"You scored 16 on Empathy, higher than 3% of your peers."
"You're less empathetic than the average person! If you scored around or below 20
you probably have Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism."
Okay, wait a minute. My natural empathy
is low, but high-functioning autist? No way. - Maybe most other test-takers just aren't comparing themselves to people with superlative use of Fe. Right, that must be it.
Who says that the winner is the person with the highests score?
Seriously. I feel like the loser.
It's so limiting in terms of my behavior. I have tons of thoughts and ideas that I just never express.
Obviously I don't know what I'm missing, but I think I agree that my own end of the spectrum is the preferable one of the two. Solving my own problems is hard enough; automatically internalizing everyone else's doesn't appear to be very rewarding.
I'd like a
little more empathy/Fe though. I often struggle to think of the right thing to say - and that's just when I'm conscious that a situation calls for me to size up the emotional state of the other and say something appropriate. (I don't like to contemplate how tactless I must be without knowing it.
) Also, I find my own extreme degree of self-absorption truly unattractive and unlovable, in others as well as in myself. I can only hope that there are others who forgive it more easily.
---
Incidentally,
Evan, do you have any tips on how to relieve Fe-laden INFJs of their excessive courtesy, both in general (for their sake) and specifically when dealing with one person (for both our sakes
)? Case in point: I'd like to avoid exchanges like the following with my INFJ semi-superior with whom it is necessary that I meet while he is away on paternal leave (as in, my INTJ superior (who is also his quasi-superior) thinks we should do it (and I agree that it would be productive), so I feel that I have to suggest it and that it is then up to the INFJ to do his own personal cost-benefit analysis and refuse if need be):
Economica said:
Let me know if you think it would be a good idea for me to go to (name of the city he lives in which is 35 minutes away by train) one afternoon in March to have coffee at a baby-friendly café and tell you about and solicit your input for (the work).
INFJ said:
Perhaps I can arrange with a babysitter such that I can go to the office one day when it suits you.
Economica said:
Sorry for my forwardness in suggesting a visit to (name of city); I was trying to optimize (the work) subject to the constraint of your paternal leave, but I realize now that I was asking too much of you.
INFJ said:
No reason to be sorry. I wouldn’t mind meeting up in (name of city), but I just thought that it was cumbersome for you to come here and I therefore suggested that I come instead. So if you want to meet up in (name of city) and don’t mind the travel I would be glad to do that.
Economica said:
It seems we have had a case of mutual accommodation deadlock!
I was actually thinking of taking the opportunity to finally visit an old friend who now lives in (name of city), so it would not be too much trouble for me.
Re-reading the exchange, I still have no idea whether it would be too weird somehow to have me come to his city for him to be able to enjoy the convenience of meeting there.
It would be so much easier if I could trust him to just say what he means and mean what he says...! It's not like I'm going to take a refusal to meet during his paternal leave personally.
