[ISFP] How to make an ISFP fall in L-O-V-E

[CzeCze]

I'm intrigued by this ISFP guy and as an ENFP female, I will follow anything that intrigues me until well...it stops intriguing me.

But, considering ISFP-ENFP is a relation of 'semi-duality' (according to socionics) I don't think the intrigue will ever completely wear off.

So yes, my question -- how does one make an ISFP fall in love? Specifically with ME, an ENFP? What things to avoid, what common problems and misunderstandings? What are these relationships usually like?

And why do you think ISFP and ENFP are drawn to each other (or are they?)

Do you think these relationships are reciprocal or does one type benefit more than another?

Thanks!
CzeCze

 

[ygolo]

ISxP's in theory will find Ne Comedic/Deceiving.

And you have an Fi in common. For him Fi is Leading/Dominating, and for you it is Supporting/Overprotective.

So be funny, and take charge of him?

Pay no attention. I have no real people skills. I am trying to synthesize them from books.

 

[Natrushka]

I'm intrigued by this ISFP guy and as an ENFP female, I will follow anything that intrigues me until well...it stops intriguing me.

When I saw the title of your thread I thought, "I know what worked for my SIL, but that was with an ENFP, I wonder..."

What worked for my SIL? Believe it or not, being relentlessly pursued - what I'd call stalked. For the life of me, I can't figure out why it works for them, but it does. Watching them interact for extended periods of time can be frustrating; they both openly complain about each other and yet they've been together for 20+ years.

 

[Totenkindly]

The Fi is important. You both have it; you both will focus on values in a situation.

[Example: I know in one situation with a close ISFP friend, his priority was who was getting hurt in a situation whereas mine was "what is the best long-term solution for everyone, regardless of feelings." This was typical. ESFPs can get flightly; ISFPs are more quiet and stable with their Fi, like INFP. Actually in some ways they can seem more stable, since N can cause a wild ride, while S is practical.]

ISFPs tend to be meanderers at their own pace. They like to wander around and experience life as it comes to them. In a sense you could label them "sensual" (not "sexual" necessarily -- just sensual!) dabblers.

So you need to be prepared for what could come across as laziness/indifference; they will take their good old time, but they like to play around with everything. Many are tinkerers.

They tend to be liked by just about everyone, though, because they are so easy-going and seem to truly care about others. Usually are considered very "nice."

SFP types emulate N, especially Ne. So really, at first thought, if you can tolerate his slower lifestyle / desire to take it easy, you could find a lot in common. He just might not seem as motivated as you might wish him to be.

 

[The Ü™]

I would think the ISFP would be the easiest to make fall in (and out of) love. Just don't break up with him -- he might cut himself for attention!

 

[Schizm]

Fuck him?

 

[FFF]

I don't know about male ISFP's, but I know how to get the female ones to fall in love with me.

No, really, it's not bad. You just have to be really sweet to them.

 

[runvardh]

Yeah, my brother is pretty laid back; kinda muly when he feels like being unreasonable, but he's been making good progress at growing out of that. Seems happiest piddling with his computer, painting, and helping his friends feel good about themselves while getting them to grow a backbone at the same time.

Yeah, use Fi to connect and Ne to leave pretty bread crumbs for his Se to follow.

 

[arborvitae]

Hmm, I think ISFPs are pretty easy to please. In the beginning, its most important to just be nice. As the relationship progresses, try to be supportive and affirming. We ISFPs often have self-esteem problems Its also important to genuinely be interested in who this person is and what he cares about. If you probe gently with questions, you'll find out a lot.

As far as how the two types go together - I really don't think too much about personality beyond how a love interest treats me. My INTP boyfriend is kind of a jerk to most people, but he's sweet to me so things are just peachy I can usually find an aspect of somebody's personality to enjoy, so I'm not picky. Maybe as an ENFP you are intrigued by ISFPs because we're sorta private and take a while to get to know? Your warm extroverted enthusiasm will probably help to draw him out.

I don't know if this helps. I'm just going by personal experience and an online description of ENFPs.

Ok...time for bed. Oh yeah, expect your ISFP to sleep a lot.

 

[FFF]

Maybe as an ENFP you are intrigued by ISFPs because we're sorta private and take a while to get to know? Your warm extroverted enthusiasm will probably help to draw him out.

I don't know if this helps. I'm just going by personal experience and an online description of ENFPs.

Ok...time for bed. Oh yeah, expect your ISFP to sleep a lot.

My ENFP friend who I talk to online and on the phone seems to be interested in me because I'm very private and difficult to get to know.

Yes, I've noticed ISFP girls tend to be low energy types.

 

[CzeCze]

Thanks! Please share more thoughts

Ha, I like the the suggestion to um, "get intimate with him" -- if the question were "How to make a man happy -- with me" I'd do it, but I'm going for a different tack.

Do ISFP, really, really, REALLY like sex?

And it helps a lot to know that being nice and truly interested in an ISFP goes a long way.

 

[runvardh]

Ha, I like the the suggestion to um, "get intimate with him" -- if the question were "How to make a man happy -- with me" I'd do it, but I'm going for a different tack.

Do ISFP, really, really, REALLY like sex?

And it helps a lot to know that being nice and truly interested in an ISFP goes a long way.

Well, my brother says he does, one of three ISFP girlfriends I had didn't; but that's only anecdotal experience from me.

 

[Yomama99]

They seem to appreciate it if you talk to them and hang around them and they take everything seriously but get pretty quiet about it.

 

[INTJMom]

I'm intrigued by this ISFP guy and as an ENFP female, I will follow anything that intrigues me until well...it stops intriguing me.

