[ESTP] ESTP Relationships - What do ESTPs look for in romantic relationships?

[simulatedworld]

Good sex?

 

[Dali]

If someone has balls and a penis, there's nothing to debate.

Whatever, dude.

 

[Riva]

When she chooses dates -
pretty much what Athenian 200 said.

Athenian, I never, ever in my life "looked for short term partners." I have very high standards when it comes to dating/overall attraction (physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc.) and I never cared for pursuing the life of a "player." Any girl I dated I asked her out and she had a full shot at the title. If things didn't work out that way then no harm no foul. I don't know where you get your assumptions of ESTPs.

It was wrong of me to ASSUME so much without actually asking the opinion from a ESTP regarding this subject.
I imagined and has observed otherwise,

BUT,
Halla is an ESTP. So i should rather believe what he says regarding ESTP needs when it comes to relationships than assume, imagine and coming up with my own theory.

So i guess i was wrong.

 

[Halla74]

It was wrong of me to ASSUME so much without actually asking the opinion from a ESTP regarding this subject.
I imagined and has observed otherwise,

BUT,
Halla is an ESTP. So i should rather believe what he says regarding ESTP needs when it comes to relationships than assume, imagine and coming up with my own theory.

So i guess i was wrong.

Hello Curzon. I have no issue with you or your comments. You have never been offensive toward me before, and I give you the benefit of the doubt in assuming your comments were more along the lines of "thinking out loud" than any pre-existing contempt toward ESTPs.

Athenian, on the other hand, has made several ignorant and derogatory remarks about ESTPs and Sensors in general (as Jaguar pointed out) several times over many months.

Please think of the following. Factor out MBTI type completely from the human phenomena. What stereotypes remain? Are all guys dogs or players? Are all old people stubborn? Are all Muslims fanatical fundamentalists? Obviously not. There is alot of variability in human, and many of the phenomena that (unfortunately) do contribute to the formulation of stereotypes are grouped into MBTI archetype/type descriptions.

Even within archetypes, there is going to be alot of variation. I guarantee you all ESTPs are not like me. But, I think it wise and a mark of good character to extend to all the benefit of the doubt based on the one thing we all have in common: OUR HUMANITY. All humans are capable of great good and evil. You don't know who is going to do what until you gain some exposure to them in the course of your involvement with them, be it platonic, romantic, academic, or professional. People will live up to your LOWEST expectations of them.

No need for you to apologize, really. If I sounded harsh please forgive me, but I'm tired of the unwarranted, hateful and ignorant outbursts about ESTPs/Sensors from Athenian. By his own admission he doesn't know the types of those real people that have done bad things yet he assumes them to be ESTPs. It's non-sense, and it's rude.

Have a nice day!

 

[SilkRoad]

This is a bit off topic, but I have to admit that Keirsey's description of ESTPs made them sound scary and con-artist-like, to me. But...the ESTPs on this site seem really cool, nice and with-it. I'm not saying that to suck up to anyone, by the way I'm not sure if I've known any in real life but my impression of ESTPs from here is very good. Including their views on relationships.

I'm an INFJ so there might be a bit of that fatal attraction at work too. Having been either attracted to or involved with emo boys and intellectuals in the past, with very little success, I suspect I may have moved on to bad boys. (well, if any of them would take notice of me...)

 

[Twixt]

This is a bit off topic, but I have to admit that Keirsey's description of ESTPs made them sound scary and con-artist-like, to me. But...the ESTPs on this site seem really cool, nice and with-it. I'm not saying that to suck up to anyone, by the way I'm not sure if I've known any in real life but my impression of ESTPs from here is very good. Including their views on relationships.

I think generally ESTPs are no-bullshit people so they don't seem the type to purposely pull one over another with malicious intent. Unless they're unhealthy, maybe, but then who is pleasant when they are unhealthy anyway. Maybe it seems that way due to their competitive nature. But they are not, generally-speaking cruel people.......... Hm.

Question for ESTPs (or other people who feel qualified to answer): what's your take on mind games?

1. Love/Sex
2. Companionship
3. Quality Time (Fun)
4. Respect
5. Peace and Quiet

- physical chemistry
- me "getting" his sense of humor
- good conversation
- intelligence

Thank you!

Any more descriptions, people? Perhaps a more in-depth description of the people you've dated/married? What happened? Why?

 

[Poki]

This is a bit off topic, but I have to admit that Keirsey's description of ESTPs made them sound scary and con-artist-like, to me. But...the ESTPs on this site seem really cool, nice and with-it. I'm not saying that to suck up to anyone, by the way I'm not sure if I've known any in real life but my impression of ESTPs from here is very good. Including their views on relationships.

