Fe = Easily Offended?

[Norrsken]

I've been thinking about this for a few days now and I have been sort of wondering if perhaps Fe users, whether dom, aux, tert, or even inferior, are much more likely to be offended by most things in life than, in contrast, to Fi users or Te users. I am somebody who can be offended quite easily, though I try to use my other functions to sort of ground me and to think about something or somebody from another angle, which isn't always so easy for me to do. It is much easier for me to just jump up, be offended, and judge the situation or the person harshly. I can't help but feel under attack when somebody talks to me in a way that I feel, whether its true or not, like they want to corner me and make me feel bad. It is getting better as I age, though, since getting older can make anybody more mellow. It goes like this:

1. I get into an event where I witness something or somebody behaving in a way that is socially or even morally unacceptable. It could be somebody being unnecessarily rude. It could be me seeing a loud and brash group of teenagers behaving badly.
2. I immediately judge them, of course, I do this internally with nasty thoughts. Then I cannot help but say it out loud, not loud enough to make the other person hear it (this happened maybe once or twice lol), but I'll tell it to close friends to vent out what I think of the situation.
3. I'll have someone smirk and say, "You seem offended." to which I then, once again, act offended by such a suggestion.

Even my young INTP brother, an inferior-Fe user, gets angry when he sees social injustices in real life. For example, we were both watching this show called 'What Not To Wear', and the stylists had to help this overweight woman out in terms of dressing and looking better. Suffice to say, they were being quite awful to the woman and she was reduced to tears during one of the short segments where the client can talk about their shopping day. My brother and I got pretty riled up, and we laughed about rooting for the client to go and beat the crap out of the stylists. ("She's taller than them, she can take them both!") I pretty much believed that the stylists were being too cruel, while my brother logically spelled it out that they were just being unprofessional, period. Things like that just makes me wonder about the Fe function.

So, what about you Fe-users? Do you get easily offended and pricked?

 

[Forever]

It really depends. My Ni helps a lot to see perspectives. Too much Ni though can make you feel nothing ever matters though.

Fe wants to be part of the group but wants a considerate and respectful social atmostsphere.

I had (note the past tense) who told me she's fine with whatever I do. But like 50% of our conversation was her talking and nitpicking everything that people do and it made me feel uncomfortable. And eventually she was so flaky because I felt uncomfortable with her that I ended and gave her a door slam. I believe she is ISFx

Maybe I have more Fi than your average INFJ but I kind of had an open view of morality and maybe it's not even Fi but an aspect of Fe that I am very mature on, being open to hear about morality but knowing my bounds for myself and being respectful to others with different beliefs.

I used to be judgmental especially when I was religious but I found the flaw, I didn't even have friends so why should I defend stupid judgments that people don't want to include me on.

My current belief is that morality is fluid according to reason (good reasoning not just anything) or morality is just non existent and it's convenient and makes our lives easier not hurting anyone. So you're just stupid and should be cut off from society if you don't like the convenient way but that's just my opinion.

I think theforsaken you need not worry this being a flaw of your function but rather just that Ni you say you have and keep opening your mind to possibilities.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I don't know. I'm unsure whether my feeling preference is for Fe or Fi but your anecdote about your brother reminded me of how I usually react in similar situations.

I tend to not be offended by much but people insisting I am feeling a certain way when I'm not really bothers me.

 

[Starry]

Please tell me that you both aren't trying to say that Fi would just sit back with popcorn and watch social injustices occur. P-fuckin-lease. I bet I've defended more underdogs than the two of you combined. <-edit: this year.

 

[Cellmold]

I've been around too many barriers to self-progress to have time to get too offended about things.

Although occasionally I do, I've learnt to weigh up the energy investment and cost in addressing it.

PS:

Or at least not functionally related in this general sense, could be different functions result in different offences being perceived.

 

[1487610420]

Please tell me that you both aren't trying to say that Fi would just sit back with popcorn and watch social justices occur. P-fuckin-lease. I bet I've defended more underdogs than the two of you combined.

truth

 

[OrangeAppled]

I think people get offended by different things in different ways and react to it differently. I know that is the lazy answer, but I think preferences DO influence this. I think when we feel our preference dismissed or violated, then we get defensive. Often, the inferior function triggers this, or some other opposite of our preference (ie F preference triggered by T or E preference by I attitude, etc).

For some T types, their offended state looks like annoyance with others or a defensive dismissiveness of others for not being as "logical" or "practical" as they prefer, or as they see themselves. Because F types may use emotion more to communicate value, their defensiveness may look far more openly emotional.

However, I don't find Fe types to get more riled up about injustice than Fi types or any type. Frankly, I do find them trying to corral people into a particular way of feeling and acting about something or to be more open to influence in refining their own judgment. In other words, I think it is harder to persuade a Fi type what injustice is or isn't or how to go about dealing with it. Because Fi types react quite differently, we often get unfairly dismissed as not caring. Having had that shoved in my face my whole life my Fe types, who systematically may ostracize people, I cannot take such claims seriously, even when dressed in pseudo humility as a weakness (being offended being equated to "caring more", as opposed to the darker, bullying side that can emerge when someone crosses their sensibilities).

