You might just have a really strong 5 wing, or may even be 5 instead. It’s more a 5 thing to actually feel like an alien, like there’s an ‘uniqueness’ (or a feeling of being different) that’s already there and there’s even a preoccupation of compensating for it rather than striving for it.
I think this is just general "fourness". I think that with a three wing you craft a compelling dramatized image of this innate "weirdness" and relate to the world with your inner feeling displayed putting the crafted image out there. Some say fours with 3 wing are more likely to wear dramatic costumes etc. It's your artistic representation of an inner state and belief, but with an intent to engage. The projection is innately flawed as it cannot encompass the "real you" but it's effective. I think the "in your face" aspect of your projection varies with the instinctual variant.
Could also be some Fe involved here as well, wanting said uniqueness to be accepted by the group. I already feel somehow outside of the circle, but I desire to have the unusual traits and interests embraced by the group. But at the same time, I recognize that everyone is unique in their own way, so it isn't just me.
Maybe it is a strong 5-wing....
Again...With having a kind of a need for dramatic display but having my INFJ Fe not wanting conflict with external world, for me, it was resolved by being a part of a subculture where it was acceptable to express yourself in an outlandish way, which means you are also around a great bunch of people who have made unusual lifestyle choices and appear "weird", so you don't look out of place. Yet you are able to be quite out there at the same time. The "artist/musician/ professional eccentric" identity gives you quite a lot of social leeway. Of course a hardcore four will still secretly think they are the most misunderstood and peculiar of the bunch and can never truly fit in, even among the misfits.
I appreciate the feedback. This is hard to write about clearly so I'll just say it: I embody uniqueness to such an extent that I don't have to strive for it. I am unique. I have always always been different and it has always been pointed out to me. When I read the descriptions about 4s wanting to be unique, I can't relate, because it implies that you don't know you are unique, if it's something you long for. I don't long for it because I am it. I can remember not knowing it, but I was very young -- it came to me in feedback pretty quickly to make me realize that I was different. It's not what I would have chosen; it's what happened as a natural course of me unselfconsciously being myself and then seeing how people react to that.
EDIT: This segment meant to serve as an example of how I felt as a child. Not how I feel or view myself today.
Well how the drama developed in my own psyche I would say I felt like an odd duck. I was also considered odd. I had odd interests. I stood out.
I at the time actually saw people who accenuated their difference as ornamentation as fake where I was the real deal (ironically as I did the same later on) . "I
am unique."
I have spent the better part of my life seeing myself as inherently different from others, thus not being in any conceivable way able to fit in, ergo I am unique in my own right, unlike other people who are not. But at the same time I'm terrified of being wrong and delusional. Just another muggle thinking too highly of themselves. Being fake. A failure. A defective specimen. That my internal landscapes are just the ramblings of a degenerate.
But I'd rather romanticize being a degenerate and a lunatic (in the Rimbaudian sense...)because if that's taken away and I am not actually unique in anyway, but plain as bread...what then? It would go against everything. The very way I look at the world.
The way I see it I have all my life genuinely felt I was not like others, that there was something inherently different within me. ...And, maybe this is the three wing, a kind of an ugly duckling. One day I'll let my swan out for everyone to see. Of course. In my head. But being 4w3 I did actually do that in my small way. Only to find out people liked my dramatization and began to see me as "special", but that was the moment I knew I wasn't. It was just make believe. A dream. I was terribly dissapointed. No reason to be. But I was because of my self deception. It had been for nothing.
my own infj mother is totally weird to me too! haha i tell her this frequently.
maybe it doesn't always express itself as a want...maybe it's just more of an awareness...or a way of seeing yourself....a defining characteristic.
because...i've been told i'm weird...i used to all the time. but...i don't see myself that way...and i don't think of it as a way to define myself. it just doesn't resonate with me as being important to who i am....possibly because i'm not that weird...or...possibly because i'm not a 4 and it's not something i pay attention to.
This. Wether one is or is not weird is not the issue. Being invested in the idea of being different is
Interesting. A lot of what you say is similar to my own experience. I hate being weird and being made to feel self-conscious too. But to be perfectly honest, my weirdness is something I also take pride in (yes, I know how pathetic that sounds
).
The thing is with 4s, it's not just that they
are "unique", as if it's just a matter-of-fact truth they have to get used to; they
want to be "unique" too. They (secretly) relish their difference, even if it's the negative kind. So you see, it's not just a personal quality that is thrust upon them, to some degree it's also a pursuit. Deep down, all 4s
fear being normal.
I think this is so true. It was the most devastating time for me when I had to consider the possibility that my own perceived inherent difference might be bullshit. I genuinely bought into it wholeheartedly. I have a friend who is an ardent buddhist and a four. For my friend there was a watershed moment when in their practice they came to a kind of a realization that they are not different from all the "muggles" who run around worried about their mortgages and which insurance to get. The way they said it played out was getting this concrete experience of
BEING all those guys and that they'd been spending all this time looking for something special and finding the most obvious fact. Like discovering your big toe after you'd been looking for it all your life and secretly thinking you were a special individual on a mystical quest...a kind of a chosen one. ...but everyone has a big toe.
For me I guess it was the painful process of finding out that I am not actually different. ...Well that's not entirely true... I am different. and here's the snowflake moment. Yes, everybody is. Ironically I am now after several years of trying to bring out my innate difference considered "different". The only difference is I chose to dramatize and display my deep feeling of being different in an aesthetic way. I'm just not buying into my difference anymore. When I get upset I still just want to think I'm not being able to handle certain situations because I am inherently different from humanity and I get an urge to start mythologizing it but I'm really really trying not to. Because I'm happier not doing that and just being human. Finally. I think that's the only way I can really genuinely feel dignified, though the fairydust is alluring.
Your sense of difference suggests 4-ness is a part of you, but maybe it isn't your primary type. 
