[ENFJ] How to spot an ENFJ a mile off

[theshadow]

I am a gigantic and shameless flirt.

you to?

 

[Domino]

my ER doctor was an intp, no mistake... clipped, mechanical at first, but engaged... when i started to shut down under the stress and pain, wouldn't look at him, wouldn't talk anymore, he got on the floor on his knees, under my hair, told me softly to please speak to him. i kept looking away, shaking my head. he kept pressing, inching closer. "Stop pulling away from me, Megan... look at me... please..." we wound up staring at each other silently.

it was a very strange scene. not so strange to me.

 

[Thursday]

Imagine an INFJ ,
but extroverted

 

[freebird]

I've found this thread very entertaining... I have a few ENFJ friends who, though different from each other, seem to match many of these descriptions well. One in particular, a male ENFJ, is amazingly outgoing and charismatic. Yeah, so this INTPf is attracted to that ENFJm, but unfortunately he's a mega flirt. I shouldn't say "unfortunately" because it's just part of the great guy he is, but as an INTP I can get really self-doubting. No one but my close friends would ever guess I'm anything but confident and self-assured, but my goodness, I'm a mess at times.

So back to the original topic (and a small offshoot here): What would clue a girl in to knowing if the ENFJ is interested when flirting is so universal? Not to mention, INTPs tend to be terrible at romantic flirtations because they'd rather just realize they love someone and then love them without messing with all the awkward social maneuvering. And why would ENFJs like INTPs anyways?

 

[Littlelostnf]

Very friendly interested in people (but don't have to be involved with them...lots of times content to watch from afar. (not an ESFJ all involved hostest, more like a get the kids together teach them a new game watch them from the sidelines...an ESFJ I think would be playing a tried and true old game, plus have a pitcher of lemonade for after the game is over...blah blah)

Willing to be involved if they have to be...sensitive to peoples feelings without trying to tell them how to feel (the urge to give an answer is there but unless prompted...sometimes begged they won't.)

Really good at spotting your potential. Love for people to be who they are..the good the bad the ugly.

Don't really want to be "leaders" but can pick up the mantle if necessary...

Really interested in growing and finding out as much about themselves as possible. Sometimes it is at the expense of present practical concerns but usually very truthful with themselves which puts them back on track.

Generally people with a strong spiritual need (whatever the religion)

They come in all forms...
Hippie Chick...
Conservative (with an edge)...
Tree hugging granola eater....
Even Diva

(I'm saying this not because I know a ton of female enfj's but because all of the above are me...depending on the day. (I actually know only one other enfj female)

 

[cafe]

my ER doctor was an intp, no mistake... clipped, mechanical at first, but engaged... when i started to shut down under the stress and pain, wouldn't look at him, wouldn't talk anymore, he got on the floor on his knees, under my hair, told me softly to please speak to him. i kept looking away, shaking my head. he kept pressing, inching closer. "Stop pulling away from me, Megan... look at me... please..." we wound up staring at each other silently.

it was a very strange scene. not so strange to me.

I know I'm really late to the party and this is off topic, but this is the kind of thing that made my INTP a fantastic labor coach. He could keep me with him instead of letting me fall into the pain and flip out.

 

[grendiecat]

so flippin funny. i so identified with this--it would be almost embarrassing if it wasn't so entertaining. would 16 enfjs in a room totally get along or would we drive each other nuts?

Miscellaneous ENFJ stuff: random sexual innuendos that are quickly backed out of, moments of hubris and megalomania, lots of unnecessary verbalization of circular thought processes (but don't you dare mock one for this!), eruptions of strange noises, flailing limbs, invasive questions, occasional belligerence followed by a spate of apologies, dramatics and/or theatrics for your viewing pleasure (Are You Not Entertained?), and some other stuff I can't think of right now.

 

[IEE623]

I think ENFJs are so good at making the person whom they're talking to feel that he's the most unique, interesting person in the ENFJ's eyes. It might be disappointing when you realize the reality that ENFJs do it with almost everyone, effortlessly.
That's why they are natural megaflirts.

 

[Venom]

I think ENFJs are so good at making the person whom they're talking to feel that he's the most unique, interesting person in the ENFJ's eyes. It might be disappointing when you realize the reality that ENFJs do it with almost everyone, effortlessly.
That's why they are natural megaflirts.

its terrible....almost 99.9% of the girls that i have grown to like more than just initial infatuation are ENFJs....and sadly im usually relegated to what i assume is the friend zone...they just make everyone feel so damn special to them when they talk to you that its impossible to tell where you stand with them! :steam:

 

[The Third Rider]

its terrible....almost 99.9% of the girls that i have grown to like more than just initial infatuation are ENFJs....and sadly im usually relegated to what i assume is the friend zone...they just make everyone feel so damn special to them when they talk to you that its impossible to tell where you stand with them! :steam:

Sorry to hear mate but that is the nature of the beast. I know I have done it in the past and even kept some chicks going just for the attention.

