[ENFJ] ENFJ - amazing or exhausting?

[ceecee]

Shhh..! If the T's ever got a hold of this information I'm pretty sure there would be rampant enslavement of ENFJs haha.

Hmmm...much better than a wind turbine.

 

[ergophobe]

Mostly awesome, rarely exhausting.

Three of my closest friends (one for over 13 years now) are ENFJs. We met way back in college. All are incredibly intelligent, well-informed, sensible, loyal, charming and funny women. Most of the time, it's an NF fest. I could talk to them for days and not run out of things to say and learn from each other. The only time we run into problems is when they have decided they are right or convinced of something. It is no longer about the evidence in front of us or the arguments put forth by the other person. They *have decided*. That's it.

They are also likely to reach their conclusions about people sooner than me. I'm more likely to give people the benefit of doubt in most cases.

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

I so need to meet some enfj's in real life lol it's like one of the last types I have yet to spot in the wild.

That and ENTj/p's.

Must go hunting.

Sweet mother of Jesus Christ if that's you in that picture I'll be your real life friend

 

[mwv6r]

An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

 

[Scott N Denver]

I so need to meet some enfj's in real life lol it's like one of the last types I have yet to spot in the wild.

That and ENTj/p's.

Must go hunting.

I think ENFJ's are the hardest NF type to spot and identify. Personally I have to look for dom Fe with Ni support. The J is there but usually not in any overwhelming/in-your-face kinda way and the E is there but very attuned to others and not particularly assertive. They are E__J's, and yet they are the least J of all the J's I do believe. Holey schnikeys are they social chameleons!
So I look for E but very attentive to others, J but responding to others and not assertive per se but still very "declarative", Fe dom, Ni support, NF's. That's how it works for me anyways...

 

[SpottingTrains]

An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

That's awesome lol, I remember back when I was around that age I used to have a big group of friends who would follow me around from activity to activity. Teachers always called me a quiet leader because I never asked anyone to do anything, I just went and did it and people followed and had fun lol.

I always joke on how I was way too easy on my parents They tend to agree but I think my brother made up some of my share haha.

Best of luck with the ENFJ child!

 

[SurlyAdam]

An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

Exactly! And they never lose that energy. Sickening, isn't it?! ENFJs are exhausting and amazing. They make me feel like a slacker and a misanthrope.

 

[violaine]

An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

Aww, this sounds exactly like my little niece, lol. I want a teeny ENFJ to play with too! (How on earth could anyone not find the little darlings delightful. )

As far as the OP, I would have to say both. And that is a good thing, two of my best friends have been ENFJ.

 

[Domino]

Advisement: We get behind the sofa and piddle if we're left alone for more than 6 hours.

 

[hommefatal]

The only problem ENFJs are often very reality-based. They become one with social attitudes and then they take breaking of the rules personally.

 

[Domino]

Actually, the sheer levels of my own unreality cause constant problems and astonish my family/friends as if I'd had a head trauma.

 

[OrangeAppled]

The only problem ENFJs are often very reality-based. They become one with social attitudes and then they take breaking of the rules personally.

The ENFJs I know are not into social convention or rules. They are quite different from the J stereotypes (which are usually about SJs).

 

[Domino]

Indeed. ENFJs like people to play fair, but convention is out the door.

 

[SpottingTrains]

The ENFJs I know are not into social convention or rules. They are quite different from the J stereotypes (which are usually about SJs).

Hmm, really?

I always felt that Fe doesn't like breaking the rules but again I guess it depends on who you are interacting with to some extent.

What exactly is the distinction between convention and rules?

 

[MattC333]

I'm dating an ENFJ and she's great. She's very docile but gets things done. Far more productive than me, but still has that creative spark, which is what drew me to her.
My best friend is also an ENFJ, sometimes he frets over stupid little details that mean nothing, but his work ethic is amazing.

 

[Afkan]

ENFJs ....are so insecure it's getting on my nerves easily.

