasionally toss something back if I think it's worthwhile.

 

[011235813]

Oh, one of my biggest weaknesses in relationships is that I sometimes overcompensate in my desire not to be needy or impose on my SO's comfort. Which can come across "Go away, I can take care of myself, I don't need you."

While I want to be perceived as self-reliant and strong, I also get irritated when my SO doesn't come to my help. So contradictory.

 

[Lady_X]

Oh, one of my biggest weaknesses in relationships is that I sometimes overcompensate in my desire not to be needy or impose on my SO's comfort. Which can come across "Go away, I can take care of myself, I don't need you."

While I want to be perceived as self-reliant and strong, I also get irritated when my SO doesn't come to my help. So contradictory.

Yeah your posts are great... Sounds a lot like my infp sp/sx bf

 

[Vilku]

I prefer to communicate over the phone.

If conflict comes, I submit to keep the peace.

My ideal relationship would involve peace, love, and cheerfulness.

O_O.. i now just realized why i have absolutely no relationship with my mother, apart from the phone calls. so sp's, sx last, of course, of course..
[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION]

"So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you."

So Sx's totally tickle my funny spot.

"And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?"

not finding anyone who has long term material. in other words, nothing has ever escalated beyound friendship.

"what would you describe as your ideal relationship?"

a female entp, so sx, 3w4. whats so ideal about it? we would be beneficial to each other.

"what are your strengths? Weaknesses?"

strengths: play of wit, sensuality and intimacy together.
weaknesses: i lose all interest if you arent useful to me.

"how do you handle conflict?"

stubborness, just reinforce my standing, crush the opposition with sheer rationality. or.. realize that i hadnt thought about it, and cooperate.

" How do you prefer to communicate?"

through sensuality.

"anything else relevant you want to add."

i like to pretend im a cat. MOOOUWW! =]

i also like to sing and play music personally for those i like. (due my Fe, i can make music that everyone likes, as long as i get to emphatize them while doing it.)

"Please and thank you."

mhh..

 

[Avocado]

As an so ( if that's what you are)
What type of person attracts you? What type repels you?

I am attracted to people who think and feel somewhat similar to me. I would want somebody that was by my side for every task, helping me do what I need. I would be looking for somebody that I could have deep philosophical discussions with on a regular basis and we be mutually energized. I want somebody that I can explore the universe with. I guess my dream would be to be like Doctor Who: Eternally drifting through space and time with somebody. We would solve the great problems of the world together, and we would give each other mutual support. Together we would make legends.

I guess I would be looking for either an So/Sx 7w6 ENFP Female or So/Sx 7w6 ENTP Female.

I think that I could actually be an unusually cautious So/Sx rather than a So/Sp.

 

[EntangledLight]

instincts, influence: attract/repel

repel= someone who's really needy. i have no problem helping out, but i can't stand the feeling of someone who's drowning and is insisting on bringing you with them.
attract= genuineness, secure with who they are, and a certain sense of "darkness" to their personality (interpret how you will; it can come in a lot of different shades)

biggest issues in relationships

allowing myself to only be attracted to women that are in "need" of something (contradiction, i know). and once they become too much, i just kind of shut off emotionally in the hopes that they'll relax, see that i'm not going anywhere, and hope that they'll address their own issues--hasn't worked out too well yet, .

on the flip side, there seems to be a "fear" of a lack of interest on the partner's side. i haven't been in too many pairings, so i can't tell if it's really just me, or them, or both of us--probably the latter. since i can tell so easily where i stand with another, how they're feeling, and what their boundaries are that day, i just assume everyone is in my head just like i'm "in theirs".

ideal relationship

each person is secure enough with themselves to just exist without seeking attention. we can trust each other, fully. we can sit in silence, or be spontaneous, and neither is missing a cue due to our own understanding of each other, ourselves, and of course, because of the connection we have. hopefully, we could live somewhere away from the city but still close enough to visit it--we would be self-sufficient, only partaking in the world for what we actually need and want, and not for what we've been led to believe we "need and want". we would be partners and companions with a deep emotional link, letting one another be better for it.

strengths and weaknesses

weaknesses= when stressed i'm very emotionally unavailable (i just need my space to unwind); if someone isn't making sense, or expects others to conform to their feelings, i'm pretty critical; i have a problem with casual intimacy--not sure if this is actually a problem or not--it doesn't occur to me, unless it does and i'm not thinking, just doing... i'd rather not do it if it's not genuine, and doing it for the sake of doing it seems like a routine--but that's only looking at it from my perspective and not from that of my partner, so yeah, it is a problem.

strengths= i can always get someone out of something, no matter what it is, the problem is something that can be overcome if they are willing to do their part (and i'm completely willing to lessen "their part" until they can hold more weight); i am actually really sensitive and sweet, very playful, and i love making other people feel better about their outlook on life; i'm really intuitive with other people, and can help them to be more honest with themselves, and from there, to see things differently (this can be a good thing, but hasn't been lately); loyal to who i'm with, regardless; funny too, although you can't see it here, and am all about making others laugh when they need it.

handling conflict

lol... i'd rather have it out than have everyone involved sulking about and being passive aggressive. sometimes, there just has to be a fight. that doesn't mean that it should be something that is sought out, and it is usually only after having that fight can the couple approach a similar, future situation with a certain calmness, acting on the foundation that came from the initial "fight". things aren't really good or bad, more like they're necessary or unnecessary, based on what could come from it.

but, i'd much rather just sit down and talk it out, with both peoples' honesty.

communication?

depends on the reason. i'd rather have person-to-person, or at least their voice, since texting is kind of annoying.

best= just sitting on the couch, doing nothing, saying whatever comes to mind as we absently watch something on netflix; that's how the best conversations start, .

relevant?

not really, just that everything like this that we take to be our personalities is really just a roadblock to ourselves, and that we should learn to do away with "this is just me"/"but you see, i'm like this because of X, which means that i can only really work this out if person does Y" sort of mentalities because it just lessens ourselves and our own experience--especially in relationships, which can be some of the greatest experiences we are able to have. (not saying this is what's going on, just something "relevant" i wanted to add)




E6, Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx

 

[Redbone]

Sp/sx

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

Lack of awareness of my partner's emotional needs. Emotional distance with others. Not giving others emotional feedback to let them know I care. Paralyzing fear of being vulnerable, weak, or helpless.

