exactly my story, as always has been, and still is.
I think it's really exacerbated by our nature to dislike conflict & trying to please everybody, even if that means to NOT say no, and then heed the mainstream society's notions of what's right (or "success") or wrong.
it really often creates a heaviler inner turmoils inside ourselves,
and at the worst point, we become confused, depressed, and feel worthless in this 'practical' world.
But I agree with what some of you said above:
I've learnt that I have so much potentials to offer, that even to give 20% of it is much better than if I didn't do anything.
and that also I thus feel I have some kind of a 'grand purpose' , by living in this often 'too-cold' world, by bringing back more warmth, love, kindness and goodness.
it's what still keeping me going on and keep moving, instead of giving up with my life.
I'm currently also trying to not think too much about things, and just go with the basic (ie: 'progress', or what is in my "locus of control"), just like Rebe said perfectly above.
it's a hard thing to do, as there's often just soooo much going on in my mind, both negatives and positives,..that the worst part is: I ended up NOT DOING anything, or even if I do it, I rarely finish it!
a lot of people around me and even online friends have often felt frustrated with me,
and they're like
"Niki, you have so much potentials, especially in music, but why you kept putting off your lives??? what else stopping you??? why you just don't DO things??".
A hard slap of Reality (as I've discussed in
my thread here) is eventually what 'woke me up' and starting to take things more seriously,..........and learning & growing, no matter what happens!