[ISTP] How do you get an ISTP to fall for you?

[OrangeAppled]

I would like to know where this attitude comes from. Seriously. "Well I like this guy, but I'm never going to do anything or ask him out or anything because it's the GUY'S job to do that! Why? I don't know, it just IS!"

It's traditional for men to take the lead, as men were supposed to be the head of the home. People used to date or court intending to marry, so it was the man who decided he was ready to marry and pursue a woman, as he would be the head of the relationship he was seeking to establish.

A woman who was very forward in dating/courting was seen as desperate, slutty, or usurping the man's role as the head.

Even though things have changed very much, there are still underlying attitudes towards women who initiate, and many modern women don't want to admit they desire the man to take the lead when they secretly do, because they know the implications of those feelings.

I think it's cool when women have the guts to initiate things, because I cannot do it. I'm happy to be a woman and leave the pursuing to men . Seriously though, many women will realize they need to make effort if they want their interest in a guy to go anywhere.

Women do often have ways of letting someone know they are interested, but they use indirect means as society frowned on us being direct in the past.
There's a subtle, flirty way that woman manipulate men and get them to do what they want (ie. date, marry). It's a way of chasing without looking like a hussy . I have not learned this art, and so I am single...

 

[BlackCat]

Yeah someone that comes on too strong (and I mean WAY too strong) will seem slutty, but otherwise it's fine. I guess a lot of people aren't that open minded. But in general I hate gender expectations.

I just say screw them and make your moves anyway. If someone accuses you of being a slut then point out how superficial they are and question them.

Seriously though, many women will realize they need to make effort if they want their interest in a guy to go anywhere.

Good to know, at least from having it said from a female. I figured it was like this regardless.

 

[mysterio]

These “how to get an (fill in the type) to (fill in your desire)” threads are hilarious. If people were really that simple, so that all you needed was their type and directions on the right buttons to push for that type, all you teenagers on here might actually be out there getting laid instead of spending your time on this board.

 

[Costrin]

These “how to get an (fill in the type) to (fill in your desire)” threads are hilarious. If people were really that simple, so that all you needed was their type and directions on the right buttons to push for that type, all you teenagers on here might actually be out there getting laid instead of spending your time on this board.

People are that simple! Or at least, I am!

 

[Dali]

Wear really tight pants.
Look beautiful.

So, that was your strategy for netting yours, eh?

 

[King sns]

Women do often have ways of letting someone know they are interested, but they use indirect means as society frowned on us being direct in the past.
There's a subtle, flirty way that woman manipulate men and get them to do what they want (ie. date, marry). It's a way of chasing without looking like a hussy . I have not learned this art, and so I am single...

Yea. IME, this method works better every single time. I've never had luck with a guy that I showed blatant interest in. Always been better off just smiling, making casual conversation, or doing absolutely nothing. Which is why I haven't been single for very long periods of time I spose! Men like to do the chasing, ladies like to be chased. (Well, that's how it works with me anyway.) I don't like trying to make a guy like me. Even if I "catch" them I feel pretty unachieved still. Its more fun when they want me first and they did some work. More fun for them, too.

 

[INTJMom]

Well obviously someone hasn't read "He's Just Not That Into You"

I was just thinking the same thing!
However, I think that theory might apply more to guys in their 20's or older.
How old is this ISTP anyway?

When guys are in their teens, I think there's a lot more insecurity and they are less likely to reveal their feelings, even if they DO like a girl.

 

[INTJMom]

So, that was your strategy for netting yours, eh?

Yes.

Well, that's what worked. It wasn't a strategy per se.
Let's just say it's a good thing Spandex pants were in style at that time (1980).
And he's the only guy who ever thought I was beautiful,
so I guess it was a match made in heaven.

I've noticed my 18 year old ISTP son is always bringing home the ones who wear makeup... or at least was. He finally found one who seems to be secure enough in her natural beauty that she doesn't need to wear a ton of eyeliner.


btw: BlackCat... I proposed to my husband first.
(But since when do INTJs follow social rules?)

 

[StephMC]

I can definitely vouch that people who are upfront with me are -much- more appreciated, and I can respond a lot more upfront in return. In fact, I feel most comfortable around these people. I get bored with people that try to play games with me (even if that's not what you're -trying- to do, hot + cold people can be exhausting for me), and eventually stop putting in any effort. So just be flat out with him. He may retreat a bit, but if he comes back.. that's probably a pretty good sign. And just FYI... I can't vouch for any other ISTPs, but I almost always mean exactly what I say, even if some things sound contradicting. For instance, I casually dated someone once, and after I made it known that I wasn't looking for a huge commitment, I felt more comfortable telling him I cared about him. That may not make sense, but I never thought caring about someone = must be committed to them. A good thing to keep in mind when you confront an ISTP about relationships and emotions and such

 

[phoenity]

That's my current strategy, I'm not doing anything...I have a feeling it's just going to fizzle out. I just know that we will bump into each other again and that amazing chemistry will be there...

