[ISTJ] How do ISTJs flirt?

[Bella]

What would a 'physical subtlety' be?

 

[Mondo]

I'm thinking mostly in terms of body language and tone- stuff that very observant people would notice and could use to their advantage.

 

[Cimarron]

...about physical intimacy. It's not happening until I know you like me and we've talked about it to some extent. I'll give hugs, but that's where it stops.

This post reminded me, I have a question for the female ISTJs, to see if they feel the same way I do about this.

What do you think about guys who want to give you friendly hugs? No romance or sexuality involved, just friendliness. You know, how some people think you're being unfriendly if you don't give them a hug goodbye, or something like that?

I have a few female friends, or friends of friends, who do this... I only return the hug because I don't want them to think I'm being unfriendly with them, but in my mind I'm putting a disclaimer on the hug that says "but I don't like you in any special way". Basically, hugs are a bigger deal (more intimate) to me than they are to them, so to me it already kind of implies romance.

 

[Bella]

This post reminded me, I have a question for the female ISTJs, to see if they feel the same way I do about this.

What do you think about guys who want to give you friendly hugs? No romance or sexuality involved, just friendliness. You know, how some people think you're being unfriendly if you don't give them a hug goodbye, or something like that?

I have a few female friends, or friends of friends, who do this... I only return the hug because I don't want them to think I'm being unfriendly with them, but in my mind I'm putting a disclaimer on the hug that says "but I don't like you in any special way". Basically, hugs are a bigger deal to me than they are to them, so to me it already kind of implies romance.

You know, there are those guys who hug you because they're SO desperate for half an inch of boob against them - I give them the Look of Death, and if they still have the gall to come closer, I go all stiff and give them the Ultimate Look of Death.
If it's truly innocent, then it's okay, every once in a while, I guess.
Then there are those, who you know just want a lttle touchy-feely, but they're being so blatant and un-slimey and charming about it, you don't really mind.

 

[Cimarron]

You know, there are those guys who hug you because they're SO desperate for half an inch of boob against them - I give them the Look of Death, and if they still have the gall to come closer, I go all stiff and give them the Ultimate Look of Death.
If it's truly innocent, then it's okay, every once in a while, I guess.
Then there are those, who you know just want a lttle touchy-feely, but they're being so blatant and un-slimey and charming about it, you don't really mind.

Well, yeah, there are those guys. So I guess it doesn't really happen much to the ladies? It's easier--more acceptable, I guess you could say--for a female to be more open and physical about her feelings. That's how it seems, anyway...

 

[kyuuei]

NOT an ISTJ at all, I don't have any problems giving or receiving friendly hugs.. IF I KNOW YOU.

It IS sorta creepy when someone you've just met or known only recently attempts it. and then you have friendships which were never established hug-wise.. so if they initiate any hugging, it seems out of place and sudden, so you take the message wrong.

With my ISTJ friend, I'm almost definite he only hugs me to oblige my want of a hug, understanding my nature..

 

[swordpath]

Hugs are scary.

 

[Bella]

Hugs are scary.

Imagine two ISTJ's hugging! Haha!

 

[Recoleta]

What do you think about guys who want to give you friendly hugs? No romance or sexuality involved, just friendliness. You know, how some people think you're being unfriendly if you don't give them a hug goodbye, or something like that?

I have a few female friends, or friends of friends, who do this... I only return the hug because I don't want them to think I'm being unfriendly with them, but in my mind I'm putting a disclaimer on the hug that says "but I don't like you in any special way". Basically, hugs are a bigger deal (more intimate) to me than they are to them, so to me it already kind of implies romance.

Hugging really isn't a big deal to me. It used to be awkward, but now that I've lived in the south for a really long time and most people that live here hug it's kinda like second nature. It's funny that some groups of my friends are big huggers, and others aren't. I adjust accordingly. I guess you could say that I'm a socialized hugger. When in doubt and if others are hugging, I just go for a quickie if I have met them at least a couple of times

To me there is a big difference of those that give you a quick hug around your neck and those that take a little longer and hug you around your middle. The middle hugs are much more intimate and I really wouldn't feel comfortable hugging someone like that if I didn't really know them or had no romantic interest in them.

One of my guy friends who is married, really large, and terribly extroverted knows that I am a slight touch-a-phobe so he goes out of his way to make me uncomfortable when he hugs me. Sometimes he'll hold on to me for like 6 seconds, and that's about all I can take. I start squirming away and am like, "Ugghhhh stop touching me!" He thinks its hilarious though, so I just give up because I know the more I fight the more he'll do it. I can't win.

 

[swordpath]

Lions and Tigers and Hugs, Oh my!

