[ENFP] ENFPs...how easily do you forget?

[Lady_X]

i think he might be enfj too.

 

[thescientist]

*scratches head*

The first part, I can kind of relate to, I used to be in an on and off LDR with a guy for nearly a decade, and during this strange relationship, I'd engage myself with other men, hell, I even got in serious relationships with other men, but I can't split my heart in two, I can share different facets of my personality with different people, but if ever in the position where I feel my heart is being pulled by two different forces/people, I fall apart, you can blame that on having Fi values, which is actually a good thing.

One thing about being an EP is that when we are there, present, we are there.

But, at least for me, it is difficult to maintain a deep connection with someone who is far away, I have been guilty of maintaining platonic relationships with men during stints of loneliness where these men would develop romantic feelings towards me, and in a moment of weakness, I would cross some line, and reap the repercussions, I do think that it is difficult for some people to ascertain whether the love we feel for them is platonic or romantic, shit, I've had ridiculously intimate relationships with guys I've never slept with, not even close, but we still had a special relationship where we both got to know each other well.

Now, the bolded part of what you wrote does not resonate AT ALL.

We don't front, unless we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO!!!

I'm talking like when the cops roll through, seriously.

We don't front, that's just NOT US.

To the point of acting/being inappropriate we will maintain a sense of authenticity because we hate phoniness in general, and especially exhibited in social situations, ewwww.

Hmmmm, I honestly don't think this guy's an ENFP.

That was just him being elitist...he's nice to people, but there are people he respects and those he doesn't. I can relate to the elitist behavior. I dont think that NOT makes him ENFP. Every ENFP will be different and its hard to assume he is/isnt one just by my comments. I worked with him for a whole year. It was crystal clear to me. The personalitypage.com ENFP description couldnt be more HIM.

 

[sculpting]

Okay scientist-

this guy has confused the living shit out of me...These messages cant get any more mixed...

It is exceptionally reminiscent of my ENTP crush from last year...who confused me terribly by overdoing tert Fe. I mistook tert Fe for Fi....

When with him, I was the most special thing ever. When away he seemed so confused as to why my feelings were hurt...he didnt reject me, he was just with other people or with his girlfriend. Of course he cared about me and cared greatly. His feelings were actually hurt badly when I told him that he needed to leave me alone and stop flirting with me....even though he had a long term girlfriend of 7 years back at home....that doesnt mean he didnt care deeply for me right? (yeah, he really did oddly...wtf?)

he would pay tons of attention to me for short spurts-but then ignore me for weeks on end.

Your guy had a gf this whole time...that is odd. The ego trip, the why cant you just blow him off, the why cant we just be friends....the you need to "chill out" may be the clincher....

Tert Fe feels amazing when directed at you-like Fi pumped full of cocaine. Mmmmmm....
Combined with Ne, ah, that shit is amazing....Baby ENTPs are seduction machines and are like riding a roller coaster.

My ENTP-and many male entps I have met-layer on tert Fe and are amazingly sweet.

This bears further observation.... (But if this is the case, oh, god I feel your pain...yeah, it will make you fucking mental)

 

[thescientist]

No one believes me that he's ENFP. There is NO DOUBT in my mind. Seriously NO DOUBT. Not a single ounce!

 

[sculpting]

Yeah I second silly-enfps suck at "fronts". We lack the masks/filters everyone else is born with and just project EXACTLY what we are thinking.

Even my oldest ENFPs do this shit-they project what they think.

The few ENFPs I have met in chemistry/biochem/physics tend to have a very stern Te tone. To think, we have to focus like crazy, so we do not come across as hyper flirtacious like some of the enfps I have met outside of science-we sacrifice the Fi for the Te...

I mean I'd love to take this guy as an ENFP, no problem with that if it helps explain and helps you understand-but it seems he is a little different...I dunno, you know him better than us...but Ne is Ne and both forget very easily....but (Fi doesnt forget emo )

 

[sculpting]

did he ever debate with you?

did he make direct eye contact with you? piercing eye contact at times?

when pressed with Te, did he withdraw via leaving or trying to calm you down via excuses or become agitated and defensive and push back?


was he sexy or goofy?


how expressive was his face?

 

[Thalassa]

OK, what did you have with him? As in real-life interactions that were pleasant?

You spent time with an ENFP, where he might have been interested in you, but he never admitted to liking you? Are you sure you're dealing with an ENFP and not an ENTP, for example? ENFPs tend to be really bluntly honest, and tend to hurt your feelings in "bluntly honest" ways. They tend to really obviously like you, or they don't. When there are mixed signals, it's of the nature of ENFPs to be "overly friendly" and accidentally give an impression of liking you in a special way, when they really don't ... because they treat everyone that way, not just you.

