[ENFJ] ENFJ - amazing or exhausting?

[hommefatal]

Actually, the sheer levels of my own unreality cause constant problems and astonish my family/friends as if I'd had a head trauma.

It's dependent on how you were reared I think.

The ENFJs I know are not into social convention or rules. They are quite different from the J stereotypes (which are usually about SJs).

Exactly. But they try to avoid conflict too hard sometimes so that they don't notice it's not actually important. "I have to finish what I start"

Guilty, as charged. Way too much managing going on around in here. When this happens my sister patronizes me by saying excessively sweetly, "Amaaaaaaanda, you look sooooooo pretty" and I get angry. But I know that if she goes to those lengths then I must be doing something pretty snotty.
In this case, you may want to tell the ENFJ to get a life, or at least to get over themselves and have some fun. Less management should occur.

I always just want to make ENFJs happy but they misunderstand it sometimes.

I only know one confirmed ENFJ irl and I wouldn't say she's exhausting. Actually, there's no one I know IRL who I would say is exhausting by sheer extroversion, activity, travel, energy, or talking levels. Then again, I am mighty ENFP, pretty spastic in my own right. Actually, very spastic.

ENFjs aren't spastic even according to type description, they are just...extra?

When I was a kid my nickname was 'thunder and lightning' and I got to skip nap time and run around on the playgruond with a bunch of ADD boys during nap time in pre-k/kindergarten because I was just that energetic. I run on blood sugar, anxiety, and great expectations.

So....no, I doubt I would find ENFJs exhausting IRL.

You know who are exhausting? Emotional vampires! And those are usually introverts.

HAHAHAHAHA.

*edit* No really, drama queens and kings are 'exhausting' IMO but not people who are energetic or lively. I like lively and energetic people, it's good company for me. And also curious and adventurous people. x 2

Sure. But if they mistrust you you're lost.

 

[Domino]

Homme - You may be right. I'm tolerably sure my upbringing has made huge craters in my personality.

My ENTJ bff called yesterday and we were catching up, and she said that she's been cold-shouldered a lot lately because of her "tone" which upsets her because she's never quite sure how she sounds when she talks. She can sound and look combative without trying, really. She and I both get really embarrassed about being "too much".

 

[hommefatal]

Homme - You may be right. I'm tolerably sure my upbringing has made huge craters in my personality.

My ENTJ bff called yesterday and we were catching up, and she said that she's been cold-shouldered a lot lately because of her "tone" which upsets her because she's never quite sure how she sounds when she talks. She can sound and look combative without trying, really. She and I both get really embarrassed about being "too much".

Eventually personality types consist of two factors: Nature and nurture. I think I am most influenced by nature.

 

[Domino]

Eventually personality types consist of two factors: Nature and nurture. I think I am most influenced by nature.

Is it my nature that causes me to chase strangers from my yard and bite the mail man?

 

[Afkan]

Ya know, honestly I can say that I would not feel like myself if I weren't actively exhausting everyone within my range of influence. Pushing everything to the limits. Noone seems to learn anything if they being aren't pushed, or motivated.

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

Is it my nature that causes me to chase strangers from my yard and bite the mail man?

that was funny hahah

 

[CzeCze]

Sure. But if they mistrust you you're lost.

Ooh, tell me, what happens?

Thinking about it now, in addition to the verified ENFJ irl I also roommed with an EXFJ woman for 6 months (she was in nursing school, I lean more towards ESFJ than ENFJ), and my aunt who is some sort of high-falutin' EF.

 

[Afkan]

I always just want to make ENFJs happy but they misunderstand it sometimes.

Yes, I do But if its any consolation, I have never stayed angry at an ENFP for longer than a few seconds. They are too happy and fun. And always lift up my mood.
My sister jokes that she's my court jester.

 

[Domino]

My ENFP twin is almost incapable of staying angry for more than 20 minutes (barring a REALLY bad situation). It's astonishing how fast she bounces back from being mad.

 

[staytuned7]

I used to be under the pretense that I was an ENFJ, simply because I was trying way to hard to be one. I grew up a little bit and realised that THAT was the reason why I was so unhappy. Being an "E" is waaaay too stressful.

But I admire true Es and their ability to feed off of the company of others for energy.

Being a faux "ENFJ" was hard, hard, hard. Perhaps it was because I wasn't and ENFJ, or perhaps it was the sheer amount of social camouflage that went on. You ENFJs are a force of nature...I am in utter awe!

Amazing? Yes. Exhausting? Well...only if you're trying to emulate them unsuccessfully. I have yet to be exhausted BY one

 

[hommefatal]

Ooh, tell me, what happens?

Thinking about it now, in addition to the verified ENFJ irl I also roommed with an EXFJ woman for 6 months (she was in nursing school, I lean more towards ESFJ than ENFJ), and my aunt who is some sort of high-falutin' EF.

They may become sadistic.
But honestly, if I am in love with an ENFJ it's EXACTLY because they are amazing AND exhausting. But if they don't like me I hate them. lol

 

[frylockholmes]

This thread reminds me of this picture... which is probably one of the most ENFJ things I've seen in a while.

 

[Glycerine]

They tend to be interesting but high levels of idealism makes me want to punch some of the other ENFJs. I tend to clash with e1 or e2 EXFJs...

 

[nr1983]

I struggle with my partner who is ENFJ.
Such a high level of insecurity regardless how much I try to pamper and boost her confidence, either that or she is very clever at stringing me along!

 

[Giggly]

[MENTION=1456]Domino[/MENTION] is amazing.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

[MENTION=1456]Domino[/MENTION] is amazing.

 

[Unkindloving]

Both. Entirely both.
I know I am a culprit of each aspect. Personally, I'm exhausting when in my own head-space. Amazing when I'm not.

I've witnessed a number of ENFJs who are exhausting because it feels as if they are too busy spending time in everyone else's head-space, and it's troublesome to watch them spin around in circles and only come out as dizzied up. At the same time, their drive to put so much of themselves forward is amazing. It can be so boundless.

 

[Domino]

Ahhh, you guys.

We're both, of course, like everyone else.

 

[EcK]

Ahhh, you guys.

We're both, of course, like everyone else.

Thats not true

 

[Domino]

Thats not true

Les oiseaux mangent des vers.