How each type uses dating sites and to what extend ?

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

There is probably a post about this subject but I couldn't find it in the forum.


Did you already suscribe to a dating site, why : was there a special event in your life that led you to that decision ?

If yes, at this time were you just curious, did you feel alone or other motivations (sex, drug and rock'n roll) ?


I would love to discover which kind of personality is more prone to "virtual love".



Multiple adventures ? correspondance ? Sex friends you kept contact with or not ?

Mates ? Boyfriend or girlfriend ? Or even husband or wife ...


Did you discuss for long with your mate before meeting him/her ?

Do you feel free when meeting someone in the virtual world or on the contrary do you have a tendency to feel limited ?

Who tried first to meet" in reality", you or your partner ?



Are you honest towards the person you seduce online or is it just a game ?

Do you feel you can trust the "virtual partner" or you don't give any trust before meeting him/her ?


Please help me understanding the many motivations behind those mysterious screens.

 

[Red Memories]

I have found online relationships after moreless knowing someone a long term online, but I do not willingly put myself on a dating website looking for a partner. I feel it sort of defeats the purpose of what love should be. Like this wonderful random event you didn't see coming. Unexpected. Finding someone who brings out the best in you and you in them. I feel like dating sites come from a superficial idea that you can just pick and choose from a selection and that degrades love. Also much of the romance from dating sites can be superficial too - I know way too many people who use tinder for finding a quick fuck. Not my idea of love.

Now in my relationships I have found online, to be honest thus far I never met one of them offline. It was always discussed. I have trouble "exiting" the place I am because I'm not exactly rich and I know my family would about 500x over not help me maybe even throw me out. XD For the most part I find it nice because you can like someone for who they are rather than appearance or less important factors. So that's just my 2 cents.

 

[Cellmold]

Terrifying places, that may (have already) become a necessity.

Alas I have neither the networking for day to day 'old fashioned' introductions and my wherewithal concerning dating sites is non-existent. It's like stepping into the highest-end of a competitive, skill-based, arena without any guide.

The problem as well is that so many people I've met seem to have this status-obsessed pathology, insofar as they cynically go about fulfilling dreams and aspiration in a way that suggests they are being marketed to and that this marketing is working. In other words: Their desires don't seem to be fully their own.

And I get it, right, I have cynical thoughts, I sometimes look at patterns of behaviour and also in myself and it's easy to boil everything down to a 'best fit' theory of describing what you personally experience. I also understand lust and perversion, I have perverted thoughts like pretty much anyone else (barring certain neurological issues and damage) and sexual appetites and desires, but I also know that they are not the entirety of my character. Yet others seem to operate on the assumption that one can be nothing more. What happened to a nuance of behaviour?

The you-would-do-it-if-you-could mentality, while sometimes correct based on context, is often applied too wholesale to other people without individual specifications. And it's used to justify some of the worst behaviours I've witnessed regarding relationships. I have ambition in life, but not the common ambition to acquire as much of X as possible in order to garner an impressive following so I can keep reaching a plateau of frustrating extremes that never satisfies. I do have an ego though and arrogance and sometimes I want to be liked.

But that is a flaw that is somewhat inherent and I try as much as possible to curtail when I'm indulging in it too much, which is more than can be said for those I've met on dating sites.
I find it difficult to relate to other people on anything but a superficial level and I find online dating interactions to focus more on those aspects, which, given my earnestness at times, causes an issue in intimacy and connection.

I guess I just need to be more unthinking, bull-headed and direct in my life if I was to compete in that arena. An arena where it's about piling excess on top of excess, where second-guessing your actions is a lesser consideration to how impressive you appear to be, regardless of the truth or fragility of that image. Where showmanship is everything and a flashy firework is more important than struggling with the ugly realities of life. Where your social media accounts have more of a life than you do.

And where consequences are other people's problems, not yours.

I just want to be able to relax and not be constantly forced to think in neurotic terms. Where I have attempted to fight back against those impulses, others seem to indulge it fully and in the most self-destructive terms.

And I respect that others have found their loves on such sites, but so far I've found them singularly devoid of anyone I would want to be intimate with.

 

[Agent Washington]

I've had better luck with interest groups.

...Not that I go in looking for partners, it just happened because we had mutual interests. Also, those niche groups are inherently more diverse than other typical groups, so I guess ... I lucked out?

Anyway. There's that.