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

A unique bond but don't live together...we don't even see each other everyday...he/she has their own life and I have mine but that Venn diagram overlap is like nothing else. It's a place where good things happen, a place of intense intimacy (which can be painful but that's okay), a place of encouragement and understanding. We understand that we're...I don't know how to really express it...so much that can't be put in words but is there...a faith, a belief...when we're together it's like the ______ expressed in the poem Gate C22.


what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

Strengths...I'm not sure. Committed. Flexible. Not very judgmental. Understanding. Brave. Devoted. Good at seeing the true nature of another. Realistic. Honest.

Weaknesses...woo. Being honest can be if I let it get out of hand. Moody. Intense. Marked difficulty in expressing or acknowledging own emotional needs. I need a great deal of privacy and space...probably too much for most people to bother to be in a relationship with me. Tendency to display feeling and connection in a feast or famine fashion which often creates an atmosphere of uncertainty and insecurity in the other person.

I have an ugly side complete with ill-temper and can be kinda mean, too. Push people away because I'm scared of being dependent on them.


How do you handle conflict?

Let's get this fixed/aired...whatever it is. I hate sweeping stuff under the rug and pretending everything is fine. I'll plow through whatever unpleasantness to solve things or hear out the other person.

How do you prefer to communicate?

Written over spoken. Direct. Truth/what's real over being nice, sparing my feelings. <----- That's a really big deal. Be blunt, goddammit! And tell me what you want...I really want you to be happy with the relationship and if I care, I'll do just about anything for you, but I can't read minds and I really suck at taking hints (and they piss me off anyway).

anything else relevant you want to add.

Edit: I've mainly been in relationships with so-doms...it's hard on me and it's very hard on them. I don't relate well/understand their drives very well and it can be intensely frustrating for the both of us. The best connections I've had are with sx and sp-doms.

 

[Lady_X]

these are so interesting! i really think this is the stuff that contributes so much to compatibility...mbti less so imo

thanks to everyone who's taken the time to write this stuff out!

more please!

 

[highlander]

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
- I'm demanding and expect a lot
- That sx thing - merging I guess you call it which is unrealistic in a sense
- Fear of being vulnerable

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
- Soulmate and complete loyalty with high physical attraction and great sex

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
- Strengths: open, honest, communication, persistance
- Weaknesses: never satisfied - always looking to improve things

how do you handle conflict?
- I confront it

How do you prefer to communicate?
- Directly

 

[Lady_X]

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?
- I'm demanding and expect a lot
- That sx thing - merging I guess you call it which is unrealistic in a sense
- Fear of being vulnerable

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?
- Soulmate and complete loyalty with high physical attraction and great sex

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?
- Strengths: open, honest, communication, persistance
- Weaknesses: never satisfied - always looking to improve things

how do you handle conflict?
- I confront it

How do you prefer to communicate?
- Directly

thanks for adding an sx perspective in here too...can i ask about the wife? do you know hers?

 

[highlander]

thanks for adding an sx perspective in here too...can i ask about the wife? do you know hers?

I am guessing she is So/Sx/Sp, but don't really know for sure.

 

[Lady_X]

I am guessing she is So/Sx/Sp, but don't really know for sure.

oh okay...but you have a vague feeling that you can connect somewhat on an sx level?

 

[kyuuei]

So... I'm curious about how your instincts influence who and what attracts and repels you.

They're everything.

And what would you say your biggest issues in relationships have been?

Not sabotaging it. Seriously, though, For a long time I picked relationships that I knew would fail on purpose.. If I knew they would fail I wouldn't get my little heart broken when that happened. I could pretend I was this super tough, awesome person capable of handling anything thrown her way. As a result, currently, my biggest issue is figuring out how to just... be. And let things happen the way they did once long ago.

what would you describe as your ideal relationship?

Someone that treats me the way they would want me to treat them--knowing that I am doing the same. Oh, and someone that genuinely is in love with me. Pretty simple.

what are your strengths? Weaknesses?

Weaknesses are too vast.. but I'd say my strengths in relationships are being very down to earth (CORNYMUCH?!) as far as understanding and knowing that they aren't going to be perfect.. I think I have extremely realistic expectations from others. Oh, and I am willing to talk about and fix almost anything.

how do you handle conflict?

Very well. I mean, maybe not RIGHT away.. but I will address it, and talk about it, and work out the issue. I don't lose my temper nearly as quickly as I used to. Unsure if that is naturally from age or my active efforts are finally helping.

How do you prefer to communicate?

In writing, honestly. I'm best at it. But, barring that, in person face to face in private.

 

[highlander]

oh okay...but you have a vague feeling that you can connect somewhat on an sx level?

In theory, she would have the healthy sx and I would have the unhealthy sx. It seems to work fine. She helps to moderate my intensity and is more calm.