[MBTI General] How do you take criticism

[Tigerlily]

Somebody called me a bitch today and it was the best compliment I got all day.

lol, How nice! Maybe they meant Babe In Total Control of Herself.

 

[niffer]

The correctness of BW never ceases to make me roflol.

 

[Littlelostnf]

Context is everything. If the person is criticizing me to help me...I listen, ponder it and if it's sound I take it to heart and try to improve myself. If it's not sound (and I find this after pondering) I ask them to explain themselves further. If it's just someone attacking me. I walk away. I won't lie it stays with me for awhile but I can recognize the dif (in most cases) betwen constructive criticism and an attack. Like Athenian tho even with an attack I might ask someone else who I trust. Is this right...this criticism..and if the person I trust says yes. I'll work on it..

I had this happen to me not long ago (well it doesn't seem long ago but I suppose 2 years is) I can remember everything this person said. I took it to heart because it was someone I truly considered a friend. It took me a long time to realize that the criticism was a way for this person to explain their irrational behavior. The good thing that came out of it was I considered something about myself that I hadn't thought about and truly realized I'm ok.

Sometimes you don't think about how you are in certainly circumstances..I had to because I was told I was being a certain way...I stepped back. looked, examined and didn't see it. I asked other trusted friends and they didn't see it either. It turned into an affirming situation for me in the end.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Like Athenian tho even with an attack I might ask someone else who I trust. Is this right...this criticism..and if the person I trust says yes. I'll work on it..

end.

Imagine if you had full grasp of your Ti you would not need to ask anyone if its right or not, but merely could figure it out yourself. And even if it is true, that's nothing to fear, but is actually a good thing. Because now you have an opportunity to grow, that you otherwise would not have, have you not been criticized.

All in all, Thinking, especially Introverted Thinking is worth developing. As this not only allays the anxiety we associate with being criticized but makes criticism seem like an old friend.

 

[cascadeco]

I've been pondering this for a few minutes, and I'll try to be as honest as possible.

First off - in general I'm incredibly hard on myself, so I believe I'm aware of nearly all of my 'faults'/weaknesses; sometimes I can get stuck focusing on just those, so that I have a hard time re-focusing on what my good qualities are.

So, on the surface, I tend to not be *surprised*, or take outward offense, when I am criticized/questioned, because usually the critique doesn't catch me completely off guard - I'm already aware of that fault on some level. I'm not outwardly reactive to negative criticism. I usually listen quietly, and then withdraw, so as to think about it. But then sometimes I will agree with the person, or see immediately what they've pointed out, and then I'll immediately work on it.

But when they hit below the belt, that's when it quickly becomes internalized. I think this is why...when it's a below-the-belt attack on character, to me it usually speaks more towards my relationship with that person, and how I have impacted them and their emotions. It then enters the realm of how I come across to people, and how I might affect people in a positive or negative way.

Once it's internalized, I might spend days thinking about it, if not months. I suppose I tend to believe there must be kernals of truth (maybe not complete truth, but kernals of truth) in every critique, so I try to figure out what might have led to the person viewing me that way, or whether it might instead simply be more that the other person has a perspective such that he's the one with blinders on....or things like that. And ultimately it comes down to: Do I NEED and want to work on this aspect of myself that was critiqued, or do I feel that there's nothing inherantly WRONG with this aspect, that it is something that is integral to who I am, but it just couldn't coexist with that other person and their personality? So, this is why for the big things, it might take many months of self-reflection, because I might delve down to the core of my identity.

But yeah, I'd lie if I said criticism didn't affect me. For example, 3 months ago, a friendship ended, and while I felt I left things maturely, the other person was quite..mean..at the end. On the surface, I didn't care initially, because I knew the friendship was ending, we were growing apart, she was pretty unhealthy, and I knew by that point that our personalities did not mesh well at all. But, 3 months later, I'm still thinking about it, and questioning my role in all of it, and I'm realizing the criticism affected me much more deeply than I had initially thought.

So, I guess it's criticism regarding my character/personality traits/who I AM that I take personally; but in the work-environment, I tend to not care so much about criticism regarding my skills...but then, I tend to pass with flying colors and my skills are rarely questioned....