I am very insecure in general. People have told me ever since I can remember to stop saying sorry. I don't know what to say. But I think when this is pronounced in ENFJs they are in shadow land. Like for me, I begin to imagine everyone else can see all of my problems and inadequacies, bc I am used to picking up on those in other people- I would like to think that I am altruistic abt it, but I just don't trust others to be. Can you say controlling?

Like...if you say something they don't like because they're not able to manage it.

Guilty, as charged. Way too much managing going on around in here. When this happens my sister patronizes me by saying excessively sweetly, "Amaaaaaaanda, you look sooooooo pretty" and I get angry. But I know that if she goes to those lengths then I must be doing something pretty snotty.
In this case, you may want to tell the ENFJ to get a life, or at least to get over themselves and have some fun. Less management should occur.

(If I say I don't want to have to care for people I can't stand.)

I have passed judgment on people before regarding this same subj. - specifically my ENFP sister. She wanted to kill me, literally. I was shocked at how hurt she felt. In that case, I realized I was projecting my own unhealthy attitude/ thin psychological boundaries onto her. And I like to call myself non-judgmental. Piff. Its a matter of self-awareness in my mind- if I am unhappy with my own life, for example, caring for people I can't stand at my place of work, then I should do something about it rather than tell my sister she has no right to take care of herself emotionally.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

I probably function as an ENFJ sometimes, around those I'm very close to, like my family. I'm sure I drive dh up the wall sometimes with my inability to let things go. "You should be upset about this!! Why doesn't that bother you?" A mature ENFJ can recognize that they've gotten stuck and switch gears & move on.

 

[Julie1962]

An ENFJ first-grader was my absolute favorite student ever. She was constantly bubbling over with vivaciousness and enthusiasm. I'll never forget when she greeted me one Monday morning after a school break with, "Ms. V, I couldn't sleep last night because I was sooo excited about seeing you this morning!" She definitely aspired to be queen bee amongst her peers (and was largely successful), but she seemed to be a benign dictator in her social relationships, seeking harmony and always complimenting and helping others. (Whenever a new student joined the classroom she always took them under her wing; I had to step in sometimes because I worried she'd mother them so much that they'd stop doing anything for themselves.)

Some of my coworkers certainly did find her exhausting! Ilissa always volunteered to accompany ill students to the nurse's office, but the nurse eventually requested that I stop allowing this because she said that Ilissa's constant conversation drove her crazy, lol. I have to say, though, I am crossing my fingers for an ENFJ when I have children of my own!

You have just described my 8 yo daughter! I never even thought about her type until I read this. She definitely must be an ENFJ!!! Her father is also .. but she is adopted so did not get it from him. She is very intelligent, vivacious, bubbly, talkative, class clown, emotional. She is a trip.

And as her mom .. she is most definitely exhausting!!!!!

 

[Domino]

I probably function as an ENFJ sometimes, around those I'm very close to, like my family. I'm sure I drive dh up the wall sometimes with my inability to let things go. "You should be upset about this!! Why doesn't that bother you?" A mature ENFJ can recognize that they've gotten stuck and switch gears & move on.

After someone I loved deeply died, I found myself kicking the walls and wailing, "You've gone where I can't get to you..." I was very angry, like there had been another option besides death.

I have trouble letting go.

 

[CzeCze]

I only know one confirmed ENFJ irl and I wouldn't say she's exhausting. Actually, there's no one I know IRL who I would say is exhausting by sheer extroversion, activity, travel, energy, or talking levels. Then again, I am mighty ENFP, pretty spastic in my own right. Actually, very spastic.

ENFjs aren't spastic even according to type description, they are just...extra?

When I was a kid my nickname was 'thunder and lightning' and I got to skip nap time in pre-k/kindergarten and instead run around on the playground with a bunch of ADD boys because I was just that energetic. I run on blood sugar, anxiety, and great expectations.

So....no, I doubt I would find ENFJs exhausting IRL.

You know who are exhausting? Emotional vampires! And those are usually introverts.

HAHAHAHAHA.

*edit* No really, drama queens and kings are 'exhausting' IMO but not people who are energetic or lively. I like lively and energetic people, it's good company for me. And also curious and adventurous people. x 2