Oddly enough, I haven't had much luck with dating sites... Got catfished by one guy who actually appeared in flesh and was of a different ethnicity from the profile foto.. It was wild. Especially for someone who's looking for dates and not hookups. Lots of unsolicited pictures.

 

[Obfuscate]

i have put up a profile maybe twice... one time for perhaps two months, and the second for at most a month... i didn't really know what to say about myself, so i am not sure what folks made of it... anyhow, i think it resulted in one person talking to me, and they kept wanting to make plans and then backing out until we both lost interest in doing anything... it all seemed like a lot of uncomfortable effort, for (in my case) very little reward... it all felt very superficial, and therefore somehow it accentuated how pointless it felt...

tldr: sour grapes...

post script:

i am not the sort of person that dating site people want anyhow; i've reviewed the statistics...

 

[Sacrophagus]

I met my first love online. We both joined a group of people from all walks of life to learn more about ourselves. I did it as a social experiment since meeting people for the sake of meeting them alone was alien to me at the time, while she did it, well, because she was crazy and fun.
We ended up ditching them and we got together. There's that.

Otherwise, I didn't use specific dating sites. I did meet women through Facebook and social media a lot. I also used some apps for the same purpose, but it is usually through a network of people I know.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I did once. I ended up paired with someone who was a very complimentary match for me. Unfortunately, in the end, he had some significant anger issues, and I was struggling with piecing myself back together after an unhealthy marriage and during a nearly 2 year divorce, so we split.

I would do it again, if I was looking, but I don't have high hopes because there were some real duds there...

Edit: Yes, I used it once, solely for the purposes of finding a monogamous partner.

 

[Luminous]

lol, this story is likely not very surprising. A long time ago, I signed up on one. I don't remember which one. I was extremely specific about what I wanted in a partner. Which got thousands of responses!

hahaha No, it didn't get any responses. And I forgot about it. Until several years later, when I was living with my boyfriend, and I got a response! It was a lovely gentleman who wanted to help me by gently telling me how the information I had put up was not likely to get responses. We wished each other well, and that was that.

But yeah... young INFP... list of Fi requirements.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I tried at one period but all I got is "unhealthy people" so I quickly stopped. Although here dating sites don't contain too much people and you can quickly grasp the whole "offer" ... so if you aren't satisfied you can just leave. Especially since even that offer is still within mono-culture.

 

[Totenkindly]

I was on OKCupid for awhile some years back.

Went on two dates with one guy who was interested in me. (ISTJ?) He was a nice guy but not what I was interested in, so I broke that off.

Another guy hounded me for weeks (ENTJ guy), so I finally met him once just because I knew he wouldn't stop until I disappointed him. So yeah, the differences were really apparent when we got together and we had a good time talking to each other but nothing after. There was another guy, but much older and some kind of E guy, and he was too idiosyncratic and controlling. So I knew I wasn't interested before we stopped talking, I just liked the attention for awhile.

Nothing else really. Tried a few other dating sites briefly, but didn't find anyone of interest.

I'm up for virtual love because it gives a wider pool to select from for someone like me, but typically I find I have gotten into actual relationships by meeting someone IRL through a shared interest.

 

[Fidelia]

I don't think so. Just too much that's incompatible/unhealthy to sort through. I think there's also sometimes the mindset that people will keep their profile up even after finding someone, just in case there is someone better out there.

 

[Tilt]

I just went online to meet people. My extroverted side was stir crazy. I was a bit risky but relied mostly on my gut to feel people out. (Immediately blocked people who I felt off about after I talked to them a bit...i usually could predict pretty well based off a few messages). I had a few one night stands and FWBs, essentially. Nothing too bad happened.

These were the most positive highlights:

1. I reached out to an INTJ, connected really well, dated for a couple of months, partially imploded on my end due to some compatibility issues, and then eventually became close, solid friends.

2. I met an ENTJ because I figured out that he and the INTJ dated the same crazy woman. We became casual friends.

3. I was just being my complimentary, emotive self when [MENTION=22257]Tater[/MENTION] thought I was flirting with him. However, since I had already decided on a year-long hiatus from dating, I was thinking, "ooohh, another friend" and was kind of oblivious to his interest for a few weeks. I started falling for him after awhile.

 

[Population: 1]

A dating site? No. I can spend and have spent years alone. I just let time roll on. It happens or it doesn’t was usually my philosophy.

My best friend’s wife decided she’d be my dating site and matched me up with her good friend because that’s just her way. Glad she did.

 

[Coriolis]

A dating site? No. I can spend and have spent years alone. I just let time roll on. It happens or it doesn’t was usually my philosophy.