 

[substitute]

Strange. For me, it's the exact opposite: I don't give a shit about what an outsider thinks of me, but if a person I'm very close with criticizes me, I take it very personally (yes, I'm not easy to live with in this matter, people (girlfriends, basically) have to learn about this trait and modify their behavior according).

I fire them.

I find a lot of people are not very honest about how they take criticism. I've heard a lot of people say that "if I see that I've done something wrong, I always own up to it and apologise", but in reality, they stick to this to the letter: if THEY see that they've done something, yes, they beat themselves up and harp on about it forever (apparently strategically picking 'faults' that nobody else is really bothered about so they can be assured of lots of sympathy and comments like "no, everyone does that" or "there's nothing wrong with..." or "you're entitled to... from time to time" etc). But if someone else sees an error on their part and tries to point it out to them, they deny it to the death and will bring up anything from the past, present or future to support the idea that whatever they did, it was someone else's fault and/or totally justified.

 

[nightning]

I find a lot of people are not very honest about how they take criticism. I've heard a lot of people say that "if I see that I've done something wrong, I always own up to it and apologise", but in reality, they stick to this to the letter: if THEY see that they've done something, yes, they beat themselves up and harp on about it forever (apparently strategically picking 'faults' that nobody else is really bothered about so they can be assured of lots of sympathy and comments like "no, everyone does that" or "there's nothing wrong with..." or "you're entitled to... from time to time" etc). But if someone else sees an error on their part and tries to point it out to them, they deny it to the death and will bring up anything from the past, present or future to support the idea that whatever they did, it was someone else's fault and/or totally justified.

Sad but true. The stereotype would be saying it's more of a J thing. Whether it's correct or not I'm not certain of. I know I do it when somebody mentions something that creates a big kink in what I'm working on. It's a difficult thing to self correct because I instinctively take any criticism as personal attack. I see my ideas and my work as a reflection of who I am. I know that's not the case at all, but the impulse is hard to ignore. That leads to my need to withdraw and to think things through alone... conscious override of irrational thoughts.

Then again, at time I have a tendency to beat myself up upon receiving criticism. Attributing everything that went wrong as my fault. The exact opposite reaction as above but also quite senseless.

In short, I don't handle large doses of criticism well. It's something I need to work on.

 

[surgery]

If you are truly objective, you will only focus on what is said. Who it came from should not matter.



2) You do not respect the person because he has a hidden agenda, and not because his statements lack merit? That is an ad hominem logical fallacy. Since he lacks integrity, because you know he has a hidden agenda (therefore is insincere), and because of this character defect of his, his statement must be rejected. This is an error in reasoning because you claim that the statement is to be rejected without showing how it leads to falsehood.





It should not matter if you're better than them or not, how good they are is irrelevant it only matters what they say. Imagine an expert mechanic training a teenager. He shows the boy a chart on how a car is to be constructed and then himself misses one detail. The boy looks at the chart and notices the detail the mechanic missed, and points it out to him. Does it mean that since the boy has less skill than a mechanic, he therefore is not capable of pointing out an error that he commited? That is a palpable falsehood, as we both see that statement A(propounded by mechanic) is contravened by statement B (propounded by the boy). We do not need to note that the statement B was propounded by the boy to notice that it is epistemically superior than statement A. Hence, this supports my previous claim that knowledge of the author of the claim is irrelevant. Only the claim itself is relevant.


Your opinion of the person is not relevant when it comes to the assessment of soundness of the propounded criticism.



See the example of an amateur mechanic pointing out the error of an expert mechanic.


All this is compounded if they

3) Have a superior attitude and NO reason to. I am a really open-minded, tolerant person, but I cannot STAND mediocre sucky people who are full of themselves i.e too stupid and talentless to realize that they have no talent and are mediocre and actually think they have talent OR they are desperately clawing and rasping to the top and basically talking out of their asses because they must constantly be bombastic and act like they are in charge.



Quality of one's writings should not be assessed in terms of one's adherence to the grammatical convention.

Quality of writing should be assessed in terms of one's ability to express thoughts as faithfully to what one has had in mind as possible.

