Kiddo, I can relate to nearly everything you have written here. I empathize, and dating is a process that I rather hate as well. It feels awkward to me too, and contrived, and I don't feel I can really be myself, because I get caught up in longterm visions and am unable to just exist in the moment, which is what one needs to do to a certain extent when dating. I also find there's too much pressure, and perhaps it's the Fe, but I tend to 'know' on some level what the other person is looking for, and wanting, and that kind of inhibits me from truly being myself, because then I have a tendency to bend more to what I know they're wanting. I did that more often previously, but don't really do that anymore - but, it's certainly a tendency that's there.
I don't know what to say. If you're not feeling it, and the 'formal' dating process is something that just doesn't appeal to you and turns you off, then it is probably best to not go for it when you're in that state. I've tried to force myself to do it, but if my heart's not in it, then the whole process is even more stressful, and when uncomfortable, I can't really be who I really am, and my good qualities don't shine through.
I haven't formally dated for a good couple of years, and it's because I can't stomach the process.
But I also know it's a fine line -- it's a weight of priorities and desires -- and at some point the desire to meet someone will be stronger than anything else, so that desire will outweigh the uncomfortableness of the process itself. So maybe just cut yourself some slack, and when the desire is strong enough, you'll find a way and the annoyances of the process won't be nearly as big a deal, and you'll be able to ride through them. [meaning, there have been periods in my past where I HAVE been able to do the dating thing and it hasn't stressed me out, but mentally I was in a place where I was open and flexible enough for the process.]
Also, yeah, pickiness. I like to view it that I don't want to be with just anyone. I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. And I think the majority of people have such a strong drive to be with ANYone, regardless of ultimate happiness, longevity of the relationship, or compatibility, that they therefore aren't as particular. But for me, I do listen to my gut, and I don't want anything less than someone I truly love and connect with -- anything less simply wouldn't be worth it for me. Yes, I get very lonely at times, and ache for that connection, and it's rare when I do experience it, and the rarity of these connections can really get me down sometimes, but I do remain hopeful that eventually someone will come my way. But I totally agree that, even when you have only 3 or 4 root traits that you desire from your partner, it is still a rare thing indeed when you come across someone who meets all 3 or 4 -- or 20, as the case may be!! And even rarer when the other person feels the same way about you!!! Cue Venn Diagram: Intersection of mutual like is like 0.05% for me, I think!!!
Ah, but I still have hope.
I don't know what else to say, but I do empathize, I definitely have similar thoughts and feelings about it, and it's just one of those things. There isn't a universal answer to it, but just approach all of it when you're ready. I don't think it should be a stressful thing, and if it is, then maybe it's not time yet.
But that's what standards are for, ya know. You can't love to the point of self destruction. If they're attracted, but afraid, then really, would you be happy with them in the end? It's no point being angry, or bitter, i guess. Men can be like that. Fickle. Afraid. 
But as women, the power is in us to choose what to accept, and what not to. How can you be a real woman, to a man who's only half a man? Peace, lady. 
They also need to type better than I do. 