I never used such sites either. My method, if you can even call it that, was simply to live life and do the things that interest me, on the principle that I would be more likely to meet compatible people in such settings.

 

[Population: 1]

I never used such sites either. My method, if you can even call it that, was simply to live life and do the things that interest me, on the principle that I would be more likely to meet compatible people in such settings.

A very practical approach to the situation. Not that I’d expect anything less.

I just can’t get past the forced nature of the whole online dating scenario. Depending on the situation, I can be very old fashioned. Clicking and swiping through profiles doesn’t allow for that perception of someone’s energy. It’s all too polished advertising and not enough raw interaction for me. To each their own though.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I just can’t get past the forced nature of the whole online dating scenario. Depending on the situation, I can be very old fashioned. Clicking and swiping through profiles doesn’t allow for that perception of someone’s energy. It’s all too polished advertising and not enough raw interaction for me. To each their own though.

That's not at all what my experience was like. Tinder is the site that's all about swiping and not really my thing. I used a site that utilizes questionnaires that are basically personality tests. Afterward, I was provided with a list of men in the order that was supposedly most complimentary to me. There was a screening process of course where I would get messages from weirdos and just tell them to fuck off, but I did eventually come across a very handsome man who was standing in front of a large print of a blue Buddha, which caught my eye (both he and the art). We began chatting in private after I looked over his personal profile and liked what I saw (I had a profile too, and it was very raw and authentic, as I'm sure you can imagine).

It was quite honestly the most pure chemistry I've ever had with a man. I wish he wasn't such an angry dick in the end.

 

[Population: 1]

That's not at all what my experience was like. Tinder is the site that's all about swiping and not really my thing. I used a site that utilizes questionnaires that are basically personality tests. Afterward, I was provided with a list of men in the order that was supposedly most complimentary to me. There was a screening process of course where I would get messages from weirdos and just tell them to fuck off, but I did eventually come across a very handsome man who was standing in front of a large print of a blue Buddha, which caught my eye (both he and the art). We began chatting in private after I looked over his personal profile and liked what I saw (I had a profile too, and it was very raw and authentic, as I'm sure you can imagine).

It was quite honestly the most pure chemistry I've ever had with a man. I wish he wasn't such an angry dick in the end.

I’ve never used any of them. I’ve just had people tell me about them. The concept is just something that doesn’t sit well with me personally. That doesn’t mean someone else can’t find success with them. I’m sure there are plenty of long term relationships that have resulted from the process.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Lots of unsolicited pictures.

Yes well this kind of phenomenon has become rather common unfortunately. Killing the notion of "far away erotism" by excellence.

A study says in 2017 here in France 53 % of women from 18 to 34 have received this kind of pictures. 3 on 4 had asked nothing.

There is still this 1 on 4 though.....

It is said here that only 5% of the online meetings result in a longtime relationship.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I am very much interested by "online psychology" and even the subject of seduction let's be honest. Because it could be a strenght if used with expertise.

On the contrary, in most cases, it has become terrible. Being an idealist I have learnt with time the traps....of imagination and projection.


What is very appealing to me is the number of people there, the differences, the different levels of consciousness. People open themselves much more than if you bump into them in the street.

People do dare more stuffs online as they can hide and protect themselves. Very often you can test people very easily and feel their intentions in a click of an eye (or a finger).


Anyway everyone takes me for their psychoanalyst on a dating site if I let my true nature come out

I view it like a theatre where all the actors are wearing masks, and indeed, after the show, when you can finally see their real face, it quite be very very much soooo disappointing....


It had been said our brain (The unconscious) cannot make the difference between what is real and the dream world.

It is also an interesting laboratory to create to know better how some human beings work. You become conscious that many use seduction technics so yes getting less spontaneous, but also more realistic.

I thought I had been learning about my unconscious because of the many works and because I had been lying on a couch several times with a Dr Freud (well not with but behind or in front, my fantasies won't come out here god grace).

My curiosity does not decrease. Only my bits and pieces of innocence do.




Thanks to you all for your answers:moonwalk:

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I don't think so. Just too much that's incompatible/unhealthy to sort through. I think there's also sometimes the mindset that people will keep their profile up even after finding someone, just in case there is someone better out there.

Yes those are very common indeed.
There is always better. Imagining the grass is always greener....before trying the landmower, yes of course !

For one who is serious and notices that behaviour, of course my advise would be Zero Tolerance.