Writing is mere expression. People often would say Charles Dickens is a good writer because he wrote compelling literature that has had a profound impact worldwide. They are not praising his writing, they are merely praising his ideas. It was not the way he wrote that moved people, but what he wrote. One can be a good thinker and a bad writer. Dostoevsky is the case in point. Brothers Karamazov, The Idiot, Crime and Punishment, Notes From Underground should be considered to be among the supreme literature known to man. Yet, they were indeed poorly written. Dostoevksy notoriously broke all rules of punctuation and his thoughts followed in radically idiosyncratic patterns. Not only was it difficult to understand what he was saying because his punctuation made it difficult for one to see what he was focusing on, but also he was out of tune with the perceptions of his readers due to the discrepancies between what he expected his readers to perceive and what they truly tended to perceive after reading his statements.

Oh, that's awfully critical -- so much so that it even hurts me.

 

[Sandy]

I have done it all... if the criticism is done with love, than I apologize profusely over and over again, and I beat myself up thinking about it for days on end. I'll even cry about it because I am embarrassed, and I feel like it's a personal reflection of my inadequate self. No matter what, all of my life, most criticisms felt like personal attacks.

If it is done by an ass to humiliate me (corrective or my personal character -- but mainly my intelligence), than of course I am biting mad and will lose my mind (inside of my mind - mostly never outwardly) and cry, which of course, embarrasses me even further. Than I think about what I SHOULD have said so much that it drives me to madness. I eventually have to type the whole scenario out... what he said, what I SHOULD have said and how it SHOULD have put him in his place. Than I feel better, but it's a long drawn out process.

I never ever want to be a drama queen, but I can admit that I have lost it before. As I have gotten older, I have learned to muzzle those inadequate feelings inside, and I take criticism much more objectively.

 

[hotmale]

Usually if it's well intended, I am grateful; I'm always looking for ways to improve myself and someone who is honest enough to point out something I haven't addressed wins my respect. However, it's meant with some sort of malicious intent- then I think the one who is criticizing is somehow incompetent and insecure and can figure out all of his insecurities by what he's saying projected towards me.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Strange. For me, it's the exact opposite: I don't give a shit about what an outsider thinks of me, but if a person I'm very close with criticizes me, I take it very personally (yes, I'm not easy to live with in this matter, people (girlfriends, basically) have to learn about this trait and modify their behavior according).

Actually, now I'll go back and agree with this. My detachment doesnt do me much good in close associations. It manifests awkwardly and indirectly in some odd T-fashion.

 

[theshadow]

Well, it depends on the context. If it seems the person is criticizing me to help me, and I find their criticism sound, then I accept it and try to improve myself. If I don't find it sound, then I carefully explain why I disagree, and ask them if they still have a problem with my position.

If it seems like they are attacking my character or trying to make me look bad, then I feel threatened, and I try to discredit them. If I can't discredit the person, then I feel hurt, but wonder if they're right. Then I hold on to the criticism, and ask several people if they believe this person was right about me. If they were, then I try to improve myself. If they weren't, I feel relieved.

If their intent isn't obvious, then I just examine their criticism for validity, and if it's valid, I accept it, and change my argument to accommodate it. If it isn't valid, then I explain why it wasn't valid. I feel somewhat ill at ease when I can't determine intent, however.

 

[alcea rosea]

How do you take criticism?

Depends on my mood, the situation, the justification of the criticism, the person who is criticizing me (or my actions) and how the criticism is applied.

Examples:
- I'm feeling calm + somebody is aggressively criticising me but because of good reason = I listen and agree on doing something about it
- I'm feeling moody + somebody is aggressively criticising me but because of good reason = I listen and agree on doing something about (and I’ll get a little annoyed)
- I'm feeling moody + somebody is aggressively criticising me and I don’t deserve it = I will get angry and start arguing with him/her

So, I’m not very logical with my response to criticism. Don’t know if it is common thing for ENFP’s or is it just me…?

 

[samIam]

How do you take criticism?

Typical response:
"Oh really, I'll try and work on that. Thanks for pointing it out."

but like shadow said if I feel they are attacking my character my response is quite different.

Defensive response.

"Oh really, I'll try and work on that. Thanks for pointing it out."













































"Oh yeah... by the way... f&!k you B!%@h"


It's a little more indirect than I would prefer it and, as I found out once, is also greatly discouraged in the workplace.