I'm an INFJ so there might be a bit of that fatal attraction at work too. Having been either attracted to or involved with emo boys and intellectuals in the past, with very little success, I suspect I may have moved on to bad boys. (well, if any of them would take notice of me...)

I can see the con artist description of an ESTP IRL, but with a ESTP type its not the fact that they are trying to be con-artists. We(people not type related) can come across as certain people that we are not trying to be as our intent is different, but the actions come across the same.

What you see on here from STP's is the intent of the person as opposed to how it comes across.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I can see the con artist description of an ESTP IRL, but with a ESTP type its not the fact that they are trying to be con-artists. We(people not type related) can come across as certain people that we are not trying to be as our intent is different, but the actions come across the same.

What you see on here from STP's is the intent of the person as opposed to how it comes across.

Wise way of putting things.

 

[Halla74]

Question for ESTPs (or other people who feel qualified to answer): what's your take on mind games?

The quickest ticket out of my life is playing mind games with me. If you hate me then treat me like you hate me. If you love me then treat me lovingly. But if you tell me you love me then do hateful shit towards me, that is a first degree mindgame, and punishable by excommunication from the Church of Halla. Everyone gets 1 get out of jail free card, after that I'm done. I'm too busy for such tomfoolery.

 

[Heart&Brain]

Not an ESTP myself, but I know and hold dear a couple of them: my wonderful grandmother is ESTP, (84) married the village beau (ISTJ) at 21, divorced him at 44 and met the love of her life, an ISFP. She loved his unorthodoxy and warm humour but didn't want to live with him due to "men my age expect to get serviced and I'm sooo done with that!" She was heartbroken when he died 10 years ago.
84 years, two men. Hardly 'uncommitted' me thinks...

Next ESTP is my ex-motherinlaw, 67. Housewife, bright and very, very artistic. Sculpture, pottery, oil, aquarel etc. Does exhibitions. Completely uniterested in boys until an ISTJ came by and claimed her when she was 17. She liked his determination and stability, hated that he wouldn't dance and found it really weird what all the kissing was about... They are still married.

Last in line is my lovely ESTP (it seems so far) daughter of 13. Completely disinterested in boys and sex, unlike some of her SFP-girlfriends (!). Quite guarded in general with respect to all that dating and crushing and stuff. Very very artistic - her artteacher finds her things 'not made by a child but an artist' and very very crazy when she lets herself loose in safe environments. Strong attachments to the select few, strong ethics like her grandmom and great-grandmom, but not in a feely, tormented way like me. More in a no-nonsense way: people doing bad things simply loose her respect. I'm curious to see how her love life will develop, but my guess is that it'll be no-nonsense as well. Guarded until a great guy comes along and then she'll more or less stick with him.
Can't see her with an ISTJ though, but what does a mom know...?

- edit: she'd LOVE to identify with that 'PEST' rabbit too. She doesn't mind being a pest - actually will be rather proud of it!

 

[Stanton Moore]

Even within archetypes, there is going to be alot of variation. I guarantee you all ESTPs are not like me. But, I think it wise and a mark of good character to extend to all the benefit of the doubt based on the one thing we all have in common: OUR HUMANITY. All humans are capable of great good and evil. You don't know who is going to do what until you gain some exposure to them in the course of your involvement with them, be it platonic, romantic, academic, or professional. People will live up to your LOWEST expectations of them.

^^I agree. We should concentrate on empathy and understanding and NOT on stereotypes...or even MBTI, becase in the end, it's a very rough guide indeed.

 

[mwv6r]

Last in line is my lovely ESTP (it seems so far) daughter of 13. Completely disinterested in boys and sex, unlike some of her SFP-girlfriends (!). Quite guarded in general with respect to all that dating and crushing and stuff. Very very artistic - her artteacher finds her things 'not made by a child but an artist' and very very crazy when she lets herself loose in safe environments. Strong attachments to the select few, strong ethics like her grandmom and great-grandmom, but not in a feely, tormented way like me. More in a no-nonsense way: people doing bad things simply loose her respect. I'm curious to see how her love life will develop, but my guess is that it'll be no-nonsense as well. Guarded until a great guy comes along and then she'll more or less stick with him.
Can't see her with an ISTJ though, but what does a mom know...?

Aww, I'm an elementary school teacher and I have a special place in my heart for ESTP children -- they are such little charmers!

Also, I can't say that I know tons and tons of ESTPs, but reading over some of the posts made me think of my female ESTP friend who has been in two long-term committed relationships. She did like to play the field quite a bit when she was single in between relationships, but when the right guy came along she switched easily into commitment mode.