 

[ceecee]

I don't feel that saying (or doing) something in a social injustice situation = getting offended easily. There are many of us who are not Fe doms (or even close for that matter) that are inclined to say and do something in these situations. And they don't take the passive aggressive judgey avenue. If I have a problem with you, you will never not be clearly informed by me.

What I see a lot of are the pearl clutchers who almost dare you to say something because they will be offended without a doubt. These people are often on a moral high horse about many things and I'm entirely sick of them because that is what rules their lives. Forget about looking at anything objectively or trying to work within a system for change, I'll just be the person everyone wants to punch in the mouth.

On the other hand, I know Fe doms that are not easily offended and are not shy about being vocal when they are. Maybe they aren't really Fe doms or maybe they figured out that sitting and taking or observing shit and doing nothing feels worse than doing something about it.

 

[Norrsken]

It really depends. My Ni helps a lot to see perspectives. Too much Ni though can make you feel nothing ever matters though.

Fe wants to be part of the group but wants a considerate and respectful social atmostsphere.

This makes sense. When I witness something socially inappropriate or unacceptable, I first think about what I just witnessed and then, almost on reflex, my holier-than-thou Fe kicks in and starts criticizing. But I definitely do think about it afterwards and try to see what may have happened before the offensive event/person occurred, and then I'll feel bad for being too harsh.

I had (note the past tense) who told me she's fine with whatever I do. But like 50% of our conversation was her talking and nitpicking everything that people do and it made me feel uncomfortable. And eventually she was so flaky because I felt uncomfortable with her that I ended and gave her a door slam. I believe she is ISFx

I had an unhealthy ISFJ friend before and she would go on seemingly the entire day (wish I was joking) about other people and how other people were sooo terrible to her and how she deserves some kind of retribution for all the trouble she goes through doing things for other people, such as giving car rides, money, favors, etc. Phonecalls with her as very awful since I just wanted to at least try and see the positive and she just straight up wouldn't do it. I think I also had another unhealthy ISFJ friend but luckily it was an online one, but still, it was pretty awful since she constantly nitpicked and judged others way too harshly.

Maybe I have more Fi than your average INFJ but I kind of had an open view of morality and maybe it's not even Fi but an aspect of Fe that I am very mature on, being open to hear about morality but knowing my bounds for myself and being respectful to others with different beliefs.

I used to be judgmental especially when I was religious but I found the flaw, I didn't even have friends so why should I defend stupid judgments that people don't want to include me on.

My current belief is that morality is fluid according to reason (good reasoning not just anything) or morality is just non existent and it's convenient and makes our lives easier not hurting anyone. So you're just stupid and should be cut off from society if you don't like the convenient way but that's just my opinion.

Yes, and with maturity comes a more flexible way of thinking for me when it comes to why and how another person might behave the way they do.
It is still a struggle, but I do have a lot of empathy, so luckily I am open to the other person when they want to talk about why they behave or react or talk the way they do.

I think it's great that you are able to expand beyond the religious constraints that you might have felt in the past and can now see morality as something that is not pegged as one size fit for all predefined definition. Religion in of itself is not inherently bad or flawed, but I can see how it may make some people be more critical in certain situations.

I think theforsaken you need not worry this being a flaw of your function but rather just that Ni you say you have and keep opening your mind to possibilities.

Yes. I should also brush up on my Ne and get better with the whole 'seeing many and endless possibilities' as to why the offensive event happened.
Thank you so, so much for posting.

I don't know. I'm unsure whether my feeling preference is for Fe or Fi but your anecdote about your brother reminded me of how I usually react in similar situations.

I tend to not be offended by much but people insisting I am feeling a certain way when I'm not really bothers me.

It's crazy because people like to think that inferior-fe users like the INTPs and ISTPs are stereotyped as unemotional and completely devoid of empathy, but they really aren't and they can be very outspoken against social injustices and inappropriate behaviors. Whenever our other siblings behave badly or fight with our parents needlessly, my INTP brother and I always shake our heads in disapproval and talk about it together. I guess it is a form of gossip, I don't know.

 

[Tater]

comparatively, i don't think either fe or fi has a monopoly on being offended, but the ways they manage violations are almost opposite.

with heavy fe, you're going to get an immediate reaction, but you're also going to see that the issue is let go just as easily.

with heavy fi, you're going to get more rumination until the situation reaches critical mass.

this difference may explain the behaviors you see.

the big 5s 'neuroticism' trait probably does a better job of predicting how easily a person is offended.

 

[violet_crown]

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

 

[Norrsken]

I think people get offended by different things in different ways and react to it differently. I know that is the lazy answer, but I think preferences DO influence this. I think when we feel our preference dismissed or violated, then we get defensive. Often, the inferior function triggers this, or some other opposite of our preference (ie F preference triggered by T or E preference by I attitude, etc).