 

[sciski]

so flippin funny. i so identified with this--it would be almost embarrassing if it wasn't so entertaining. would 16 enfjs in a room totally get along or would we drive each other nuts?

Mmm, to be trapped in a room with 16 ENFJs....

 

[runvardh]

Mmm, to be trapped in a room with 16 ENFJs....

I don't know whether I should be happy or very scared for my life in that situation...

 

[IEE623]

Mmm, to be trapped in a room with 16 ENFJs....

I don't know whether I should be happy or very scared for my life in that situation...

i'll be thrilled. lol. if there was ever any researcher/scientist wanted to do those kinds of experiment, i'd be more than happy to volunteer (free of charge, disregarding any mental consequences), to be the one among 16 ENFJs

 

[runvardh]

I think I'll just go for having one to cuddle and pet me... ^_^

 

[The Third Rider]

i'll be thrilled. lol. if there was ever any researcher/scientist wanted to do those kinds of experiment, i'd be more than happy to volunteer (free of charge, disregarding any mental consequences), to be the one among 16 ENFJs

What ever you don't piss them piss them off or they cannibalize you.

 

[Wyst]

I think ENFJs are so good at making the person whom they're talking to feel that he's the most unique, interesting person in the ENFJ's eyes. It might be disappointing when you realize the reality that ENFJs do it with almost everyone, effortlessly.
That's why they are natural megaflirts.

Yup.

 

[Sunshine8]

Thanks for the great responses. Do you any of you date INTPs? Do you like to date INTPs?

What turns you on? I am obessesd with making money, and global domination for that matter. Self-aggrandizement can be a problem for us, but since I know I have it and don't particularly care, I don't really see it as a problem.

Does money turn you on?

I am dating an INTP and it has been a very interesting ride so far. He loves making money and would rule the universe if he could (he is a stockbroker with a lot of testosterone), but I don't love money. I like what you can buy with money but it is just a means to an end, not the end itself. I can respect his dedication but much the same as if I loved someone who had a thing for breeding poodles. I am happy to listen and support and ask questions but I don't have to want that same thing. In fact perhaps it is more peaceful because I don't!

In answer to your first question about spotting an ENFJ. As ENFJ's are described as chameleons, you would be a little hard pressed to single out one particular behaviour, unless you have been close to one before and see similarities; you could find them swearing like a sailor and drinking moonshine in a gritty pub with the locals, then sipping champagne with bluebloods and then smiling angelically while lighting the candle in church, and would seem quite comfortable with each context (as long as they were reflecting an honest part of themselves).

But there is one little sign that might help you spot the ENFJ.

At a party look for the person who seems to be getting things going, who is talking to people easily and encouraging other people to talk, and then once the room is 'happening' watch them dissappear! This might take the form of escaping to the bathroom, going for a solitary stroll at midnight, or quietly slipping off home.

I have spoken to numerous other ENFJs and we al do the same thing, especially when we are hosting a party. I have even known of one ENFJ woman who would hide in her closet to have a break from people!

The reasoning is thus (in my opinion) - an ENFJ will tune into people especially if the room is not-happening ir someone is awkward/needing encouragement. They will put a lot of energy into tuning into everyone, getting the vibe going, enjoy the intimacy then complely burn-out!Unfortunately, this is usually the point in the night where everyone has decided they love the person and they are their best friend (because the ENFJ helped them feel that way in the beginning!) Hence the need to escape. It is too late to become a gentle wallflower and sip a whisky quietly!

So now, when I make a new friend/workmate, and I can feel very close to them and then find they disappear a little - that is when I know, and i have been right so far in nearly every case. It can be confusing for people because the ENFJ hasn't stopped liking you or whatever, they have just had enough of taking everyone in.

I hope that makes some sense!

Also, if you do end up with an ENFJ, they bounce back really well from quality time alone. Usually with roses, music and as thousand new ideas...



I

 

[silversun]

I have a historical ENFJ for you guys, the Marquis de Lafayette. He was a Frenchman who came to America to fight in the American Revolution.