Yeah, I totally have embarrassed myself since like the 5th grade telling people how much I liked them. I can't hide what I really feel. If anything, I'm too quick to be vulnerable, and maybe scare some people with my sureness of my feelings. It's hard for us to be fake - like Uumlau says, a person could be confused by our kindness, or friendlness and mistake it for romantic interest, but if I don't like you and want you to leave me alone, I have a hard time hiding that, too.

I kind of agree that you might be dealing with an ENTP or ENFJ. I can't imagine telling someone "oh you were chasing me" like I was amused by their display of vulnerability or something. No way. The only way I can imagine saying such a thing is in defense in some kind of weird argument.

 

[thescientist]

did he ever debate with you? Not really...he was non-confrontational

did he make direct eye contact with you? piercing eye contact at times? Sure...all the time

when pressed with Te, did he withdraw via leaving or trying to calm you down via excuses or become agitated and defensive and push back?
It was a combination of all those things! Depended on the situation.

was he sexy or goofy? Both...VERY goofy. WACKY. Would serenade other male coworkers out of the blue. VERY sexy when he was getting his flirt on.

how expressive was his face? Very expressive

 

[thescientist]

I kind of agree that you might be dealing with an ENTP or ENFJ. I can't imagine telling someone "oh you were chasing me" like I was amused by their display of vulnerability or something. No way. The only way I can imagine saying such a thing is in defense in some kind of weird argument.

It's so easy to misinterpret the situation. I cant possibly write out everything that happened. There are too many blanks still that I havent filled in.

He only said those things because I DEMANDED that he be upfront with me. I had other confrontations with him. But this is the one where I really just wanted him to be UP FRONT and CUT THE BULL SHIT. And he did. I just wanted to UNDERSTAND. I was humiliated, but ultimately it shed some light on things, which is what I wanted.

I'm tired of defending his type... It's getting frustrating...there's no reason for me to think he isn't ENFP. I WAS THERE.
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html It's him to a T. I dont know what else to say.

 

[Lady_X]

yeah i'm an enfp with high fe and still can't put on a front. i can remain quiet if telling someone to f@ck off is inappropriate but i can't pretend to adore them.

 

[blomiki]

INTJ's are my absolute acchiles heel. I try SO hard to win you over - guys and girls. You withhold your affection SO well.

The worst I ever got my heart broken is when I, out of my own, decided that an INTJ and I could never work. I see so many parrallels with your story.

Just like with you guys, it was because our values differed too much that I didn't want to follow up. I tried not to let him fall in love with me because I knew I couldn't follow through.. I couldn't be with him. I never touched him, never danced with him even, like a would with a friend. He kept a respectful distance. Looking back, it was kind of an awed distance.

I tried not te lead him on, but I so desperately wanted his approval and he, insecure as he was too, didn't want to give me any sort of power by complimenting me. Every time we spoke I grinned SO broad, before I knew it I'd said some amazing clever profound things and then I'd want to run away, knowing I'd made an impression, and remembering the impression he made on me. The push and pull was unbearable. I'm the one that stopped it, but we both hurt.

We both managed to move on. And so can you. We had our first casual coffee the other day - 18 months later. (Coffee was my initiative, on an impulse, when I ran into him). Both have lovers now. It was such a sick, destructive dynamic between us and seeing us now, happy with other people, is amazing.

And at the time I thought, I am letting go of the most intense, earth-shatteringly profound, emotional, beaufitul connection I've ever experienced with anyone. I mourned for so long.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME INTJs ARE!? You are what I dream of being one day when I grow up!!! If an INTJ told me they liked me I'd be sky high. This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF, he'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.

 

[thescientist]

yeah i'm an enfp with high fe and still can't put on a front. i can remain quiet if telling someone to f@ck off is inappropriate but i can't pretend to adore them.

I think everyone is being thrown off by that one sentence. These are people he didnt know. People he had just met. He was just being casually nice to them. Being his animated ENFP self. I've met ENFJ's and they have an aura of certainty about them. He does not. He is as random and spontaneous as they come. HE IS NOT ENFJ. Not one bit.

Anyway, I didnt create this thread because I was doubtful of his type. I am NOT. I do appreciate everyone's response and words of comfort.

Sigh...I'm exhausted. My Fi is really kicking in...that happens when people don't believe me.

Taking a break....

 

[blomiki]

Do ENFPs forget?... I will never, ever forget how it felt. He made me come alive in ways I've never experienced before. But it was not healthy and that's why it had to end.