I want to get him out of my head, I care way too much. It's not that I'm trying to "trap" him...I just like him and want to date, why is that so bad? I guess to him that's a "trap" (so f'd up in my opinion). The thing is I try so hard to play it cool with him that he's stated that I don't act like I like him, but come on...it's so friggin obvious.

...and yes I make everything more complicated than it should be, I'm a pro at that. I know we are not the best match but it is so hard to find that chemistry...I can't let go!

You do the hot/cold thing as a response to him "acting" like he's not interested. This is confusing, and a game I refuse to play with people.

He states that you act like you don't like him because you try to "play it cool" and keep things casual, perhaps because you think that's what he wants.

The way I see it now, is that you both obviously know what's up. The games you both play with each other is making things overly complicated and confusing, since you are both so different, but similar in that you're both introverts. I originally thought that he was completely oblivious, but it doesn't seem that way now.

Personally, I don't do these feeling clue things, because I can't understand what it is you truly want, even if I think I might have some idea. I don't see the point of being anything other than straight-forward about what I want or need.

If you really want this resolved, like you say you do, rather than continuing to go in circles, realize that's probably the way he is as well, and sit down with him to have a straight-forward conversation to figure out what both of you want. He'll probably appreciate that, and respond by being open, honest, and straight-forward as well.

 

[sculpting]

I dont know how I got mine. I was eating in a fast food restaurant. he sat down with his friends and I was there with mine. I got up and left then he followed us outside, picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and carried me back in and sat me down so he could hang out.

We didnt talk much and he was always a little wierded out when I made the sexual advances rather than him, so not even sure how to seduce one.

He still loves me though in his own way so once you tap into an ISTP love it seems like it is a very simplistic, childlike thing but lasts a long time and is true at least.

Dont talk too much, dont get too abstract, dont expect the neatest or most financially acute person and you'll do okay.

 

[wrldisquiethere]

I'm not sure how I got mine, but I'm a lucky girl.

P.S. I did make him cheesecake.

 

[Pancreas]

I'm not sure how I got mine, but I'm a lucky girl.

P.S. I did make him cheesecake.

Yeah, see, you know exactly how you got yours.

 

[kendoiwan]

Cheesecake works

 

[Dali]

And he's the only guy who ever thought I was beautiful[/I]

I refuse to believe that.

 

[lauranna]

Hey Lecky...
I think the guy clearly already has some kind of interest in you, as he has stated whilst drunk. So it gives you something to work with for a start.
As many of the others have said, i think you need to ask him out. Nothing too heavy... just coffee or a drink... or an activity... some kind of sport or something? Basically you want to spend time with him, but fool him into thinking it is casual. You may have other intentions, but never put pressure on him. Spend time with him, always make the effort to look hot and be fun when you are with him. I think definitely sleep with him when the opportunity arises but don't then see that as ownership of him. Don't call/text him all the time, but do try and see him as often as you can without appearing stalkerish. I think if you keep things fun and exciting and won't see it as you trying to trap him. He will just enjoy spending time with you and like your company and like sleeping with you and before you know it you are in a relationship. It will take time and i think that you have to be really careful not to get possessive or clingy or make any unreasonable demands. Let him have his independence, let him have his freedom. If he seems off with you at any time, don't take it personally, just give him space and then try again another day.
I think the key to it is to definitely be pro-active in asking him out- so he knows clearly how you feel, but at the same time, let him think that he is spending time with you because he enjoys your company and never let him feel pressured into it.
Anyway, hope this helps... let us know how you get on xxx

 

[INTJMom]

I refuse to believe that.

Well, he's the only one who ever acted like it or told me so.

 

[Dali]

Well, he's the only one who ever acted like it or told me so.

Well, the rest wouldn't have to hide their feelings if you ITJs weren't so intimidating.

I should know from personal experience. I always wanted to approach this one IxTJ but I feared her rejection might involve not words but death-glares.

 

[INTJMom]

Well, the rest wouldn't have to hide their feelings if you ITJs weren't so intimidating.

I should know from personal experience. I always wanted to approach this one IxTJ but I feared her rejection might involve not words but death-glares.

Ah. Quite right, Grasshopper.

 

[Grayscale]

you've already got the type of mentality I would avoid by asking this question. im not really sure why people dont consider the fact that any given two people are not necessarily meant to be together when they find someone they admire, and if they cant even consider that, why would they be inclined to consider what the other person wants and what's best for them? and to a futher extent, considerate of their space? (MBTI would say this is a vital area for the independently minded ISTP)

forget the idea of trying to trap them, some people cannot be wooed or caught in that manner and you'll just have to accept that they wont be with you unless they want to, regardless of your feelings... if not, tough luck, if you are, just be honest and open and dont play games.


it's like the neighborhood stray that unofficially belongs to someone... just leave some food out on the porch and be confident that if they want to be there, they will come to you, if they really like you after getting to know you, theyll stick around. just grabbing them and trying to putting a collar on them will probably not go over well.