 

[kyuuei]

 

[Recoleta]

Imagine two ISTJ's hugging! Haha!

It's happened before. It's not so bad. One of my best friends (an ESFP) is married to an ISTJ man. I get along great with the both of them and I give both of them hugs every time I see them. I think we've both been socialized into it though.

I have another good friend (my old roommate and travel buddy) who is another female ISTJ. Nowadays we usually hug when parting because we only see each other once a week or less, but when we lived together I don't think we ever hugged. We know each other really really well though. A lot of our communication is non-verbal and mutually understood anyway. And when we do talk it's always direct. I've never questioned where I stood with her.

 

[Bella]

Lol! Yes, ESPECIALLY robots.

 

[Bella]

It's happened before. It's not so bad. One of my best friends (an ESFP) is married to an ISTJ man. I get along great with the both of them and I give both of them hugs every time I see them. I think we've both been socialized into it though.

I hear you.

 

[Cimarron]

With my ISTJ friend, I'm almost definite he only hugs me to oblige my want of a hug, understanding my nature..

Aww, it's not that they don't love hanging out with you. It's just...not comfortable for them to do it.

The middle hugs are much more intimate and I really wouldn't feel comfortable hugging someone like that if I didn't really know them or had no romantic interest in them.

I'm talking about hugs with people you know, but (presumably) nothing romantic involved.

But I give good hugs when I feel the situation is right. Like for family, or for a girlfriend. And that's about it. A different one of my ex-girlfriends said I was a "good hugger" , she was an INTP or something.

The whole issue came up because my best friend, an ESTP I think, introduced me to a female friend of his. Even after hanging out together a few times, when she gives us hugs goodbye, I felt all awkward, and I guess she could tell my hug was kind of mechanical. So the next day, ESTP guy told me about what she had said, that she asked if I was gay.... So being the funny guy he is, he announces it as "Cimarron, your manhood has been questioned!" (Thought you guys might get a kick out of the story.) He explained to her that I just don't like people touching me. So next time I saw her, she hugged everybody else goodbye, and gave me a friendly wave. The whole thing is kind of silly.

Sorry if I'm going slightly off-topic here.

 

[kyuuei]

Aww, it's not that they don't love hanging out with you. It's just...not comfortable for them to do it.

Oh no! you misunderstand me! ^_^ I'm not upset by that fact at all. It's just intriguing is all.. ISTJs tend to catch my attention.

 

[Bella]

Aww, it's not that they don't love hanging out with you. It's just...not comfortable for them to do it.

I'm talking about hugs with people you know, but (presumably) nothing romantic involved.

But I give good hugs when I feel the situation is right. Like for family, or for a girlfriend. And that's about it. A different one of my ex-girlfriends said I was a "good hugger" , she was an INTP or something.

The whole issue came up because my best friend, an ESTP I think, introduced me to a female friend of his. Even after hanging out together a few times, when she gives us hugs goodbye, I felt all awkward, and I guess she could tell my hug was kind of mechanical. So the next day, ESTP guy told me about what she had said, that she asked if I was gay.... So being the funny guy he is, he announces it as "Cimarron, your manhood has been questioned!" (Thought you guys might get a kick out of the story.) He explained to her that I just don't like people touching me. So next time I saw her, she hugged everybody else goodbye, and gave me a friendly wave. The whole thing is kind of silly.

Sorry if I'm going slightly off-topic here.

"Hangin out..." Now there's a concept I just don't get. The extreme casualness of it all....a mystery to me.

(lol)

 

[kyuuei]

Breathing's another casual activity >.> ..

Maybe that's the problem right there!! If ya'll can't casually hang out, how could do you something like flirting??

Edit: XD My apologies.. I was trying to link this somehow right into the OP again.. It failed a bit.

 

[Bella]

Breathing's another casual activity >.> ..

Maybe that's the problem right there!! If ya'll can't casually hang out, how could do you something like flirting??

Edit: XD My apologies.. I was trying to link this somehow right into the OP again.. It failed a bit.

Breathing doesn't make me nervous....

 

[2XtremeENFP]

I have a few female friends, or friends of friends, who do this... I only return the hug because I don't want them to think I'm being unfriendly with them, but in my mind I'm putting a disclaimer on the hug that says "but I don't like you in any special way". Basically, hugs are a bigger deal (more intimate) to me than they are to them, so to me it already kind of implies romance.

I have an ESFJ friend who freaks out anytime a guy touches her! she assumes it's some act of interest.. I wonder if it's an SJ thing? Cause I'm constantly touchy with no motivation of flirtation or romance. I guess I do it too much that people think I am flirting... the worst kinda of miscommunication