 

[Sinmara]

My boyfriend is an ISFJ and I love him more than I thought myself capable.

He's mellow and not easily ruffled. I need a soothing influence in my life. I absolutely cannot be with another high-strung person. We would murder each other.

He's not only lets me talk, he listens. Whether I'm prattling on and on about some ridiculous thing or I'm upset and verbally vomitting all over him, he gives me his absolute and undivided attention and doesn't interrupt me. In fact, he says that he finds my talking soothing because he doesn't feel pressured to say anything.

He's stable. He's secure. He would do anything I ask. I never have to worry about where I stand with him. He's like the sun and I just sort of orbit around him, ha.

He laughs at all of my jokes. I have a bawdy, esoteric and generally WTF sense of humor. The fact that he not only understands it but also LIKES it feels wonderful.

He thinks all my little inconsistencies are cute. 'Nuff said.

 

[une_autre]

I have no problem with commitment. Although I love my freedom.

It is comforting to know that there is always somebody for you, but I do look for somebody that can let me live my life. On my own.

Looks don't matter. Before growing up a little, I would have said they do, but I realized it is irrelevant as long as your partner doesn't look like a potato bag.

 

[Pillows]

I never, ever in my life "looked for short term partners." I have very high standards when it comes to dating/overall attraction (physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc.) and I never cared for pursuing the life of a "player." Any girl I dated I asked her out and she had a full shot at the title. If things didn't work out that way then no harm no foul. I don't know where you get your assumptions of ESTPs.

I felt compelled to make this my virgin post because I recently fell victim to the rather negative stereotype ESTPs have in relationships. I got involved with a MBTI-worshiping ENTJ which has driven me to research what all the fuss is about. In the very preliminary stage of this relationship, with no founded reason he insinuated that I was just "fitting him in" (pun intended? ha) between other love interests I supposedly had. So this is my attempt to free ESTPs, the wrongly accused.

So as far as qualities that can be misinterpreted as promiscuous, I find extreme pleasure in tactful flirtation. It's a fun challenge of wit and intellect. To me, I see it as creative expression I have always been attracted to those who can handle innuendo and keep their cool. It's a test, and I have incredible respect for people who challenge me and resist making it painfully obvious they're smitten. I WANT you to beat me at my own game. This may be why I'm fascinated by the puzzle that is an ENTJ...wholly immune to infatuation!

I also love when someone is eager to just GO. Life is fun and enthusiasm is infectious. Being able to give and take activity suggestions with a good attitude is my favorite quality in a person. I've dated a few ISTJs, supposedly a good fit, but I found them needing too much convincing to go out and explore.

When in a relationship, I'm extremely passionate and committed. But as Halla mentioned, standards are high so I don't waste time with things that I don't find worthwhile. I'm social and have no problem initiating conversation and finding common ground with pretty much anyone. But in looking for people on my level, there becomes two categories: relationships that work, and relationships that don't. Some you can find the answer quicker than others. Practically speaking, if you feel disinterested, why would you stay? I am honest with myself; if I am unhappy, I leave. Given effective communication, it baffles me how anyone could fault you for how you feel.

So, this is my condensed list of what attracts me:

1. Chemistry
2. Mutual activity
3. Down to earth point of view
4. Respect
5. A degree of autonomy

 

[Halla74]

I felt compelled to make this my virgin post because I recently fell victim to the rather negative stereotype ESTPs have in relationships. I got involved with a MBTI-worshiping ENTJ which has driven me to research what all the fuss is about. In the very preliminary stage of this relationship, with no founded reason he insinuated that I was just "fitting him in" (pun intended? ha) between other love interests I supposedly had. So this is my attempt to free ESTPs, the wrongly accused.

So as far as qualities that can be misinterpreted as promiscuous, I find extreme pleasure in tactful flirtation. It's a fun challenge of wit and intellect. To me, I see it as creative expression I have always been attracted to those who can handle innuendo and keep their cool. It's a test, and I have incredible respect for people who challenge me and resist making it painfully obvious they're smitten. I WANT you to beat me at my own game. This may be why I'm fascinated by the puzzle that is an ENTJ...wholly immune to infatuation!

I also love when someone is eager to just GO. Life is fun and enthusiasm is infectious. Being able to give and take activity suggestions with a good attitude is my favorite quality in a person. I've dated a few ISTJs, supposedly a good fit, but I found them needing too much convincing to go out and explore.

