You might want to re-read the first post. The "offender" cycles between charisma, focus on others, support, kindness, and withdrawl out of careful consideration. As far as we know, the "offendee" here complains about everyone rather than everyone complaining about the offender. Let's observe the true colors of the offendee by how he/she chooses to respond to what they consider to be less than optimal social circumstances.
The "offender" is being identified as ENFJ, and the question is being asked about a
tendency in ENFJs to exhibit this behavior (but certainly not ALL of them do). You can do a search for "ENFJs and flirting" and see what comes up. It's a
reoccurring topic, because many people notice this trend. This is also why ENFJs get accused of being insincere & manipulative. I'm NOT saying they are, but this is partly why people draw such conclusions.
Instead of addressing the topic directly, ENFJs usually divert attention away from it, just as what is happening now. Ah, that Fe is a sneaky little bugger...
No it's not.. I can't make you love me.. I can't make anybody love me.
I am not saying my behavior is not my responsibility. I am saying Your feelings are not my responsibility.
Having someone tell me to tone it down because they can't control how they feel is an incredibly hard position to be in .. and I think I have explained myself well in this thread and what the difference is.
I just can't turn the charm on or off. I am just being who I am .
I do not have a responsibility to alter my personality for anyone. And I control my behavior already, but that is my only responsibility.
I like you , can you please stop being you so I don't like you anymore, See it hurts that you are you and that is just not fair, unless you like me back.
Please.. either we are not talking about the same thing.. or something is really wrong here.
Changing behavior does not mean changing who you are. Of all people, I'd expect a Fe-dom to know that behavior can be & sometimes MUST be adjusted for different situations & different people in order to maintain harmony. Once you are aware that your behavior is often interpreted as flirting, then you can adjust it when interacting with certain individuals, or maybe in situations where it's not appropriate at all. Claiming obliviousness doesn't cut it once it's happened a few times. If it's a reoccurring problem, then you're responsible also.
We're not talking about just being nice & polite anyway - the OP is talking about this in the context of dating someone. Maybe I have this view because I've read more of the back story in other threads; if it's the same guy, then he's been yanking her around for awhile. He was dating her, but still in love with his ex, blah blah blah. And yes, it's also her responsibility to cut herself free, but that doesn't make his behavior okay.
You can't "make" someone love you, but you can certainly lead them on. It puts someone in a difficult position if you insist on being "your charming self" with them, so that they may have to cut you off entirely. If you would adjust, then that may not be necessary.
I'm just tired of hearing people spew greeting card advice in the form of dismissive lines like "take responsibility for your own emotions". Oh really? Thanks - that solves
everything! :rolli:
What are people going to say next, "just be yourself"? What other golden nugget of wisdom will be offered?