"Lafayette's real introduction to America came at a dinner on August 8, 1775, when the young Marquis came into contact with the Duke of Gloucester who spoke with sympathy of the struggle going on in the colonies. With thoughts of the "romantic" American cause, glory and excitement, Lafayette made plans to travel to America. Realizing his plans would be disapproved of by the King and his family, Lafayette confided in his friend the Comte de Broglie, who in turn introduced him to the Baron Johan de Kalb. Both men were seeking to travel to America and after several delays, the two men set up a journey across the Atlantic with written agreements from Silas Deane that they would be commissioned major generals."

**Lafayette actually bought his own boat and crew to sail to America since the King didn't approve of his plan.

"When Lafayette learned of the struggle of the Americans in their endeavor to secure their independence he resolved to come to the colonies to aid them in their efforts as a volunteer. He also persuaded several French officers to come with him. Eventually he landed near Charleston, South Carolina, June 13, 1777, and when the leaders learned of his mission they welcomed him very hospitably. Later in the summer he came to Philadelphia and the Congress welcomed him as he came to serve without pay and also as a volunteer. Since he represented the highest rank of French nobility and his motives were so patriotic in the American cause, the Congress commissioned him a Major General on the 31st of July. Later in the summer he met General Washington and a friendship developed between the two men which lasted as long as Washington lived. He was not even 20 years old! During Lafayette's life he never forgot the great American. Lafayette was a member of Washington's staff and during the Battle of the Brandywine, Lafayette participated in the closing part of the battle when he was wounded."

**Many foreign officers, especially Frenchman, had been coming to the Continental Congress for officer commissions. Washington was actually very angry when the congress would send him foreign officers. So, initially, (Even after his long journey), the congress dismissed Lafayette. However, Lafayette came back and spoke (Even though he didn't speak English so well!) to the congress offering to volunteer without pay if they wouldn't grant him a commission. Lafayette was known speak in a patriotic way referring to "liberty" and "glory" frequently. So he pretty much convinced them that he wasn't just another foreign officer looking to take over the American army, so they made him a Major General. Also, the fact that he was able to befriend Washington so quickly was quite amazing, since Washington was so opposed to the idea of granting such high ranks to foreigners. I also must emphasize the length of his journey! I've also read that while he and his fellow Frenchman were walking to Philadelphia, he was so taken by his surroundings that he didn't mind the heat and miserable conditions that they were in. Comparing his diaries to the others, he would write about how much he loved America, while his friends complained about the weather, sleeping conditions, food, etc.

"In December, 1777, he went with Washington and the army into winter quarters at Valley Forge. In the early days of the camp several officers were interested in trying to have a sentiment developed against Washington to have Congress relieve him of the command of the Continental armies (Conway Cabal). However, they were unable to gain the support they expected. They tried to secure the cooperation of Lafayette, but failed. In order to explain the situation he wrote a long letter to Washington in which he pledged his loyalty to the General. Washington replied to Lafayette in a letter which was marked by his sincere appreciation. In due course the proposed scheme of the few officers failed as it was doomed to failure from the beginning."

**After the revolution, Lafayette was a major influence on Washington's decision to free his slaves in his will, trying to convince him that it was immoral.

When he came back to France in 1780, they actually exiled him for a while. "Once it became known that Lafayette was exiled, the king soon discovered that the sentence was considered unjust and Lafayettes' praises were heard on all sides. Nevertheless, many important people did come to see him during his period of exile. When his term of exile was completed he was summoned by the King who received him very graciously, congratulated him very warmly on his service for the United States."

"Early in the year 1780 Lafayette's hard work with the French government resulted in the success of sending French troops to aid Washington and additional needed supplies. So insistent was Lafayette for aid to the Americans that one day Count de Maurepas said in the royal council: "It is fortunate for the King, that Lafayette does not take it into his head to strip Versailles of its furniture, to send to his dear Americans; as his Majesty would be unable to refuse it." In addition to governmental supplies Lafayette purchased our of his private account a large amount of supplies for the troops he would command on his return to America."

Lafayette also was in France during the French revolution, but that's a whole other story! He actually renounced the title of "marquis" then.

Quotes from The Marquis de Lafayette

=)

 

[Domino]

Lafayette. Interesting!

 

[Afkan]

I know this thread is dead but...well...I got here a little late.

The one who takes classroom discussions to the next level, further than they have ever gone, every time. And gets everyone involved, stimulated, and leaving exhausted.

The one who gets everyone snort-laughing hysterically in staff mtg, including the program manager, then convinces him its for much needed team building.

The one who persuades the company's serious CEO to throw water balloons at the speaker(their boss) during a company training activity.