When in a relationship, I'm extremely passionate and committed. But as Halla mentioned, standards are high so I don't waste time with things that I don't find worthwhile. I'm social and have no problem initiating conversation and finding common ground with pretty much anyone. But in looking for people on my level, there becomes two categories: relationships that work, and relationships that don't. Some you can find the answer quicker than others. Practically speaking, if you feel disinterested, why would you stay? I am honest with myself; if I am unhappy, I leave. Given effective communication, it baffles me how anyone could fault you for how you feel.

So, this is my condensed list of what attracts me:

1. Chemistry
2. Mutual activity
3. Down to earth point of view
4. Respect
5. A degree of autonomy

Great post!
Really nice to have you here!
If you need me to kick that ENTJ in the nuts for you just let me know.

 

[workaholicsanon]

Great post!
Really nice to have you here!
If you need me to kick that ENTJ in the nuts for you just let me know.

Halla did you experience what Pillows was talking about with your INFJ? I have a hard time imagining INFJs being good at flirting. . .

 

[stellar renegade]

My boyfriend is an ISFJ and I love him more than I thought myself capable.

He's mellow and not easily ruffled. I need a soothing influence in my life. I absolutely cannot be with another high-strung person. We would murder each other.

He's not only lets me talk, he listens. Whether I'm prattling on and on about some ridiculous thing or I'm upset and verbally vomitting all over him, he gives me his absolute and undivided attention and doesn't interrupt me. In fact, he says that he finds my talking soothing because he doesn't feel pressured to say anything.

He's stable. He's secure. He would do anything I ask. I never have to worry about where I stand with him. He's like the sun and I just sort of orbit around him, ha.

He laughs at all of my jokes. I have a bawdy, esoteric and generally WTF sense of humor. The fact that he not only understands it but also LIKES it feels wonderful.

He thinks all my little inconsistencies are cute. 'Nuff said.

I have an ISFJ friend who's exactly like that for me. It's rather amazing.

You're supposed to be with your perfect match according to Keirsey theory, btw.

I definitely need someone that will just sit there while I talk a million miles a minute but I also want someone who will communicate well, two aspects which are often hard to find in the same person. My ISFJ friend doesn't communicate her feelings well, at least irl. And when we fight it's explosive. I say what's on my mind right away and it's often harsh and brutal (I have to tone it down a bit beforehand) and she's squeamish but very emphatic at the same time. Or at least that's the way it seems over the net or via text, etc. In real life I can read facial expressions and hear her tone of voice which I rely on to a ridiculous degree, so I know where she's coming from better. Her plain text conversation isn't that well developed and she ends up saying things which sound incredibly sarcastic and hurtful and I get defensive and sometimes make cutting remarks in return, only to get sick of it and say I'm coming over, and when I get there see how vulnerable she really is and when I hear her explain stuff then it makes so much more sense to me.

Any of this sound familiar?

 

[OrangeAppled]

People who say they are or are not looking for a relationship baffle me. How is this something you can control??? Yet I hear these phrases a lot!

I agree that the concept of looking or not seems moot because love tends to find you on its own schedule, and looking or not looking is just what you do in the meantime.

However, with online dating, you can kind of passively be looking whether or not it proves fruitful. That's the only way I've ever "looked" because otherwise I make no effort, besides being "open" to the idea.

I know STPs who've done online dating too. I suppose that counts as "looking" for them. I imagine ESTPs to utilize as many outlets for meeting people as they can.

From the ESTPs I've observed, they seem to seek out connections with people in general, and like to interact with a variety of personalities. That's why they are stereotyped as often being in sales. I can't think of one ESTP I've known who didn't always have a love interest in the picture, even if it was not yet a relationship or they never intended it to be.

To me, they have pretty basic standards: they want someone attractive, fun and who has similar goals/standards in life. From an idealist perspective, they don't seem to over think these matters, which can be both good and bad.

 

[Clonester]

I was thinking today that over the past year there are really only two girls that have really caught my attention- an ESTP and an ISTP (but too young). I guess xSTP's just really catch my interest.

The ESTP girl I asked on a few dates but it never went anywhere after that. We kept in touch off and on for about 6 months, mostly because we both love sports and share some friends. Anyway, we've reconnected the past couple months but I was hesitant to take it any further given our past. It's a weird situation because it looks like we're dating and even others have asked if we're dating but we aren't. There's definitely a connection there, even if she's not really into dating the same way other girls are. I think I've found out the problem- ESTP's can you tell when someone fancies you? - PersonalityCafe

She probably didn't even realize I was asking her out before. It probably didn't help that her English wasn't good when we first met (she's French). I now realize I just need to be very direct and ask her straight up. I like her now just as much as the day we met a year ago. I've had other girls come and go in my life, but none like her.