 

[kelric]

Generally... poorly. If it's someone I care about, who I know without doubt is giving criticism in a sincere offer to help, and it's done in the right way, I'll accept it with a "hmm, maybe you're right - I should try that" sort of response. I then will usually make at least an honest (if occasionally minimal) effort to do so.

That's the best-case scenario. In most cases, I get seriously irked. Often I believe that I'm being criticized over things that are incorrect - I may not have explained myself well, or someone may be "offering advice" before they've really gotten a good picture of what I'm doing or why. Other times, I'm in the wrong, but don't consider the situation worthy of comment. Either way, I'm likely to take it personally, even if I won't usually say so or make an issue of it.

I should note that I'm probably not as good at hiding my annoyance as I think I am... for instance, one time in college I'd pulled up on the wrong side of a completely empty side street to unload some things from my car, and guess who shows up... the police. I thought that I was being civil and formal... my friend thought that I was giving them a nasty look and preparing to get myself in serious trouble. Fortunately they must have been in a good mood - they just told me to move the car, without giving me a citation... lucky me.

 

[faith]

My default setting is fairly self-monitoring and self-critical. Like ladyp., I want to be great, and I'm conscious of the fact that I'm not.

By and large, external criticism is redundant to my own internal criticism. It makes me feel worse because it adds unnecessary weight to the negative things I already say to myself. Outside criticism makes me feel like I can't change--like the burden of fault is so heavy I can't move--instead of inspiring me to become better.

Additionally, because I'm generally thinking along these lines anyway, to have some one else point them out feels like they're assuming I'm too stupid to be aware of the obvious.

Because I want so badly for others to be happy and pleased, when they criticize my actions or behavior it emphasizes that I've failed to please them. It's not hard for me to admit that I've made a mistake, but it's hard for me to live with myself when my mistake causes others physical or mental discomfort. Again, when I'm already scourging myself for not pleasing them, their negative emotion is easily absorbed and added to my own burden.

I suppose it boils down the fact that my standard attitude toward myself is I'm-not-quite-good-enough. I can think of more ways in which I'm not-quite-good than anyone else on earth; I don't need any help in this. What I need help with is thinking of ways in which I am good enough.

HOWEVER, when I'm spilling my guts to someone I love and trust, someone whom I already know loves me even with all my faults, and I'm trying to figure out why I did something wrong, or why something is irking me, or why something didn't go the way it should--then I'm happy to have that person say, "Well, it may be because you were thinking/doing X when you should have been thinking/doing Y." In that situation, the person is helping me solve a problem and see through a situation which has me stumped.

I like cafe's example for the bad type of criticism. Someone saying with a smile, "Are you a visitor? It would be good for you to sign in at the office and get a nametag so everyone knows you're on campus legitimately," would be good. A teacher scolding me for being careless and assuming I'm trying to break the rules would really really hurt. The implication there, you see, is: "You're stupid and selfish and you're making my life difficult because you're too ignorant to follow the rules." The implication for the former is: "I know you want things to run smoothly, and here is how you can make that happen."

 

[Maverick]

In general, I take criticism well. I know who I am and what my faults are already anyway. I don't get offended.

Well intended and honest people will be critical but in a non-nitpicking and truly helpful way. Those win my respect. There are some that use it as a strange way of boosting their ego. They are often insecure/envious of others. I tend to dismiss such people... usually what they say about others says actually a great deal about their own fears and faults.

Finally, you gain very little by criticizing others. It's alot more enjoyable to be around people who see the bright side of things.

 

[Domino]

Bright side of things = Maverick gives them the business end of his shiny six-guns!!

Or whacks 'em with his big leathery gun belt!! Yeah!

Or taunts them a second time with various and sundry witty bon mots that leave them reeling from the power of his vasty actualized mind!!

 

[Maverick]

Bright side of things = Maverick gives them the business end of his shiny six-guns!!

Or whacks 'em with his big leathery gun belt!! Yeah!

Or taunts them a second time with various and sundry witty bon mots that leave them reeling from the power of his vasty actualized mind!!

Lady, you sure have your way with words. I'm speechless

 

[Domino]

Lady, you sure have your way with words. I'm speechless

We are tribesmen in this crazy thing called "Life: ENxJ Edition", Kemosabe.



[Note: Kemosabe translates to "please to be not pistol-whipping the dirty peons with your ginormous brain parts" or "God is my strength". Either or. Either or.]