Gawain
New member
- Joined
- May 16, 2015
- Messages
- 76
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
I see the disconnect. One can have a strong will and hate conflict. One can also have a strong will and not want to be the one making decisions. There's this stereotype that "strong personalities" are people who are pushy, ambitious, and decisive. As an INFP, I often don't want to be addociated with that. Most people who know me would say I'm strong-willed, that I know what I want (and am not shy about sharing that info) and that I can be rather ego-centric at times. But I always try to take a backseat to others at first, and only make decisions when it is obvious that no one else will. I let my preferences be known, but I also make it clear that I will happily go along with something else. My mom, by contrast, is positively stubborn about "not making the decision". When asked where she wants to eat, for instance, she'll starve rather than answer. She'll veto anything (and everything) she doesn't want to do, so it becomes this wierd guessing game where the group has to figure out what she wants even though she's being indecisive.
My point is, people can have strong wills in many different ways. If your primary concern is avoiding conflict and pushy people, you can still have a strong will in avoiding that sort of toxicity, or point out how uncomfortable it is whenever it happens so your friends are aware of your needs. In relationships, it really sucks. There are a lot of pushy people out there that make terrible partners for those that value peace and harmony. There's no need to feel weak-willed for valuing what you do. And I can see how someone that dislikes conflict may dislike making decisions all the time, since our culture basically treats consumers like a target to barrage with conflicting information. It can be quite exhausting to have to deal with all the variables all the time, and I think that's why so many people romanticize "a simpler time".
My point is, people can have strong wills in many different ways. If your primary concern is avoiding conflict and pushy people, you can still have a strong will in avoiding that sort of toxicity, or point out how uncomfortable it is whenever it happens so your friends are aware of your needs. In relationships, it really sucks. There are a lot of pushy people out there that make terrible partners for those that value peace and harmony. There's no need to feel weak-willed for valuing what you do. And I can see how someone that dislikes conflict may dislike making decisions all the time, since our culture basically treats consumers like a target to barrage with conflicting information. It can be quite exhausting to have to deal with all the variables all the time, and I think that's why so many people romanticize "a simpler time".