For some T types, their offended state looks like annoyance with others or a defensive dismissiveness of others for not being as "logical" or "practical" as they prefer, or as they see themselves. Because F types may use emotion more to communicate value, their defensiveness may look far more openly emotional.

Agreed.

However, I don't find Fe types to get more riled up about injustice than Fi types or any type. Frankly, I do find them trying to corral people into particular way of feeling and acting about something or to be more open to influence in refining their own judgment. In other words, I think it is harder to persuade a Fi type what injustice is or isn't or how to go about dealing with it. Because Fi types react quite differently, we often get unfairly dismissed as not caring. Having had that shoved in my face my whole life my Fe types, who systematically may ostracize people, I cannot take such claims seriously, even when dressed in pseudo humility as a weakness (being offended being equated to "caring more", as opposed to the darker, bullying side that can emerge when someone crosses their sensibilities).

I think that Fe types in general are more controlling than Fi types and that we use manipulative tactics that seem more like "omg why can't you be more like me?" kind of thing, although that is more true of immature and under developed persons more so than Fe/Fi differences. Fi users are definitely not uncaring, and I am quite sure that they do get quite offended. I think the difference is that Fi users are more likely to go out and do something about it, like that movie Serpico and how the main character (INFP?) sees the injustice going on from where he works and seeks to correct it. A Fe-user would get offended and maybe try and 'school' the other people at the police department into feeling ashamed of what they've done, again, which may or may not be seen as manipulative.

I hope I'm making sense.

I don't feel that saying (or doing) something in a social injustice situation = getting offended easily. There are many of us who are not Fe doms (or even close for that matter) that are inclined to say and do something in these situations. And they don't take the passive aggressive judgey avenue. If I have a problem with you, you will never not be clearly informed by me.

I do apologize, I think I wasn't being clear in my OP. I definitely do not think that people who fight for what should be right should be called easily offended like its an insult. You're right.

What I see a lot of are the pearl clutchers who almost dare you to say something because they will be offended without a doubt. These people are often on a moral high horse about many things and I'm entirely sick of them because that is what rules their lives. Forget about looking at anything objectively or trying to work within a system for change, I'll just be the person everyone wants to punch in the mouth.

I am so sorry if you've been in that situation before. I also hate it when I am caught up with a pearl clutcher who just wants to be offended instead of being objective and fix a problem with me; I've known such people before and it can be a nightmare to work with.

On the other hand, I know Fe doms that are not easily offended and are not shy about being vocal when they are. Maybe they aren't really Fe doms or maybe they figured out that sitting and taking or observing shit and doing nothing feels worse than doing something about it.

I think it is the latter. With wisdom comes with better understanding at human nature and why something that may seem offensive by appearance may have a deeper reasoning that we should all at least look into before we judge.

 

[1487610420]

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

these threads

offend me so much

it's disgusting

 

[Norrsken]

comparatively, i don't think either fe or fi has a monopoly on being offended, but the ways they manage violations are almost opposite.

with heavy fe, you're going to get an immediate reaction, but you're also going to see that the issue is let go just as easily.

with heavy fi, you're going to get more rumination until the situation reaches critical mass.

this difference may explain the behaviors you see.

the big 5s 'neuroticism' trait probably does a better job of predicting how easily a person is offended.

Thank you so much for posting!
Could it explain why a heavy Fe user (dom/aux) can forgive somebody more easily once they have the information as to why the offensive event occurred?

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

Thank you!
Can you tell me the difference between offense and disgust, though? Like, tell me a time where you were offended versus disgusted?

 

[1487610420]

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

these threads

offend me so much

it's disgusting

actually that's bs, I'm just whimsically hijacking for gratuitously attention. just this once.

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] my post didn't get a "like" from theforesaken. Was I too offensive?
These threads

 

[Norrsken]

[MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] my post didn't get a "like" from theforesaken. Was I too offensive?
These threads

Either you answer my questions in this thread maturely or I will report you. Your choice.

 

[violet_crown]

Can you tell me the difference between offense and disgust, though?

Fi users assume some degree of empathy from everyone. If someone does something that they find personally upsetting, they figure that the other person KNOWS that that would upset them, and did it anyways. Offense is always personal.

Fe users, otoh, assume a level of standards--whether it be in terms of ethics, propriety or what have you. They assume some governing set of interaction for a given context, and those that violate those standards are no longer apart of that context. My observation of Fe users is that they seem to find those perpetrators abhorrent somehow.

these threads

offend me so much

it's disgusting

Hi, phobes. :3

 

[Starry]

Either you answer my questions in this thread maturely or I will report you. Your choice.

Um...I don't have to answer your questions to respond in your thread thank you. You go right ahead and report away. My comments in this thread are valid and I will post where and when I please. Perhaps I'll report you.

 

[Starry]

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

I'm currently offended and disgusted.