Hi everyone,
I am new to the forum and am trying to find out more information about female NTs and what they need both in terms of initial attraction and for a relationship to work long term.
I have been discussing with a couple female NT friends and this is what we have come up with so far:
(1) The man has to be as smart as the female NT and capable of holding his own in intellectual debates
(2) The man can not be a pushover emotionally - some female NTs have a tendency to exploit weakness in their partners and can become controlling (especially NTJs). Female NTs will not respect a man who will allow them to do this.
(3) NTs seem to be attracted to men with a high degree of talent, sense of adventure, and/or spontaneity... but we are not sure if these relationships will work long term.
Thoughts?
I've dated very extroverted-feeler type men, and most of them I find myself unfulfilled after awhile. I don't really want a guy who is more of a social butterfly than I am and certainly not a guy who is controlling and manipulative.
Personally, I think men who had the following professions always attracted me:
novelist
composer
university professor
Basically, I fall in love with men first through words, so being able to communicate verbally is quite important to me. I think as an NT female, I constantly need my mind to be stimulated, and when my mind is neglected, I fall into a state of despair and engage in all sorts of excess.
In relationships, unlike most other personality types, I prefer a great deal of stability. In that, the man I am seeing is reliable, grounded, stable and dependable. I dislike men who are rude, obnoxious, boisterous and controlling.
In a room full of people, I will always gravitate towards the quiet, mysterious, aloof man in the group. I think it's due to the fact that I really do not prefer extroverted men, unless they possess extroverted thinking (Te). My scale of extroversion is around 60, so that when in quiet reflection, a man who can nurture or bring out that pensive quality in myself is what I look for.
In this day and age, it's too easy to become complacent and conformist, a man who questions the world around him and sparks debate is what stimulates my Te. Usually these types of men tend to be university professors- typically in philosophy and mathematics.
I also think that being down-to-earth is an important quality. Someone who is sort of a genius, but very modest and quiet about his achievements. I detest men who brag and strut their peacock feathers.
Looking through my past behaviour, I always seem to vacillate between two groups of men:
1. quiet intellectual
2. blue-collar labourer
I find that I am attracted to the latter type because they tend to be hard-working and devoted to their families, and do not mind that I am aggressive, ambitious, opinionated and intelligent.
In the end though, I think it really comes down to asking oneself questions about the nature of the relationship rather than list specific qualities.
For example: Does this person love me unconditionally?
Do I trust this person?
Do I respect this person?
Does this person inspire me to be better?