[ENFP] ENFJ and ENFP Females: What do you Hate/Like about them?

[Afkan]

...She can be really stubborn however, and at times kinda rude to my ISFJ friend. :/

A very close, dear friend of mine who is ENFP is pretty much always rude to ISFJs. Hahaha that's sad but kinda funny @ same time.

 

[Ethelred the Unready]

anyway, my question for ENFJs is(are) how do you feel about your external image in relation to your internal image? do you want to hide the really internal stuff from others, or are my thoughts about this off? if so, then why?

Your thoughts about it are not off as far as I'm concerned. My external image is very different from my internal image. Almost all the people I know see me as a person I don't really identify with. They see me as a much better person I really am, at least in my opinion. The few times I've revealed to people who I really am and what I think of myself they were extremly surprised. Not only they couldn't believe me, some actually thought I'm saying those things in order to get compliments So now I hide my inner, more sensitive 'me' from most people and project my outer, mega-confident and friendly image.

Does that make me 'fake'? Probably it does for a lot of people...so what? I'm very sensitive to critisism and it can really hurt me...so why should I show the real 'me' to people who don't care or just like to hurt others? To the people who earn my trust I reveal my true 'me' and they usually appreciate it. There are not many of them, but then...'quality, not quantity' is what counts.

Anyway that's my 2 cents worth...

 

[Domino]

It's not fake. It's a survival mechanism. I get it.

 

[skylights]

Your thoughts about it are not off as far as I'm concerned. My external image is very different from my internal image. Almost all the people I know see me as a person I don't really identify with. They see me as a much better person I really am, at least in my opinion. The few times I've revealed to people who I really am and what I think of myself they were extremly surprised. Not only they couldn't believe me, some actually thought I'm saying those things in order to get compliments So now I hide my inner, more sensitive 'me' from most people and project my outer, mega-confident and friendly image.

Does that make me 'fake'? Probably it does for a lot of people...so what? I'm very sensitive to critisism and it can really hurt me...so why should I show the real 'me' to people who don't care or just like to hurt others? To the people who earn my trust I reveal my true 'me' and they usually appreciate it. There are not many of them, but then...'quality, not quantity' is what counts.

Anyway that's my 2 cents worth...

hi, thanks for answering!

yeah, i don't see it as fake either. i used to, until i got to know an ENFJ well, and i understand it now as protection more than deception. people with Fi struggle with the "fake" perception i think because we strongly sense that something different is going on underneath than what is showing on top.

i have to sympathize with what you said about others being surprised when you let the less-polished person you are out... i think sometimes ENFJ worries can come off as "too perfect" to me! in a lot of ways ENFJ seems like the ideal type to me and even your flaws seem admirable. but like i was saying, as i got to know an ENFJ... i began to understand that these concerns, just because they seem less weighty in my mind, are very very real to you guys... and it is a terrible thing to invalidate someone's self i'm sorry that others have misinterpreted your inner self in the past.

 

[mumblebee]

Being an ENFJ I have things I like about myself and things I think cause me problems.

LIKES: Social, caring, perceptive, able to stand up for the underdog/bullied without care of what people think, strong sense of empathy (which I have to say would usually make it difficult to handle if someone wasent feeling heard ar listend to), articulate, supportive and encouraging, sensitive, determaind to erraticate social injust, humanitarian, imaginative, insitefull and anylitical.

PROBLEMS: Supseptible to abusive relationships (make excuses and want to see the best in the abuser), have no problem sticking up for everyone else except thierself (become martyre's), Get exhasted trying to "rescue" the world, second guessing themselves, naggy, annoyingly concerned about how everyone is, waaaaaaay to emotional about things!!

Now I have to say, I feel that the "fake" comments on here I couldn't disagree with more. I have no interest in being a girl with great clothes and no brain....it makes me depressed just thinking about how bleak life would become! I feel that it is kind of opposite in nature to care about superficial things over real issues....maybe thats just me I think that being materialistic can happen in any personality type, but I am surprised that it seems to be a common complaint on this blog.

Also as far as the nieve comments...I think that it is a expierience thing. If you have been sheltered, you are more likely to go with the crowd, I think this is true in any personality type.

Also the manipulation comments, I can see how if you have selfish intentions and pair it up with knowing how to read people it would become easy to manipulate, but again you have to be thinking about yourself first and not to say it doesent happen sometimes, but It is more common for the opposite to happen...at least I think. I think it is how the person has developed themselves in life.

One thing about me being an ENFJ is that I do definatly adapt to social situations. I can understand how people might take this to be "fake" or "projecting myself in different ways", but it is not my intention. one thing about being a very social person is the ability to precieve the other person and comunicate in a way that is familiar and comfortable to the other person. I'm sure everyone can relate to this on some level you might swear like a sailor to your friends, but you would be more soft spoken to your grandma. I think that is the same for ENFJ just a little deeper. The main objective of communication is to connect with a person in some way, and to get the best connection you must relate to people on a level that is comforable to them, and build on common ground.

Okay one more important thing (I guess we ramble alot too!!!).....I believe strongly that people's environment has a strong baring on what people do as ENFJ. If you are raised in an abusive home you will develope your "I" more because you can't trust how things are, and you have to be intensly aware of how people are feeling so you can protect yourself and possibly de-intensify the situation for the safety of yourself and others. Also if you move around alot or are in group homes or foster homes you may have to be "camealianish" and adaptable towards others.

Okay I'm done wheeeeew long winded!

 

[tinker683]

What I like: Their passion, their insatiable curiosity, how amazingly gentle and sweet they can be.

Dislike: The ones that I really like live -no- where near me. You ladies need to work on that

 

[mumblebee]

ENFJ do you take the blame if someone working under you makes an error, sometimes convincing the person they are not at fault as well to maintain morale, cause you dont want them to get stuck in some loop an beat themselves up?

I can only speak for myself because I only know about my type and not much of other types (I am new at MBTI personality type stuff). As annoyingly rediculous as it sounds me personaly (as an ENFJ), I hate being in a position where I am working over anyone. No matter what the pay or "prestige" there may be, it is not worth the stress of having to deligate and doll out consiquences. Not that I don't love teaching people, its just on a less formal and athoritative approch. So if a person makes a mistake and I happen to be in the position of training them, in the past I have found a different way of letting them know (they need to know otherwise they wont learn if your too selfish to let go of your own uncoumfortableness and give them the info they need to learn). I just say something like "oh I realised I totally missed something I was supposed to tell you....bla bla bla....and basically I convince them that I am an enept trainer and by the end they are ready to ask the boss for my position(LOL). When I was younger I would avoid negative confrontation and uncoumfortableness at all costs, now I basicaly think of it this way: if you don't give feedback then your dishonest and selfish and it's your own damn falt if you don't speak up. Its kind of a pompus thing to think that you are capible of crushing someone with feedback (non abusive and said with compassion), and also that the person is so weak that they can't handle it....most of the time everyone else can handle critisism better than me

 

[Jaq]

ENTP's 2 cents

I think ENFJs are wonderful! They're outgoingness, their make a bad day great senseabilty ect!