But, considering ISFP-ENFP is a relation of 'semi-duality' (according to socionics) I don't think the intrigue will ever completely wear off.

So yes, my question -- how does one make an ISFP fall in love? Specifically with ME, an ENFP? What things to avoid, what common problems and misunderstandings? What are these relationships usually like?

And why do you think ISFP and ENFP are drawn to each other (or are they?)

Do you think these relationships are reciprocal or does one type benefit more than another?

Thanks!
CzeCze

You're going to have to get to know him personally.
There's no guarantee he'll like you.

For example. I am an INTJ.
Apparently, many of the INTJs I've read say they want to marry an INTJ.
Many of them are attracted to other Js.
When I tell them I have always liked Ps better, and I've been married to an ISTP for 25 years, they can't relate.

(PS: Do something nice for him.)

 

[OctaviaCaesar]

I am very in love with, yet confused by, my ISFP boyfriend. He is an expert at making Valentine's Day a special day with all the romantic details, and is into adventure and excitement and risk taking, and he procrastinates--all of which freak out my ISTJ father!!! When exploring the outdoors he is very happy, and he loves to experience everything going on if it doesn't involve too much contact with others. When I try talking about my homework, especially the more theoretical disciplines, he often changes the subject and says he could never study anything like that. He doesn't think ahead as often as I do, and he rarely enjoys fantasy movies or romantic comedies, which I like. Be careful if you go to the theater together! In our relationship the J/P difference causes the most misunderstanding, but that doesn't seem to be an issue for you guys.

 

[OctaviaCaesar]

And Another Thing...

Oh, I wanted to mention that ENFPs are the type that need affirmations the most--I know, my mom is one!--and ISFPs have to learn to respond to that need. Don't expect it to happen immediately! They present their love in more physical than verbal ways.

 

[SkyHigh]

Hey, don't talk about us that way.

 

[CzeCze]

Very well --

Hey, don't talk about us that way.

SkyHigh, on behalf of other INFP's and yourself, how would you like us to talk about you?

BTW, the ISFP I know is really sensitive and not very expressive about things that bother him. This is actually an issue for us interacting and I think has caused issues for him at work. I can't read him and tell when he is actually upset by something (me) or playing along. I think other people can't tell when he actually wants to be social and when he really wants them to leave him alone and he's only going through the motions of being friendly.

It's quite hard to develop a relationship -- of any kind more than acquaintance -- with a person like this.

 

[Luke]

But, considering ISFP-ENFP is a relation of 'semi-duality' (according to socionics) I don't think the intrigue will ever completely wear off.

This is a classic example of the Socionics Problem. People think J/P definitions can be copied straight over, when in reality they mean the opposite thing for introverts in the Myers-Briggs system. If I'm an INTP according to the MBTI, that means Ti and Ne are my preferred traits. Which means I'm an LII, commonly called INTj in Socionics. (Socionics only uses it this way unofficially anyway... the three-letter system is more canonical.) The same rules logically hold for sensor introverts. If he's an SEI (ISFp) in Socionics, then it follows that his MBTI designation is ISFJ -- because he's a Si-dominant type with Fe-supporting. In Socionics, the dual is someone whose first three letters are different. In MBTI, the dual is someone who has all four letters different. (The semi-dual of ENFP is actually what we would call an ISFJ.)

Basically what it amounts to is you can't trust that fourth letter. But personality typing being what it is, you shouldn't be trusting it anyway, not without some reservations. It's very easy (and potentially hazardous) to get it wrong. So if you ever go dual-hunting, the best thing is to get a mental list of potential duals where you know the first three letters are almost certainly correct (opposite your own), then carefully eliminate the ones who make you uncomfortable from the list. These will be most likely the Conflicting types, who have the wrong fourth letter, and might tend to feel threatened (rather than helped) by your strengths. Also beware that duals are more "invisible" than conflictors -- they seem more ordinary and less noticeable seeming.

ISFP and ENFP share Fi in common, but the Se is theoretically "at odds with" the Ne. So if this is the right typing on both counts, you are the supervisor of the ISFP -- always dominating his area of greatest vulnerability. I will leave it to your own judgment as to whether you want to go through with this; I'm a big duality fan myself. If he's ISFJ (aka Socionics ISFp), the semi-dual, it might be a pretty good idea -- some people think it's better to have one of the middle letters in common. But in this case you'll have to be prepared to put up with his being at odds with your Fi due to his Fe on the auxiliary side.

 

[CzeCze]

Hi Luke, you definitely have more a of grip on the whole methodology and mechanics of personality typing than I do. I don't even really get the whole Fe Fi thing...it reminds me of the elemental table and I never memorized that either.

I do have to say though, that the ISTJ and ENFP thing -- perhaps that is not going by MBTI but Socionics typing. My long time friend is an ISTJ according to MBTI and HAHAHAHAHAH hell no we could never be in a relationship. Her J gets much more prononuced and rigid as time passes (been a decade) and now she is constantly exasperated by me. That is the exact word. Exasperated. Like an overtaxed mother of a toddler or den mother of an unruly brownie troupe. She is so literal and so linear thinking, she totally puts a damper on my escapades! She even told me I need to see her therapist!!! Just because I told her about my latest romantic fling. I do help her relax and cut loose though.

And IMH and limited opinion (so IMHALO) this is very much set up as that supervisory or parent-child kind of relationship.

This is why I much much much prefer my ISFP for romance. Sensitive, thoughtful, sensual, artsy, go with the flow, funny, and quirky?

Sign me up!