 

[thescientist]

INTJ's are my absolute acchiles heel. I try SO hard to win you over - guys and girls. You withhold your affection SO well.

The worst I ever got my heart broken is when I, out of my own, decided that an INTJ and I could never work. I see so many parrallels with your story.

Just like with you guys, it was because our values differed too much that I didn't want to follow up. I tried not to let him fall in love with me because I knew I couldn't follow through.. I couldn't be with him. I never touched him, never danced with him even, like a would with a friend. He kept a respectful distance. Looking back, it was kind of an awed distance.

I tried not te lead him on, but I so desperately wanted his approval and he, insecure as he was too, didn't want to give me any sort of power by complimenting me. Every time we spoke I grinned SO broad, before I knew it I'd said some amazing clever profound things and then I'd want to run away, knowing I'd made an impression, and remembering the impression he made on me. The push and pull was unbearable. I'm the one that stopped it, but we both hurt.

We both managed to move on. And so can you. We had our first casual coffee the other day - 18 months later. (Coffee was my initiative, on an impulse, when I ran into him). Both have lovers now. It was such a sick, destructive dynamic between us and seeing us now, happy with other people, is amazing.

And at the time I thought, I am letting go of the most intense, earth-shatteringly profound, emotional, beaufitul connection I've ever experienced with anyone. I mourned for so long.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME INTJs ARE!? You are what I dream of being one day when I grow up!!! If an INTJ told me they liked me I'd be sky high. This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF, he'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.

That....

That is exactly it....

Thank you for understanding....

 

[Rebe]

^ I was going to say, it is possible that your natural character overwhelmed his natural character but you both liked each other so it became confusing and complicated when it is supposed to be quite simple. NFPs like to have fun and they (I think) struggle between wanting a serious relationship to wanting to meet people and explore options and not worry about compromises. The fact that he has a gf even if long distance makes him an ass. Maybe he's just young/immature and infatuated/intrigued and he couldn't say no to you or say yes. When I am confronted, I would say something mean or just not say what's really in my 'heart' because I feel pressured to be vulnerable and I don't like that! If someone is being vulnerable in front of me, I feel that I need to take up the other end of the weigh, be the rational and realistic one, though I'd feel really bad on the inside.

It's hard for us to say because we need the whole story. I am confused as to what happened so I don't know how to help. It is possible for someone to like you (a lot) but is still indecisive/uncertain for many other reasons so it ends up hurting you and the indecision/uncertainty creates a huge, huge mess.

 

[blomiki]

That....

That is exactly it....

Thank you for understanding....

Affirmation?! you just made my day! The second INTJ in my LIFE ever to affirm me!!! Yay! Now I can die happpeee!

Seriously though. I sincerely hope you find closure and discover a healthy, even more meaningful relationship someday. Hope you rest well. :hi:

 

[Lady_X]

That....

That is exactly it....

Thank you for understanding....

that post makes a lot of sense and i'm sorry we got sidetracked on that one point...yes i could very much see holding back and not declaring how i felt if i knew i couldn't or wouldn't act on it.

sounds very difficult.

 

[sculpting]

Sorry my dear, we did not mean to stress you out. The only reason his type matters is if you want to try and understand why he behaved the way he did. Otherwise, he is just immature all around it sounds like. I am sorry he hurt you by being stupid.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Me - 25 / ENFP - 26

Mutual infatuation for an entire year at work. Push/pull. Few first dates initiated by him. Kissing on/off throughout the year initiated by him. Never slept with the guy, thank GOD. General friendship as well.

100% sure he's ENFP. Very strong E and P (just how I like 'em ). Probably Enneagram 7.

I haven't had too much experience with guys (in very INTJ fashion). He on the other hand...

Uhhh... despite your protestations to the contrary, you two were in a relationship... even if it was one without formal declarations.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

This guy looks like he was more immature and infinitely more P than I was last year. He wanted his options open. He was probably very flattered indeed. He was just selfish because he's an NF. He'd know what he's doing if he is brave enough to analyse it. I hope he manages to grow.

I think Blomiki brings up some really good points. An immature ENFP is a terrible sight to behold. It's like we are either very good or very bad. This fellow sounds like he was super immature. Not nearly mature enough for you. And, thescientist, you do sound very very mature... and impressively very in touch with your emotions.

I lived with an INTJ for four years. I loved him very much and he had many great qualities. But at the end of the day, we had very different (and conflicting) value systems.

So don't despair. This is just a plot point in your story. It's great training for the next guy who comes along that is worthy of all the love you would bestow upon him.